Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Operation Coffee House V

Look out kids.  I'm in the hippest, coolest coffee joint there is.  You walk in an already you know this is where the high-end hipsters hang out.  It's almost got more of a night club feel.  Music is near-techno with a lounge feel.  People are better looking (though still trying their best to ruin it with hipster attire), some women are actually dressed nicely and donning make up (though one is dressed like Punky Brewster), and aside from me, there are two other guys who I would deem to be real men and would not mind having them on my side in a fight.

Some of this makes sense.  I'm in the "high rent" district of the Uptown area.  Kind of near Sebestian Joe's and where everybody wants to plant their business, but can't afford the rent.  This joint sure can, $4 minimum for a credit card purchase and based on the square footage of the joint (a lot) and the fact that you only can park on the street for an hour signifies to me this area gets enough traffic.  This is something i haven't had to worry about in several years - parking.  Since I eschew the downtown area, parking has never been a problem.  Now that I'm on Operation Coffee House I have to recall my sharp observation skills I honed in college to find free parking spots and make sure the fine print doesn't allow one of MInneapolis' finest to give me a ticket on some trumped up charge.

There's another interesting thing though.  There's a fair amount of Asians here.  NOt that that in itself is interesting, but they all have Microsoft operating systems.  I am no longer alone.  Oh sure, everybody else has Apple, but I'm wondering why it's 6 Asians and an Irishman that are the ones sporting Bill Gates machines.  One of the Asian guys is sitting with a female friend of his.  She has an Apple, they both have books out.  She's better looking than him.  I'm guessing beta orbiter Chan trying to win the heart of surburbanite princess Sue by helping her with her pre-Algebra that she wasn't able to do in the 8th grade, and still can't in college.  Oh Chan, will you ever learn?

Coffee is tart as hell.  I believe this falls under the "dark roast" blend, but I think they infused it with quinine.  Thankfully I won't be getting malaria this week. 

The staff is very quiet.  Not meek or mild, just quiet.  Two guys and a gal.  All in their twenties.  The girl has a "cute face" which is the polite way of saying, "she'd be hot if she'd lose 20 pounds."  Thankfully I'm not polite and can just say, "There's a barista who would be hot if she shed 20 pounds."  It's just more efficient and adult that way. 

Good thing nobody can enjoy their coffee here because they all have to move their cars in an hour.

9 comments:

Rumbear said...


"eschew"....I see what you did there.

1 hour parking prolly cuts down on the breastesses feeding.....just saying.

Are you wearing your white suit? In my mind you are.

Carry on.

The Great and Powerful Oz said...

You keep going on about Microsoft and Apple with not a word about those of us who run Linux. I feel slighted. With your attitude, I may have to send a BSD contingent your way to really add some weirdness to your day.

taterearl said...

The sad thing is how many women there are that would be hot if they lost 20 pounds. It's even sadder how many women there are that would be hot if they lost 50-100 pounds.

Scott said...

Operation Coffee shop is some of your better work I'd put in the "Humor" Category. When it's finished you should have a consolidation so they're all in the same place

Anonymous said...

I'm loving these reports, Captain!

Chris said...

If you are intelligent enough to use BSD or a good Linux distro, you know how to brew coffee...

---
Being a UNIX hacker is a noble and underpaid calling. As is programming. But most Microsofties and Appleists are consumers, or at most script monkeys.

In the same manner, making good coffee is a worthy occupation. But most people cannot do this, and at best achieve coffee monkey status.

---
Disclosure: I have used Linux since 1999.

Of course, if you said around here "That coffee monkey needs to lose 20 pounds..." you would be talking about the guy who runs the joint around here.

self-exiled Spaniard said...

Love the coffee house write-ups, keep it on. I should do one on Toronto hipsters some day...

Anonymous said...

Whe I was in Japan, I noticed that noone used OS X.

Anonymous said...

Ah, I'm glad Oz spoke up for the *nix geeks around here. There is more to computing than Crapple and Mister Softie...