Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Captain Is In Desperate Need of Women

Greetings Ladies of the Cappy Cap Persuasion!

I am in desperate need of help from the ladies in the Capposphere. 

As you may or may not know I am trying to release "Enjoy the Decline" before Christmas.  The writing is on schedule, but the editing and proof reading also has to be done.  Normally I rely on a two-lady team to do my editing and proofing, but it is at the mercy of their schedule and when they have free time which I fear will not be before December 25th.  And so I am looking to the fine, pretty, gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, witty, charming, beautiful, sexy, wonderful, exceptional, beautiful, intoxicating, pretty, smart, beautiful ladies in my readership for any one charitable and kind enough to volunteer their proof-reading services.

I am not asking for any one person to proof read the WHOLE book, but rather just one chapter.  There are 14 chapters in total, so if I am blessed enough to have 14 volunteers, I would be very thankful.

Keep in mind though, it's really boring.  I'm not looking for content editing, I'm looking for TYPOS.  Wrong words, incorrect words, or sentences that do not make sense.  So it means you have to edit it, word by word, not "read it."  It should also be easier than normal in that I DON'T  CARE ABOUT GRAMMAR.  I don't care about what the appropriate use is for a semi-colon vs. a full-colon, I like dangling participles and I do love my run on sentences.

If you are interested, please let me know by e-mailing me.  I'll e-mail you a chapter and you can notate the typos however you want to e-mail me back. 

Sorry men, but women are just better at proof-reading.  Unless you REALLY THINK you can be as detailed as the ladies, I prefer the anal retentive lording over details that women...errr...I mean "precision" skills women seem to be naturally gifted with.

20 comments:

Amy Haines said...

Well, "smart" is probably the only descriptor that fits me, but I volunteer to proofread a chapter or two.

Carnivore said...

I prefer the anal retentive lording over details that women...errr...I mean "precision" skills women seem to be naturally gifted with.

Man, you are a riot. HAHAHA

Anonymous said...

Proofreading is not hyphenated.

PS: I don't have tits. So much for your theory.

The Conservative Sociologist said...

Dear Sir,

I volunteer to help thee. However, I've only got sexy to bring to the table, so take that for what you will.

Roberto Severino said...

I'd love to help you out and proofread a chapter or so, but too bad I'm a guy. According to people I've known throughout my life, I can write really well and know way more vocabulary than many others. Not that I agree or anything. Nonetheless, good luck!

Captain Capitalism said...

Heh, don't worry Roberto. I'm a lousy editor myself. I know when to outsource to better skileld people.

Captain Capitalism said...

Conserv. Soc.

The main question is are your anal retentive enough with detail? Or at least capable of it.

more than happy to e-mail you a copy, but it really is the mind-numbing work

Faust said...

Not a woman, but I do have some professional editing experience. How long is a chapter?

Michael Hoffman said...

Hey Captain, my wife volunteered enthusiastically to proof read a chapter for you. I told her she should be honored if you allow her to do so! What is your email address?

Suz said...

If you'll settle for and aging overweight mother hen (albeit one with a nice smile) who's fairly smart, I'll be glad to give it a shot.

The Conservative Sociologist said...

Dearest Captain,

I review people's work for a living. I'm more than capable. I will not grammar Nazi on you though, I promise.

Becca Lower said...

Karl Ushanka sent me your way, Captain. I'd like to edit more than one chapter. What you term "mind-numbing work" is fun for some of us. Oh, and my comrade asked me to mention that I'm a proud owner of a "Commie Obama" hat ! heehee

Ryan Fuller said...

I've got proofreading skills (and use them fairly regularly, but if you're doing the gender exclusion thing then I suppose that doesn't matter.

Good luck finding enough women.

Veronica Franco said...

Sure, I'll volunteer. I would say I qualify under the smart (Master's in Science) and easy on the eyes, as well as great wit.

Captain Capitalism said...

OK All,

For those interested (even Mr. Fuller), please E-MAIL me so I have your e-mails and I'll be sending out the chapters as they are completed on my end.

Cpt.

Herb Nowell said...

Cap, male programmers willing to do it would be great proof readers. Remember, they are people whose entire product will fail if it isn't exactly correct.

One of my CS instructors once said programming is the ultimate masochism. You spend hours on code. You run it through the compiler. The compiler says, "I won't compile this because a semi-colon is missing on line 147." Your response is to go back and write it again, adding the semi-colon. The compiler now fails because you spell "$Fear" as "$fear" in one location. Rinse and repeat.

At least I make six figures suffering through that.

Still, programmers by profession have to be anal SOBs.

No, I don't want to proof read because my anality fee is about $40/hr.

So maybe you do need the ladies.

Faust said...

Will do, Cap.

What email should I use? I couldn't find one on the page.

Captain Capitalism said...

Check under my profile, it's there.

allie said...

I'm emailing you. I'm awesome at finding typos. And am female. And also can appreciate a lack of "perfection" in not giving a shit about perfect grammar.

Susanna said...

I'd be happy to help as I am a writer myself, but since I have a thing for grammar thanks to the Sisters of St. Joseph, I don't know that I would work out. :)