Sunday, January 06, 2013

Ferris Bueller Syndrome for Feminists

Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a movie that everybody knows and if you haven't seen it, then quit being a communist terrorist traitor and watch it.

Good, you done watching it?

Thank you.

Now we can move on.

I cannot find the source, but I remember somebody putting together a study about the feasibility of doing everything Ferris and his crew did in the movie and whether there was enough time in a day to do it all.

Ferris loafed around until at least 10AM until Cameron picked him up in his sh$tty BMW.

Then they stole Sloan from Winnetka High.

Then they:

Went to a Cub's game

Went to Sear's Tower

Went to a Chez Louis

Cruised on Shore Line Drive

Went to the Chicago Art Museum

Attend/participate in a parade

and a ton of other stuff.

In short, it was mathematically impossible with commute times and commitment times to do what Ferris and his friends did.

So what makes American women so sure they can do the same and "have it all?"

I'm sorry, the math just does not compute.

You are going to go to college for a bachelor's degree.  You graduate when you're 23 because I don't see the caliber and quality of youth today graduating in four years like they should.

Add another two years because you invariably majored in a worthless liberal arts degree which mandates you get a masters (because THAT will get you a job).

You're 25.

Look for a job for a year, intern for another, and if you're really, really lucky you FINALLY land a "real job in your field" at the age of 27.

Congratulations!  You're JUST STARTING YOUR CAREER!

Well, you have to prove yourself, so the next 4 years are solely dedicated to your taxpayer-financed "social worker programmer assistant directorship adjutant position."

31.

You need to constantly go to CPE and get new certifications and just aren't done "partaying" yet, so another 4 years until you get the credentials and experience for the promotion.

35.

You really should get your doctorate or the utmost credentials in your field.

37.

Why, you invested so much time into your career, you can't start a family now!  You need to reap the beneifts of your investment.  Besides, my millionaire, investment-banking, astronaut, surgeon, motorcycle-riding bad boy, sensitive 90's man is just around the corner!  JUST LIKE I PLANNED IT!

42.

"Where are all the good men?  Why can't I find a good man?  Dirty disgusting men chasing after all those 22 year old harlots!  They're just intimidated by a POWERFUL, SUCCESSFUL (now scream)

INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!!!!!!!

I'll get intro-fertilization!  I don't need no stinking man!

48.

"Why can't I find a man?  I'm a "ready-made family!"  My son is a straight A honor student at his local elementary school!  He recycled the most garbage in his class and knows how to identify 100% certified grade A organic produce!  He also plays the cello and is not predisposed to being male or female, just "who he is."  I enrolled him at the local charter school for arts.  He makes the best 100% certified green finger paintings.  I have a showing at the local middle school talent show!"

52.

My son wants to major in music therapy, I co-signed his student loans.  No man has decided to marry me yet, but that's alright.  I meditate with yoga and hang out with "50's are the New Hippies" group and we all talk about organic coffee, Trader Joe's, and Whole Foods and rationalize away why no man has decided to man-up and marry us!  It's obvious!  They're too intimidated by us!  Why, just the other day I saw a decent jogger get out of his Prius look at me, and he RAN AWAY!  Can you believe it!  He just can't handle a real woman!

58.

"Harmony, my son...that's what I named him.  SHUT UP!!!  It's a perfectly good name!  You're just a close-minded sexist, bigotted, racist, misogynist, asshole!  Well, anyway, he finally finished his bachelor's degree in music therapy.  He can't find a job, but that's because of George Bush that nazi fascist!  So his professors told him about this $75,000 program he can attend and get his MASTERS in Music Therapy!  I'm so proud of my son!  He started a band you know! "Pee Piper and the Pip Pop Pips!"  It's really underground, modern, minimalism music that most people are too uncultured to understand.  The fact so few people attend his concerts is only proof he's that good.  I'm so proud of my little Harmony!"  I need money, I think I can sue the sperm donor at the sperm bank for some money!  He owes it to me.  He did provide the sperm afterall.

63.

So Harmony decided he loves his mother so much he decided to move back home with me.  We get along so well. He plays his acoustic guitar and I make us organic herbal tea.  He mightbe able to play at the local Starbucks next week!  I'm going to go talk to the other young hip women at the coffee shop and see if they want to attend.  Why, just because we're in our 60's doesn't mean we don't look hot.  Why, 63 is the new 45!  That's what Oprah tells me!  So it must be true!

70.

Why doesn't Harmony visit me anymore?  I've been nothing but his BFF and he meets some harlot in Indonesia with the money I gave him for his charity trip!  Joined some insane religious cult and now is off helping orphans in some foreign land and not his mother!  Why, with Mittens and Boots (my new cats), we could be one big happy family!

80.

Why are there so few men at this nursing home!?  They had all the privilege and all the power!  They had the cushy lifestyle!  Why do those greedy bastards keep dying off so early!  How can that be when they were raping us and pillaging us and benefiting from their "good ole boys network!"  Sexist, misogynist bastards!

82.

Dead and with nothing to show for it.

Heh, heh.  Enjoy the decline!

32 comments:

Ras Al Ghul said...

Since they are starting to make sperm donors liable for child support, I think the invetro thing is going to be out.

T and A man said...

The outsourcing sperm donations might be a new business idea of American males don't "man up!"

Long Duc Dong said...

Oh man, that was brutal.

Ras Al Ghul said...

I suspect T and A man, that the business owners of such an enterprise would be held responsible for C.S. at some point.

They did, after all, get the woman pregnant.

Johnycomelately said...

Seriously captain, you just plotted the life trajectory of 50% of the women I know post 35, get out of economics and get into the tarot card business.

I'm sure telling these women that a millionaire handyman is waiting for them around the corner will be worth your while.

The Observer said...

*Snerk*

As they say, "You make the choice, you choose the consequences."

Schadenfreude is a sweet thing.

Chris said...

The profound irony is that son two will do music at high school and I play instruments.

As a hobby. Not some pseudo "therapy" like music therapy.

What your lovely woman does not realize is that the men going down that track get their degrees in minimum time... and married women who wanted to get off it.

And harmony will live in her basement for ever more, having an even crappier life.

Anonymous said...

YOU FORGOT THE FERRARI!!!

OH MY GOD YOU TOTALLY FORGOT THE FERRARI!!!

THE FEMBOTS DEMAND THEIR FERRARI!!!

NO FERRARI: NO PEACE!

The Conservative Sociologist said...

Haha! That would have been my life, had I not taken the red pill a few years back.

It's sad, I know more women on the path you've just described than not on it. (The beginning may have been different, but the middle/end result looks like it will be the same).

Roberto Severino said...

Lmfao! All that time spent for nothing. Women need to stop thinking with their ovaries and start thinking with their brains if you catch my drift. Stupid feminists.

Anonymous said...

Wow, just wow....the hammer hits the nail

Steve

gauthijm said...

Ok cappy

that was .. Hilarious....

The bad thing is, its true, in so many ways

I truly despise these harpies though, with what they;ve done to canada and the USA.

Hard to enjoy the decline when I want to scream in their face, and tell them what I think of them..

I'll Try :)

J

Anonymous said...

I remember my friend's grandfather came to visit the family during the holidays saying how great it was to be the only "man" in the nursing home and that he was hitting on all the women there including the nurses. I'm not sure how "lucky" he might have gotten but from the facial expressions of his family, it appeared that there was truth in that.

So I guess there is some redemption after all if you're THAT old, but I'd probably take the heart attack at 70 so I don't live through that.

Lib Arts Major Making $31k/yr said...

And people are supposed to buy your books with this shit in it?

Again, like so many bloggers nowadays - you love to elucidate problems again and again, yet have no suggestion for a solution. Anyone can throw stones, Cap. It's sad that you're dedicated to the cause of making a living out of it.

Step one: Convince someone there is something wrong.
Step two: Connect said something wrong to your audience.
Step three: Publish, self-promote, and otherwise beg for money (donations).

I'm certain you've realized that all you need to do is repeat steps one and two ad-nauseam to keep the little sheeple buying your e-books about how *terrible* things are. There's no end, nor is there a solution. If there was a solution to posit, there wouldn't be the need for more books, more blogging, and subsequently a continuing income. There would be an end to the story, but stories that end don't keep making money.

The pattern is cookie-cutter - just take a look at people like Alex Jones or organizations like the NAACP. They never solve anything, and instead profit off of perpetuating and exacerbating the issues they "bring to light" (read: help create).

Bonus points if this makes it through moderation, but it's doubtful with how many bloggers love an echo-chamber nowadays. It's fine. This is how you make your living now, so I don't expect you to compromise that for anything. I kept reading because I figured I would see the logical, empirical economist Captain Capitalism point at a logical, rational solution to problems that most people are facing today: less pay for more work, and the work itself is scarce.

Instead what I got was a post-MGTOW economist who bought out of the workforce and now spends his free time telling everyone else how bad things are always going to be - and people PAY HIM to do it! Brilliant.

Stay classy, Aaron.

Anonymous said...

It happens to us guys too. They got my daughter.

I gave her $38K to go to school. It wasn't much but I sweated blood to save it for her. She was an artsy-crafty kid into drawing and comic art as she grew up but nothing special - unless you listened to her teachers gush and ooze about her talent.

Anyhoo - Daughter goes to school in another city and $38K does not last long. Next thing I know I get an e-mail.

'Dear Dad, I am dropping the sciences at university and enrolling in Fine Arts at Mickey Mouse U. Please send money, the professors say I'm really good and have so much potential!!!!'

I didn't send the money. I sent her a message: GROW UP. Haven't heard from her since. I know she finally got her 'diploma', I know she is now a gay lesbian artiste in Vancouver that can't find a real job - and that's it. She still talks to my in-laws and they keep me informed...but needless to say my daughter won't be visiting me in my old age and I think I would prefer it that way.

"Worthless" should be mandatory reading at the high school level. The swine telling our kids they can all make fabulous careers out of hobbies should be shot and spat on. They aren't doing them any favours.

My daughter is right on schedule Captain...maybe a little behind... and may the fates have mercy on her because I sure as hell won't.

Bob Wallace said...

You forgot her cat.

Anonymous said...

"yet have no suggestion for a solution"
Want to know how I know you've not read back posts here nor Arron's book?

Mordecai said...

"Again, like so many bloggers nowadays - you love to elucidate problems again and again, yet have no suggestion for a solution"

I'll quote Beck for you:

"It should be enough for a rational person to point out what is wrong, and to leave the implications open to others who have minds to grasp them"


Anonymous said...

Just a coincidence, but I was thinking of something like this just recently.

If you consider the time required to get pregnant, the time spent pregnant, and 2 years of healthy breast feeding (yes, up to age 2 is normal, you modern perverts) that suppresses reproduction, you look at a spacing of 3 years per child. We assume a proper genetic K-strategist here, where high quality breast feeding is compulsory and utterly suppressive to fertility.

9 months pregnant, 24 months nursing, and 3 months (optimistic?) for the next pregnancy.

That's 6 years a woman needs just to break even, before the final step of bearing the third child, and hopefully more, the surplus that all healthy civilizations require to continue their existence.

Assuming graduation at 22, and already having found a guy (we're REALLY optimistic here), a woman will be 31 by the time she finishes getting out 3 healthy children to do her part to save the West. Any more than that, children in the early 30's and more, begins to look sketchy as hell.

College itself, and dare I say the last "extra" 2 years of high school America insists upon, is already extremely dangerous to the virility of the nation. Grad school just about by definition is either infertile, or dys-epigenic; generation after generation of 30's breeding leaves each new generation much less healthy. It builds up over time.

It's an utter shame that the most intelligent women are THROWN AWAY when they go to grad school. It is something that should not exist in our culture of extended length high school and college!

Herb Nowell said...

@Chris

The real irony is I have an aliment where music is therapeutic (COPD, singing or wind instruments improve the pulmonary muscles which helps make up for tissue damage).

Do I need someone with a Bachelor's in Music Therapy (much less a Master's) to get this benefit.

Nope, the regular $30/hr flute and clarinet lessons I've been taking for a year (after having been a serious clarinet player back in high school) plus practising prove the same benefit.

For me this highlights another bad side effect of credentialism: something that has some legitimacy (use of the physical effects of playing music to provide physical therapy, often in a way a patient is more likely to continue) is overblown and then becomes a joke. Patients who could benefit from something thus avoid it as "a waste of money to provide useless people a job."

Anonymous said...

""yet have no suggestion for a solution"

Solution: Don't do this...

There is your solution... Don't buy into the left-wing rhetoric - get a REAL job, based on sound finances in something there is a demand for.

I have several businesses - most of which I have off-shored since the advent of Heir Obama's liberal madness. I'm making money hand over fist - out of the US and stashing it. Will be out of this country soon. So, I'm on target to retire early 50's and shag lots of sweet Asian tail...

Basically, women in the US are a waste of time - they are all flaky as hell, and I get tired of listening to them complain about things that are their own fault. Grow up...

Pamela Prinkkila said...

Not sure if I should laugh or cry...

Anonymous said...

Lib Arts Major Making $31k/yr, your comment is foolish. In medicine for example, it is the task of the physician to diagnose, but it may be the job of a surgeon to treat. The person who excises your tumour is not likely to be the person who found that you had one.

In social commentary it is a mug's game to provide solutions. Typical readers jump to the "solution", and if they don't like it they drop the whole matter. In political matters the solution may be easy, or it may be near impossible. In any event it is usually a major task to delineate the problem; an entirely different skill set will probably be necessary to set about alleviating it.

Aaron Clarey has in any event written a book on solutions. It is called "Privatizing Government."

kurt9 said...

This is little off-topic but I want to ask it anyways.

What is the deal with the "duck face" look that you see in many facebook and other internet photos of young women? The "duck face" is both unattractive and annoying.

Any comments about this?

kurt9 said...

I suspect T and A man, that the business owners of such an enterprise would be held responsible for C.S. at some point.

They did, after all, get the woman pregnant.


You got that right, sport!

That's the reason why I initially considered, then reject this as a business opportunity.

The problem is that there is no effective business model for dealing with moochers that does not ultimately expose you to their avarice.

Karl said...

It is important to note that the Ferris timeline WAS possible, as all time stands still in Wrigley Field.

For the 'modern independent woman,' she is screwed unless she is a Cubs fan.

Sad but true.

Anonymous said...

As a sometimes reader of this blog and a woman, I take issue with your anti-feminist rants, as they seem to frequently devolve into overall female bashing. I am not a feminist of the variety that hates men. In fact, my best friend is a man, as well as are many other of my closest friends. I love men; in fact, I often enjoy their company much more than that of my women friends. I don't feel I have to "look up" to them as better than me, though. I think, rather, that men as a group and women as a group excel in different areas. These differences are what I love about men. It sounds to me sometimes like you hate women unless they are visually appealing to you and most other men. Do you like women only for their body parts? Is that the only difference from men that you appreciate?

You say in some posts that what men find attractive is big boobs, long legs, and tight asses. What are we women who don't have all these features to do with ourselves if we are to live in your fantasy world where women's futures are based primarily on their ability to snag a man and pump out babies? I do feel that the feminist movement allowed women opportunities to support themselves whether they had the physical features that men find attractive or not.

I am glad that I have been able to attain two different careers, all without having to be supported financially by a man. Am I an INDEPENDENT CAREER WOMAN? You betcha. I like not having to settle for some guy I don't love just because he gets a good enough paycheck to support me. I have the freedom to date or marry guys who make less than me because I really like them for them and not the size of their wallets or what kind of car they drive or what kind of job title they have. I would think men would like living in this new era where women don't expect them to be rich and to take care of them. I also think a woman having a career of her own ensures that she can support herself (and any children from a marriage) should her husband die or leave her, say, for a younger woman with bigger boobs, longer legs, and a tighter ass. Being able to support ourselves allows those of us who don't want to have to depend on a man for the food we eat or a roof over our heads to support ourselves. We aren't financially trapped into being with a guy we don't love.

The fact of the matter is that not all of us women have big boobs, long legs, and tight asses. Some of us have warm hearts, good heads on our shoulders, and are smart---including doing well in math and science, often better than many of our male peers. We like that this country (and the feminist movement) has allowed us to be valued for things other than our physical appearance.

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 1136

THen you should try dating women.

Cpt.

The Observer said...

See the hamster run!

Anonymous said...

Alternate age 42:
In vitro fertilization is expensive! I'll have a one-night stand and sue for child support! Booyah!

Anonymous said...

The movie was great, but Ferris deserved getting his spoiled, manipulative ass kicked into next week.

Mike James

Anonymous said...

Oooooouuuuuuuch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This needs to be turned into some kind of 50s-style educational film to show at junior highs and high schools, along with the film about "your first period" and birth control pills.