Wednesday, June 10, 2020

The Four Types of Modern American Fathers

This is an excerpt from the book "How Not to Become a Millennial."  It highlights the four types of fathers we have in America, three of which are abysmal failures and are the cause of most of the problems our country faces today.  Of particular note you will want to read about the "Present, But Absent Father" as this includes the plurality of fathers who are physically present, but too lazy to actually raise their children, making them no better than deadbeat dads.

If you were planning on becoming a father, I strongly urge you to read through these four types and ask which one you're willing to become.  And if not a "Real Father" - where you are not only present, but actively participating in your child's life - then to march your ass right down to the virologist to get yourself a vasectomy so you don't torture an unwanted child by bringing one into this world.

Please consider purchasing the book below.

The Four Types of Fathers

The question for future generations of fathers is do you want to be this type of dad? Do you want to be responsible for bringing innocent children into this world of hell? Or do you have the strength and morality to not only ensure you choose the right woman to have a child with, but that you will put your child first in life and do what is in the best interests of that child? Alas every man has four choices as to which type of dad they’d like to become, only one of which is being a real father. And given we’re talking about the lives of innocent children it’s important all future fathers be completely honest with themselves as to which type they’re willing to become, not the one they’ll proclaim to society they’ll be.

Deadbeat Dads

The truth about deadbeat dads is there’s no point in trying to shame them. The “baby mamas” dumb enough to breed with them really overestimate their intelligence, morality, or even common sense. Because while single moms can argue all they want that their “baby daddies” should step up and own up to their responsibilities, the reason these guys came inside you without a condom is because they’re too stupid to do the math on a 18 second orgasm costing them 18 years of child support. People that dumb aren’t capable of feeling guilty for bringing an innocent child into a world of hell, so they sure as hell aren’t going to give a damn about their baby mamas nagging them about “where’s the check?” Just save your breath.

But if you are this dumb of a man and you’re one of those idiots on the news who has 12 kids from 6 different women, about the only argument that *might* get through your thick skull is that for $1,000 you can get a vasectomy and never have to worry about having another baby or paying another child support check ever again. You can have sex all you want, but you will never have to worry about a nagging woman hunting you down for money, ever. Forget any higher-level arguments about moralities, ethics, and responsibilities of being a father. You’re too stupid for that. Just get a vasectomy and you’ll never have to deal with a “baby mama” ever again.

Divorced Dads

Harsh as we are on women, this is only because a disproportionate amount of today’s propaganda targets women, requiring a disproportionate amount of constructive criticism be dedicated towards them. However, this does not mean men are off the hook when it comes to forming a family. Men have just as much responsibility to their current and theoretical would-be children. Men have to choose the right mother to have their children with. Men have to work hard, earning a trade or a profession they can support a family with. Men also have to build the finances by which they can afford to support a family as well.

But the majority of men fail miserably in nearly all regards.

Right off the bat with 41% of births occurring outside marriage, 41% of you are not using a condom when you should. Throw in the divorce rate of 50% and now the majority of men are empirically choosing the wrong women. Most Millennial men have nowhere near the finances needed to support a family, let alone themselves. And with most Millennial men slaving away at three jobs in the gig economy, they simply don’t have the time necessary to be both a supporting husband and father. But whether it’s “the lord will provide” or an unconscious instinct that “well we just have families because that’s what humans do,” men are still starting families anyway. And consequently, they set themselves up for failure when it comes to being a family man.

In having a child before you are ready you immediately cause stress within the family before it’s even formed. You put incredible financial pressure on the family not only in that there are more mouths to feed, but birthing children costs money and takes the wife out of the labor force. Unless you were smart enough to become an engineer and *cough cough* traditionally support the family on one income, you likely have to work multiple gigs to make ends meet, as does your wife. And this only stresses your family further as you’re never around to provide moral support to your wife or children. You go on the state-sponsored health insurance plan, get a loan from your parents, or go on outright government assistance which does lessen you in the eyes of your wife. And further lessening her view of you is that you can no longer workout and stay in shape as you’re running ragged working three jobs. And since your wife also has to work to make ends meet, it’s only a matter of time until she meets Kevin in sales who has no children, has more money, and has more fun. That and he plain does not give a fuck that your wife is married.

Soon the divorce papers are served and there you sit with your dopey Millennial face wondering “What? What did I do wrong? I was kind and sweet and nice! I was an environmentalist and there for her emotionally! I even voted democrat!” But even though you didn’t intend to raise your children in a broken home, that’s precisely what ended up happening. And the reason why is because you believed in lies such as “follow your heart and the money will follow,” the Millennial political religion, and that women wanted some sensitive 90’s man. Not a real man.

Though no man sets out to get divorced, it is his lack of awareness and an underestimating of his obligations to his wife and children that lands him in divorce court. It is also his inability to distinguish between political propaganda and biological reality. So while the Boomer social scientists and Millennial political propagandists are all telling you women want “new gender roles,” this does not change the 2 million years of human evolution that women want…once again…a man who is

physically fit
makes enough money to support a family
does not live at home
is mentally strong
is masculine
and is tall.

To meet the bogus new gender roles merely requires lip service. But to meet the real traditional ones requires sacrifice, work, and dedication to both your wife and children. And if you’re not willing to put in the work to achieve those things, you are not willing to put in the work that is necessary to become a father. Expect to be divorced with visitation rights every 4th Tuesday of every 3rd month. And say hi to Kevin in sales for me.

Present-But-Absent Dads

This is the largest contingent of modern day fathers. They have a wife, they have children, on paper they look like the perfect nuclear family, but the father truly is a sperm donor because he invests absolutely no time in his children. He goes to work. Comes home in the evening. He might have dinner with the kids, but then sits in front of the TV or reads the paper for the rest of the night. He makes no investment in his children, spending no time with them, and when he dies his grand total investment in his children will be “sperm donor” and nothing more. He truly might as well not exist.

The costs and consequences to children of “Present-But-Absent” fathers are incalculable. No lessons about the future are imparted, no life skills are taught, morality and critical thinking are never instilled, and thus their children are left completely clueless and directionless in life. They don’t know what they should do. They don’t know what the purpose of life is. And so they are dumped out into the real world to wander aimlessly like nearly all of the Millennials today.

But this lack of paternal investment also leaves their children hopelessly unprepared for the real world. So much so that many Millennials today learned more from the internet than they did their dads. Millions of Millennials didn’t have their fathers teach them how to change oil. They had YouTube teach them. Millions of Millennials didn’t have their fathers teach them about dating. They had YouTube dating coaches teach them. Millions of Millennials didn’t have their fathers teach them about personal finances or budgeting. They watched Dave Ramsey or read Jacob Fisker for that. Millennials didn’t even have their dads teach them ethics or morals or philosophy. They stream Stefan Molyneux, Dennis Prager, or The Andy Griffith Show to teach them that.

But worse, these Present-But-Absent fathers fail to teach their kids street smarts, which makes them easy marks for the “The Lying Industrial Complex.” Without fathers around to talk about the pros and cons of majoring in different subjects, their children take on tons of debt for worthless degrees. Without fathers to warn their kids about the foolishness of buying a new car at 15% interest, their finances are further crippled the same. Their sons go horribly unprepared into the dating world, offending more young women than wooing. And their daughters are given no context or imperative about how to avail themselves of their youth and beauty while they still have it. But perhaps what is most painful of all is the confusion these poor kids have when nothing makes any sense or goes their way in the real world because their fathers did absolutely nothing to either explain or prepare them for it. It’s not until they’ve lived a decade of life as an adult are they able to painfully reverse engineer the lessons their father should have given them decades ago. Lessons, more often than not, that are tragically learned too late.

There are certainly excuses as to why the majority of fathers today are so non-participatory. It could be they are working themselves to the bone out of a misdirected love to support their family financially. It could be their and their wife’s spending habits necessitate the father work so much otherwise they’d file for bankruptcy. It could be the wife is so overbearing he dare not speak his mind or deliver the tough fatherly love that is needed in fear of getting divorced. It could be something as tragic as he got spermjacked and really didn’t want to be a father anyway. It could just be an epidemic of really shitty dads. Whatever the real reason, none of it changes their actions. None of it changes effective reality. Most fathers today may be physically there, but they might as well not be.

Real Fathers

There is nothing more valuable than wisdom because it saves younger people the most precious and only commodity we have in life – time. The book “Worthless” for example is simply wisdom that tries to spare young people the years of time and labor most of them will waste on a worthless degree. Jacob Fisker has a book out called “Early Retirement Extreme” which is nothing more than a book of wisdom teaching people how to be a minimalist, retire early, and avail themselves of the most amount of time they have on this planet. Even the old man at the barbershop who leans over to a younger man and says, “Look kid, do the scheduled maintenance on your car” imparts that bit of wisdom because it will save the young man time through lower overall maintenance and repair costs. Wisdom is the most valuable thing one person can give to another in that they’re giving that other person additional time.

But wisdom is something else, especially as it pertains to fathers. It is love. It is caring. It is investing. Real fathers invest in their children by imparting wisdom so that they may live happier and easier lives. And not just things like “do the scheduled maintenance on your car” or “don’t major in Theater,” but wisdom about the larger and more important goals in life that ultimately determine the quality of life a person lives.

Telling their sons how to find a quality wife.
Telling their daughters how to spot a quality man.
Explaining that a job is to make money so you can live and not the other way around.
Explaining why material things and fancy cars will not bring happiness.
Explaining why true love can only be attained by putting others ahead of yourself.
Conveying the incredible value of friends.
And above all else, not letting politics, intimidation, laziness, or fear of an uncomfortable conversation deter them from providing their children that critical wisdom.

These life lessons may not be sexy, even boring enough to evoke a painful “I know daaaaaaaad,” but in the long run it’s the most precious gift one can give. Because while Daddy Warbucks is buying his kids a car or paying for their fraternity dues, a real father is teaching his kids value and reality. And the key to happiness and a fulfilled life is not things, materialism, or prestige. It’s knowing what is valuable in life, knowing what reality is, basing your decisions in that reality, and attaining the things that are truly valuable. It’s being able to maintain a car, not merely having one. It’s having a successful career, not merely having a Master’s degree. It’s falling in love, not merely throwing a wedding. This is why a dad who merely pays his daughter’s way through college without teaching her about why she should go to college is not a real dad. But a father who insists she majors in Engineering or Accounting and takes the time to explain why is. One is outsourcing his fatherhood to money because he is simply too lazy to parent, the other is investing time in his children because he desperately wants his children to be happy in life.

This fourth option of fatherhood is not the “ideal” way to be a father. It is the only way to be a father. And if you’re not willing to invest that level of time, energy, and wisdom into your children, then do your children a favor and get a vasectomy. You just aren’t qualified to be a real father.


David said...

Another great article. In my experience lazy "Present But Absent Dads" imagine themselves to be experts on raising children.

Demet said...

I 100% agree with you, even being a woman. Very well explained an very true.

Mike said...

Spot on, Cappy!

ASM826 said...

Virologists don't do vasectomies.

janice said...

Im a woman, and not even a parent. This article is spot on and should be plastered everywhere. You always manage to encasulate good life lessons in a short few sentences. Good job!

vok3 said...

"or reads the paper for the rest of the night."

Wow, did we hit 88 MPH or something?

"Explaining why true love can only be attained by putting others ahead of yourself."

Okay, go to it, smarty pants. Explain why.

Every single time in my life that I have made a point of being generous and not putting myself first, the result was that the people to whom I was generous immediately started taking me for granted and expecting more.

Every single time. For more than a decade. With a WIDE variety of people.

Now obviously, the common element in this pattern is me; so I'm not saying I wasn't doing something wrong to cause it. I don't know what. If I don't know I can't fix it. What I do know is that when I stopped going out of my way to put others first, I was no longer being taken advantage of.

I'm genuinely happier and less stressed living this way - putting myself first. So I'll continue.

"Conveying the incredible value of friends."

This I'll agree with, but with one small problem: you need friends who also are aware of it.

Every friend in my life has been, from their side, "out of sight, out of mind". This ties into the previous thing. I've done what I can to try to maintain these friendships; suggesting lunches together, telling people about cool events I'll attend and asking if they want to come along, or just dropping them an email now and then. It's always me putting in that effort, never them, and whenever I stop, the friendship evaporates as though it never existed.

Again, the common element is me. Maybe I'm just not a likeable person or something. If I don't know I can't fix it - but I kinda think there's at least a little responsibility on the other side as well, and that people today just can't be bothered to put in the effort. Also that they're so totally distracted by Facebook friends (which are not real) they don't notice they have no real friendships themselves, either.

Anonymous said...

vok3, same here.

This coronavirus and its lockdown is making it crystal clear who my real friends are and who aren't. There is a difference between someone who goes out of their way to hang out with me in person despite the situation versus those who just waste my time over text and social media if at all. The latter are just acquaintances who only came out when they were bored or their closer friends were not around.