Thursday, December 05, 2013

Today's Office Brought to You in Part By

"Go Fuck Yourself" - Are you a boss that lied about the job duties to get a younger employee to agree to take the job?  Then go fuck yourself.  It's the least you can do for your lies and deceit.


"Have a Cup of Shut the Fuck Up" - Not going to offer a wage that is commensurate for the work you're asking people to do?  Then try "Have a Cup of Shut the Fuck Up."  It takes the bullshit out of middle management and middle aged bosses.

"Take This Job and Shove It" - No, we're not working in a basement because you planned so poorly you failed to rent enough office space with windows.  "Take this Job and Shove It" - now available from kids working to pay your social security.

And by

"Do It Yourself"
- Too lazy to train staff?  Tell them it's a steep learning curve because you don't want to do it?  Then "Do It Yourself."  If you're not going to train somebody, then why hire them?  "Do It Yourself" - just pray it isn't Excel.

And finally by

"You Lost" - Thought kissing ass and brownosing your way to the top would guarantee a successful career?  Uh oh!  You lost!  Apparently doing your own thing is more profitable, enjoyable and easy.  Why kiss ass and work at a job you hate for 40 years when you can live on the cheap and answer to no one...Oops!  I guess it's too late for you.  "You Lost" - when you realize you lost at the game of life.


Peregrine John said...

That image is the most motivational reading I've had in a while.

Also looks like you're in a desert of the sort that can be found near me. Hm.

Uncle Elmer said...

That photo would look so much better with an AlphaSmart NEO instead of your cluttered laptop :

Izanpo said...

That's a good looking office! With scotch too? Valhalla!

So here's the flipside. I had a job interview today. This was after sending out countless resumes for several months.

$14/hr job.

First, it was a group interview. There were three other candidates.

The interview was led by Cappy's textbook HR twaat. She even had tattoos on her wrists to show the world what a badass rebel she was! The tattoos were Mandarin symbols, which I assumed translated to "party slut" and "single mom".

We were supposed to fill out two 12 page forms, all contained in a slick, glossy company binder.

Now, you tell me fellow lieutenants, have you ever encountered the following questions on an "application":

1) Your SS/SIN (I thought this number was for the purpose of income tax collection. If you haven't been hired, then why are you required to disclose this?)

2) List your places of residence for the past 10 years.

3) The address and telephone # of your spouse/common law partner's place of employment.

I got as far as #3. I wrote on the form "None of your business". And then I bailed after a brief goodbye to the HR beeyotch.

This was just the corporate version of chick's shit-test.

haniel said...

how many icons do you have on that desktop?

Karl said...

To my former employers:

The Capt speaks for me too!

heresolong said...

Perhaps they can't afford to pay you a decent wage because all their money has gone to pay the $15 minimum wage to people who produce virtually nothing.

Anonymous said...

How about the asshole quoted at the end of this liberal slanted article about not being able to support his wife and 19 month old on $9.50/hr. What a fucking moron. And sadly he gets to vote. Let them parish!!

Jones said...

Also brought to you by: "You and What Army?" --
When the bleating forces behind "living wages" drive the life blood of business out of a region, remember that the same army of morons will now be responsible for finding new ways of surviving. Give them less to grab onto and you won't have to worry so much about being dragged down by an invading Army of Zombies ...