Did you know that in every major metropolitan area, there are middle income bachelors, with minimalist lifestyles, who don't really need your money?
Did you know that 95% of them will do just fine
without additional funds and the other 5%, would probably do just as
Did you know that these bachelors eat,
drink, travel, and do whatever they want, when they want, with no major
obligations or responsibilities in life?
And did you
know because of fiscal discipline, frugality, and spending within their
means their only real debts are their mortgages?
It's a tragedy many people don't want to talk about. But these poor bachelors are forced to pay their own mortgages.
But you can help.
With your commitment to use Cappy's Amazon Affiliate program for all your online and Christmas shopping, you can help eliminate Cappy's mortgage. Just go online here
and do your shopping and 7% of all your purchases will go to help this
one particular bachelor in no particular need. Yes, your money could go
to poor starving children, minorities in desperate need of more
government scholarships, third world countries that never get their shit
together, or single moms who couldn't keep their legs shut, but
trillions still haven't solved those problems so why waste a penny more?
Spend your money on something that is mathematically feasible and possible instead.
Donate to the "Eliminate Cappy's Mortgage Fund."
all other charities, 100% of your donations will go directly to the
"Eliminate Cappy's Mortgage Fund" allowing this
bachelor-not-really-in-need to spend even more disposable income on
motorcycles, Rumpleminze, hiking, sleeping in late, girls, video games,
and guns. You'll also have the added benefit of knowing you helped out a
CIS-gendered, white male, which will really piss off all the right
people. And for every $1,000 in commission he earns, you'll receive a
signed picture of this poor bachelor on his motorcycle, hang-gliding in
the Alps, smoking a cigar in Vegas, or sleeping in his cozy bed till
noon. But the real reward is that you will have made his
already-pretty-easy-life even easier.
So when you're sick and tired of contributing to charities that never actually solve the problems they portend to, and only seem to make things worse, consider doing your online shopping to help the "Eliminate Cappy's Mortgage Fund."
Because charity with no solution is in all reality just pissing away money.