Ferris Bueller's Day Off is a movie that everybody knows and if you haven't seen it, then quit being a communist terrorist traitor and watch it.
Good, you done watching it?
Now we can move on.
I cannot find the source, but I remember somebody putting together a study about the feasibility of doing everything Ferris and his crew did in the movie and whether there was enough time in a day to do it all.
Ferris loafed around until at least 10AM until Cameron picked him up in his sh$tty BMW.
Then they stole Sloan from Winnetka High.
Went to a Cub's game
Went to Sear's Tower
Went to a Chez Louis
Cruised on Shore Line Drive
Went to the Chicago Art Museum
Attend/participate in a parade
and a ton of other stuff.
In short, it was mathematically impossible with commute times and commitment times to do what Ferris and his friends did.
So what makes American women so sure they can do the same and "have it all?"
I'm sorry, the math just does not compute.
You are going to go to college for a bachelor's degree. You graduate when you're 23 because I don't see the caliber and quality of youth today graduating in four years like they should.
Add another two years because you invariably majored in a worthless liberal arts degree which mandates you get a masters (because THAT will get you a job).
Look for a job for a year, intern for another, and if you're really, really lucky you FINALLY land a "real job in your field" at the age of 27.
Congratulations! You're JUST STARTING YOUR CAREER!
Well, you have to prove yourself, so the next 4 years are solely dedicated to your taxpayer-financed "social worker programmer assistant directorship adjutant position."
You need to constantly go to CPE and get new certifications and just aren't done "partaying" yet, so another 4 years until you get the credentials and experience for the promotion.
You really should get your doctorate or the utmost credentials in your field.
Why, you invested so much time into your career, you can't start a family now! You need to reap the beneifts of your investment. Besides, my millionaire, investment-banking, astronaut, surgeon, motorcycle-riding bad boy, sensitive 90's man is just around the corner! JUST LIKE I PLANNED IT!
"Where are all the good men? Why can't I find a good man? Dirty disgusting men chasing after all those 22 year old harlots! They're just intimidated by a POWERFUL, SUCCESSFUL (now scream)
I'll get intro-fertilization! I don't need no stinking man!
"Why can't I find a man? I'm a "ready-made family!" My son is a straight A honor student at his local elementary school! He recycled the most garbage in his class and knows how to identify 100% certified grade A organic produce! He also plays the cello and is not predisposed to being male or female, just "who he is." I enrolled him at the local charter school for arts. He makes the best 100% certified green finger paintings. I have a showing at the local middle school talent show!"
My son wants to major in music therapy, I co-signed his student loans. No man has decided to marry me yet, but that's alright. I meditate with yoga and hang out with "50's are the New Hippies" group and we all talk about organic coffee, Trader Joe's, and Whole Foods and rationalize away why no man has decided to man-up and marry us! It's obvious! They're too intimidated by us! Why, just the other day I saw a decent jogger get out of his Prius look at me, and he RAN AWAY! Can you believe it! He just can't handle a real woman!
"Harmony, my son...that's what I named him. SHUT UP!!! It's a perfectly good name! You're just a close-minded sexist, bigotted, racist, misogynist, asshole! Well, anyway, he finally finished his bachelor's degree in music therapy. He can't find a job, but that's because of George Bush that nazi fascist! So his professors told him about this $75,000 program he can attend and get his MASTERS in Music Therapy! I'm so proud of my son! He started a band you know! "Pee Piper and the Pip Pop Pips!" It's really underground, modern, minimalism music that most people are too uncultured to understand. The fact so few people attend his concerts is only proof he's that good. I'm so proud of my little Harmony!" I need money, I think I can sue the sperm donor at the sperm bank for some money! He owes it to me. He did provide the sperm afterall.
So Harmony decided he loves his mother so much he decided to move back home with me. We get along so well. He plays his acoustic guitar and I make us organic herbal tea. He mightbe able to play at the local Starbucks next week! I'm going to go talk to the other young hip women at the coffee shop and see if they want to attend. Why, just because we're in our 60's doesn't mean we don't look hot. Why, 63 is the new 45! That's what Oprah tells me! So it must be true!
Why doesn't Harmony visit me anymore? I've been nothing but his BFF and he meets some harlot in Indonesia with the money I gave him for his charity trip! Joined some insane religious cult and now is off helping orphans in some foreign land and not his mother! Why, with Mittens and Boots (my new cats), we could be one big happy family!
Why are there so few men at this nursing home!? They had all the privilege and all the power! They had the cushy lifestyle! Why do those greedy bastards keep dying off so early! How can that be when they were raping us and pillaging us and benefiting from their "good ole boys network!" Sexist, misogynist bastards!
Dead and with nothing to show for it.
Heh, heh. Enjoy the decline!