Please understand the ulterior motives behind these speeches. I don't expect the sheep to. But I expect my audience to.
Wednesday, February 01, 2017
Dear Public Sector, Welcome to the Private Sector
Where you get to face obsolescence and get fired when you're no longer of benefit to your employer. It's what real adults working in the real world have faced since time immemorial, and it's about high time we treat you as equals.
Cappy's Adventures at Fremont Saddle!
An homage to all my bosses who thought they knew better than me. May your cubicle have a reverse side angle view that maybe catches a glimpse of what I get to see everyday.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Episode #183 of The Clarey Podcast
The wife won't sell the house.
Escaping husband jail.
The ONLY Private Sector President.
Companies shouldn't stick their dick in politics.
AND MORE
In THIS EPISODE of The Clarey Podcast!
Direct MP3 link here.
RSS feed here.
Escaping husband jail.
The ONLY Private Sector President.
Companies shouldn't stick their dick in politics.
AND MORE
In THIS EPISODE of The Clarey Podcast!
Direct MP3 link here.
RSS feed here.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
The Case for Global Warming as a Religion
A client at Asshole Consulting paid me to get off my lazy rear and put together my argument for why I don't believe in global warming. Among the many arguments is that global warming is nothing more than a religion and certainly not some noble aim to "save the planet." Regardless, more data, arguments, analysis and observations as to why "the Ole Captain" doesn't believe in this neo-religion can be found below:
No Thanks Uber and Lyft, I'll Walk
Fucking west coast tech liberals in a virtue signalling dick-sucking contest.
Throwing in the Towel - When It's Time to Retire from Game
The GF left for a week to visit her mother. Unencumbered, I decided I'd visit some old haunts to see if they were still lively, specifically if there was any revival in the dance scenes I left nearly a decade ago. The first was the swing dance scene which has become nothing more than a siren call for the millennial virgin-hipster-nerds to congregate and further refine their sperg together. It was a shame what I saw, with veritable 30 year old virgins, perfectly groomed bears, and rank ugly women/girls despite being in their prime years.
The salsa scene was no better. When I left it many moons ago it was a sausage fest with 3 men for every woman. The feelers, grabbers, and stalkers scaring away all the good looking girls, leaving nothing but purist salsa dancing females left, who would not dance with you unless you had already ingratiated yourself into their clique. 10 years later it was hands down the worst male-female ratio of about 10 to 1 (I am not joking), where I saw scores of self-disrespecting males chasing after only a handful of females. It was so bad I paid my cover, walked 20 yards in, turned around, walked out, and refused the doorkeep who offered to refund my cover. I then went home and played some video games.
But these two short forays only served to confirm something I've known for quite some time. I'm too old for this shit anymore, and though fun at the time, the time I spent chasing tail in hindsight was about a 60% waste. There was much better shit to do with my life, I just hadn't matured enough to realize it.
This epiphany is only natural because as the "manosphere" has aged, so too has its authors and founders. Certainly us old fogeys now in or rapidly approaching their forties have ran the gambit like any modern day 20 year old, going from a nerdy noob with absolutely no game to an accomplished player. But like Voyager 2 leaving the Oort cloud, so too will most men leave the pursuit of women, bringing on a new stage of exploration and pioneering.
The question is when do you retire from game.
There is no magical age or number. Roosh, for example in this podcast (which inspired this post) is on the later half of 30, and though attached to a girl, AND the topic of the podcast itself is "The Death of Night Game," still carries the reader through the do's and don't's of night game as if it were still a viable option. I abandoned it long ago and with the advent of texting/social media, etc., I recommend you do the same. But some people still have it going well into their 30's and 40's and choose to waste hours of their time at loud bars and nightclubs.
Others find a quality girl and either get married or get a steady girlfriend. Slings and arrows from the VirginTOW community aside, they don't care because while the fear of divorce is real, it is a healthy respect and acknowledgement of that fear that allows you to find a quality woman who will not rape you in divorce court or sperm jack you.
And then there's just plain age and tiredness. No matter how fun, no matter how successful, in the end chasing after women gets tiresome and loses it's novelty. Again I subscribe to the theory that men have a limited amount of energy and it will get exhausted, even if you are successful in slaying the ladies. But the economics of novelty also come into play. Using the same tactics on the same bimbos playing the same games with the same lines, while dealing with the same crap over and over and over again, just isn't worth the sexual pay off no matter how good.
However you come to this point, if you find yourself unable to conclusively determine that you want to go out and chase tail, and are instead rather tempted by the prospects of staying it, it is time for you, my good sir, to retire from game. And chances are it was the time anyway a long time ago.
If being out of the game for a decade has taught me anything, it's that while you're in the thick of it you don't realize the opportunity costs of investing so much of your life chasing tail. Blinded by either youthful hormones or just the echo chamber of society telling you "that's what people your age do," you don't realize how much of your time you are wasting, mal-investing it in things that just aren't going to pay off. Ask any older man whether half the lays he had were worth the time he had to invest getting them, and I'd wager 95% of them would say, "no." And further ask them what they could have achieved with that time had they not invested it in girls, and they would say "conquer the world." And it's not until you unplug yourself from the matrix, removing yourself from this environment for a while, so you can look back at it with fresh eyes, will you see just what a waste of time night clubs are, chasing tail is, and what a general time/resource sink the pursuit of women are.
This isn't to say not to pursue them, let alone pursue them wisely (setting minimal time/resource investment, insisting on high standards, timeliness, etc.). Nor am I saying you shouldn't go to a nightclub, fire up the Tinder, ask Suzie Q on a date, or run a little bit of the day game. But I am asking all men, regardless of age to occasionally stop, say once a year, not pursue women for 2 weeks and take inventory of their success, their life goals, their desires, and what makes them happy. I'm suggesting men fast from women every year for 2 weeks so they can clearly and critically look back at all their precious time they spent pursuing tail and see if that wasn't a horrendous waste of time. It's no different than sobering up from booze or drugs, clearing your mind of any chemicals or hormones, to see if they should continue to play a role in your life and if you genuinely have an interest in them.
For most men, especially the younger ones, the answer will be yes, they want to keep chasing girls. And to that I say continue the chase young man, continue the chase.
But if you go on a 2 week hiatus, and find yourself in better spirits, and perhaps start taking a stronger intellectual interest in hobbies, your career, philosophy, or just the peace and quiet time you have to yourself, it may be time to throw in the towel and retire from game. And dare I say start looking for a "girl who's good enough" to settle down with so you never have to go to the frontlines ever again.
______________________________
Podcast
Asshole Consulting
YouTube
Twitter
Books
Amazon Affiliate
The salsa scene was no better. When I left it many moons ago it was a sausage fest with 3 men for every woman. The feelers, grabbers, and stalkers scaring away all the good looking girls, leaving nothing but purist salsa dancing females left, who would not dance with you unless you had already ingratiated yourself into their clique. 10 years later it was hands down the worst male-female ratio of about 10 to 1 (I am not joking), where I saw scores of self-disrespecting males chasing after only a handful of females. It was so bad I paid my cover, walked 20 yards in, turned around, walked out, and refused the doorkeep who offered to refund my cover. I then went home and played some video games.
But these two short forays only served to confirm something I've known for quite some time. I'm too old for this shit anymore, and though fun at the time, the time I spent chasing tail in hindsight was about a 60% waste. There was much better shit to do with my life, I just hadn't matured enough to realize it.
This epiphany is only natural because as the "manosphere" has aged, so too has its authors and founders. Certainly us old fogeys now in or rapidly approaching their forties have ran the gambit like any modern day 20 year old, going from a nerdy noob with absolutely no game to an accomplished player. But like Voyager 2 leaving the Oort cloud, so too will most men leave the pursuit of women, bringing on a new stage of exploration and pioneering.
The question is when do you retire from game.
There is no magical age or number. Roosh, for example in this podcast (which inspired this post) is on the later half of 30, and though attached to a girl, AND the topic of the podcast itself is "The Death of Night Game," still carries the reader through the do's and don't's of night game as if it were still a viable option. I abandoned it long ago and with the advent of texting/social media, etc., I recommend you do the same. But some people still have it going well into their 30's and 40's and choose to waste hours of their time at loud bars and nightclubs.
Others find a quality girl and either get married or get a steady girlfriend. Slings and arrows from the VirginTOW community aside, they don't care because while the fear of divorce is real, it is a healthy respect and acknowledgement of that fear that allows you to find a quality woman who will not rape you in divorce court or sperm jack you.
And then there's just plain age and tiredness. No matter how fun, no matter how successful, in the end chasing after women gets tiresome and loses it's novelty. Again I subscribe to the theory that men have a limited amount of energy and it will get exhausted, even if you are successful in slaying the ladies. But the economics of novelty also come into play. Using the same tactics on the same bimbos playing the same games with the same lines, while dealing with the same crap over and over and over again, just isn't worth the sexual pay off no matter how good.
However you come to this point, if you find yourself unable to conclusively determine that you want to go out and chase tail, and are instead rather tempted by the prospects of staying it, it is time for you, my good sir, to retire from game. And chances are it was the time anyway a long time ago.
If being out of the game for a decade has taught me anything, it's that while you're in the thick of it you don't realize the opportunity costs of investing so much of your life chasing tail. Blinded by either youthful hormones or just the echo chamber of society telling you "that's what people your age do," you don't realize how much of your time you are wasting, mal-investing it in things that just aren't going to pay off. Ask any older man whether half the lays he had were worth the time he had to invest getting them, and I'd wager 95% of them would say, "no." And further ask them what they could have achieved with that time had they not invested it in girls, and they would say "conquer the world." And it's not until you unplug yourself from the matrix, removing yourself from this environment for a while, so you can look back at it with fresh eyes, will you see just what a waste of time night clubs are, chasing tail is, and what a general time/resource sink the pursuit of women are.
This isn't to say not to pursue them, let alone pursue them wisely (setting minimal time/resource investment, insisting on high standards, timeliness, etc.). Nor am I saying you shouldn't go to a nightclub, fire up the Tinder, ask Suzie Q on a date, or run a little bit of the day game. But I am asking all men, regardless of age to occasionally stop, say once a year, not pursue women for 2 weeks and take inventory of their success, their life goals, their desires, and what makes them happy. I'm suggesting men fast from women every year for 2 weeks so they can clearly and critically look back at all their precious time they spent pursuing tail and see if that wasn't a horrendous waste of time. It's no different than sobering up from booze or drugs, clearing your mind of any chemicals or hormones, to see if they should continue to play a role in your life and if you genuinely have an interest in them.
For most men, especially the younger ones, the answer will be yes, they want to keep chasing girls. And to that I say continue the chase young man, continue the chase.
But if you go on a 2 week hiatus, and find yourself in better spirits, and perhaps start taking a stronger intellectual interest in hobbies, your career, philosophy, or just the peace and quiet time you have to yourself, it may be time to throw in the towel and retire from game. And dare I say start looking for a "girl who's good enough" to settle down with so you never have to go to the frontlines ever again.
______________________________
Podcast
Asshole Consulting
YouTube
Books
Amazon Affiliate
Friday, January 27, 2017
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Jason Dion Bews Thy Name is Coward
Looks like the fuzz decided to charge a lefty wimp with assault...against a woman....at a woman's march.
Getting a Career in IT in 2017
This is an article I had my IT buddy write in response to a surge of requests from Asshole Consulting about the IT industry, how to get into it, what to specialize in, and should you go to college, bootcamp, or a 2 year community college. I am not an expert in the field, so I decided to outsource it to a professional to give us the low down on the industry and how to get into it in 2017 (and you can tell he's a professional IT genius because of his indifference for spelling and typos). Because of the constantly changing nature of IT I am kicking around doing an "State of the IT Union Address" each January. Regardless, you can find my IT friend here for all your IT and computer needs.
There is a cliche in consulting....the answer to any question is always: "IT depends". That cliche fits rather nicely into this topic.
EDUCATION:
College education will not land one a job, nor will it properly prepare one for a job in the IT field. IT as a whole moves far to fast for the typical four year college to design a program that reflect the jobs available. Two year and trade schools are far better in getting one prepared for entering the work force, however are often too focused and become out dated. However what a bachlors degree does is allow one to move further up the ladder further and faster, potentially management one day. It also puts you ahead of the next person(s) assuming the only difference is education. Two big reasons for that is, A. by completing a degree, it shows that the potential to learn is there. And B. a certain about of dedication and work ethic is present. Also as you may have already heard, a college degree is more of a passport.
Certifications are great. However one is probally better off being more well rounded and if the employer wants you to focus on one area then they will send you there. A couple of issues with doing certifications on your own, is that they are VERY specific. Is there an actual real demand for people having that certificiation? What happens in 24 months when things change and that certification is for the most part null and void? For instance holding a certification in Windows 2008, doesn't hold much weight any more. However if one achieves a multi-level certification say for instance: Microsoft Certified Server Engineer, VmWare Certified Professional, or Cisco Certified Internet Engineer; these certs. will always be a feather in your cap and will be an asset no matter how old they are. Even if one had a MSCE in Windows Server 2003; that communications that you have a good foundation of how things work and adapting to the newer stuff will be easier than someone coming in fresh.
SPECIFIC AREAS OF IT:
Server Administration: Server Virtualization has been hot for the past 10 years, and will continue to stay at the very least warm. In a nutshell Server Virtualizaiton is taking a single server, but making appear to the network as if there are ten servers on the network. For instance a cluster of three servers physical servers can present well over a dozen virtual servers to the network; and be able act as fail over for each other. All with out the end users or their computers knowing. VMware ESX, Microsoft Hyper-V (known as hyper-visors) are the biggest players in this space.
This area is starting to cool a bit since "the cloud" has come to the grasp of mere motors. Now days any tech saavy person can setup their own servers using places like AWA (Amazon Web Services) . Thus bypassing the need for much of in house IT. Many smaller players also basically can provide a company all of their server needs as a subscrition service. A smart play MAYBE to become skilled in manipulating these types of enviroments.
Companies are shrinking thier budgets, thus requiring IT professionals do more with less. Thus anything that automates, scripts, or generally allows an IT person to get more stuff done in less time will be in demand. A good place to start is technolgies like Puppet, Cheif, and PowerShell.
Security is super in demand now, and will be for the near future. There are very few "industry standard" or commonally accpeted certifications in this area. Well other that a Cisco Certified Security Expert. To be good in this area one needs to know networking inside and out. Get expirence playing with firewalls, routers, and switches. Then go beyond that looking into white and black hack items.
Database/information Architechture has always been in demand and keeps grown at a slow and steady rate. A quick search on the buzz words "big data" or "Hadoop" show just how in demand they are. The basics of databases hasn't changed much in 20 years, however the implentation has. If one gets to be comfortable with Microsoft SQL either as a data designer or the implentation engineer, there will always be work for them.
Docker will be very big for those looking to get into code. Docker is essentially doing for applications what VMware did for servers. Docker provides a frame work for applications without all the heavy Operating system. It is a modular system. One can simiply load a Data base docker or a CRM docker etc and not have to install a Windows server for each appliation. One just sets up the Docker infrastructure then add and remove appliacation components.
Coding: Programing languages are very much like real languages. Learning the first one is real hard. Switching or learning adtional ones is easier. As your brain picks out methods and similarities. IE If one knows German, and needs to learn Italian it will be much easier for that person vs. the person learning Italian who only knows English. What am I saying? It doesn't matter what computer language gets taught; once you know one it becomes easier to switch to another down the road. The "hot" language changes about every 5~10 years anyways, however there will always be a demand for the "language of yesterday." Apps written in the older languages will still need to be updated/changed or re-writen.
HelpDesk/user training/assistance: Applications are becoming for web driven, computers have gotten cheaper and less repairable. This has lessened the need for the typical HelpDesk person on one aspect. On the flip side there will always be a need for people to do the "hand holding", the guiding, and trouble shooting for the end users. One just will not be doing nearly as much swapping out hardware components.
Summary:
Do not take simply look at salary guides out there and make a career decision based mostly on that. To be sucessfull in IT, in general demands one needs to have a natural interest in the area, a desire to learn, fast learning and a trouble shooting mind set. If you are just chasing the money, you will fail or get an entry level job and stay at roughly that same position for life. Education is great, the more the better, it will never hurt you. Expirence is just as important. This industry is flooded with people who have all sorts of acrynyms behind their name but yet can't think worth a darn, think outside the box, or trouble shoot. Somethings just can't be taught in class. Or to use another cliche, they can talk the talk but cannot walk the walk.
Start anywhere looking for expirence. Start with getting a used PC and building/repairing it up. Start helping others with their technical diffuculties. Start playing around with networking gear. Start dabbling in scripting and programing. Often just having some expirence with a technology is all it take; mastery of the technology is often not needed to land a good job.
There is a cliche in consulting....the answer to any question is always: "IT depends". That cliche fits rather nicely into this topic.
EDUCATION:
College education will not land one a job, nor will it properly prepare one for a job in the IT field. IT as a whole moves far to fast for the typical four year college to design a program that reflect the jobs available. Two year and trade schools are far better in getting one prepared for entering the work force, however are often too focused and become out dated. However what a bachlors degree does is allow one to move further up the ladder further and faster, potentially management one day. It also puts you ahead of the next person(s) assuming the only difference is education. Two big reasons for that is, A. by completing a degree, it shows that the potential to learn is there. And B. a certain about of dedication and work ethic is present. Also as you may have already heard, a college degree is more of a passport.
Certifications are great. However one is probally better off being more well rounded and if the employer wants you to focus on one area then they will send you there. A couple of issues with doing certifications on your own, is that they are VERY specific. Is there an actual real demand for people having that certificiation? What happens in 24 months when things change and that certification is for the most part null and void? For instance holding a certification in Windows 2008, doesn't hold much weight any more. However if one achieves a multi-level certification say for instance: Microsoft Certified Server Engineer, VmWare Certified Professional, or Cisco Certified Internet Engineer; these certs. will always be a feather in your cap and will be an asset no matter how old they are. Even if one had a MSCE in Windows Server 2003; that communications that you have a good foundation of how things work and adapting to the newer stuff will be easier than someone coming in fresh.
SPECIFIC AREAS OF IT:
Server Administration: Server Virtualization has been hot for the past 10 years, and will continue to stay at the very least warm. In a nutshell Server Virtualizaiton is taking a single server, but making appear to the network as if there are ten servers on the network. For instance a cluster of three servers physical servers can present well over a dozen virtual servers to the network; and be able act as fail over for each other. All with out the end users or their computers knowing. VMware ESX, Microsoft Hyper-V (known as hyper-visors) are the biggest players in this space.
This area is starting to cool a bit since "the cloud" has come to the grasp of mere motors. Now days any tech saavy person can setup their own servers using places like AWA (Amazon Web Services) . Thus bypassing the need for much of in house IT. Many smaller players also basically can provide a company all of their server needs as a subscrition service. A smart play MAYBE to become skilled in manipulating these types of enviroments.
Companies are shrinking thier budgets, thus requiring IT professionals do more with less. Thus anything that automates, scripts, or generally allows an IT person to get more stuff done in less time will be in demand. A good place to start is technolgies like Puppet, Cheif, and PowerShell.
Security is super in demand now, and will be for the near future. There are very few "industry standard" or commonally accpeted certifications in this area. Well other that a Cisco Certified Security Expert. To be good in this area one needs to know networking inside and out. Get expirence playing with firewalls, routers, and switches. Then go beyond that looking into white and black hack items.
Database/information Architechture has always been in demand and keeps grown at a slow and steady rate. A quick search on the buzz words "big data" or "Hadoop" show just how in demand they are. The basics of databases hasn't changed much in 20 years, however the implentation has. If one gets to be comfortable with Microsoft SQL either as a data designer or the implentation engineer, there will always be work for them.
Docker will be very big for those looking to get into code. Docker is essentially doing for applications what VMware did for servers. Docker provides a frame work for applications without all the heavy Operating system. It is a modular system. One can simiply load a Data base docker or a CRM docker etc and not have to install a Windows server for each appliation. One just sets up the Docker infrastructure then add and remove appliacation components.
Coding: Programing languages are very much like real languages. Learning the first one is real hard. Switching or learning adtional ones is easier. As your brain picks out methods and similarities. IE If one knows German, and needs to learn Italian it will be much easier for that person vs. the person learning Italian who only knows English. What am I saying? It doesn't matter what computer language gets taught; once you know one it becomes easier to switch to another down the road. The "hot" language changes about every 5~10 years anyways, however there will always be a demand for the "language of yesterday." Apps written in the older languages will still need to be updated/changed or re-writen.
HelpDesk/user training/assistance: Applications are becoming for web driven, computers have gotten cheaper and less repairable. This has lessened the need for the typical HelpDesk person on one aspect. On the flip side there will always be a need for people to do the "hand holding", the guiding, and trouble shooting for the end users. One just will not be doing nearly as much swapping out hardware components.
Summary:
Do not take simply look at salary guides out there and make a career decision based mostly on that. To be sucessfull in IT, in general demands one needs to have a natural interest in the area, a desire to learn, fast learning and a trouble shooting mind set. If you are just chasing the money, you will fail or get an entry level job and stay at roughly that same position for life. Education is great, the more the better, it will never hurt you. Expirence is just as important. This industry is flooded with people who have all sorts of acrynyms behind their name but yet can't think worth a darn, think outside the box, or trouble shoot. Somethings just can't be taught in class. Or to use another cliche, they can talk the talk but cannot walk the walk.
Start anywhere looking for expirence. Start with getting a used PC and building/repairing it up. Start helping others with their technical diffuculties. Start playing around with networking gear. Start dabbling in scripting and programing. Often just having some expirence with a technology is all it take; mastery of the technology is often not needed to land a good job.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Your Education Does Not Make You Smart
Please, all college graduates, just have a cup of STFU. You modern day "high school diploma" means nothing.
Rhode Island College Degrees Now as Worthless as High School Diplomas
"When everybody's a super, then no one will be."
Monday, January 23, 2017
"I Really Just Want to be a Stay at Home Mom"
Well knock it off with this feminist rah rah career woman bullshit and BE ONE!
Governor Mark Daton Collapses While Giving the State of the State Address
As many of you know I do not like nor respect Gov. Mark Dayton. It is not my opinion but he is the embodiment of everything I loathe about politicians, right or left. He never worked a real job in his life, inherited money from a real man who did all the work, and as an elitist puts his own personal boredom and political ambitions ahead of the people he wished to govern.
However, while delivering the State of the State address he collapsed and hit his head.
It's times like these one must abandon politics and view Mark Dayton as a fellow human being and search ones soul for one's true opinion of the man. Ergo, I give my most earnest wishes that the alcohol and prescription drugs caught up with this vermonous parasite and that when he hit is head, he does not die, but suffers a traumatic brain injury that leaves him severely impaired for the rest of what will hopefully be a miserable life.
Yes, I hate that piece of shit that much, and no, I am not being facetious in the slightest in my wishes. I am laughing at that pampered, (genuinely) privileged fuck and wish him ALL that he received unfairly in his life to manifest itself in am equalizing punishment and comeuppance today. Of course, it's likely he just got a bump on his hallow head, but one can pray for this genuinely worthless human being.
UPDATE - Governor Dayton is perfectly fine. Damnit. I guess he'll celebrate his health with his limousine liberal trust fund Crocus Hill crowd with $100 shots of scotch at W.A. Frost.
However, while delivering the State of the State address he collapsed and hit his head.
It's times like these one must abandon politics and view Mark Dayton as a fellow human being and search ones soul for one's true opinion of the man. Ergo, I give my most earnest wishes that the alcohol and prescription drugs caught up with this vermonous parasite and that when he hit is head, he does not die, but suffers a traumatic brain injury that leaves him severely impaired for the rest of what will hopefully be a miserable life.
Yes, I hate that piece of shit that much, and no, I am not being facetious in the slightest in my wishes. I am laughing at that pampered, (genuinely) privileged fuck and wish him ALL that he received unfairly in his life to manifest itself in am equalizing punishment and comeuppance today. Of course, it's likely he just got a bump on his hallow head, but one can pray for this genuinely worthless human being.
UPDATE - Governor Dayton is perfectly fine. Damnit. I guess he'll celebrate his health with his limousine liberal trust fund Crocus Hill crowd with $100 shots of scotch at W.A. Frost.
Episode #182 of The Clarey Podcast!
Girls getting multiple hotel rooms.
Cappy's School of Not Getting Shot by Cops
Black barber shops.
Cappy's not Irish, but sadly Socialist Scandinavian
AND MORE!!!
In THIS EPISODE of The Clarey Podcast!
Direct MP3 link here.
RSS feed here.
Cappy's School of Not Getting Shot by Cops
Black barber shops.
Cappy's not Irish, but sadly Socialist Scandinavian
AND MORE!!!
In THIS EPISODE of The Clarey Podcast!
Direct MP3 link here.
RSS feed here.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
The Vast Stupidity of the Performance Review
A Guest Post By Adam Piggott
We didn't have performance
reviews when I was a whitewater rafting guide. Our performance was based
upon whether we had managed to kill any of our customers or not. All of
your passengers alive at the take-out point? Good performance review.
Lost a couple
along the way? Poor performance review.
I had a mentor/boss once who gave me a performance review. "You say what you mean and you mean what you say." That was it. Complete review. Took four seconds. He coupled it with the biggest raise he was able to give. I learned something that day.Wouldn't you love to have a performance review like that? The reasons why this review is so good help to illustrate why performance reviews in general are so awful.
First of all we have the
length of the review. All of the reviews that I ever sat through were of
unbearable length. This was because the reviews were not about me, the
employee. They were about whoever was my manager at the time, ie the one
who was giving
me my review. In their eyes, the longer they sat there droning on about
rubbish that had next to nothing to do with me or my job, then the more
interest they were apparently taking in my welfare as their minion. The
performance review was their big chance
to pretend to give a crap about me and my existence within their
organization.
I soon learned that these reviews were most certainly not the place
to bring up any real issues or grievances that I had. They were just for
show and any deviation from that illusion was met with a severe decline
in the attitude of the person who was giving
the review. We were there to hear how wonderful they had been and how
well they did their job as a manager.
Which leads me to my next
point about the quoted review. The manager in question is so good
precisely because he has clearly been doing his job of managing the
employee for the entire year. He does not need the review to manage the
employee. The review simply
tops off all the work he has done throughout the year. It is the icing
on the cake. When he states that his employee says what he means and
means what he says what he is actually doing is demonstrating that he
knows exactly what his employee has done, what
he is capable of, and how much he values this particular employee. In
other words he has actively managed his employee throughout the year. He
does not require a performance review to manage this person due to the
fact that it is a continual process which
goes on all the time. He is interested in his employee's welfare and
thus his true value to the department in which he works.
However, the vast majority
of "managers" spend the bulk of their time playing political games and
undermining underlings who might constitute even a fraction of a threat
to them seeing as they never actually do their job. When these managers
enter a performance
review they are faced with the panic of having to engage with someone
whom they probably know nothing about. Thus their only real option is to
spend a great deal of time talking at length about themselves.
They do however, have a get
out of jail free card. This is the ubiquitous form that employees are
required to fill out before they enter the review itself. This form
contains questions such as, 'what are your 5 big success for the year?'
and 'where do you
see yourself in 5 years' time?' The only reason that this form exists
is to give the clueless manager some idea of who the hell is this person
who is sitting across the other side of his desk. Whenever a manager is
particularly out of his depth then a choice
move is to get the twenty one year old HR ditz to sit in on the review
so as to give him clues as to what he is supposed to say. As she herself
is only privy to the information contained on the form then this can
make for an entertaining spectacle, if you
yourself are not so demoralized at understanding what her presence
actually signifies.
The final part of the
quoted review is the raise. For the rest of us mere mortals this is of
course hilarious. Not only is the topic of a raise never brought up, if
you are so brave and foolish as to do so then you will be met with a
wall of stony silence.
In one case I actually had a manager inform me that he was not
authorized to give raises. He didn't take kindly to my question as to
why he was in the position of a manager if he lacked this basic power.
I have no advice for you as to how to negotiate the perils of a performance review so as to bring about a satisfactory conclusion. The obvious reason for this is that the review is based upon the capability of your immediate superior and if he is a clueless moron then your review will reflect as such. Perhaps some of you readers have brilliant advice as to how to turn the tables in such an encounter. If you do then I am all ears. Of course, I no longer work in a job that requires such a thing as a performance review. Perhaps that is the final answer on the subject.
Friday, January 20, 2017
The Starkest Contrast Between Obama and Trump Administrations
I think can be seen between the real man Trump selected as Secretary of Defense and the veritable pussy that preceded him under Obama.
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