Sunday, September 23, 2012

People of Trader Joe's

Much as I would like to start a web site ala "People of Wal-Mart" but call it "People of Trader Joe's" I frankly don't have the time.

But with my most recent visit there, I shall debrief every one and give them a synopsis of my experience and observations there.

First, I like Trader Joe's.  I don't know why more people don't shop there.  The prices are GREAT, cheaper than most places and even though everything is "organic" it still is quality food at dirt cheap prices.

However, that is where the economist ends, and the normal, masculine, self-respecting male takes over.  Because in order to avail yourself of said lower prices and quality food you must commit yourself to entering an environment that, frankly, makes you worried you'll get infected and walk out with a rat's nest beard and one less testicle.

First, and I'm being deadly serious, I could kick every guys' ass in the place.  And I'm only 142 pounds at 5' 9".  There is NO testosterone in the entire joint.  Every guy is an emasculated putz.  When we first walked in there was this one guy, at least 200 lbs, standing behind his multi-ethnic wife (of course).  She was talking to one of the patrons about, who knows, the price of arugula.  Spent the next 15 minutes grabbing what we needed, turned the corner, and STILL, there is the emasculated yutz, standing patiently behind his wife/partner, with the dopey look on his face, while she continues talking.  He was bigger than me.  Probably stronger than me.  But you could see in his eyes he was weak, sad, pathetic.  Wouldn't raise a finger and his glands could not secrete a hormone of defiance, self respect, or anger.

Second, NOT ONE WOMAN HAD MAKE UP.  I started to notice this at first, and when I realized the sample survey I had taken of women had no make up, it became a vendetta to find one that did.  NOT ONE.  No, the women were all homely.  They didn't care to look pretty, they didn't care to look feminine, it's almost as if they were purposely making a political statement that they didn't (I don't know) what, didn't care?  Didn't want to conform?  It's one thing if you're a 21 year old ditz majoring in sociology, but Jesus H Christ, these women were in their 50's and still carry on this crusade.  It was also of meritable note than none of them had wedding rings either.  Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, fish bicycle.  Enjoy your cats.

Third, the ugliness factor.  My girl and I were HANDS DOWN the hottest couple in the joint.  And I don't fashion ourselves models or anything like that.  It begat me to ponder a theory as to why that was.  Why was a grocery store, of all places, a magnet for truly and genuinely ugly people?  I have had theories about this before, that liberalism and leftism are the antithesis of competition, and since looks and breeding is nothing more than the more bane and basic form of competition, liberals always seek each other out in Uglyfests like yoga retreats and organic farmer's markets and art festivals to avoid such competition.  But mercy, do you all have to converge at the same place I show up at a grocery store?  And why the grocery store?  I theorize it's because it's "all organic and green and politically 'cool.'"  But that only further confirms my theory it's all about avoiding competition because going "green" is nothing more than the lazy/ugly man's way of proving his worth in society.  It's like joining a club that requires nothing more than that you "care."  "Oooh, look at me, I don't work out, I don't have a real job, I don't do anything,  But I "CARE"  Want to mate and make really ugly hairy armpit babies?"

Fourth, fashion.  To my dear good Jewish friend who had his beanie on.  Not only should you not let your kid run rampant over you while I have to endure the argument you have with him about whether or not he should get (organically crappy) candy.  Do you have to wear WHITE SNEAKERS with a DARK RUNNING OUTFIT that is completely unnecessary because your gut and lack of sweat shows you obviously don't use them?  Look, I'm "technically" Jewish through matriachical um..heritage Jewish thing.  I have Jewish friends and relatives and loved ones.  But as by all means a "non-Jew" observer, do you have to purposely wear crappy clothing?  Are you purposely trying to feed the stereotype like my uncle?  Put on some nice slacks.  Or just some decent shoes.  And THEN wear the beanie. I mean, my god, if I'm going to wear something that tells the world my particular religious affiliation, I'm going to at least make myself presentable to the public and not a disgrace in fashion.

Fifth, any thugs that want to rob a joint, dude, Trader Joe's is THE place to rob.  No man, let alone, woman, at that joint is going to stop you.  The men, like their clientele are pansified SWPL men.  They'll cower, NONE carry guns, and again, if you're 140 pounds and have an ounce of testosterone you can kick their CUMULATIVE asses (and it won't be fair...to them I mean).  They'll give you whatever you want.  Also the women (and I am NOT being facetious here, I truly believe this) will actually politically support you robbing them.   "Ohhh, the poor disadvantage person that has to resort to robbing a place to feed him and his coke addiction..err..."family."  Hell, you'll probably score a number or two of frumpy hairy women intoxicated on the Helsinki Syndrome because you're the first real man they've seen in 4 months and are sick at looking at "Seth" with his limpy arms and goatee as her pursues his "Masters in Poetry."  And you can get away scott-free.  Nobody will call the "fuzz" because the fuzz is facist and besides, you displaying the first real sign of manliness just turned every girl on and they ain't going to narc on you.

Sixth, and finally, it's hypocritical.  I saw all of you effeminate, emasculate putzes scoping out my girl.  And, yes, I caught a couple of you "confirmed" feminists, scoping me out too.  And I saw all you people in the parking lot envy my girl's car.  Your human DNA and millions of years of genetic programming betray you.  You REALLY don't like shopping there, at least for the prices anyway.  You really don't like being ugly.  You really don't like being who you are.  YOu're just too damn lazy to change who you are and achieve your best.  You find it easier to find solace in the company of other lazy people to rationalize your CHOICE to not try, not endure, not work hard, not sweat or toil.  YOu find it easier to "race to the bottom" to rationalize your pathetic rank. And you all hide behind it like all other cowards who are afraid of life - behind political crusades.

You're all going "green."

You're all "caring about the environment."

You're all "caring about the poor."

BS.

You're all too lazy to go and kick ass and take names.  And what's sad is you don't shop at Trader Joe's because of the prices.  YOu shop there, first and foremost, because it's a loser's club.  The economic rationale to shop there doesn't even occur to you.

I'll admit it's a harsh theory, but I'll rescind and retract this one when somebody comes up with a better one as to why such homely people shop at Trader Joe's.  AND I don't want to hear any crap about how "insulting I am" because if I recall, many of you folk have no problem mocking the "People of Wal-Mart" when you don't realize you're just the opposite side of the same coin.

43 comments:

Suz said...

Bahaha! The other day I went to the local health food store in search of avocado oil. Holy Toledo, those hippies are getting old! I usually wear long, lightweight crinkle type skirts during the summer, but for some reason I was wearing jeans. Thank God!!!

Drapey "ethnic" skirts, sun-ripened skin (try the organic avocado oil, ladies! It's not just for cooking!) long gray hair - straggly or in buns...you get the picture.

You'd think all that healthy living and organic food would make them look young and vibrant, but Geez! What went wrong?!

Anonymous said...

I came for the cheap wine, but I stayed for the ugly, poorly dressed people!

Carnivore said...

First, and I'm being deadly serious, I could kick every guys' ass in the place. And I'm only 142 pounds at 5' 9". There is NO testosterone in the entire joint. Every guy is an emasculated putz.

HAHA. Whole Foods is similar, without the good prices.

Anonymous said...

"why such homely people shop at Trader Joe's"

Because truth, goodness, and beauty are nothing more than Being, under the aspects of knowability, desirability, and satisfiability of desire. And so falsehood, evil, and ugliness are encountered together.

"and STILL, there is the emasculated yutz, standing patiently behind his wife/partner, with the dopey look on his face, while she continues talking"

You remember that line in Genesis, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee"? Well that wasn't so much a punishment as a plan for managing the disorder that Eve introduced into the world by her susceptibility to deception. Feminism is dedicated to bucking each and every clause in that pithy sentence. Ignoring the part about making babies, what you saw at TJ's was a woman whose desire was for herself, ruling over her "husband".

Anonymous said...

Uh wut. It's a fucking grocery store, not your local wicca guild. Why the hell do you care about who's in there, just be rational and look at on rational items, such as price, quality, speed and closeness to your house.

These kinds of dudes also shop at trader's joes too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=FmTSCmhI5g0

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 340,

Well in my town it IS the local Wicca guild.

Let me know where the "hottie's shop here' TJ's is.

Stirner said...

If you haven't already, you should check out Aldi's.

It's Trader Joe's for shoppers using EBT cards. Very similar business model, very different product selection and clientele.

The hilarious thing is that they are owned by same company. Their marketing department must be pretty damn good to perfectly nail the core appeal for two extremely different demographic groups.

Chris said...

Funny, but here in SoCal the good looking, fit 'normal' people shop at TJ's and Whole foods.. and the fat, weird, "people of Wal-Mart" types are found in the major market chains.

If you're ever out this way I will point you in the right direction- we just came back from the WF nearest to LAX and my head is still spinning from all of the trim in there (and two full aisles of the best craft beer in the country).




Dan said...

Is that what a midwest Trader Joe's looks like? Come try robbing
the one in my neck of the woods. If your LUCKY you'll only get your ass kicked. Good chance thought that you will be thoroughly ventilated. Last time I was there I saw three men that I know. All of them are my size or bigger...we can pick you up by the legs and like a wishbone go "make a wish".
And all of us pack heat.....and are willing to use it.

Anonymous said...

"I caught a couple of you "confirmed" feminists, scoping me out too."

It not a rare phenomenon.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1075008-dating-flirting-meat-markets-trader-joes.html

Anonymous said...

Never been there - I think the nearest one is 50-60 miles away.

Some day when they build one closer, I'll take a look for myself. Maybe that's unique to that store or locality.

Tim said...

I haven't been to a trader joes, but I can tell you that the ugliest and fattest group of people that I've ever seen all live in Michigan City, Indiana and shop at the Meijer. I couldn't give you any more details because I was horrified by them and couldn't stand to look.

Anonymous said...

Can you seriously tell me that any other grocery store in your area is substantially any different? I mean, seriously, you live in MN for pete's sake. Minnesota! Land of comfort. Land of 'Minnesota Nice'. Land to find someone you can introduce to your parents. Land of those who don't like to rock the boat. Land where everything is deep fried.

Stryker said...

I worked at TJ's in Southern Ca. for over 8 years. Just quit several weeks ago to pursue my own businesses. You need to check out TJ's out here. All the Crossfitters and body builders shop here. Large numbers of smoking hot, in shape, health conscious women with no small amount of money fill the aisles daily. On top of that, they take very good care of their employees. Insurance and retirement kick in at 21 hours a week. Top wage for part timers is $20.50/hr and Captains (managers) make $140K or better per year plus bonus. Assistant managers make $70-80K per year, plus bonus. You also get a 10% discount on anything you buy there. No college degree is required for any position at the store level. I worked for Captains that were millionaires just off their retirement.(401A at 15.4% of your yearly wage- contributed by the company.) None of these guys had college degrees. The last First Mate (assistant manager) I worked for has never worked anywhere else since he was 16. He is now in his late 30's.
The company is changing some and the wages and retirement aren't as juicy as they used to be, but I made a hell of a lot of money there and the job just isn't that hard or complicated. Most of the customers were pretty cool, but being retail we did get our share of weird and crazy.
As to a lack of testosterone... yeah maybe some stores. However, I am 6'3" 285 lbs, wrestled, boxed, ran track, and did Tae Kwon Do in school. More recently spent a lot of time lifting, and spent a couple of years doing Muay Thai. Most people don't want to see me in a dark alley. There were more than a few people I worked with that were similar to myself in this regard, so the stores I was in probably won't fall under your blanket condemnation for lack of T.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit. This article is word-for-word EXACTLY as if I wrote it myself. I have EXACTLY the same thought(s) every time I shop there. I read "...one less testicle" and busted out in laughter and applause. Classic.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit. This article is word-for-word EXACTLY as if I wrote it myself. I have EXACTLY the same thought(s) every time I shop there.

But i REALLY DO go there for the quality & prices. I stop there on my way home from work (once or twice weekly) in spiffy shoes, a crisp shirt and suit jacket.. and let me tell you, looking around, I feel like I'm dressed for the red carpet compared to every "musician" who works & shops there ..... and has enough body piercings to hang a shower curtain.

SO much of what they sell is excellent. My faves are their salads, ready-to-bake chocolate chip cookies..... the Japanese white rice (3 pack).... and .. carrot juice... and I will drive across town to pick up an Opera Cake if invited to a social event.

But man, you said it. When I stand in line to pay and look around, I frequently ask myself when I was last vaccinated.

HILARIOUS!

Faust said...

Must just be you, man. The one I go to is right near a college, and it's populated by 7s and up, and guys who are all clearly lifters.

beta_plus said...

Interesting. I live in DC and there people go because we have the highest grocery bills in the nation and TJs undercuts them. Seriously, food is cheaper in Manhattan than DC. As a result, there are plenty of cute girls at TJs - well, by DC standards at least.

I once had a theory that TJs originally opened stores in only non-right-to-work states because they knew that they could immediately undercut unionized grocery stores, whereas in Texas they would have much stiffer competition. Now that they are big enough (rumor is they would be a Fortune 500 company if they were publicly listed), they are now moving into right to work states.

Anonymous said...

Your blog and this post in general speaks to something I've been thinking about for awhile. Liberals in general are the way they are because they are dissatisfied/discontent with themselves and the only way they can deal with it is not by working on themselves or competition; it's by holding onto what you call crusades to make it seem like they're experts or morally superior on some inane subject.

Anonymous said...

I had a similar experience over the weekend during a trip to the local Big Y supermarket. Rather than the overall bizarre nature of people (a bit more diverse group here in New England), I was faced with what apparently seemed to be double coupon day for fat people.

As I strolled the isles, I saw fatty after fatty. Every corner I turned every person I encountered was fat fat fat fat fat. Now, I’m not talking about 10-20lbs above college weight or even the ok it’s time for a diet type. I’m talking 100 morbidly obese people all gathered at the same place at the same time…people, seriously, wider than their carts.

Another thing I noted was that I was one of only two men in the entire store. Unfortunately, he was a big fat bastard too. Old women, young women and children all heffers. And of course, the younger women were wearing tight sweat pants or spandex and shear form fitting tops to accentuate their curvy voluptuous figures. There were women who appeared to have boobs well into the 44DD range who’s guts protruded outward noticeably further than their breasts.

Soon, it became a challenge to find a person of normal weight as I did not plan on leaving until I did. I walked around that store for 40 minutes with my meager two items in my basket, determined. Dejected, I finally decided abandon my quest and headed for the check out line. And waiting for me in line to save the day…an elderly woman who was as thin as a rail…maybe 75lbs soaking wet.

Now I know everyone is soooo PC and sensitive about fat people these days and that fat is the new thin and something to be proud of. I’m not one of those people and I think it’s disgusting. And for every one person who legitimately has a medical reason for being obese (and I sincerely sympathize with them) there are a million others who don’t…who as Tom says, need to take the damn fork out of their mouth.

Anonymous said...

I am wondering if you or anyone else have done the math comparing what society earns by providing a woman with a college degree compared with providing a man with a college degree. Men usually work full time for life. Women very often don`t. Even those who eventually after the kids get older work part time often do part time work that is not related to their degree and which would nto have required their degree. The difference would have to be enormous.

Roberto Severino said...

I'm not even familiar with Trader Joe's nor have I ever seen one of those stores where I live, but it's scary how your theories are so accurate and explain the true motives of why people feel like they have to rebel against "The Man" and all this BS.

I recently thought about my old teachers and questioned whether they got into teaching because they really wanted to "help" the children or if they just wanted an easy job with a two month or three month vacation and reading several of your older posts on the subject of majoring in education made me see the connection between studying something like English and all the master's degrees and PhDs they had to get so they could get paid more. My economics teacher (who's now in the insurance industry) even said once that in order to get a higher paying salary for teaching that going to graduate school and getting these master's degrees. My old high school has a website with all these teacher pages where you can see specifically what kind of degrees these people have. A lot of certifications and master's degrees here, especially in fields like music and English.

http://www.brookwoodhighschool.net/Teachers.aspx

I also knew some people who worked in special education at my school and a lot of them seemed bitter and almost angry because they hardly get paid for what they do. One of them told me that she failed calculus in college because she procrastinated and was lazy, and that same laziness showed in her appearance too. She was one of the fattest women I had ever met and on the surface, it seemed like she was helping the students out, but using your theories, I was able to realize that all she did was take out her suppressed laziness and anger out on the students she was "helping out."

What are your thoughts on these types of people, Captain? It's frightening how true your theories are and how I've seen the same phenomenon at my old high school.

Joe Bar said...

Funny, I read this as I was eating TJ's Farfalle with 4 cheeses and spinach for lunch. Very tasty, and only $2.49 IIRC.

The two TJs we frequent seem to have a variety of people of varying levels of attractiveness. The fringe cases really do stand out. Haven't seen any fatties in TJ's, though, and that's a plus.

Jane the Grad Student said...

I've been to 3 TJ's in the Northern VA area (outside DC). I would guess the patrons are fairly liberal just based on area demographics, but most are decently dressed and HWP. Depending on when you go and which store you go to, the crowd may include a lot of moms with kids, guys stocking up before the game, or random singletons. Last time I went, I was standing behind a blonde lady in her mid-40s (?) with the figure, hair, and makeup that would not have been out of place on a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. I'm not a man but I would guesstimate she was at least an 8 (age-adjusted, and not by much). I guess it just varies by state...

CBMTTek said...

Noticed that very thing myself.

Those that shop, almost exclusively at "organic" "health food" type shops are all, for lack of a better word, ugly. Sorry to say it, but the truth it out there for everyone to see.

Trader's has some good stuff, and at very nice prices, but the clientele??? Your observations are completely correct.

Unknown said...

You say you're making a living writing this shite? If so, America is still the land of limitless opportunity.

Alex said...

I love TJ for their food. Great turkey meatloaf, all of their breads, coconut oil, etc...

Here in NM I don't run into as many hippies as described in the Captain's post, but at least 20% match that profile.

Still, that's a small price to pay to feast properly.

Captain Capitalism said...

Damn right Unknown.

god bless America.

Unknown said...

Don't get me wrong, Captain, I think it's a good thing, both as a living for you and a sign that enterprise and a free market are not yet dead in America.

But I still think that was shite.

Blooming Psycho said...

It honestly puzzles me how people can really even bother to take notice of others shopping around them. I go to the store to get what I need and then I leave. I really couldn't give a rare rat's ass what the other people in the store look like. It is an unusual occasion when I even notice. Fat, thin, old, young, whatever--what the hell difference could it possibly make? They don't have a damn thing to do with me. Live and let live. Why must we all be so damn judgmental?

Borepatch said...

Admittedly, I go to a Trader Joe's in Georgia, but the women wear makeup (even the Alpharetta hausfraus - actually, make that *especially* the Alpharetta hausfraus).

And while I don't know who else packs heat there, it is Georgia.

Other than that, your post seems spot on.

Doktor Bill said...

Oh the Subhumanity! The Whole Foods Market here is packed with the same debris, plus they all appear to be awfully diseased and unhealthy for "eating/living healthy". Just Damn.

JCclimber said...

Wow, you definitely live and shop in a crappy area.

My wife and I visited a TJ's near Stanford this weekend.

I swear 30% of the hot young women were wearing yoga pants, (another 20% shouldn't have been wearing them but were).

Most of the patrons in the TJ's I go to are under 50, and most are in good shape.

Anonymous said...

Not same company same family get it right.

captain's favorite said...

A 45 second walk around the store would reveal that is is far from an "organic" store. Less than half of the products are organic. The prices are low because they strong-arm smaller complains and sell their product for nothing.

You should care less about your poor eyes being offended and more about their hideous business practices (hence the secretive nature of the beast) and awful mistreatment of employees.

Anonymous said...

Y'know, ugly people have to eat, too...

Anonymous said...

Because ugly people have to eat, too?

Anonymous said...

I'm with Stryker who commented earlier. I actually got to this Blog because I was wondering why the chicks were so HOT at TJ's. I live in Orange County, CA. OMG the chicks who shop at TJ's are hot. I couldn't relate to one thing you said in the blog. I guess you're just living in the wrong place.

Anonymous said...

Mistreatment of employees??? Tjs starting wages are higher than almost any other grocery store, full medical benifits are available on a part-time schedule and most employees make too much after a couple years to feel the need to go anywhere else. Employee moral is higher at almost any Trader Joe's you walk into compared to almost any other grocery or retail store. At least on the west coast where all the customers are hot and wearing yoga pants and tans. In lesser expensive locations (outside of socal and the bay area and I'm sure large east coast cities) a TJ's employee has absolutely no problem supporting a family and living a decent life on wage and employer-provided 401k. You have definitely have picked the wrong employee base to misguidedly take a stand for.

Anonymous said...

Dude here in the Miami TJ's its nothing but BEAUTIFUL people withe good fashion and most of the guys that come in and work there are probably capable of laying you out haha, try a different Trader Joes maybe.

Samuel Desir-Spinelli said...

As I see it, hyper competitive males who fantasize about beating up a whole store full of people are plagued with their own feelings of inadequacy. That's what most people would call overcompensating.

Samuel Desir-Spinelli said...

As I see it, hyper competitive males who fantasize about beating up a store full of people are probably dealing with their own profound inadequacies.

Most people would see that kind of a boast as overcompensation.

Unknown said...

I work at TJ's, I ware make-up, and I try to dress up my uniform,and I work with so other very good looking and genuinely nice people.