Thursday, March 12, 2015

Why Women Do the Majority of Housework

There is usually a lot of anger and confusion among both sexes, especially when social engineers tinker with genetics and society, forcing social roles that were largely already hashed out over billions of years of evolution.  And housework is one of those things that most men "meh" at, while women grip, whine, complain, moan and scream bloody murder over.

So let ole Cappy explain why the debate about "who does the majority of housework" is not only stupid and moot, but solve it with a health dose of reality and realism.

Whoever wants the cleaner house does the cleaning.

I'll say that again.

Whoever wants the cleaner house does the cleaning.

You'll notice that this rule (based in reality) is not sexist or biased.  It is an asexual statement as it can be a man who is more cleansely, or a woman who is more cleansely.  However, it is usually women who have the higher standard of cleanliness.

This then revisits that good old fashioned world of economics. Specifically, supply and demand.  If somebody has a higher demand for something, then they are the ones not in the position of power and the ones that must compensate and compromise.

A guy who isn't as interested as dating a girl as she is in him.
Why men must do the majority of asking out and not vice versa.
An employer who has 100 applicants for one job versus the starving, debt laden college graduate.
The man in need of a kidney versus the man with one to spare.

And people who want a cleaner house than their spouse get to do the cleaning.

This has largely (though not always) been the case with myself.  I keep my abode "biologically clean."  That means toilets, dishes, laundry, and anything else that has the potential to spontaneously spawn Ebola gets cleaned.  But vacuuming, dusting and cleaning out the microwave?  Not a weekly event.  But I'll be damned if it wasn't 9 out of the 10 girls I dated who would start doing dishes (that didn't need doing), complain about the dust, and whine about clothes on the floor, all while I was in perfect health and the world still continued to turn.

Like most women, nearly all of them would try to negotiate and get me to do more of the household chores or at least at a higher frequency.  But unlike our Swedish male counterparts I used a word that has since likely been lost in the Swedish language - no.

There was also not an argument, an explanation, or a lecture that followed, but a declarative statement.

"I will clean to my standards of cleanliness when I deem it necessary.  If you wish to clean to a higher standard AND more frequently you may.  But that is your choice and not something you will hold over me or keep track of on some kind of 'chore scorecard.'"

And everytime, EVERY TIME it has worked because not only was I being a real man, but it's true.

The person who wants a cleaner house cleans.

Of course, the truth is this whole drama over housework is precisely that - drama.  A Western Civilization-wide shit test feminists and unconscious females are programmed to administer to test the mettle of their (increasingly failing) men.  And a mere dismissal of this test will allow you to pass with flying colors.

But if they insist or do not relent.  Actually being serious about housework, to the point they threaten to leave or end the relationship, then all you have to do is walk them out to their car, take a look at the oil change sticker they got at Jiffy Lube 8 months and 6,000 miles ago, hand them a socket wrench set and a jack and say,

"You're overdue for an oil change.  Have fun dear."

And when she invariably asks you "what kind of oil," "how much oil," "how do I get the lifty thing under the car," etc., etc., you merely break out your lawn chair, pour a nice scotch, light up a cigar and answer,

"Google it, Google it, Google it."

And that one oil change will end the debate of "who does the housework" forever.


Anonymous said...

This resource precedent should extend to everything in a relationship. It would all eliminate all resentment, you want something beyond what your partner wants you have to pay out of your own pocket.

Sanne said...

Hi, thanks for the link!

Joe Richards said...

Great post as always! Many good points here, especially the one about the man getting the truly crap jobs around, over, or under the house. I know this was clear to my wife when the pipes froze while I was out of town and she was crawling around under the house in sub zero weather. She was texting me teeny tiny little pictures and asking me what things were. She was thankful that it was cold and all the bugs and spiders were hiding. She's a smart women.

Many years ago she asked how I wanted to divvy up the house work. I said "I'll clean the bathrooms, you do the rest". She said "ok". I kept the crap jobs, but we didn't really talk about them.

You can work all this out and be happy. My thoughts on a happy marriage:

George Sobon said...

Great post Aaron!

However, the oil change bit has got me confused. You wrote:

...then all you have to do is walk them out to their car, take a look at the oil change sticker they got at Jiffy Lube 8 months and 6,000 miles ago, hand them a socket wrench set and a jack and say,

"You're overdue for an oil change. Have fun dear."

What I'm confused about is what you wrote the women would say next. A woman wouldn't ask you for how much oil, where to put the jack etc. , a woman would just say "Why are you giving me this? I'll just go to Jiffy Lube and have them do it."

Which really doesn't settle anything, does it?

Just my 2 cents. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Speaking from the other side, I've had to kick out female roommates before because they could not comply with a minimum standard of cleanliness. While there is nothing wrong in principle with leaving when you can't reach an agreement, I think that would be my expectation.

Google is not the best place to find automotive reference material. I would spend the 30 seconds needed to teach anyone how to change their own oil just to spite commercial oil change places which should not exist in a functional society.

New Wave Communications said...

Hey Cappy,

First, thanks for promoting my blog post in last Wednesday's linkage. It is appreciated.

Also, I never really considered this method of doing housework. I like keeping a clean place, but there are still cobwebs in the corners. I just hope that I find someone that cares more about clean than I do.

Second, did you hear of this new Feminist concept called Benevolent Sexism. I saw a post in the National Post, and tore it apart. If you and your viewers want to see it, then here it is...

Well, thanks again for sharing my post last week.

Sean M.
New Wave Communications

TroperA said...

You want to see a filthy place? A room in a male college dorm just after school starts. No one cleans the room for the first few weeks because the roommates all know, that whatever guy is the first to crack and clean it becomes the "bitch" --and then it's his turn to clean the apartment from that moment on. Poor, poor bastard.

srhcb said...

Missing the point: It's the talking about it that creates a problem where none, as you felt need to explain, really exists.

Brave New Man said...

I agree, it all comes down to standards and expectations. There is basic stuff and there is 'advanced cleaning'. Whoever wants it the most should do it. More often than not, that's women.

A few years ago though I found myself in the opposite position - she wouldn't clean anything - even the basic stuff such as dishes. It got to a point that I simply stopped all chores to see how far it would go. I'm glad to say we're now divorced ahah.

Personally I've never experienced the "you have to do stuff in the house" before. Lucky perhaps, or maybe just hooked up with women who a) understood their place and didn't make a fuss about it or b) were just filthy.

Paul, Dammit! said...

I always found the answer to be simple. Division of labor. My wife's a stay-at-home mom, and when I come home, the house is clean. Exceptions happen, I do chip in when I feel like it, but I have to mention something to her maybe once every 3 years or so.
I get all kinds of flak from friends who do the majority of earning AND the majority of housework, which is something I tend not to throw in their face, except when they call me "Ward Cleaver" like it's a bad thing, at which point, it's game on.
My wife IS the tidier person, but she's never had cause to complain about the state of the yard or the garage, either. There is a division of labor.

Anyhow, my take-away from all this is that if your wife/roommate isn't pulling their weight to the point where you have to nag, the problem isn't them.

Goober said...

I agree with this 100%. It goes for pretty much anything. Changing the oil in the cars, for instance.

My wife could care less. If it were up to her, I don't know if it would ever get done.

Do i bitch and complain that she won't do it? Do I nag her incessantly about it, and cajole her until she gives in and does something that she doesn't want to do to please me, cementing in her mind that I'm a drain on her time and resources and sanity, instead of an asset and a good person to have around?

No, actually, i don't.

Since I'm the one who cares about oil changes, I track it and I change the goddamned oil.

Why more women can't figure this out, and why they treat it as some unspeakable injustice that someone else has a less clean standard of living than they do, I'll never understand.

I mow the lawn, too, because if it were up to my wife, the front yard would look like the African Veldt. She doesn't care. And I don't give her shit about it, either. i just mow it, because I'm the one who gives a damn.

But I don't even know how to run our wash machine. I don't know where she even stores the vacuum cleaner.

She used to bitch at me about it until i straightened her out.

Jim said...


I agree with your thoughts on cleaning, for me it's kitchen first, then bathroom and everything else after. I have not cleaned my windows in a year and don't care.

I think if women want help with the house work then they need to play their part by getting rid of most of their junk before any cleaning can take place. Any women I know have far more surplus stuff than I do, thousands of photos, trinkets, dolls, stuffed toy animals etc and enough clothes to open their own used clothing store. One of my friends got married at 45 (both childless) and the wife had 2 whole bedrooms stacked with clothes - I seen it for myself as I helped them move house.

My house stuff is books, (reference type books) cds, dvds and the rest is my building tools. In my opinion all these things are essential for me and would never get rid of them.

I live alone and own my house so was able to live in filth while rebuilding the house, new windows, heating system, bathroom and kitchen gutted and replumbed, whole house rewired, walls moved, ceilings replaced, loads of replastering, new doors and frames, you get the picture. I lived in it while doing most of the work myself and I saved a fortune doing this, not quite finished yet but nearly there.

If I had half the shit women have I would never have got any work done.


Anonymous said...

I just pay someone else to clean my house.


Done. And. Dusted.