Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Horses and Herpes

An interesting little tidbit you may not know about the Cappy Cap online media empire is that my demographics vary greatly depending on the social media I'm using.  Also interesting is there is little overlap or cross over between say my "viewers" on my youtube channel vs. "readers" on my blog. 

What this has resulted in is me having to repeat some of the wise wisdom I passed along ages ago here on the blog on my alternative channels today.  Naturally we want to convey the MOST IMPORTANT lessons immediately so as to do the most good for our Youtube, Twitter, podcast, etc., bretheren, so I decided today to convey the very important lesson about horses.

You all know my disdain for horses, and I don't wish to reiterate what you already know, but I want to convey just how real the problem is with a comment from the Youtube:


PioneerPreppy said...

You are spot on about horse lovers although I do know a fair number of guys who claim to have the horse bug but most of them are in fact in it for the poontang in one way or the other.

I would point out that your statement about raising/breeding horses should be taken with a grain of salt. Believe me I have plenty of experience with horse women and bailing them out financially but each and everyone of them will claim their horses are champions and they make money off foals.

It's a flat out lie but they will try to convince you of it while they are convincing themselves.

Anonymous said...

I grew up on horses. My grandfather had a horseback riding business with 100-150 horses. My father was a Farrier who put shoes on initially hobby horses then eventually race horses including two derby runners. As a side business he would buy horses for dirt-nothing from idiot people who thought it would be awesome to buy horse. When the novelty wore off they would rarely ride them. The longer they neglected the horse the more "sour" it became. Eventually these horses would become so spoiled and rotten they would damn near attack you as you tried to enter the pen. Sorta like all the problem dogs you see on the dog whispered only 1000 lbs worth. And holy hell if you tried to saddle and ride them.

My Father being the resourceful horse trader he is would bring these mutant beasts home for ME to re-break and train with various techniques and medieval torture devices until they were once again manageable and thereby auction worthy. On average I have 3-5 of them a month for 6 months of the year. Needless to say I developed a healthy disdain for the morons responsible for the animals who bit,kicked, rolled, flipped, pissed, shit and stepped on me throughout my tender years.

You are correct, there are two types; those who have horse for business purposes - racing, rodeo (if you call that a business) stock work or hacks, and the rest... well our family had an ironic name for them - "horse people". And yes these latter were either women or men who had to step in and fix some chick's botched experiment. 3 generations of us have made our livings in one way or another off them and I can tell you without reservation; They're almost always daffey imbeciles soon parting with their money...often to us.

Glen Filthie said...

All the big points are true, Cap. But you need to quantify things, do your research, and understand context.

A. Horses are NOT expensive. A horse in good health can be kept and boarded and maintained in good health for about the same average monthly cost of a car payment. If you can't afford a second car, you can't afford a horse. Feed and board are cheap - it is the vet bills that kill. It is true that 'hobby farms' are no longer within the financial reach of the average man these days. They are black holes for money, with or without horses. Consider a horse only after your bills and your savings have been seen to.

B. That obsessive dedication to the horse that women have is not all based on stupidity and insanity. If you have a horse you will bond with it in ways that will astound you - even men. You can put down a dog or a cat - but horses take a piece of you when they go. You will feel their physical loss for months afterward. Most women don't have the emotional control to take a hit like that as stoically as a man.

C. Our bond and affinity for horses is real and genetically hard wired the same way some people like to dance - it is part of the human animal.

Unfortunately the big city has made a bit of a sissy out of you in this regard, Captain. Having a horse should be the birthright of every kid on earth. They are not dumb animals; they are noble beasts and worth of love and respect.

Anonymous said...

Cap'n Cappy,

I live in Wyoming and there is a LOT of soft-brained transplants who fled the hellholes of Denver and Sand Diego and who knows what else because... drumroll... they could NOT have horses in their subdivisions.

It is with these emotional people in mind that I made a decision to go back to agriculture and my designer organic crop will soon be organic, pesticide free, blister beetle free granola flavored blend of horse forage that will reach an astronomic price.

So... whereas the equine retards are depressing an and of themselves, in net sum I am glad to see their abundance. They (not Social Security lockbox) will fuel my retirement.

On an unrelated note, judging by puffiness, either you slacked off on working out or liquid stimulant consumption has reached upper levels of tolerance. These 2 are frequently happening together...

Faithless Cynic said...

Glenn - I have held 4 dogs and 1 cat and told them I loved them while the vet gave the final injection. The animals had cancer and there was no hope. It still rips your guts out.

Anonymous said...

Wow, no kidding about horse people being nuts. someone on here actually tried to make a case for a genetic bond with horses...
and in the same post claimed a dog or cat would be easier to put down?

if you reversed those arguments you'd be closer to the truth. Dogs were the first animal domesticated by man, we've been in a symbiotic relationship with them for so long that there is strong evidence that our bodies have come to rely upon having a dog around in order to "jump-start our immune systems.

not to mention that Dogs are one of the few animals able to see the world in close to the same way we do, and a dogs natural behavior is close enough that it's quite easy for us to understand each other.

while horses have been rendered obsolete in their roles as transportation and farm equipment dogs continue to provide invaluable assistance to man in so very many ways, from "service" animals who help the disabled to search and rescue dogs who find people under collapsed buildings.

and while it's true that if you have an animal you will bond with it, the difference is that a dog will bond with you in return.
how many stories of horses who wait by their masters grave do you know of?

Dog is literally man's best friend, makes women who chose an inanimate chunk of carbon (diamonds) look like chumps.

Anonymous said...

Hey Cappy,

I live and work in a slightly larger town and I'd have to agree with you.

I do also have another key indicator of crazy for you to consider: girls with more than two earrings in each ear.

I've seen some girls with as many as a dozen earrings in one ear, but there are a couple of really self entitled women I work with who both have three earrings in each ear.

One of them does have horses though...

Could I be onto something?