Monday, February 25, 2013

Operation Coffee House VII

Ahhhh, yes.  Can't you just predict it?

Yet another coffee house that claims to have internet access, but doesn't, either because the staff know not the basics of computer netowrking or they fail to understand how coffee shops really work.

Ok, let me explain it to you.  The only reason coffee shops exist is because artists, authors, and people who all fall under the "unemployed" category can't just sit at home and do their "work."
They need to get out of their hovel of an apartment and do their "work" at a different place.  Understand, I'm not necessarily against this.  Heck, I'm even a hypocrite myself as that's what I'm doing (though Operation Coffee House by its definition mandates I go to a coffee house to do my work). I can understand if you have the ability to work from wherever, sure, why not a coffee house?
But for the most part, and based on all my research in the "Operation Coffee House" series, only about 5% of the "artists" and "authors" I see at coffee houses are legitimately authors and artists. 
Regardless, my point is that if you don't have internet access, you don't have customers because they're not coming their for the coffee (ironically).  They're just getting out of the house and need internet.

Anyway, so here I sit, typing this into Notepad to be later copied and pasted in the blog.

Today's coffee house is a doozy.  Hoity toity with the fancy schmancy with the oopdy loopdy.  I'm in Linden Hills, and if you don't know about Linden Hills it's where all the aging, old fart liberals retire off of their government pension at 55 or they've finally come into possession of their trust fund.
So  it's grey hair central here and I, along with the staff are by far the youngest souls in the neighborhood.  We are also in a much lower income bracket and it shows.  This coffee shop has wine, champagne, beer and a menu.  I could be wrong and just have assumed it was a coffee shop when in reality it's a restaurant, but as far as my cursory drive through of the Linden Hills area told me, two coffee shops are out of business and this was the only one open.  Restaurant or coffee shop it will have to suffice.

The coffee I'm currently drinking will by far be the most memorable.  That I can guarantee because (I swear to god) it MUST have goat cheese in it.  Yes, goat cheese coffee.  You can tell you're in the shadows of upper income tax bracket pensioneers when you have goat cheese in your coffee.
Normallly I'll drink and eat anything unless it's absolutely disgusting.  And this coffee qualifies.  I don't know if they purposely put goat cheese in the coffee or if maybe the coffee was in the fridge next to the goat cheese and absorbed its flavor, but it's horrible.

Just like the goat cheese flavored coffee is unique, so is this coffee house.  The music is currently Johnny Cash, the architecture is really nice, and while I still could beat every man here in a physical fight, I actually don't want too.  None of them look to be the hipster type, but then again, they're pretty much all older.

That's about it for this coffee house.  I wish I could say more, but it must be a slow day.  There is nobody working on their "screenplays," nobody working on their latest fund raising initiative.  Heck, you don't even have posters up on a billboard advertising the latest crappy bands or the latest leftist rally or protest.  Oddly enough, I don't even feel comfortable here.  Almost too sterile based on what I'm used to with the other coffee houses.


Anonymous said...

It's not goat cheese. It's deer urine they probably got off a deer hunter. You put a couple drops in the coffee just as it's done brewing and it brings out a nice pungent aroma and bitterness on the back of the tongue.

Very hipster and lo-carb, too!

[The cheaper coffee houses use guinea pig turds, but there's a risk of bacteria contamination there, so be careful where you enjoy your favorite coffee!]

Anonymous said...

Fats absorb smells. The hilarity of your imagery aside, wouldn't the chèvre, containing plenty of milk fats, absorb the coffee aroma/taste more than the coffee beans, which have a much lower proportion of oils

Coffee tainted with goats cheese inspires a visceral revulsion,


Goats cheese tainted by coffee, that's an intriguing idea

Anonymous said...

Cap'n -

Aargh! I hate suburban Twin Cities coffee clatch houses--it's like a Byerlys mated with a Target and this is their bastard offspring.

OT: I'm only a part-time Windows user (Linux), but get your hands on Notepad++ and/or Notepad2 for good ASCII editors (and either OpenOffice or LibreOffice for the full-up office package win).

Both of these editors give you much more flexibility than vanilla Notepad, and Notepad++ is extensible via plugins as well.

Beats Notepad all hollow when the coffee house Interwebs are down.

- Your Open Source Advocate of the Hour

Man Mountain Molehill said...

I gritted my teeth and went to a Starsucks the other day. ( I was out and need a caffeine fix) Sure enough, there was some bimbo with a laptop and work spread out all over a table.

I'm a consultant, I work from home, and I have an espresso machine and high speed internet. If I didn't have medical appointments I would never have to leave the house. Who is it that "works" in a coffee shop? Is it work, or do they just want to be seen?