Donning my “Charming as Fuck Tuxedo,” I was feeling a bit smug since I bought it when I was 19 and still managed to fit into it 23 years later. After posting a couple pictures on teh interwebz and social mediaz my ego was further vindicated with tons of likes and even the occasional female saying,
“Wow, for the first time I don’t want to throw up when I see you!”
But the reason I was donning my rarely-donned tux was because it was a special occasional. I was going to see the (quite literally) legendary Don Rickles, who at the age of 90 is not only still performing, but may not be performing for us much longer.
Being familiar with his work I knew what to expect in terms of comedy and shtick, but what I didn’t know was how he would perform physically and whether it would be a short show. At his age he certainly wouldn’t be able to repeat his energetic performances from the 60’s and 70’s. And so I tempered my expectations of a boisterous man, whose loudness was to only be outdone by his laser-guided-precision as he masterfully flayed witting and honored members of the audience.
I was wrong to temper my expectations.
Mr. Rickles is of course very old and naturally he had to sit down most of the time. But his brain was just as fast as it had always been. Pulling happy victims from the audience he would ask what they were ethnically and do everything from goose-stepping if you were German, calling you a fag if you were Swedish, and asking “Why are there Chinks in Iowa” if you were Chinese and grew up in Des Moines. There were no hecklers, but overenthusiastic fans, some of which were women, who when they “wooed” or “hollered” Mr. Warmth would say, “my god they all want my body.” Further blasting past any concerns for political correctness he, in the witness of a sold out crowd, plainly, blatantly, and purposely sexually harassed a female drummer in the orchestra telling her to come up to his room after the performance, to which the entire audience and drummer herself laughed.
It was a great time enjoyed by a (much older than myself) crowd and I’m happy as hell I got to see him before he passes on to join Frank and his mother. But that was the key thing. The crowd was much older. Which means it was much more mature. And because of that this crowd got to enjoy a type and level of humor no stereotypical Gen Xer or millennial of today every will because, in what I would surmise Don Rickle would say…
”You’re all a bunch of faggots.”
Understand Mr. Rickles has lived a full life, served in WWII, has been married 51 years, has a career that has spanned 60, has a full family, contributed more to this world than you ever will, and at the age of 90 is the poster child for “zero fucks to give.” He is completely untouchable by today’s thought police, academia’s nazis, and the complete faux-intellectual pussies posing as millennial liberal art students. This position means he is the perfect barometer of truth and reality because he is immune and pardoned from any of the would-be attacks that would come from (what I would predict Mr. Rickles would call) “precious faggots.” The millions of weak-minded fools that parade themselves today as faux-intellectual college students, professors, politicians and journalists would not be able to be in the room with this great legend for more than 10 seconds without their weak and fragile minds being more triggered than there was triggering in all of WWII. And because of their hubris and arrogance these SJW’s, millennials, and perpetual-victim-status-seekers would merely dismiss this genius and jewel of America because “racism” and “sexism.”
Which is ultimately and truly their loss. For in merely dismissing Don Rickles as an outdated “has been” they miss out on not just the humor, but some vitally important lessons his humor teaches us about humanity.
Understand the average American today, with its complete sheeple regimen of 13 years K-12 brainwashing and an extra 4-8 years of worthless academic study, is likely to be triggered just in the fact there was a sell-out crowd enjoying (GASP!!!) RACIST AND SEXIST JOKES, because they have been trained to be
2. Constantly be on the look out to be offended
3. Constantly be searching for ways to be a victim, all so they can
4. Demand taxpayer money because they’re oppressed or disable (link to article on IVF)
This means they not only fail to realize it’s a joke (ARGUABLY some leftists are not even capable of enjoying or identifying humor), but that they lack other important skills it takes to survive in this world.
The first and foremost skill insult-humor hones is the ability to determine if you can trust somebody. Understand only true egomaniacs, people who value themselves above others, take offense at a joke that pokes fun at them. They are so full of themselves and value themselves more than others that they can’t brook an insult, joke or not. This is why racial or sexist jokes are a great determiner of whether a person is humble, doesn’t value him/herself more than others, and has the intelligence to not only be able to identify humor, but appreciate it as well. Irish jokes, black jokes, German jokes, white jokes, Polish jokes, you’ll trust your kids more with a guy who can laugh at a joke at his own expense than you will one that gets his panties in a bundle. Matter of fact this is such a good skill to have I implicitly do NOT trust anybody who compliments me or calls me “sir.” It would genuinely freak me out and depress me if my friends all of the sudden started treating me nice because it meant I had done something that made them feel uncomfortable and they are now acting disingenuous.
Two, it’s a secret tell.
To a charlatan, con man, or anybody trying to get something out of you, logic says you should treat people nice so they like you. But anybody who has tried to date women or make friends with men know that acting nice gets you nowhere. Most people who are trying to screw you over cannot get past this simple logical fallacy because their untrustworthy goals are not long term or sincere, but more immediate. Therefore they don’t care about you long term because they have no intentions for you long term. This becomes immediately evident when they treat you nice right away (a bum about to beg for money calling you “sir”) and the hair on your neck stands up.
Trustworthy people, on the other hand, have the urge or need to occasionally pick on those they love or care about. Trustworthy people test others occasionally to see if that person can take it, and therefore has the capacity for selflessness, altruism, and above all else, humor, which makes them good candidates for friends and loved ones. In return trustworthy, honorable people can take, will take, AND APPRECIATE a joke at their expense because at either a conscious or instinctual level they know it is a sign of care, consideration, or love. This ability to ID trustworthy and untrustworthy people is arguably a more valuable benefit of insult humor than the humor itself.
Three, it is also a secret tell you’re a dick.
If your life support strategy is to:
constantly look for offense
so you can feign victimization
so you can demand other people’s money
so you can feign victimization
so you can demand other people’s money
this strategy, though you think it’s clever and clandestine, stinks to high hell. And so much so it will immediately raise the self-defensive instincts of others, even to the point they automatically disrespect and hate you, but don’t know why.
For example, do you like this person even though you don't know him?
How can you? There’s physical tells these SJW type of people are evil and fully intend on living off of you.
But in addition to having a very punchable face, these people cannot laugh at themselves, let alone find humor in anything, AND it all stems from their constant attempt to parasite off of others. If this is you, you will NEVER have any real life time friends, you will NEVER have an honest or reliable spouse, your children will NOT grow up to become successful, and you will never have any success or happiness in life. It’s all because you look to live off of people and not be friends with them.
Four, constructive, but loving criticism.
The black community is largely in last place because nobody wants to hurt feelings or deliver, blunt force truth. But if you look at black men in the military they tend to do much better in nearly every category. Not only is this a function of blunt truth (of which there is plenty in the military), but the comradery and help from fellow men wherein the constant ripping, joshing, belittling, and besmirching build and forge better, stronger, and more trustworthy men. However, ensconced in this smack talk and insults are hidden bits of constructive criticism. Constructive criticism that’s there NOT because the person hates you or is bigoted towards you, but because the person genuinely cares about you and wants you to do better.
“Nice shooting fuck face. Know I can’t rely on you to protect my ass in the field.”
“No, you didn’t scare her with your 50 texts in 24 hours. You just made her call the cops and put your ass on a sexual predator list.”
“Hey dicknuts, WTF were you thinking majoring in communications was a good idea?”
But if you’re a pampered little civilian (black or not), and especially if you’re a precious, spoiled high school or college student with all sorts of ADHD, Asperger’s, and social anxiety disorder problems (definitely a monopoly of white SWPL folks), any incoming joke intended as either
an initial test of trustworthiness,
a genuine sign of care or compassion,
or a well-intended bit of constructive criticism couched in humor,
you will purposely misread as an insult because you value any potential victim-shekels you can squeeze from that person more than you do their potential friendship or comradery.
And finally, it’s funny.
The fact two generations of Gen X and Baby Boomer professors, politicians, and public school teachers have brainwashed your faggoty asses so far up your faggoty asses you can’t take a joke means you’re denying yourselves one of the greatest forms of humor and the joy that comes with it. The fact that millions of SJW’s mental growth is so retarded and stunted that a Dean Martin celebrity roast wouldn’t get a laugh is tragic. What young people are missing out on in terms of the ability to laugh at ourselves and the friendship that comes with it is incalculable.
When you add it all up, I cannot imagine a life without these 5 skills/benefits that come from insult humor. I would not have the trustworthy, loving people I have in my life today, I would not have the thousands of hours of joy, laughter and happiness under my belt, and for the life of me I don’t know how the SJW, leftist, victim-pimping, millennials live or enjoy life without it. I imagine many of you live a Stalinesque lives where destroying others is all you have in life. Or worse, you’re so blinded by your race and the constant victim-pimping from school, you’ll never enjoy this humor or the true kindness that is behind it.
If there was any justice in this world, and colleges and universities were truly “institutions of free thought and open minds,” they would send their students to see Don Rickles. But since they’re more concerned about banning types of free speech that promoting it, it is (in my humble opinion) every Millennial’s job to see Don Rickles more for their own sake than his.