Friday, February 21, 2014

How to Be in the Top 1% of Women

1.  Stay in shape
2.  Drop the psychoses  you think are defensive mechanisms or "cute" ways to entertain yourself and be a mature adult.
3.  Support yourself
4.  Cook

You do those four SIMPLE things and you will be in the top 1% of women.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Long hair, stay thin, sex anytime, shut up.

Stingray said...

Thank you very much for the linkage, Captain!

Tiffany said...

What about living in my mom's basement? Is that not a powerful aphrodisiac that says "pick me, pick me"??

leeholsen said...

i would 2nd long hair, no man likes being with a woman that could be mistaken for a guy from behind.

and how about some traditional and/or religious values. they only seem to be the stuff that keeps families and societies going strong, seems a no brainer why guys are looking to stay with women like mom for more than one night.

Chad Elkins said...

Tweet this so I can re-tweet it, Captain

Dave said...

#3 should be "Support yourself, but make it clear that you have a job, not a career."

#5 Learn to play the piano. For two centuries this has been a favorite way for young ladies to signal marriageability -- it shows intelligence, diligence, manual dexterity, and femininity. And unlike e.g. calculus, you need not be an expert to recognize one; a pianist's level of mastery is obvious even to the untrained ear.

Glen Filthie said...

Well, Tiff, when you're a fat ugly slag that can't cook I suppose you have to take what you get.

Anonymous said...

I would say, "bake" rather than "cook". Many men are good at cooking - especially grilling steaks or roasting meat. My stepdaughter, who is skilled in the management of her boyfriend, has a pleasant personality, long dark hair, and her cherry cake is to die for. Her boyfriend is good with meat.

Anonymous said...

You really need to add:
Keep body mutilations to a minimum.
And also, as others have mentioned, at least shoulder length hair.

Anonymous said...

Cap, when is your next cook-book coming out?

Tom said...

Well, that's a pretty good list I guess but you're sort of answering a question that no one is asking. No woman has ever asked me "how can I be a better girlfriend?"