Thursday, October 27, 2016

Why Millennials Need Don Rickles

Donning my “Charming as Fuck Tuxedo,” I was feeling a bit smug since I bought it when I was 19 and still managed to fit into it 23 years later.  After posting a couple pictures on teh interwebz and social mediaz my ego was further vindicated with tons of likes and even the occasional female saying,

“Wow, for the first time I don’t want to throw up when I see you!”

But the reason I was donning my rarely-donned tux was because it was a special occasional.  I was going to see the (quite literally) legendary Don Rickles, who at the age of 90 is not only still performing, but may not be performing for us much longer.

Being familiar with his work I knew what to expect in terms of comedy and shtick, but what I didn’t know was how he would perform physically and whether it would be a short show.  At his age he certainly wouldn’t be able to repeat his energetic performances from the 60’s and 70’s.  And so I tempered my expectations of a boisterous man, whose loudness was to only be outdone by his laser-guided-precision as he masterfully flayed witting and honored members of the audience.

I was wrong to temper my expectations.

Mr. Rickles is of course very old and naturally he had to sit down most of the time.  But his brain was just as fast as it had always been.  Pulling happy victims from the audience he would ask what they were ethnically and do everything from goose-stepping if you were German, calling you a fag if you were Swedish, and asking “Why are there Chinks in Iowa” if you were Chinese and grew up in Des Moines.  There were no hecklers, but overenthusiastic fans, some of which were women, who when they “wooed” or “hollered” Mr. Warmth would say, “my god they all want my body.”  Further blasting past any concerns for political correctness he, in the witness of a sold out crowd, plainly, blatantly, and purposely sexually harassed a female drummer in the orchestra telling her to come up to his room after the performance, to which the entire audience and drummer herself laughed.  
It was a great time enjoyed by a (much older than myself) crowd and I’m happy as hell I got to see him before he passes on to join Frank and his mother.  But that was the key thing.  The crowd was much older.  Which means it was much more mature.   And because of that this crowd got to enjoy a type and level of humor no stereotypical Gen Xer or millennial of today every will because, in what I would surmise Don Rickle would say…

”You’re all a bunch of faggots.”

Understand Mr. Rickles has lived a full life, served in WWII, has been married 51 years, has a career that has spanned 60, has a full family, contributed more to this world than you ever will, and at the age of 90 is the poster child for “zero fucks to give.”  He is completely untouchable by today’s thought police, academia’s nazis, and the complete faux-intellectual pussies posing as millennial liberal art students.  This position means he is the perfect barometer of truth and reality because he is immune and pardoned from any of the would-be attacks that would come from (what I would predict Mr. Rickles would call) “precious faggots.”  The millions of weak-minded fools that parade themselves today as faux-intellectual college students, professors, politicians and journalists would not be able to be in the room with this great legend for more than 10 seconds without their weak and fragile minds being more triggered than there was triggering in all of WWII.  And because of their hubris and arrogance these SJW’s, millennials, and perpetual-victim-status-seekers would merely dismiss this genius and jewel of America because “racism” and “sexism.”

Which is ultimately and truly their loss.  For in merely dismissing Don Rickles as an outdated “has been” they miss out on not just the humor, but some vitally important lessons his humor teaches us about humanity.

Understand the average American today, with its complete sheeple regimen of 13 years K-12 brainwashing and an extra 4-8 years of worthless academic study, is likely to be triggered just in the fact there was a sell-out crowd enjoying (GASP!!!) RACIST AND SEXIST JOKES, because they have been trained to be

Constantly offended
2.       Constantly be on the look out to be offended
3.       Constantly be searching for ways to be a victim, all so they can
4.       Demand taxpayer money because they’re oppressed or disable (link to article on IVF)

This means they not only fail to realize it’s a joke (ARGUABLY some leftists are not even capable of enjoying or identifying humor), but that they lack other important skills it takes to survive in this world.

The first and foremost skill insult-humor hones is the ability to determine if you can trust somebody.  Understand only true egomaniacs, people who value themselves above others, take offense at a joke that pokes fun at them.  They are so full of themselves and value themselves more than others that they can’t brook an insult, joke or not.  This is why racial or sexist jokes are a great determiner of whether a person is humble, doesn’t value him/herself more than others, and has the intelligence to not only be able to identify humor, but appreciate it as well.  Irish jokes, black jokes, German jokes, white jokes, Polish jokes, you’ll trust your kids more with a guy who can laugh at a joke at his own expense than you will one that gets his panties in a bundle.  Matter of fact this is such a good skill to have I implicitly do NOT trust anybody who compliments me or calls me “sir.”  It would genuinely freak me out and depress me if my friends all of the sudden started treating me nice because it meant I had done something that made them feel uncomfortable and they are now acting disingenuous.

Two, it’s a secret tell. 

To a charlatan, con man, or anybody trying to get something out of you, logic says you should treat people nice so they like you.  But anybody who has tried to date women or make friends with men know that acting nice gets you nowhere.  Most people who are trying to screw you over cannot get past this simple logical fallacy because their untrustworthy goals are not long term or sincere, but more immediate.  Therefore they don’t care about you long term because they have no intentions for you long term.  This becomes immediately evident when they treat you nice right away (a bum about to beg for money calling you “sir”) and the hair on your neck stands up. 

Trustworthy people, on the other hand, have the urge or need to occasionally pick on those they love or care about.  Trustworthy people test others occasionally to see if that person can take it, and therefore has the capacity for selflessness, altruism, and above all else, humor, which makes them good candidates for friends and loved ones.  In return trustworthy, honorable people can take, will take, AND APPRECIATE a joke at their expense because at either a conscious or instinctual level they know it is a sign of care, consideration, or love.  This ability to ID trustworthy and untrustworthy people is arguably a more valuable benefit of insult humor than the humor itself.

Three, it is also a secret tell you’re a dick.

If your life support strategy is to:
constantly look for offense
so you can feign victimization
so you can demand other people’s money 

this strategy, though you think it’s clever and clandestine, stinks to high hell.  And so much so it will immediately raise the self-defensive instincts of others, even to the point they automatically disrespect and hate you, but don’t know why.

For example, do you like this person even though you don't know him?  

How can you?  There’s physical tells these SJW type of people are evil and fully intend on living off of you.

But in addition to having a very punchable face, these people cannot laugh at themselves, let alone find humor in anything, AND it all stems from their constant attempt to parasite off of others.  If this is you, you will NEVER have any real life time friends, you will NEVER have an honest or reliable spouse, your children will NOT grow up to become successful, and you will never have any success or happiness in life.  It’s all because you look to live off of people and not be friends with them.

Four, constructive, but loving criticism. 

The black community is largely in last place because nobody wants to hurt feelings or deliver, blunt force truth.  But if you look at black men in the military they tend to do much better in nearly every category.  Not only is this a function of blunt truth (of which there is plenty in the military), but the comradery and help from fellow men wherein the constant ripping, joshing, belittling, and besmirching build and forge better, stronger, and more trustworthy men.  However, ensconced in this smack talk and insults are hidden bits of constructive criticism.  Constructive criticism that’s there NOT because the person hates you or is bigoted towards you, but because the person genuinely cares about you and wants you to do better.

“Nice shooting fuck face.  Know I can’t rely on you to protect my ass in the field.”
“No, you didn’t scare her with your 50 texts in 24 hours.  You just made her call the cops and put your ass on a sexual predator list.”
“Hey dicknuts, WTF were you thinking majoring in communications was a good idea?”

But if you’re a pampered little civilian (black or not), and especially if you’re a precious, spoiled high school or college student with all sorts of ADHD, Asperger’s, and social anxiety disorder problems (definitely a monopoly of white SWPL folks), any incoming joke intended as either

an initial test of trustworthiness,
a genuine sign of care or compassion,
or a well-intended bit of constructive criticism couched in humor,

you will purposely misread as an insult because you value any potential victim-shekels you can squeeze from that person more than you do their potential friendship or comradery.

And finally, it’s funny. 

The fact two generations of Gen X and Baby Boomer professors, politicians, and public school teachers have brainwashed your faggoty asses so far up your faggoty asses you can’t take a joke means you’re denying yourselves one of the greatest forms of humor and the joy that comes with it.  The fact that millions of SJW’s mental growth is so retarded and stunted that a Dean Martin celebrity roast wouldn’t get a laugh is tragic.  What young people are missing out on in terms of the ability to laugh at ourselves and the friendship that comes with it is incalculable.

When you add it all up, I cannot imagine a life without these 5 skills/benefits that come from insult humor.  I would not have the trustworthy, loving people I have in my life today, I would not have the thousands of hours of joy, laughter and happiness under my belt, and for the life of me I don’t know how the SJW, leftist, victim-pimping, millennials live or enjoy life without it.  I imagine many of you live a Stalinesque lives where destroying others is all you have in life.  Or worse, you’re so blinded by your race and the constant victim-pimping from school, you’ll never enjoy this humor or the true kindness that is behind it.

If there was any justice in this world, and colleges and universities were truly “institutions of free thought and open minds,” they would send their students to see Don Rickles.  But since they’re more concerned about banning types of free speech that promoting it, it is (in my humble opinion) every Millennial’s job to see Don Rickles more for their own sake than his.

And if you just plain have your head out of your ass and aren’t a (as I would predict Don RIckles would say) “a millennial faggot,” go see him before this great man passes away.

Asshole Consulting
YouTube Channel
Books by Aaron
 Amazon Affiliate


Rick said...

Well said, brother. Fucking well said indeed.

Mr. Satyre said...

I call people "sir" and "ma'am" because I'm polite, not because I give ya flying fuck if they like me or not, and not because I have an agenda. For example, if I were to meet you, not knowing you on a social basis I would call you "sir". If you acted like a douchebag, I'd drop the "sir" and continue to refer to you as "shithead" or something else equal to your behavior.

Anonymous said...

<< standing O >>

I'd also put Carol Burnett, Lily Tomlin, and Mel Brooks into the same camp -- especially Brooks for "Blazing Saddles," which would never be made today without the studios hanging Brooks out to dry.

Whenever I've watched "Saddles," I still marvel how times were different in 1974, when you could get away with this kind of humor -- which, let's be frank, was definitely "the jokes' on them."

Anonymous said...

Excellent article! Well said. This world could always use a Don Rickles type. Some one who can tear down anyone without knocking them down. Someone who can mock without being mean spirited. Truly one of the funniest people ever. I can't think of anyone today that could ever come close to Mr. Rickles. They are all nasty, mean spirited and truly hateful or scared of their own words and fear the SJWs.

Robert What? said...

You saw Rickles live? I am so envious.

Fûz said...

Linked on

Captain Capitalism said...

Thanks Fuz!

Lab Guy said...

I would not say Russell Peters is near Don Rickles in talent, but he is able to engage his audience with ethnic stereotypes, especially Indians like himself and Asians, and making it funny because a lot of it is true.

YIH said...

@<< standing O >>:
Brooks himself has said Blazing Saddles couldn't be made today.
In fact, he had a lot of trouble getting it made and released even back then:
What did Warner Bros. executives think when they first saw Blazing Saddles?

Mel Brooks: They wanted to bury me and the film. The head of distribution told the owners not to release the picture but they only did because it was already booked in theaters and they didn’t have a picture they could replace it with. Only John Calley, an extremely filmmaker-friendly executive at the studio, championed it. The rest of the executives wouldn’t acknowledge me on the lot even when Blazing Saddles became a huge money maker.”

Why did they hate the film so much?

I actually got notes from the studio head in vivid detail who said, “Lose the fart scene, cut out any racial and ethnic jokes, edit scenes where a horse and an old lady get punched,”

For a long time the 'beans' scene was considered one of it's most controversial. Now, watch any PG rated Pixar funny animal movie and most of them are chock-full of fart jokes.

Jumpshot said...

Good damned post. My only criticism is to not paint Boomers and X'ers with so broad a brush. My folks are Boomers, my brothers and I are X'ers, and we were all "raised right".

I served in the Navy. My youngest brother serves in the Air Force today. I teach American history today, and call down the thunder on any SJW who brings their nonsense into my class. I do this because, even in my formative years, I hated hippies. (aka, the Boomers' SJWs)

Anyway, time to get back to the grindstone. These kids won't learn about American greatness all by themselves!

P.S. Glad you got to see Rickles live. The world will be a darker place when he is gone.

og said...

Well done.

Post Alley Crackpot said...

A Polish civil rights activist, a Swiss lawyer, a British doctor, a Jewish banker, and a visiting tourist from the American Heartland descend upon a Belgian pub where they begin to talk about what they believe in ...

"I believe in equality, that everyone should have fair access to everything, and that we must tax those who are wealthy in order to pay for everything", says the Polish civil rights activist.

"I believe in a good return on investments, efficient government, a strong currency, a good system of courts, and a fair level of taxation", says the Swiss lawyer.

"I believe in universal healthcare, with reasonable limits on lengths and costs of treatment, and fair access to a doctor when you need one", says the British doctor.

"I believe in global markets, with fair trade between countries, with minimal to no barriers for commerce and currency exchange, and low capital gains taxes", says the Jewish banker.

"I believe ... well, hell, I believe nothing in life is fair, nobody's really been all that fair to me, and it took a lot of my savings just to take this trip I'm on ... but I'm confused about one thing", says the visiting American tourist.

"What's that?", they all ask in unison.

"It seems like you wouldn't all just get along. So what's the catch?", asks the visiting American tourist.

"Ah, you're going to get into a fight with those Belgians later on when you try to take away one of those women, and that's where we fit in", says the Jewish banker.

"How do you figure that?", asks the visiting American tourist with a perplexed look.

"You'll need the British doctor to patch you up, seeing that you can't afford it otherwise. You'll need the Swiss lawyer to defend your actions in court, the Polish civil rights activist to make claims that you were assaulted by those Belgians over there ...", says the Jewish banker.

"So how do you figure into all of this?", asks the visiting American tourist, still trying to figure all of this out.

"That's easy -- you'll have to pay them all off, and I get a cut for referral fees", says the Jewish banker.

"WELL TO HELL WITH THIS! If I'm going to get ripped off, I can get ripped off by my own people in my own goddamn country!", says the visiting American tourist.

The visiting American tourist gets a bright idea at this point and walks over to the Belgians who he's supposed to be fighting later ...

"Hey guys, you see that bunch of guys I was hanging out with? They think you're really cute!", the visiting American tourist says to the group of Belgian guys.

"You must be a visiting American tourist", says one of the Belgian guys.

"How do you figure that?", asks the visiting American tourist.

"That's easy! You sat down with a bunch of people you have nothing in common with, thought you'd strike up a conversation and be instant friends, only to find out that they want to rip you off. In order to get some sort of revenge, you then walk over to us and try to get us to where we'll pick a fight with those guys ... which is what Americans always do!", says one of the Belgian guys.

"That's not fair!", says the visiting American tourist.

"And to make it worse, you made up some sort of story about those other guys being gay, just so we might go over to do something violent to them, which is also very American -- you always want other people to do your fighting for you!", says one of the Belgian guys.

[... part 2 to follow ...]

Post Alley Crackpot said...

[... continued from part 1, with some overlap ...]

"You must be a visiting American tourist", says one of the Belgian guys.

"How do you figure that?", asks the visiting American tourist.

"That's easy! You sat down with a bunch of people you have nothing in common with, thought you'd strike up a conversation and be instant friends, only to find out that they want to rip you off. In order to get some sort of revenge, you then walk over to us and try to get us to where we'll pick a fight with those guys ... which is what Americans always do!", says one of the Belgian guys.

"That's not fair!", says the visiting American tourist.

"And to make it worse, you made up some sort of story about those other guys being gay, just so we might go over to do something violent to them, which is also very American -- you always want other people to do your fighting for you!", says one of the Belgian guys.

"That's really not fair!", says the visiting American tourist.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING BACK TO AMERICA!", bellows the visiting American tourist, as if this were an actual threat.

"We knew you'd say that too -- when you get backed into a corner, you always run back to home, but we understand. It's not every day a straight guy invents a totally homo story and gets exposed as the closeted gay he really is!", says one of the Belgian guys.

"WHY I OUGHTA PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN THE KISSER!", says the visiting American tourist.

"Go right ahead!", says one of the Belgian guys, waving to the multi-national group the visiting American tourist had been talking to earlier.

The visiting American tourist realises this is how these fights get started and that it's now time to get away from these people.

"OH ... IS THAT HOW IT'S GOING TO BE? WELL FUCK YOU THEN ... I'M GODDAMN LEAVING!", says the visiting American tourist.

"IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU, FAGGOT!", shouts the entire bar to the visiting American tourist as he lets the door hit him in the ass on the way out.

One of the Belgian guys feels a bit sorry for the American tourist after he leaves and says, "You know, we were really rough on the guy ..."

"Yeah, but this is a gay bar, we say that to everybody ... and how was he to know those were our co-workers, not our girlfriends or wives?", says one of the other Belgian guys.

The denizens of bar decide that it's time for a celebratory toast.