Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Standard Excuses Girls Give You

I was running and for whatever reason I remembered one of the more common excuses I received from a girl in my dating days, specifically back in high school and college;

"My friend just broke up with her boyfriend and really needs me right now."

This excuse is usually delivered when you have a date with a girl and she really doesn't want to go out with you.  It's a "perfect excuse" in that it's palatable enough that if you accused her of lying she could feign indignance (and at the same time accuse you of "creepystalkerassholishness" PROVING you weren't worth her anyway, jerk!), but is outlandish and over-used enough that it sends  clear signal not to ask her out again or reschedule the date.

This remembrance then sent me down the path of excuses I've heard:

"I'm sick."

"I have to work."

"I have too much homework."

etc. etc.

but the "my friend just broke up with her boyfriend" excuse was so common (not to mention lame) I believed it was part of a group of "well-known" or "standard" excuses women are trained to use.

Ergo, I think it's high-time to catalog the "standard" excuses and their English translations/meanings so young men know what to do when they receive such excuses.  This list will then be updated as we receive more "standard" excuses.  You may start listing them off now.  Please forward this link so we can get the most comprehensive group possible.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

–”Let’s just be friends.”
Translation: “I don’t really want to be your friend; I just want to find a way out of this thing with you that will not make me look like a total bitch. Look, let’s face it: I will never ever in a million years have sex with you because I’m just not into you at all. So can we just agree to leave it, and walk away, so that I can save some face here? OK?”

–”We just don’t seem to have much in common.”
Translation: “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

–”I just don’t want to get serious.”
Translation: “I just don’t want to get serious WITH YOU.”

–”I’m just not attracted to you.”
Translation: “You and me — this just isn’t going anywhere. Look, the thought of having sex with you really turns me off. You’re just not my type. I’m trying to let you down easy while being halfway honest here.”

–”I don’t want to rush things. You’re really special, and I want to wait.”
Translation: “If you were a hot alpha, I’d do anything you wanted sexually. I’d blow you in the bar bathroom and be literally f**king you in the car on the way back to your place. And in fact I’ve done that many times before with alphas (not that I’ll ever explicitly tell YOU that). But since you’re not a hot alpha, and you’re instead a provider beta, you’re not getting sex until I know you’re invested in me, and even then you might not get any sex. I am in total control here.”

–”I want to do it the right way this time.”
Translation: “I’ve gotten hot sex from hot alphas, and I got hurt. Now I’m on the prowl for a husband; and I’m going to make you establish yourself as husband material before you see any skin at all.”

–”I’m not like that anymore.”
Translation: “I most certainly am like that with alpha men. But I’m ready for a husband now after my time on the carousel. Since you’re not alpha, I need to put on a “nice girl” act so I can make you prove your bona fides as possible boyfriend or husband material.”

–”This isn’t working out. But I really like you, and I hope we can be friends.”
Translation: “This isn’t working out, I don’t like you, and I don’t ever want to see you again.”

–”It’s not you, it’s me.”
Translation: “It’s not me at all. I’m just fine. It’s you. It’s all you. You are the problem here, and I’m ending the problem by getting rid of you.”

–”There’s two kinds of guys — the kind you date, and the kind you marry. You’re the kind you marry, and I’m just not ready to get married yet. I hope you understand.”
Translation: “You’re too nice of a guy, you don’t turn me on, I feel like a bitch by dumping you, but the bad feelings aren’t enough to make me continue dating someone I am just not into at all. But I’d be totally into marrying you if I were feeling the tingles.”

–”You’re gonna make a great husband for some really lucky girl someday!”
Translation: “I don’t know if you’d be a great husband or not, but thank God I’ll never find out, because that “really lucky girl” will definitely NOT be me.”

deti

taterearl said...

I got an "orthodontist" appointment excuse one time. I couldn't help but laugh at that one.

Phil Galt said...

Ohh...my sister got tickets for Celine Dion. - Told to me AFTER I helped her with project. Learned lesson then & there.

P.D. Valencia said...

If the Liberal Arts are so useless and ridiculous, then things like "English" and "translations" are as well.

But I think you're missing the crux of the issue here: You've had way too many girls try to get out of dating you.

Regardless, here's one more for your list (no doubt one you are familiar with): "It's not me, it's you." Translation: I'm sure you've seen enough "Gossip Girl" to translate that one yourself.

'Reality' Doug said...

I appreciate the peer review process with all the fine suggestions, but let's not get too concerned with our hurt feelings. I think honesty ought to be respected, even from a woman, in fact especially, or else who's fault is it woman are not direct?

”I’m just not attracted to you.” = I'm not attracted to you, and let me spare you the details.

An emotionally secure man would ask for specifics to see if he can personally improve if not salvage the interaction, and to practise composure in the big moments guarding the big rewards. Basically, can you challenge a woman without endangering her: that is the fitness (a.k.a shit) test. (A)lways (B)e (C)losing. Internalize the rewarded but not guaranteed mindset, gents.

Anonymous said...

Whatever the form of the excuse, it doesn't matter. Cataloguing them would be a waste of time and energy. The actual content is always the same: "I have concluded your value is lower than the standard I have set for myself". There is only one way to deal with a woman who takes this attitude towards you: a one-strike-and-you're-out anti-flake nexting policy, with no exceptions. And nexting means nexting - not friending, not social circling, but immediate and complete cutoff. You don't contact her again and you don't respond to any attempts she may make to contact you. You don't delete her number from your phone, you change the address book entry to e.g. Amy Flake NEXTED so you know not to answer the calls and to delete the texts unread. Life is too short.

Unknown said...

You realize, don't you, that these complaints have a noticeable whiff of "loser" about them.

Anonymous said...

"I'm so busy with school/work"

Rubbish excuse. If women are truly interested they will make time. If they are not interested they will keep mentioning how hectic/busy their schedule is. Move on.

Anonymous said...

"My *Mom's* cat is sick"

40 years ago - I was in HS.
Even then.. I "got it".
Never asked her again.

Captain Capitalism said...

Way ahead of you Unknown.

Dominic said...

Here's one I've heard some guys within the Church will get: "I really want to concentrate on my relationship with Jesus right now."

Dominic said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Women almost never dare to be honest. Thus men call learn to call cowards "Pussy".

Anonymous said...

I was actually thinking of this very topic over the past couple days. One that puzzled me quite a bit: "None of my friends have boyfiends"

So?

Francois

HeManMasterofthePooniverse said...

"I forgot that tonight: some friends are coming in from out of town/its a good friend's birthday/I've got yoga class"

Text message:
Me (at 5PM) : See you at 8
Her:

Luckily I've been the 10:01 guy more often than the dinner guy....
"OK but I have to get home by 10"
Translation: You buy me dinner and the guy that's using me for ass is coming over at 10:01 to pound me

Captain Capitalism said...

HeMan,

Those are classics!

Cpt.

Anonymous said...

”You’re gonna make a great husband for some really lucky girl someday!”

Ooohhh...I heard that one many times back in the day (and all the variations of it too).

There was one that particularly stung at the time, but by pure chance I did get some level of revenge. Not too long ago I ran into one of those women at a hockey tournament. She was there watching her sister's kid play and proceeded to regail me with stories of her wonderful career etc. etc. Notably absent was any mention of family.

In the middle of the conversation, the team I was coaching started to filter by on their way to the dressing room. My son ran up and asked something about the next game and then ran off saying "You're the best dad ever!".

I saw her deflate. Then, just to twist the knife, I said "You know, way back when you told me that I would be a great husband to a very lucky girl, I didn't believe you at the time. But you know what? You were right. Thanks for that!"

A few more I've heard:

"I just broke up with my boyfriend so I'm not ready to date right now."

"I've made a lot of mistakes in the past and I want to make sure this time"

"You're a really nice guy and I don't want to hurt you."

"Work is crazy right now and I don't have time to date someone."

ZCORR said...

"I'd like to go out on a date with you but my friend (with a really great personality) really likes you and I can't do that to her".

Dave said...

Single men solved this problem years ago by not "dating" women. They just go somewhere with their friends and tweet the girl at the last minute asking if she wants to join them. If she's busy, he'll tweet a different girl, or just hang out with the guys. Women hate this system, but they're stuck with it now.

Black Poison Soul said...

"I'm not really ready for a relationship." - at least, not with you.

My response: I offered a "friends with benefits" less-serious relationship. She went for it.

HeManMasterOfTheUniverse said...

"Stomach ache/anxiety/migraine"

Anonymous said...

I set up girls who were abusing my then-ultrabeta attitude in my phone as NFCR - No Further Consideration Required.
Then if any of them called me out of the blue wanting a favour I'd return their behavior.
"Stood me up at a restaurant and now want me to pick you up because your car broke down? Sure."
Two hours later: "Where are you?"
"Sorry, I got caught up with something else. I won't be able to make it, but let's catch up some time".
After the NFCR system was implemented I had a whole lot more time to do anything other than favours!

Infantry said...

As usual, 90% of these translate as 'I don't find you attractive enough'

Tyler said...

Her: It's the Season Finale of "Show" So I want to make sure I don't miss it.

Me: That's Fine I don't mind watching it with you

Her: I don't want you to be a distraction

Anonymous said...

I asked out a girl once and she gave me an excuse saying "she barely has time to see her close friends". Then she proceeded to say that we didn't have much in common either, despite my affability. However, a few days later as it had turned out I saw photos of her with friends on social media. I mean, I only wanted to go as friends with her, but if she's not even interested in lunch then there's no point of even maintaining a friendship with her.