Thursday, April 02, 2009

Student Loans

Where do I begin with this?

Sam is a recent college graduate who is complaining about having to pay back his college loans. Of course, it is his right to complain, but when you read the article you basically find out that Sam went to a private school he couldn't afford, racked up $115,000 in debt and on top of it majored in a subject that was going to be low paying. Ergo, my thoughts are as follows and I quote;

1. Sam is a freaking moron. WHAT THE EF DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SAM????? No doubt you majored in some worthless freaking subject like sociology or art or some other worthless crap AND RACKED UP $115,000 of OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY SAM to pay for it. Did you bother to do some simple math to figure that you wouldn't be able to pay it back? Or was it not even a consideration because you "wanted" to major in crap and therefore all else didn't matter. Which brings me to point 2;

2. Sam is your typical Gen Y greedy, spoiled bitch. How typical of my generation and the (impossible to imagine, but seemingly true) more spoiled Gen Y. "It doesn't matter what reality is, I WANT to major in bunnies and ice cream and cake. AND I WANT YOU TO PAY FOR IT!" Sam thinks he's entitled to a college experience where he gets to strum is acoustic guitar while getting drunk and majoring in a subject that IS A HOBBY and NOT A CAREER CHOICE THAT WILL HELP HIM PAY BACK WHAT HE OWES!

3. Sam, despite being 23, is still a child. To quote him; "Does that mean that I chose to live a life of struggle, wondering how I am going to pay my rent, afford the basics of living and still stay in my chosen career field…all while putting up with high interest rates and an amount of debt that brings me to tears?" Yes Sam, you snivilling little brat, it does. You see, it's called "reality." When you do something stupid, you get to pay the consequences. Oh, but wait, let me guess, you're going to be like all the other sub prime deatbeats out there and corrupt, parasitic bankers out there and DEMAND I bail your worthless, pathetic ass out.

4. Sam is the poster child for "The Mystery." Read the whole thing because it is freaking genius on my part.

5. Sam did not study economics; You see Sam, when little cry babies like you take the money people have lent you and NOT PAY IT BACK, then people are going to be less likely to lend money to students as a whole in the future. This decreases the amount of money supplied which increases its cost, the interest rate. Not only that it makes it harder for REAL students who might major in something that WOULD ACTUALLY HELP ADVANCE THE EFFING COUNTRY get financing for their education. Oh, but then again, it isn't about doing what's right, is it Sam? It's all about your galactically incomprehensible level of ignorance and selfishness.

6. Sam is NOT a REAL man. He is an emasculated childish girl. "brings me to tears?" Oh, somebody make it so I can find this putz in a dark alley. The good news is this coward will never, AND I MEAN NEVER find a hot babe to even glance his way. If he thinks it's tough now, boy, wait till unemployment hits 11%. Sam, just do me a favor, try to keep your tears out of my food when you ask "Do you want fries with that?" That is of course you don't go back to live with your mommy and daddy and have mom tuck you in at night and get you your bottle. Whooozeda mommies wittle boy? Whooozedamommieswittleboy? Yes you are! Yes you are! Youz iz mommies' wittle philosophy major. Yessyouz are! Yesyouzare!!!!


7. It is the Sams of the world that will bring about the collapse of America and the fact this even gets play and is treated like a real problem by CNfreakingN only shows you how corrupt, ignorant and brainwashed the masses are and why Sam is NOT just one fruit loop out on the east coast. Oh, sure, I know the Captain isn't a nice man. He's a mean man. An insulting man. A man that hurts people's feelings and displays anger and rage. But let me ask you one question;

Who would you rather have leading the country? The likes of the hate-filled Captain or the Pansified Sams of the world?

ht to GOldwater

Update! - Another snivling whinner.


Anonymous said...

HT to me dude.

Anonymous said...

on top of that...

"Sam is NOT a REAL man. He is an emasculated childish girl. "

Sam = Samanth, and yes she is a whiney spoiled girl.

Captain Capitalism said...


Yes, but I can't HT to an anon with no linkage. Shoot me an e-mail at, best way to get stuff noted.


Goldwater's Ghost said...

...and buy his book, that also helps.


CBMTTek said...

My niece is graduating HS this year, and her Mom (my sister) is having the discussion about college with her. She wants to go to AZ State (not an Arizona resident) for some reason.

She is well aware of the amount of debt she may end up with, and if I know her, she is not taking up a major that will result in a high paying job. At least her mom is making sure that she is not going into this blind. She has shown her that is she runs up XYZ amount of debt, it is going to cost her this much a month for this many years. Which, I think, is the main reason she has not accepted the offer from Arizona yet.

Alex said...

Yep, Sam really is a girl, and a pretty good looking one at that. I wouldn't mind making a short term investment in her resources. Just 'cos I'm a natural philanthropist, of course ...

Anonymous said...

Here's another one of those sniveling lefties who don't seem to realize that taking a loan out for a political science degree is a fucking stupid investment.

You'll find his comments half way through the article. I can imagine the tears that ran down his eyes while he wrote it...give me break

Hello Birdy said...

No one can actually reason until they hit 30 years of age. There are a few exceptions, but not many.

All students need to go and work and live on their own steam for at least two full years before deciding on higher education.

If we did that, there would be no more shortages of science and tech majors, no shortage of engineers and accountants and other people who know how to do stuff people will pay for.

Sam will get bailed out and wind up working on an Obongo created job and likely will look back on this close encounter with reality as just a bad dream.

Anonymous said...

In saner times, no financial institution would have lent money to Sam if there was doubt he would be able to repay. Unfortunately the government has established student loan programs with guarantees and banks have forgotten lending standards.

Now when Sam defaults, taxpayers will end up paying for his education.

Jaime Roberto said...

The sad thing is that the comments on the CNN site are running about 10 to 1 in little Sammie's favor. Truly depressing.

AtlanticJim said...

Capt, while I agree with virtually everything you said here, it might come with a bit more credibilty if I believed you actually read the article in question.

It is VERY obvious that you did not.

Anonymous said...

Uhhh, Captain,

"Who would you rather have leading the country? The likes of the hate-filled Captain or the Pansified Sams of the world?"

Aren't you Yanks living that question right now?

Anonymous said...

Sam is a cutie. So not only does she suffer from Generation Y narcism, but she's also gotten special treatment for being a hot chick.

It's up to us ugly white men to pay for whatever Sam the cutie wants!

Anonymous said...

I teach in the physical sciences at a major land-grant U. We just had one of our alums come back for a seminar in his honor. He talked about the job opportunities in industry in our particular major, BS: $100,000/year, Ph.D. $150,000/year average lifetime salaries. Right now about 40% of the new hires are going to foreign-born grads as we can't enough American students to major in this field. Too much calculus, physics, chemistry, stats, DQ etc..., namely it's the work and the lack binge drinking they can do with their friends. About half my freshman advisees complain and drop out, into the fu-fu majors. So I don't have any sympathy for complainers like Sam. High paying jobs are their and were once filled by Americans.

Captain Capitalism said...

Sorry Atlantic Jim, I just saw red when I saw the petty snivling and whining going on. I did not take the time to discern between genders.

Regardless, the same criticisms apply in that women are now equal to men and have longed to be treated equally as such.

Joie said...

and that is why Simon Cowell is my favorite talent judge! Ha! i heard he is leaving the show as a judge, maybe you could take his place. send in this post as your audition piece, i think they'll love ya!

Anonymous said...

Congrats cap, that second sniveling winer I mentioned to you has removed his comments section. I guess the lefty couldn't take the assualt on his illogical beliefs - well done!!!

langmann said...

Here's the other kicker:

From the article : "Some might say, “Sam, you shouldn’t have gone to a private school in New York City if you wouldn’t be able to pay it off.” Well, I made a lot of mistakes when signing up for my loans, but I was uneducated on the process and on the repayment and now I’m stuck."

Ok my question: who's the donkey who lent her money without asking himself, how is this dense chicken going to pay back a loan where the interest alone is $600 a month?

She should be whipped and the loan maker should have to pay back the loan if she defaults for being so dumb. Time they both learned.

Captain Capitalism said...


I can't be a judge on American Idol. They prohibited me because I have too big of a ....ahem, I am too "well endowed."

Besides which i'd start requiring contstants to do calculus and that would actually bolster the ratings.


Chip Ahoy said...

I worked full time and went to school part time which extended the amount of time it took to earn a four year degree. Frankly, it was the hardest thing I ever did. To speed up the process I took as many CLEO as I could, reading the textbooks for those courses before taking the exams, acing each one and knocking off thirty semester hours in the process. I also took accelerated compressed courses for the last two years to speed up the process also, which pretty much assured a book was permanently attached to my hand at every waking moment for eighteen months straight. Even so, I was still paying off college loans five years after graduating, albeit not at entry-level wages as I had continued to work throughout. So cry me a river, I get satisfaction with the knowledge it's not just hard for me. It's hard all over actually, and no more difficult now for Sam than it was for me then, although I didn't make as poor choices as Sam has.

But I must say, college is a total rip off. I've learned far more out of college than I ever did within it. With technology today, all that teaching can be done much less expensively. It's a racket.

This reminds me of two things my dear old dad, bless 'im, used to say repeatedly. One: "It doesn't matter how much you know, you won't get anywhere without that sheepskin." Apparently he thought diplomas were printed on parchment. My diploma didn't help me at all, my work ethic did. Two: "It's not what you know, it's who you know." Something I always found ironic since that was something to know. I love my dad, but it would have been a lot easier for me had he just paid for it. That, or showed me how to get a few grants.

amcz said...

When I was looking at colleges, it wasn't that hard to tell that $35000 a year was outside my budget, even without bothering to calculate interest rates on loans.

From the comments of the article, I noticed this: "Upon graduation I was an entry level pastor...". Words fail me.

The solution here is to ask a simple question: Do you want to work for a non-profit? If the answer is yes, bar this person from attending private or expensive-public universities.

Community organizers should go to community colleges!

Anonymous said...

$600 per month can be handled with a second job.

no sympathy here.

Darin said...

Hee Hee Hee. It's funny cuz it's true.
-Homer J. Simpson

Junker said...

Hey now, to be fair...we (gen Y) are also the ones manning the frontlines in Afghanistan and Iraq, so cut at least a few of us some slack.

Scott said...

Hmm. Samantha: Many a hot chick has paid her own way through college by dancing on tables. Might consider that as a way to pay off your student loans.

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

"Ok my question: who's the donkey who lent her money without asking himself, how is this dense chicken going to pay back a loan where the interest alone is $600 a month?"

Student Loans are subject to Federal garuntees and are not subject to bankruptcy protection. The debt's going to follow her around the rest of her life, and the government garnish her social security if need be(It's happened before). It's a terrible misaollocation of resources, but the College thing often is IMO.

Dan from Chicago

MTgirl said...

What planet did this chick grow up on? What sane person wilingly takes out a loan being "..uneducated on the process and on the repayment..."

Exactly when did people start thinking that bankers were in the job to be their friends and help out people going to reporter school? Golly gee, you mean Wells Fargo isn't a philanthropic organization? And neither are colleges? Who knew?

Good lord, you mean banks are in this to make money?!?!? You mean they only give us X amount of money if they know they can get XXXXX amount back in a few years??

Well, I am shocked and appalled. Shocked I say. I thought those great big buildings and marble teller stands were paid for by...well, by, by something other than MY money!

This is worse than when you found out all those nice people in vegas with the green visors won't give you your money back even when you explain repeatedly that you were "uneducated on the process" of Craps.

What did her parents do, put earmuffs on her and send her out of the room whenever they started discussing finances? Did they replace Santa Clause with the Christmas Loan Officer?

I actually do hope that her parents are on the hook to help pay the loan she got into. God forbid they sit her down and discuss interest rates, when they could be discussing her prom date.

For gods sake, why, oh why, do parents except that abstinence won't prevent pregnancy, but are pretty sure it will work like a charm for DEBT!

darrell said...

Found this comment right near the end of the original article:



(Not my caps, I assure you.)

I'd have to say that I've never seen the spoiled, entitled mentality of cluelessness expressed so clearly.

I have a right to whatever I want, and if you disagree, *you're* selfish.

Makes me want to hit my head on the wall. Actually her head.

darrell said...

Incidentally, she's not particularly hot.

Anonymous said...

Ya know the government will forgive the student loans if you kill yourself.

John Galt said...

Darrell said...
"Incidentally, she's not particularly hot."

I beg to differ, but that doesn't mean I want my tax dollars (or my childrens' or my childrens' childrens' tax dollars) to finance her inability to do a simple ROI (Return on Investment) computation.

What's truly frightening is the sheer number of people in that blog's comment section who are in lock-step with her sense of entitlement. Sheesh, this country's going down the sewey hole.

Anonymous said...

Someone less of a man is a girl?

Give girls a break!

You are not so evolved yourself.

Captain Capitalism said...

Ug, it was meant to insult the guy as in calling a "man" a girl. You want to be treated equal then start being able to take a little friendly flak now and then. It's called ribbing, men do it all the time in between our daily morning scratching.

class-factotum said...

he thought diplomas were printed on parchment.

My diploma is on parchment.

I had $12,500 in student loans when I graduated in 1985 (a lot of money back then).

With a BA in English.

And I still paid my loans back in three years.

With a BA in English.

I paid for grad school out of savings.

No sympathy. None.

Bram said...

Sam is a loser.

My company is still hiring grads. You needs strong quantitative skills, Statistics, some physical science or industrial engineering. 9 out of 10 qualified students we interview are foreign. Sam and her like are idiots.

silvermine said...

I think you're insulting childish girls. ;)

I went to the local state school, worked, and lived at home. I rode the bus.

My parents paid my tuition (I'm pretty sure my 5 years cost less than a semester of Sam's), I paid for books. I cooked and cleaned and bought groceries to try to help out at home since I was living on my parents' money. And I am grateful they supported me.

I would never *expect* them to, but I'm grateful they did. And I was a little girl (16, to be exact.)

AeroGuy said...

Bram, you got a link or email to where this engineer can apply?

The idiots in my age cohort were taught to study what they enjoy and not to worry about making money. Others know better, one of my calculus teachers from high school liked to point out that calculus was the difference between 70k and circle k.
What pisses me off is that I spent 4 miserable years at a military academy studying aeronautical engineering only to not get commissioned due to medical crap and I haven't been able to get a job either. At least I have a pension instead of loans to pay back.