My "You Need a Better Car" Story

It was requested I post another personal story about the Captain's previous escapades through life so here is another.

I was about 30 or 31 or so and back then I still had some youthful naivety about me and was thus still on the market, "playing the game" looking to date girls. I had my radio show at the time and invariably because I was a young and dapper radio show host who happened to moonlight as a dance instructor, the topic of lining me up with some attractive young listener of the female persuasion would continually recur.

Sure enough a caller called in saying she had the most perfect girl in the world for me that I should date her. I was reluctant as because what you learn in the radio world is that the sexiness of a woman's voice is inversely related to her actual sexiness, but this girl assured me her friend was beautiful, not fat and still on top of all that had a great personality.

I was reluctant so I told her to shoot me an e-mail and we'd discuss further. I received her e-mail within 5 minutes of the show ending, behooving me to respond and consider her friend. I said I would agree, but I wanted to see a NORMAL, FULL BODY LENGTH picture, nothing that was touched up, or an insane close up of what would be a pretty face on an enormously large girl. I wanted proof she was an attractive girl.

Sure enough, the next day I received the picture.

Stunning, cute redhead. Slim, and in very good shape. Long flowing hair. Her friend was not lying, she was quite attractive.

So I agreed that I would meet her friend and go out with her and sure enough within a couple days I had a lunch date set at Benihanna's.

We met and she was just as her pictures suggested, a very attractive woman. She worked in real estate, and at the time I was in banking, and so we had a very high end intelligent conversation about the real estate market, housing and the crash that was slowly starting to materialize. She was impressed with all my various activities and I was very impressed with her entrepreneurialism. The date lasted two hours, we more or less closed the place down for lunch, before I decided that it was getting pretty late and I'd have to return to work. We left with me fully expecting a second date.

Of course I wasn't fresh off the assembly line. I knew that the date in my opinion could have gone great, while she could perhaps have had a horrendous time, so I didn't bank on anything. That is until her friend e-mailed me complimenting me on my behavior and witicisms and conversation skills. Apparently I had impressed her friend and I should certainly ask her out on a second date, except there was just this one major thing I would have to do;

I really ought to get a nicer car.

I was then lectured by her friend that, yes, while she knew I was proud of my frugality and spending within my means, I was 30 and therefore had to drive a nicer car. Too old and experienced to be insulted or shocked, I kind of laughed inside and looked up into the sky as if I was saying to the old man upstairs, "Are you freaking kidding me?"

So I asked her, "Well, what's wrong with my VW?"

Granted it wasn't a high end Jetta or a new model, but it wasn't a bad car either. It was at the time 7 years old, in good shape, it was kept clean and ran just fine. And out of all three of my cars, it was the nicer one.

"Well, it's not like you're 25 anymore. You really need to get a nicer car. My friend kind of noticed and mentioned it. It's really something that could turn into a deal breaker."

Again, too experienced and old to really be shocked or to really care, I resigned myself to defeat and said, "Well does she still want to go out with me then or what?"

"Sure! You should call her and ask her out!"

Which I promptly did.

Now a lot of you who know me are asking yourselves, "What they hell, Captain? Why were you going to go out with this girl again after she proved herself to be so shallow? She mentioned your CAR wasn't nice enough?! Are you just trying to aim for some play? What gives?"

But have faith in your beloved Captain, have faith.

For while I had no intention of ever having a future with this girl, I decided to at least have a little fun with her.

I scheduled a date, told her I would pick her up and drove to my buddy's place to trade my Chevy in for her BMW for the evening.

I showed up in this high end BMW, pulled up to the girl's house. Walked up, rang the doorbell and as she came down, escorted to towards the Beamer.

She was looking around trying to find my presumed P.O.S. VW and when she finally realized I was making a bee- line for the Beamer she said, "Wait, is THIS your car?"

I said, "Yeah."

She said, "Well, wait, when did you get this?!"

"Today," I said. "Your friend said that you didn't like my other car so I decided to buy this one."

She was a little shocked to say the least. She couldn't understand somebody just "up and buying a Beamer" because she mentioned to her friend the guy she went on a date with had an unacceptable car.

We went on our second date and I didn't bother calling her back. Last she saw of me was me driving off in my buddy's BMW. But it teaches all of us a lesson;

It's not just stories about women who put more value on fake things like cars and clothes. These women exist. And sadly, they're passing up on some of the best men in the world because of their shallowness.