In this video I review the most common bits of bad advice parents have given their children, which usually lands them at the door step to Asshole Consulting. However, in the vain hopes some parents might listen, I compiled this list regardless:
Excellent video. I take great pride in squelching any entitlement mentality that from time to time creeps in to my kids attitude. You're not entitled to jackshittle in my house. I don't GAS about what other kids are doing or getting from their parents, because their parents suck. There is no free lunch here, if you want something from mom or dad, then earn the money by doing your weekly chores. When you get old enough for a summer job, you will get one. None of this laying about the house playing stupid video games or watching crappy teevee. Funny thing is, that's how my parents treated me, no entitlement crap and work your ass off, and we may let you live in our house. Seems to work. Because nobody owes you ANYTHING! You have to earn it, every day.
I will disagree with you all day long about alpha males and dating advice. I love being a beta chick, I love being married to a beta guy, I love my beta life. I got a fuck of a lot happier when I ditched the alpha-envy and quit trying to be an alpha woman. The worst times in our marriage have revolved around one or the other of us thinking that alpha status would make us better.
Anyway. Rant over. I have to agree with you 110% on the parenting advice.
I actually legitimately do have Asperger's. I'm married to a man who actually legitimately does have ADHD. We're raising a kid who actually legitimately does have ADHD. And... wait for it... other than the self-hating, thinking-we're-fucked-up, alpha-is-better syndrome moments, WE'RE HAPPY!! We're successful!! We're not rampage shooters, or compulsive shoppers, or junkies, or lifetime welfare cases. Our bills are paid, we have work, our home is reasonably clean, I'm able to stay home and actually parent our kids. Our kids are doing well in school, and have friends, and aren't constantly in trouble.
How did this happen?? Neither of us were medicated (or even diagnosed and therapied) as kids. We had PARENTS, who had the same conditions, who took the time and trouble to RAISE US. We were taught how to deal with the world, how to compensate for or overcome our issues, how to act normal when necessary.
PLEASE, if you are raising a variously disordered kid, don't abandon their teaching to therapists. I'm not saying not to get them therapy for specific issues, but don't ask or allow therapists to usurp parenting duties (like explaining to your kid how the world works). Don't allow current conventional wisdom (it changes every 10 years anyway) to override your common sense. Treat them like NORMAL KIDS who just happen to have some different viewpoints and different struggles. Don't verbally beat the tar out of them, but don't coddle them either. They're not punching bags, and they're not precious little snowflakes that must be protected. They're little human beings, who happen to have atypical wiring that they need to learn to respect (and no, 'respect' does not mean 'demand that the rest of the world tiptoe around') and cope with. Please treat them as such.
When I was in my teens and early 20s, I thought my dad was an asshole. I thought my aunt was a bitch. Can't say much about my mom, she got cancer and died before she got a chance to do a whole lot of parenting. I thought those people were fuckin' nuts.
Then my brain finished maturing, and I had a kid of my own, and I wised up. These people were not highly educated. These people were coal miners and housewives. With autism and ADHD and depression and PTSD and all kinds of shit. These people were potheads and alcoholics. And they STILL managed to keep their wits about them enough to actively parent their kids. Still managed to take time to explain to us how shit works. Still managed to teach us to use the brains we had. It's not rocket science. It's common sense. It's just a matter of using your brains and a modicum of realism.
Put on your parent panties, folks, and DO YOUR JOB!!!
One more comment to toss out there: Moms and Dads, PLEASE teach your daughters how to say "NO." Not, "Hell no." Not, "EWW!! NO!!!" Just a polite, but firm, "No." "No, thank you." "No, I'm not interested." "No, I'll pay for my own dinner, because no, I'm not ready to have sex with you."
Yes, hearing "NO" hurts a guy's ego.
But not as much as being stood up, or having a girl go psycho halfway through a date, or being led on, or having some stupid broad who never learned to say "NO" decide that regret equals rape.
Please, for the sake of my daughters but especially for the sake of my son, teach your girls how to say, "No." Politely, clearly, and unambiguously.
That was one skill I did not have as a young adult that I really, really could have used. I bet a lot of guys who invited me out to shoot pool, when I was naïve enough to think that they just wanted to shoot pool, wish I'd had that skill too.
I have a 17-year old daughter who graduated from high school a few months ago. I actually talk to her. Children are actually very interesting to talk to, especially if you actually try to raise them. She is very interested in things like dance, art, writing and reading Shakespeare. However, since we do discuss things, she clearly understands the difference between a job and a hobby. She wants to be employable so she can get a job, support herself, get her own apartment, and be able to afford to enjoy her hobbies such as art, dance, writing and reading. She also really likes cars. That’s why she is enrolled in a local college taking auto mechanics. It’s been only 6 weeks so far. They’ve covered basic things regarding tools, safety and measurements and moved onto tires. She already has had lots of practice changing tires, taking them on and off rims, balancing them and repairing them. Most people don’t know how to do this and pay other people to do it for them. Employable skills already learned in just the first 6 weeks of a 2 year program. I completely agree with your views regarding useless degrees (did I mention that I am a university professor) and the importance of talking to your kids and trying to guide them so that they don’t mess up. Kids get it. You just need to talk to them.
6 comments:
That video has plenty of really good advice.
I loved the "french lesbian poetry" bit.
Excellent video. I take great pride in squelching any entitlement mentality that from time to time creeps in to my kids attitude. You're not entitled to jackshittle in my house. I don't GAS about what other kids are doing or getting from their parents, because their parents suck. There is no free lunch here, if you want something from mom or dad, then earn the money by doing your weekly chores. When you get old enough for a summer job, you will get one. None of this laying about the house playing stupid video games or watching crappy teevee. Funny thing is, that's how my parents treated me, no entitlement crap and work your ass off, and we may let you live in our house. Seems to work. Because nobody owes you ANYTHING! You have to earn it, every day.
AMEN!!!
I will disagree with you all day long about alpha males and dating advice. I love being a beta chick, I love being married to a beta guy, I love my beta life. I got a fuck of a lot happier when I ditched the alpha-envy and quit trying to be an alpha woman. The worst times in our marriage have revolved around one or the other of us thinking that alpha status would make us better.
Anyway. Rant over. I have to agree with you 110% on the parenting advice.
I actually legitimately do have Asperger's. I'm married to a man who actually legitimately does have ADHD. We're raising a kid who actually legitimately does have ADHD. And... wait for it... other than the self-hating, thinking-we're-fucked-up, alpha-is-better syndrome moments, WE'RE HAPPY!! We're successful!! We're not rampage shooters, or compulsive shoppers, or junkies, or lifetime welfare cases. Our bills are paid, we have work, our home is reasonably clean, I'm able to stay home and actually parent our kids. Our kids are doing well in school, and have friends, and aren't constantly in trouble.
How did this happen?? Neither of us were medicated (or even diagnosed and therapied) as kids. We had PARENTS, who had the same conditions, who took the time and trouble to RAISE US. We were taught how to deal with the world, how to compensate for or overcome our issues, how to act normal when necessary.
PLEASE, if you are raising a variously disordered kid, don't abandon their teaching to therapists. I'm not saying not to get them therapy for specific issues, but don't ask or allow therapists to usurp parenting duties (like explaining to your kid how the world works). Don't allow current conventional wisdom (it changes every 10 years anyway) to override your common sense. Treat them like NORMAL KIDS who just happen to have some different viewpoints and different struggles. Don't verbally beat the tar out of them, but don't coddle them either. They're not punching bags, and they're not precious little snowflakes that must be protected. They're little human beings, who happen to have atypical wiring that they need to learn to respect (and no, 'respect' does not mean 'demand that the rest of the world tiptoe around') and cope with. Please treat them as such.
When I was in my teens and early 20s, I thought my dad was an asshole. I thought my aunt was a bitch. Can't say much about my mom, she got cancer and died before she got a chance to do a whole lot of parenting. I thought those people were fuckin' nuts.
Then my brain finished maturing, and I had a kid of my own, and I wised up. These people were not highly educated. These people were coal miners and housewives. With autism and ADHD and depression and PTSD and all kinds of shit. These people were potheads and alcoholics. And they STILL managed to keep their wits about them enough to actively parent their kids. Still managed to take time to explain to us how shit works. Still managed to teach us to use the brains we had. It's not rocket science. It's common sense. It's just a matter of using your brains and a modicum of realism.
Put on your parent panties, folks, and DO YOUR JOB!!!
One more comment to toss out there: Moms and Dads, PLEASE teach your daughters how to say "NO." Not, "Hell no." Not, "EWW!! NO!!!" Just a polite, but firm, "No." "No, thank you." "No, I'm not interested." "No, I'll pay for my own dinner, because no, I'm not ready to have sex with you."
Yes, hearing "NO" hurts a guy's ego.
But not as much as being stood up, or having a girl go psycho halfway through a date, or being led on, or having some stupid broad who never learned to say "NO" decide that regret equals rape.
Please, for the sake of my daughters but especially for the sake of my son, teach your girls how to say, "No." Politely, clearly, and unambiguously.
That was one skill I did not have as a young adult that I really, really could have used. I bet a lot of guys who invited me out to shoot pool, when I was naïve enough to think that they just wanted to shoot pool, wish I'd had that skill too.
I have a 17-year old daughter who graduated from high school a few months ago. I actually talk to her. Children are actually very interesting to talk to, especially if you actually try to raise them. She is very interested in things like dance, art, writing and reading Shakespeare. However, since we do discuss things, she clearly understands the difference between a job and a hobby. She wants to be employable so she can get a job, support herself, get her own apartment, and be able to afford to enjoy her hobbies such as art, dance, writing and reading. She also really likes cars. That’s why she is enrolled in a local college taking auto mechanics. It’s been only 6 weeks so far. They’ve covered basic things regarding tools, safety and measurements and moved onto tires. She already has had lots of practice changing tires, taking them on and off rims, balancing them and repairing them. Most people don’t know how to do this and pay other people to do it for them. Employable skills already learned in just the first 6 weeks of a 2 year program. I completely agree with your views regarding useless degrees (did I mention that I am a university professor) and the importance of talking to your kids and trying to guide them so that they don’t mess up. Kids get it. You just need to talk to them.
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