I have had many people over several decades come to me and say something similar to...
"You know, you're a really great guy! Smart, educated, helpful, strong, and honorable. When I first met you I thought you were a real asshole... and I was very surprised to find out you are the furthest thing from that!"
Most such people were very "soft".
It turns out that the best men I have known - strong, educated, accomplished, honorable, etc. have never said any such thing. We recognize each other quickly, and I have formed some great friendships because of this.
My husband trusted me enough to marry me. I'm going to say that was the best compliment.
First runner up was probably the time when a client watched me preparing their company's (difficult, intractable, nasty) compound and said, in front of my boss's boss's boss, that I had "hands like a neurosurgeon."
Perhaps not in keeping with the backhanded theme here but:
A younger (15yrs my junior) co-worker was visiting from an out of town office. Towards the end of the day, she mentioned offhand that she wasn't looking forward to another chain restaurant dinner alone, so I casually suggested she join me for dinner downtown. Made a quick call and managed a reservation for one of the more chic restaurants in town. I knew she was seeing someone, so it wasn't really a 'date', but I treated it like one. Went full-gentleman on her. Opening doors, guiding her along with my hand, getting her chair, etc. Ordered for her, chose a nice bottle, the whole bit. Dinner was exquisite, the conversation was far better than I'd expected from an early 20-something. I was at my charming best, and she was playing right along. Then at one point, we locked eyes, and she just stopped talking mid-sentence then softly and very sincerely said "So, this is what it feels like to be wined and dined." I just gave her my best sly smile, and she picked up where she'd left off.
It wasn't a direct compliment, but with those words I knew that even if I was just: the old guy from the office who was nothing to her but a better alternative than eating alone... I'd given her the kind of evening that no other man had. In that one moment, she made me feel better about myself than probably 99% of the women I've ever spent time with. It's amazing how far a little appreciation will go, and unfortunately, how rare it is for a woman to show any.
14 comments:
You're an asshole - 18 year old German virgin (not virgin anymore)
What's your theory?
So, it's a compliment to be called "evil" ?
Men must thrive to be evil ?
YOU ARE A REAL
CHB. ONE COLD HEARTED BASTARD.
I have had many people over several decades come to me and say something similar to...
"You know, you're a really great guy! Smart, educated, helpful, strong, and honorable. When I first met you I thought you were a real asshole... and I was very surprised to find out you are the furthest thing from that!"
Most such people were very "soft".
It turns out that the best men I have known - strong, educated, accomplished, honorable, etc. have never said any such thing. We recognize each other quickly, and I have formed some great friendships because of this.
I've been on the backhanded end of the same compliment my whole life -
"You're much smarter than I thought you would be."
That is an actual quote from my 8th grade English teacher, her Hyphenated surname redacted.
This condescension still pisses me off to this day, 25+ years later.
"You're the most capable person I've ever met."
"To the right of Attila the Hun"
-A Toronto Leftie journalist's description of me
"So, it's a compliment to be called "evil" ?
Men must thrive to be evil ?"
Relax.
When describing what I'm reading and who writes it, I usually just say "He is a very unpleasant man, and is right more often than not".
My husband trusted me enough to marry me. I'm going to say that was the best compliment.
First runner up was probably the time when a client watched me preparing their company's (difficult, intractable, nasty) compound and said, in front of my boss's boss's boss, that I had "hands like a neurosurgeon."
Perhaps not in keeping with the backhanded theme here but:
A younger (15yrs my junior) co-worker was visiting from an out of town office. Towards the end of the day, she mentioned offhand that she wasn't looking forward to another chain restaurant dinner alone, so I casually suggested she join me for dinner downtown. Made a quick call and managed a reservation for one of the more chic restaurants in town. I knew she was seeing someone, so it wasn't really a 'date', but I treated it like one. Went full-gentleman on her. Opening doors, guiding her along with my hand, getting her chair, etc. Ordered for her, chose a nice bottle, the whole bit. Dinner was exquisite, the conversation was far better than I'd expected from an early 20-something. I was at my charming best, and she was playing right along. Then at one point, we locked eyes, and she just stopped talking mid-sentence then softly and very sincerely said "So, this is what it feels like to be wined and dined." I just gave her my best sly smile, and she picked up where she'd left off.
It wasn't a direct compliment, but with those words I knew that even if I was just: the old guy from the office who was nothing to her but a better alternative than eating alone... I'd given her the kind of evening that no other man had. In that one moment, she made me feel better about myself than probably 99% of the women I've ever spent time with. It's amazing how far a little appreciation will go, and unfortunately, how rare it is for a woman to show any.
From a LESS than half my age colleague: "You're the coolest guy your age I ever met."
I'm 56 years old. Yesterday a young woman in her mid 20's tried to give me her phone number. She was a solid 9 from my perspective.
"You look like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth."
"So right-wing you make Atilla the Hun look like a leftie."
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