I got an e-mail from a guy looking to hire the services of Asshole Consulting. He runs a paper-writing company that in-no-beating-around-the-bush-sort-of-way does people's homework for money. It's completely immoral. It's completely unethical. But it's not illegal. And he capitalizes on this fact.
Now before you get all up in arms, understand he wouldn't be in the business if there wasn't a market for it. It's very much like drugs. Are you going to blame the drug dealers for creating something other people want? Or are you going to blame the drug-addicts? Are you going to blame the guy who sleeps with married women, or are you going to blame the married women looking for affairs? Don't blame the supplier, blame the demanders. And given my very libertarian, Machiavellian, misanthropic and cynical beliefs you all know where I come down on these types of arguments.
But morality and philosophy aside, we started to notice that given my readership demographic we might benefit from an advertising relationship. And so it is with without shame, cynical indifference, and a very misanthropic heart I introduce a new sponsor to the Cappysphere, Academic Composition.
Naturally some of my more moral readers are wincing. Some of you that are starting to see the country for the cesspool it's rapidly become are cheering, but before you dismiss this, let me make the argument why it's no longer "immoral" to pay for somebody to do your homework for you in today's United States educational system.
First, progressive credentialism.
I do not "dislike"
I do not " hate"
I LOATHE WITH ALL MY HEART what corporate America and all the other employers have done to the youth in this country. Not in terms of mortgaging the future with government (they've already done that), but how they've made it so difficult to get a job. Specifically, how they've increased the credentials needed to be deemed "qualified" for the simplest of jobs
In WWII you could take an 18 year old kid and turn him into a pilot, a tank commander, a mechanic, or a clerk in 6 months. You had majors at the age of 25 and colonels at the age of 30.
Now, today, nope. You need a bachelors, minimum. "Masters Preferred." Oh, and now you need some certifications and CPE. And then, and ONLY THEN, will we consider you for employment.
But the truly disgusting thing they're requiring you spend 4 unnecessary years and $150,000 in tuition isn't because you really need that level of training or education. The ONLY reason employers require all those credentials is so that they can (are you ready for it)....
more easily screen out resumes.
Think about that.
You are REQUIRED by today's employers to bust your ass off for 4-8 years, forking over $300 a credit, taking on $100,000 in debt JUST SO YOUR RESUME IS NOT TOSSED IN THE GARBAGE.
And thus, if you're "lucky" enough to get hired, you end up working some job you could have easily done at the age of 18 with 2-3 months training.
If the entire purpose of getting your college degree (advanced or not) is to merely jump through a hoop and NOT to increase your skills, then there is no merit in legitimately doing writing your own papers.
Second, speaking of a job that you could have done at the age of 18 without a masters, employers LIE ALL THE TIME on their job descriptions. NOT ONCE in the past 40 years has a job description in the history of job descriptions been accurate. Job descrptions are window-dressed to sound better than they actually are so that you more willingly take the job as well as lower pay. It's not until it's too late that you find out the "analytical work" you were supposed to do is "filing" and that the "challenging work environment" is not challenging for intellectual reasons, but because your boss is a psychopath. If they're going to lie on the job description, you owe them the courtesy of lying right back to them about all those "masters level courses you took."
Third, most degrees are worthless.
If you're going to become an accountant or a surgeon, then you should never hire this guys services. But if you are getting ANY degree in the liberal arts of humanities, then sorry, your degree is really worthless. You're not learning a skill. YOu're not learning a trade. You're learning theory, or just outright leftist brainwashing, that you will NEVER put into practice in the real world.
Since the degree is worthless and no measurable skill will be gained and therefore never be tested, you might as well pay somebody to write your masters or doctoral thesis. From a purely economic point of view it will result in the same outcome.
Speaking of worthless degrees, fourth, most of academia is a scam.
You're told by teachers from k-12 to go to college.
You're told by cousnelors to go to college.
You're parents really don't know any better and regurgitate the same thing.
But where they totally screw you over is when they say, "follow your heart and the money will follow."
This then sets you on the path of majoring in touchy, feely, easy subjects you find interesting instead of a trade or major that will result in employment. And there is no limit to the number of colleges, professors, deans, and TA's that are MORE THAN HAPPY to lie right to you face about the merit and validity of majoring in "African American History" or "Women's Studies" or "Communications" or "Child Psychology." Because the truth is
where else are those talentless people going to work?
The best thing to do is avoid these charlatans. But if you're "already committed" to getting your Lego-Diploma, you might as well pay somebody else to jump through the unnecessary hoops for you.
Fifth, even if you are majoring in a legitimate field, the academian scum are still going to insist you pay more by forcing you to take pre-requisite classes that have NOTHING to do with your intended study. Here you may be majoring in something legitimate (engineering, accounting, etc.), but are forced to take "CISgendered Hating Male" studies.
Why do the work for something that is not pertinent to your intended career?
Return the favor to these frauds by being fraudulent yourself.
Sixth, the professors really don't care.
They don't. And neither do most deans. If the UNC scandal about African American studies doesn't do it for you, then my experiences at degree mills will.
The primary goal of most educational institutions is NOT to educate you, but get your money. This is why when I had 89% of my students plagiarize their college papers, the dean did not kick them out, but forced me to allow them to write another paper. This is why when a student showed up drunk and punched me, they expelled him, but then let him back in.
Your generation is sadly filled with so many losers that the "adult" generations are bending over backwards to give you every excuse, every advantage, and every ounce of forgiveness. Yes they "say" you will be expelled, but I'm having a hard time trying to find deans and professors that give a damn about enforcing it (just look at Martin Luther King!)
Finally, if you outsource all the bullshit classes to Academic Composition, it will allow you to increase your credit load and therefore potentially get out of college a full year earlier. Outsourcing your paper writing will also allow you to work instead, helping keep your debt load low.
In short, the entire "college education" racket is precisely that - a racket, a scam. And coupled with masochistic reasons employers insist on "progressive credentialism" you should have the least bit of self-respect and return to them a proverbial finger by being just as disingenuous and fraudulent as they are.
Now, the caveats and legal disclaimer.
You run the risk of getting expelled. YOu run the risk of ruining your future. Matter of fact, don't do it. Just don't do it. Don't hire his services. Matter of fact, I'm going to say you WILL get expelled. 100% guarantee. Just ignore everything I said above. Just ignore how you are being royally screwed over by a fraudulent system. Just ignore that and be a good little boy or girl and behave.
You hire Academic Composition at your own risk.