Tuesday, October 27, 2015

British Accent Privilege

To be blunt and direct I put my heart and soul into my new-found "online media empire" career.  I cook, I slave, I write, I podcast, and when coupled with my life-long passion for economics and capitalism these efforts have produced society some impressive gifts.

My ability to predict the housing bubble long before it happened.
My ability to warn the youth about worthless degrees long before anybody else.
My ability to foresee the "retirement bubble"
Not to mention my ability to consult and advise the lost youth of today.

Thankfully, these efforts have not gone unrewarded and I am one of the VERY lucky few to have a significant enough of a following that I no longer have to sit in a cubicle, commute, or answer to a boss even again.  I have just under 20,000 followers on YouTube, approximately 3,000 weekly listeners to my podcast, the same amount of daily visitors to my blog, and this generates enough income so that I may put food on the table and shelter over my head.

But then my keen economic eye caught something.

While me and my colleagues slaved and toiled as we tamed this new digital landscape, right behind us came some women.  And these women had two traits:

1.  They were cute and
2.  They were conservative.

And so while the likes of me, Roosh, Mike Cernovich, Aurini, and others pioneered this new world, advancing and developing new lines of thought, these women came in and said,

"Tee hee!!!  I like Sean Hannity!"
"Tee hee!!!  I like America!  Go capitalism!"
"Tee hee!!!  I support the troop!"

And so for merely parroting very watered-down versions of the great economic, philosophical, and political arguments, concepts, and theories we men created, these girls were rewarded with:


Naturally, some of us got angry and a bit perturbed as it was simply not fair.  We did all the heavy lifting, we did all heavy thinking, not to mention those thousands of hours of research.  But this great injustice aside, I fully acknowledge and am aware that it is the nature of the world.

Men (specifically conservative Western men) have a huge, desperate, and thirsty demand for hot, conservative women. Unfortunately, there is a very limited supply of such girls.  This results in a classical economic situation of a shortage, predictably causing higher prices for lower quality goods.

However, unfair that 5:1 advantage may be, did you know there was another unearned trait that MILLIONS of men are born with each year that dwarfs this 5:1 ratio?  A simple characteristic that dwarfs the benefits given to a cute set of conservative tits?

Enter the hated British accent.

Ever since the dawn of America we have had to fight this global scourge.  First in the Revolutionary War, then again in 1812.  And today this war continues as men with their perfectly-pitched and perfectly-polished British accents come in and swoon our women, take all the leading roles in Hollywood, and are automatically conferred an additional 15 IQ points during conversation.

But while I thought the plague of "British Accent Privilege" would be largely relegated to tickling the fancies of our women and playing the villains in Star Wars movies, unfortunately it has spread into my back yard.  It has hit me at home.  It has directly affected my career.

I didn't notice it at first until the internet drama surrounding one "Laughing Witch" exploded onto the scene where presumably this aged, leftist woman who has doxxed several people, ended up getting doxxed herself.  I had only been paying a tacit amount of attention to the chaos, but to understand it more fully a friend of mine linked to a video of one of the more prominent YouTuber's she was trying to take down-Thunderf00t. 

As I listened it was immediately apparent he had "British Accent Privilege," and was of course refined and polished in his delivery.  But it wasn't until I looked at his subscribership did I fully comprehend just what an unfair advantage his British accent gave him over us colonials.

Thunderf00t had 400,000 subscribers.  A full 20x's more than me!

Soon my mind raced as my synopses knew I had seen other YouTubers who had British Accent Privilege and orders of magnitude more subscribers than me.

Sargon of Akkad with his 191,000 followers.
Stefan Molyneux with his 280,000 followers.

You did some simple math and the benefits of British Accent Privilege was painfully obvious.

These three men averaged 290,000 subscribers.  While I, a lowly colonial, only had 20,000.  This resulted in a ratio of nearly 15:1, THREE TIMES THE ADVANTAGE HAVING A CUTE SET OF TITS AND THE ABILITY TO SPOUT CONSERVATIVE TALKING POINTS!

And whereas my economic mind is more than willing to accept the economic-sexual-psychological nature of men and their propensity to give a 5:1 advantage to women, what my American  blood cannot abide is giving a man with a British accent such advantage and privilege.

Why is it a guy with the name "Thadeus Danglepuss" or "Benedict Cumberbatch" can even be considered refined or theatrically talented?

Why is it a guy with the name "Englbert Humperdink" or "Stefan Molyneux" can even be considered a musician or a (pfa!) "philosopher?"

It is high time the world wake up and realize the OPPRESSION we suffer under those with British Accent Privilege.  And it would be equally just for those with British Accent Privilege to admit it, apologize for it, and pay us reparations for their winning the "accent lottery of life."


Jeff Wood said...

My dear Aaron - there I go again - I do sincerely apologise for my British Accent Privilege.

Actually, the tones which infuriate you are often the product of Acting School. David Tennant, a recent Doctor Who, has a natural Scots Accent (I think the same is true of Peter Capaldi) but as a result of his training can do Educated Brit with ease.

Educated Scot, my own croaking sound, is different again. Sean Connery gets close. Tones of iron stand by for moments of anger.

And I mustn't forget the Welsh. They can sound a bit whiny, but if you Tube the singer Tom Jones you will find a masterfully male voice. Tom is even older than I am and must be pushing 70, but the lassies still throw their knickers at him.

Best wishes to you and all here.

liberranter said...

And today this war continues as men with their perfectly-pitched and perfectly-polished British accents come in and swoon our women ...

If they're really wasting their "swooning" effort on American women, then I assert that they're nowhere near the formidable threat they're made out to be.

Poor suckers.

Anonymous said...

Damn those people with their accent privileges! Entitlement programs for all colonials!

grey enlightenment said...

what you have done is no small feat ..science videos tend to do well on youtube, and you may be too far to the right to get a bigger audience.

Charlie Oxley said...

lol funny post Cap but as an Australian I don't get it when people say Stefan has a British accent man - he just sounds Canadian to me. He doesn't sound British at all.

minuteman said...

Engelbert Humperdinck is a stage name foe a guy with the very common sounding real name of Arnold Dorsey. The Irony of your post is that the real Engelbert Humperdinck was a German composer.

Some fights aren't worth fighting. Aaron Clarey is already a British enough sounding name but you could kick it up a bit by changing it to Rupert Somethingorother hyphen Clarey and getting a speech coach to teach you how to speak with a British accent. If you do that you will see your career explode.

1432fpchero said...

sorry cap, you obviously have not had the pleasure of spending too much time with a regular Brit. stuck up to the nth exponent, fuck em cold showers warm beer bad food, followers no followers England sucks

Anonymous said...

Australian too but you can definitely tell. Listen to how he says words like "chance" or "answer" sometimes with the long a kind of like someone from Adelaide might in Australia to the mockery of everyone else. There is a definite fruitiness to it that is noticeable to me

Wiktor said...

Qhy don't you just hire a bimbo to read texts that you prepared? Call it "Cappy kitten reads" and enjoy your profit. You remember the wood splitting analogy? Hire those who are good at something. So hire a woman who looks good. And has a british accent. Presto.

Doubting Richard said...


Tsk, tsk. Warm beer? No, beer should not be warm. Bitter ale (and many other types of ale) should be drunk at about the same temperature as red wine, around 14 degrees. Some richer, sweeter ales such as ruby ales can be drunk at room temperature depending on personal taste but never warm unless you go really traditional in winter and mull ale (I have never tried it, although I mull wine). However a summer ale or even IPA should be cooler, and a lager, pilsener or a porter stout (e.g. Guinness for the knowlessmen; I include Czech or Belgian dark beers in lager) should be refrigerated, served at around 5 degrees. Budweiser (American, not the proper Czech stuff) should simply be poured down the nearest drain to avoid an unpleasant waste of time drinking then pissing it.

Unfortunately Americans had no idea what variety of beer existed until the current rise of the craft beer. Therefore you never understood that we do not drink those beverages you called beer warm; we either left the flavourless crap alone entirely or drank it as cold as you do. We drink entirely different drinks, some of which even have flavourings such as honey, heather, pine or seaweed, at a variety of temperatures depending on the drink and personal preference.

As for bad food: McDonalds. No need to say more.

For stuck up you will not find anyone in Britain like a New England old families, and I know the odd earl and marquess. I've even met a duke and been inspected by the Queen, and I attended one of the top two universities here and worked for one of the top London gentlemen's clubs (no, not euphemism for strip club; the Reform Club was started in the 1830s). Never found anyone particularly stuck up whatever their background.

European Bastard said...

Well, the language is called English and not American for a reason. Can´t fake the original.
Also, American accent makes you sound a little like Bush and Obama (now, that´s what I call between the devil and the deep blue sea)...and don´t forget the blonde who didn´t know that Hungary was a country.

As a sort of a linguist (another worthless, isn´t it) I would say: the clear distinction between high and low British accents bears fruit. With your accent alone you can claim all the greatness from Shakespeare to Churchill and refuse any affinity with the hooligans(while still watching soccer).

The only possible advice: fake it until you make it.

MarkN said...

With an estuary English accent: I loved the doors that opened for me when I lived amongst you. The strange times that people would ask me just to talk and I'd ask what about. Anything, just talk would come the reply. Now back amongst my fellow native true born English nobody gives a damn how I sound only what I say. And, damn Sean Connery with his Scottishness.