Monday, January 16, 2017

The Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan

To be an effective president you must lead with an efficiency that produces multiple winners, minimizes costs, solves multiple problems at the same time, and unites politicians across the political spectrum.  This results in government policy that is not only most beneficial to the people, but is also cost effective AND (above all else) realistic in that it wins the support of both political parties, making such policy a reality.  Luckily, I have such an idea/policy that I believe will be of realistic and utmost benefit to the American people:

The Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan.

At first you may have many questions about this seemingly controversial plan.

"Wouldn't the democrats be against deportation?"
"What does deportation have to do with economic stimulus?"
"Why would we need an army to do this?"
"Won't this cost money?"

But fear not, for I, with my SAEG (TM) have thought it all through.  And once I explain, you'll see why having a Deportation Army is in the best interests of everyone and is budget revenue positive.

First, a huge problem we have in the country is the number of unemployed and underemployed males.  The "Underemployment Rate" is currently at 9.2% for everyone, but this "mancession" as it was called disproportionately affected males.  You also throw in the fact that women now make "99.76%" of college students, young men face an unemployment rate of 4.6% while women enjoy an unemployment rate of 4.3%.  This says nothing of men who have given up hope, leaving the labor force forever resulting in the lowest labor force participation rates ever recorded.  In short there are millions of men either unemployed, underemployed, or just staying at home playing video games because they've given up hope there's a job for them out there somewhere.

Thankfully, the Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan is also a JOBS PLAN for men.  We cannot investigate, round up, and deport illegals with the current staffing levels of the border patrol.  But by creating a 2.5 million man deportation army, not only will be be able to deport all the illegal aliens in the country, but we will be able to offer jobs to all those men unfortunate enough to be either unemployed or underemployed.

This leads to the second benefit of the Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan - jobs growth, and therefore economic growth.  Assuming 2.5 million FTE jobs created at a (very conservatively estimated) $15 minimum wage, that would bring an additional $75 BILLION to the US economy EVERY YEAR!  But it gets better than that!  Because if we very securely affix our lips to Keynes's ass, the magical wonders of the "multiplier effect" will cause much more stimulus.  Using the savings rate of 5.5% as a proxy for the "marginal propensity to save" (and don't worry if you don't understand this economic jargon.  It's only for really smart people like Paul Krugman to understand), the REAL total economic effect would be $1.4 TRILLION.  That's a full 7.5% in IMMEDIATE economic growth on our current $18.7 trillion GDP PER YEAR!

Which leads to the third reason the Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan is a great idea.

The democrats will LOVE IT!

Understand while democrats love illegal aliens for a multitude of reasons, they love Keynesian economics more.  Why any chance they get to spend more money on broken window fallacies, they can't trip over themselves quickly enough to vote our children into debt and rich people's money away.  Of course, spending it on deporting their illegal voter base away may seem a deal breaker, but when you whet their appetite with the 18x's multiplier effect today's savings rate provides they and their economist policy wonks won't be able to help themselves!  They'll vote for it immediately!

And finally, four.  Whereas Nancy Pelosi was right that welfare checks were the best thing to get an economy growing, and Paul Krugman was also right that we should just print off a ton of money, that is condescending to all their constituents and congregational members (of the Chuch of Keynes).  It implies they're lazy, just don't want to work, or have given up hope when they couldn't land a job at Intel with their Masters in Puppetry Studies.

The Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan gives its participants PRIDE because it gives them jobs.  We know everybody who collects welfare, TANF, WIC, SS disability, and Section 8 are all fully aware and ashamed of their parasitic nature and want nothing more than to become contributing members of society.  Why absolutely NONE of them have lived off of the taxpayers for generations, and when they're on the government dole, they want nothing more than to get off.  That's why the pride in having a job is just as an important psychological benefit as the paycheck that comes with it is financial.

So contact your congressman today!  Tell them you support The Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan and want them to vote for it!  It's sound government policy that has bi-partisan support and is guaranteed to get our economy booming again!

PS - If you don't support The Deportation Army Economic Stimulus Plan you're racist.
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duck said...

I LOVE it! The men who are part of this deportation army will not just have a job, but be the HEROS that saved our civilization! After defending our country I bet men that join will become much more masculine. I will contact my representatives later today.

Let's do it!

Anonymous said...

That put a smile on my face. I think this is the piece that finally convinces me that t’captain isn’t really an American but a refugee from Yorkshire. Pretty sure his humour is wasted on most but us expat tykes love it.

Anonymous said...


Un Americano said...

Men doing work for a government that has done everything it can to fuck them over, under, in, out, and through. Nope.

Anonymous said...

What's SAEG?

Solid plan btw. On a serious note, why not create some ultra-ambitious government program like the 60s Apollo project? Millions of people will get involved, science advances, new amazing technologies created.

Anonymous said...

You're whining again blaming your problems on others blah blah etc etc...
It's not illegal aliens' fault they just come here looking for work because there's no resources in their countries because the United States takes them by force like oil in the middle east causing financial inequality and yes they do have children they can't afford and go on welfare but hey at least they're reproducing which is what humans are supposed to do right? it's not their fault that the system is fucked if it wasn't like it is they'd probably go out and hunt for their food unlike white men that you mention are at home playing video games because they lost hope like you said, not to mention the fact that whites aren't reproducing and are bound to get absorbed by other races within 50 years. I know that pisses you off but hey don't get mad at me I didn't make things that way, nature did lol, and you probably think I'm a democrat or leftist whatever no I am not I believe government is unnecessary. I know you'll delete this comment but I hope you get to read it and realize that once again you are biased and brain washed by the right wing. Just DON'T BE A FOLLOWER. that's all I gotta say