You Can't Tax Free Time

Let me tell you about my buddy John.

John is a bachelor. He majored in electrical engineering many years ago, works part time with his father on this father son business they put together. He bought his first house about 20 years ago, paid it off in 7 years by living frugally and ever since then has continued to live frugally his entire life. Over the past 20 years he has ebbed and flowed between regular day time work and working on his business with his dad as it suits him, for he does not really need that much money to live. However, he did a 7 year stint at one place which brought in an inordinate amount of money (he was paid $150 for 1/2 an hour of work) to the point he could pay CASH for two rental properties, which now today he collects rental income from.

Now the man majored in the right field and combined with his experience he can make bookoo coin if he so desired. If we were paid $300 per hour I'm sure we would too. But when he is offered a job or a position at one company or another he simply turns them down because of one reason and one reason only;

"The taxes aren't worth it."

Now this is an important point to understand in that it will explain why not only none of us will be collecting social security, but why this stimulus will utterly fail, just like the new deal.

First off, yes, John makes enough money to live. However, he is not "living the high life" as some would think. The man has enough residual income from his investments to make a decent living. Yes, he COULD go and work more and make nearly $500,000 per year, but he had an observation that should be taken to heart by all people;

"Why would I waste my time working more in life when not only is my life finite, but any additional work I do at this point will be taxed at 60%? Obama can tax my income, you can't tax my free time."

Understand that there comes the point in a person's life that they realize all they have on this planet that is of any worth is their time. And while money is nice, certainly vital, it is not so up to a certain point. There will come a level of income where one does not need to earn more to survive. Oh sure they may like to have some luxuries, but even then, there will come a point in time where one makes enough money to survive. Now if any level of production beyond that is taxed at such a high rate all one does in working that extra bit is essentially commit themselves to slavery, then why on God's green earth would people do such a thing? Additionally, why would "rich" people who are presumably already at that level of income go beyond the call of duty and work more? Take the logic an additional step further and factor in the fact that if people realize time is the only real thing of value they have (which I think with Obama, more and more people will), they will be reluctant to give that valuable resource up so easily. Ergo one can expect practically NO ONE who values their own life and time would be altruistic enough to work more at a 60% tax rate to support the parasites...errr....I mean the losers....ummm....err...I mean....Obama socialists....umm....errr....I mean "less fortunate" masses of the nation.

Now, this bodes ill for Obama's plans because since it's those "evil rich" people who pay the majority of the taxes. And with tax rates going up for the most productive members of our nation, why are they all of the sudden going to apply less value to their time and start slaving away, working as much as they did before to basically pay for a bunch of losers who can't (or better said, WON'T) support themselves? It's quite simple, they'll become like John, they won't. They will realize, like he did, "You can't tax free time, and free time is all one has on this planet."

Worse still, from a budgetary standpoint, is all this promised future spending. Precisely how do you expect to pay for all of this when you have deterred and disincentived all the productive members of society from producing the profits and revenues necessary to be taxed to raise the taxes needed to pay for the bribe money to vote for the democrats through "social programs"....errr....I mean...uhhh...how are you going to raise tax revenues when the tax rate has shrunk the tax base to near nothing? Is your mommy going to pay for it like she did your Harvard degree? Promise $10 trillion in stimulus via taxing "rich people" at a 75% tax rate. 75% of nothing is still nothing (study the Laffer Curve you morons). The simple truth of the matter is you won't. All Obama has done is shoot himself in the foot by penalizing the most productive members of society to the point they've become like John and realized sleeping in and drinking coffee with his friends and working the occasional 3 hours per week with his dad is infinitely more valuable than waking up at 6 AM to suffer a 1 hour commute to slave away for some asshole boss for 8 hours while you suffer a 2 hour commute back, while 60% of all the income generated from this hellish experience goes to pay for the Peggy Josephs of the world to live. The hosts of this nation (the John's) will simply not work denying the parasites of this world (the Peggy's) their bribe money from the socialist party.

Because after all, you can't tax free time.

And that my capitalist, self-respecting, freedom loving friends is about the only thing you can do right now when the majority of the populous is having "Obasms."

Don't work unless you have to.

Go to school.

Stay at home.

Write a book.

Play some video games.

Cut your spending.

If you can get by on a minimal level of income or work, the by God do it.

Because if you go that extra mile and are taxed at 65%, then all you really are doing is committing yourself to being a slave.

And you know something, life is just too damn short to be somebody's bitch.

On a related note.

Now If the Rest of You Bankers Scumbuckets Would Kindly Follow Suit

I'm glad he's dead and I wish for many suicides more.

And no, that's not "harsh." It's called self-respect and being sane.

The Israel Market Place

I don't know why I haven't posted or linked to this guy before, I interviewed him when I had my radio show long ago, but he runs a good Israeli shop on the internet and like all of us in the internet world we are dependent for our living on making sales.

So if you ever have a hankering for something Israeli (trips, goods, food, etc) visit The Israel Market Place. I kind of looked around and he DOES have A LOT of stuff.

Support Israel.

Piss of leftists and nazi's.

Go to The Israel Market Place!

Entrant #12 - Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

From Beancounter. He wanted to see if the "Evil" Bush Tax Cuts disproportionately benefited the rich not only in nominal terms, but percentage terms (because the left as you all know will pick which ever one shows the rich benefiting the most regardless of the intellectual veracity of the measure in that they know their constituents are too damn stupid to know the difference, let alone have the intellectual honesty to care);



It seems the "rich" didn't do as well as the "poor" no matter how you slice it with the Bush tax cut.

Of course, that is water under the bridge, I'm just posting it for posterity folks.

Manly Men

Imagine if it was the other way around. Running and complaining to the government. Accusation of systematic sexism. More demand for affirmative action to close the "unemployment gap."

I do genuinely believe that men will find a bit of relaxation and comfort in being unemployment. They will, as I have, realized that you don't need that much to live on, and why work harder for it if it's only going to be taxed or taken away. Not to mention and to quote Steve Martin from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels;

"We're the weaker sex! We die from more heart attacks. More strokes. More prostate cancer. I say it's time for a change! I say let them take care of us for a while!"

How the Youth Shot Itself In the Foot

I love short pieces like this.

But i LOOOOOVE it even more when English majors get hit upside the head.

I can see it now. An advertisement for majoring in English.

"Hey kids! Tired of trying and having to do all that stupid math?

Want something that is easy to major in and won't require one single calorie of energy to "earn" your degree in?

Or do you just plain want to admit right up front and announce to the world "hey, I'm too lazy to do any real work and want rest of you to take care of me, but I want to still feel like I'm doing something so I can claim I'm independent and trick myself into not feeling bad about my parasitic existence?"

Then major in ENGLISH!

Yes, English is the language you're all familiar with because, well, it's the freaking national language and you've been speaking it since you were 2.

We don't know why universities offer program, let alone graduate programs in the language, but if you plain have no temerity or work ethic in you, piss away 4, 6 or 8 years of your life (and your, your parents' and the taxpayers' money) studying ENGLISH!

Benefits include;

• Looking for work
• Learning nothing new but socialist and communist philosophy posing as an English degree
• How to indoctrinate children so they too can become the future English majors of America
• Working for a non-profit or the public sector in some make-work job so you can feel good about yourself
• Asking yourself at the age of 23 why you can't find a job
• Voting democrat/socialist your entire life so other people's money can be confiscated to make a job for you
  

Don't be one of those "squares" majoring in electrical engineering or computer science who invariably produce everything in the economy and support themselves. And certainly don't become a tradesman with all their "stupid" ability to "fix cars" and "build houses" and "repair plumbing."

No, become the pinnacle of economic deadweight!

MAJOR IN ENGLISH!!!"

Enjoy the decline, kiddies! You've earned it!

Ian Vaughan Runs for Office

I am not a Canadian, thus this will be viewed as "evil foreign influences and interests," but since I have significant Canadian readership I will be endorsing Ian Vaughan.

You will endorse Ian Vaughan.

Fox, CBS, NBC, ABC

Anybody see the trend?

Bueller?

Bueller?

Entrant 11 - Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Competition

From Kristopher;

Holy "It' Sucks to Be Michigan and California Batman!"

Two states I will never, ever live in, let alone visit.

California and Michigan.

Bleagh!

Advice for My Younger Cappy Cap Brothers

WARNING - This post contains somewhat adult commentary/situations so if you have youth around or are easily offended I'd suggest not reading further.

I often forget what I have been through and this I don't think is coincidence. I think the mind, to maintain its sanity tries to purge or at least subconsciously avoid you having to think about things in the past that are so depressing, if not debilitating, that you have gone through that you would not be able to function or would be severely depressed if you remembered them in full and in all of their gory detail. However, at the same time, you have to view these trials and tribulations throughout life as learning experiences and if you are to be any kind of honorable "elder" you will pass on what you learned through your successes and mistakes so that the future generations may have a more productive and successful life than you. Ergo, I think it is time for a lesson for the younger male cappy caps out there who read this blog and who I often forget do make up a considerable percentage of my readership. So permit me this lesson as I think it will be of great help and benefit to the younger men out there.

Story 1

There was a time in the Captain's youth when he was comely enough to court two ladies at the same time. Well, actually the Captain was comely enough in his youth for this to be a regular event and not always were there two girls, but perhaps maybe even 3, or 4...I think even one time 5. In any case this ONE time (in band camp) he was courting two girls. Both started off as awesome candidates for long term courting potential. But then one of them stood up the Captain, canceling their date at the last minute. The Captain, not worried because of his diversified portfolio continued on his merry life and continued dating the other girl. However, the first candidate then asked him out again, to which the Captain agreed, only to have the date be canceled at the last minute. This continued on until one final time, they had a date and the girl (you guessed it) called the Captain and said she was too sick to go out. The Captain, undeterred by her cancellation, hopped in his Captain Capitalismobile and headed for the evening. However, whilst he was filling up his car with gas, he saw right before his eyes, the "very sick girl" who was "too ill to go out that night" drive past him in her car enroute to the city.

It was here the Captain decided that he was no longer going to bother with this one girl and instead decided to dedicate himself to the other girl who by this time had NEVER stood him up, NEVER lied to him and NEVER played any childish, middle school girl games with him. After getting gas he went to his favorite neighborhood bar where he saw "Amy" who was a friend of the "very sick" girl who was currently heading towards Minneapolis. She asked the Captain,

"So Captain, how's it going with Girl X?"

I replied, "Not too well. I've decided I will not longer court her and instead will dedicate myself to Girl Y."

Amy, visibly disturbed said, "What???!!! Girl X was ready to commit to you! She got rid of her boyfriend in California (to which was new news to the Captain) and was ready to date you!"

To which the Captain replied,

"Nope, I don't care. She stood me up too many times, she lied to me about being sick and I don't know about this California guy, but Girl Y is reliable, has never lied to me and actually treats me nice and good. I don't have time for childish games and if Girl X wanted to go out with me, then tough cookies, she just blew away her chances."

The Captain then finished his drink, paid his tab, went home and fell asleep. And I had every right to do so WITHOUT WORRY, for you see, when men dump women or just "stop dating" them, we don't have to worry about any kind of revenge or "consequence." We just STOP CALLING. It's one of the great advantages of being a man. We just stop chasing. The girl keeps running never ever thinking it was even a remote possibility the man would stop chasing her, and we just go home, pour a whiskey and light up a cigar and we never see the girl again.

Or so I thought.

The next morning I get a distraught call.

"Captain!??!?!"

Half awake I said, "Yeah?"

"It's Girl X! We have to talk!"

Now at this point in time, I didn't see what possible point there would be in talking. We never "dated" officially and went on several dates, interspersed with her canceling and standing me up 2 times for every 1 date we went on. You could have certainly NEVER claimed we were boyfriend and girlfriend, not to mention with Mr. California whom she was presumably seeing (a convenient 2,500 miles away), ergo I thought this odd that we had to "have a talk."

Now by this time, I will admit, I wasn't a rookie. By this time I was more or less a fully trained Jedi knight and basically said, "Heh, yeah, sure, I'll give you a call sometime."

Sensing my indifference and complete lack of desire to call her, "NO, I'M SERIOUS, WE HAVE TO TALK!!!"

I said, "No, we don't. I'll call you when I feel like it."

"Well you better call me!"

I said, "Yeah, sure."

And hung up.

Almost immediately after hanging up I figured that sooner or later I would have to have "the talk" with the girl, even though we were never dating. It was only putting off the inevitable, so I decided that I would call her, endure the pointless and baseless argument she would tender forth, rely on plain, simple, adult logic to explain why I would not be "dating" her any more and be done with it. Thus I called her back, said, yes, I'd be willing to talk and to have her come over.

She came over, tight lipped and I could almost sensed she was going to give me "what I deserved." We went downstairs where she then began to yell at me and lecture me about how dare I just break up with her, and she thought I was different and that I was one of the few guys who "got it" and blah blah blah. I tried to make some points or explain things to her, but I quickly observed anything I said was summarily ignored as she continued on her tirade. She was going on and on, but then said something rather unique;

"Oh, and I know about Girl Y."

Apparently, Amy had spilled the beans.

"Oh, and you know what's sad? You just like her because she treats you nice and cooks for you and everything."

And that was the most precious statement of all the argument.

"You just like her because SHE TREATS YOU NICE AND COOKS FOR YOU and everything."

Right now I can hear men saying global-wide, "well, duh!?"

No, we like the women that treat us like shit and never cook or do anything nice for us. THose are the ones we go after.

It was from here on that I knew this girl was delusional and psychotic and there was no point in entertaining the notions of an adult conversation with an adult resolution. She gave me my opportunity as she continued on with a litany of things "wrong" with me;

"You know that one time I wouldn't sleep with you!?"

Having a hard time trying to nail that night down I said, "Uh, no, what night?"

"The night you wanted to have sex and I wouldn't let you. I said I didn't think it was what was best?!"

Remembering it slightly I said, "Uh, yeah, I think so."

"Yeah, well that was just because I knew you were a player, Captain. I knew you were a player and I was going to see if you could handle a girl rejecting you!"

Sensing her kind of weird, self-made sense of self-control I said in the most straight faced and stone cold demeanor (because I was that serious),

"Well Girl X, you don't ever have to worry about that again, because I never want to sleep with you again."

Now, you must understand that this girl was a "party girl" from California. She was a car model for GM. And if memory serves me correctly, she may have even been in one of them modern day pin up calendars. Regardless, the whole point was that she was overly physically attractive. And never, in her entire approaching-30 years of life, had a guy turned her down or ever told her they would not sleep with her. Never, had a guy been immune to her single (and arguably) only quality; her looks.

The blow she delivered was weak, but not weak enough to not leave a slight black eye. Regardless, what was more shocking to me was not so much being punched in the face, but a woman who was 29 punched me at the age of 31 because I just didn't want to go out with her.

Story 2

Many years ago in the Captain's youth, he was deemed "a good guy." So "good of a guy" he was deemed by his friends, one of his friends decided to set him up with one of her girlfriends "Ms. Taiwan." Ms. Taiwan was a drop dead gorgeous girl. Her previous boyfriend who was a Minnesota Viking or maybe a MInnesota Timberwolf (I can't remember) was a "jerk" and our mutual friend wanted to set us up. She lived in a private estate in north St. Paul with her parents who were directly related to some of the head honchos in the Kuomintang Party of Taiwan. Cumulatively the parents had a net worth of over $1 billion and when the Captain went to pick up Ms Taiwan in his 1985 Cutlass Supreme (with out the muffler), they not only asked him to park the car three blocks down from their house so as not to bring shame to their family, but also got to endure a conversation about why he wasn't of Chinese/Taiwanese descent (even though he tried, MULTIPLE TIMES to explain he was a mix of Irish, German, and Jew and ALL OF THIS WAS BEYOND HIS CONTROL). One would think the anti-Irishgermanjew sentiment of the parents would be enough to drive him away, but no, their daughter did a splendid job of that by herself.

The Captain knew something was already amiss when on their SECOND DATE Ms. Taiwan answered the door in a naughty catholic school girl outfit. Certainly, the first date had gone alright, but nothing to warrant the outfit on the second date, and though just as male as any other guy, this willingness to don an outfit was making a worrying twingling sensation in the back of the Captain's head. However, the twingling sensation would soon be validated. For as they went forth on the third date and your beloved Captain went to get some gas and he went inside to pay. Upon his return to his car the girl was sitting in a pouting like fashion. Not noticing it too much, the Captain continued on his date and continued to drive.

Now if you want to look this up on Google Satellite to see how the next 20 minutes of this date went start at the intersection of Louisiana and Texas in St. Louis Park and plot directions to Hwy 280 and 35W.

By 394 and Louisiana the Captain noticed the girl was upset. Not thinking there was anything the Captain could have done to possibly upset this girl he said, "What's wrong?"

To which Ms. Taiwan responded, "If you don't know, then the hell if I'm telling you."

Again, not a fully trained Jedi knight, but enough of a guy to know I didn't do anything wrong, I had a hard time validating that statement by playing "20 questions."

By the intersection of Hwy 100 and 394 I had said, "I'm not going to play 20 questions, what is it?"

This then triggered screaming and accusations and yelling and crying from 100 and 394 to...

280 AND 35W

Nearly 14 miles of non-stop bitching and crying and sobbing and name calling and drama and other things that could all be categorized in the category of "shit" which culminated into....

A suicide threat on the bridge over 280 and 35W. She was going to jump out of the car at 65 MPH and if she survived would jump off the bridge.

I was, I think, all of 23 years old.

Oh, and by the way, guess what she was mad about?

That I didn't OFFER TO BUY HER A SODA when I went in to pay for gas!!!!

Story 3

The Captain had met a quite attractive, but above all else, a quite moxie-fied girl named say, "Julie." She was 25, she was drop dead gorgeous and not only did she want to learn how to dance she was also in training for a marathon (the Captain is an avid runner). Naturally we started dating, dancing and running, but soon problems would be found out by the fourth date. For by the fourth date, that's the date where you are more or less obliged to kiss. If you don't, then you are just friends, and there's nothing wrong with that, it's just a little late in the game to not be kissing.

Twas the end of our fourth date, we had gone salsa dancing and when invited to come into the Captain's Pad she agreed. I threw in Father Goose which is one of my all-time favorite movies, she laid down on the couch, I poured her a glass of wine and we then watch the movie as we spooned. We were tired and didn't make it through much of the movie, but she was already nestling her nose in the back of my neck. Thinking this was a for sure fire thing WITHOUT EVEN KISSING HER, I asked her if she wanted to go to bed. She said, "yes."

We got to bed, her still rubbing her nose in the back of my neck and when I went in for a kiss...

She stopped

Sat up

Looked surprised

and said,

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"

Completely confused I said, "What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm trying to kiss you!"

To which she responded (are you ready for this?)

"Well, I'm not kissing any man until we're engaged."

If the look on my face could have been photographed at that moment in time it would have been in the Smithsonian.

Obviously I stopped dating her, but within one week she went salsa dancing, had one martini, ended up having her much-anticipated first kiss (and make out session) with an illegal alien who didn't speak English, but not before she gave him her phone number and when he left messages for her broken English and wouldn't stop calling, guess who she called to ask what to do?

I was about 30 or 31 at the time.

Now I could go on. I literally could with a limitless number of stories that are just as shocking and appalling as those mentioned above. But the larger point of all these stories is an important one and one that I wish to get to younger men in America as quickly and as early on in their lives as possible, and it is this;

No, you're not insane, the women are.

Now this may seem like a funny ha ha, half jesting lesson, but it is not. And the reason it is not is because in order to learn this lesson ON YOUR OWN you would have to go through the hell I and all the other 30 something men in America have gone through. And not only that (and this is key) you have to be driven to such insane lengths and endure such insane situations that you have NO CHOICE but to make the arrogant assumption that there might not be something wrong with you, but rather something wrong with society. This is an arrogant assumption because when is it the "individual" is right and "society" is wrong? But I'm here to tell you that this is just such the case.

If you are a younger man in the US and you cannot believe or comprehend just the sheer magnitude of idiocy you have to deal with when dating, understand it is NOT you, it is society. And the reason I bring up this overall and very important point is because you do not deserve to endure the hell you have to go through from puberty on thinking somehow you are the one to blame for the insanity. There comes a point in time where you just have too much experience and empirical evidence where you have to look back and say, "OK, am I really that insane? Have I really goofed up? What on god's green earth did i do to deserve to have that girl threaten to kill herself? What did I do so that girl would not kiss me until we were engaged? What did I do to have that girl stand me up?"

You didn't do anything. It's just the way girls are.

Now I know I will catch much flak for this post, but I don't care. I'm sick of good honorable men getting stood up, lied to, cheated on or just plain mind-effed with because literal "girls" think its funny to stand men up. I'm sick of seeing boys or young men grow up under an environment that turns them into cynical full grown men who abandon marriage or courtship altogether because girls wanted to play little middle school girl games or re-enact scenes they've seen from 90210 for 2 decades. And I'm dirt tired of seeing men, not much younger than myself, go through their teens and 20's utterly confused, and worse, somehow thinking there's something wrong with them, when there's nobody older than them saying, "Hey kid, here's the reality of the situation. Here's the ropes. Sorry, we didn't make the rules, but at least you know it's not your fault. There's nothing wrong with you."

I also fully intend to put a stop to clueless mothers telling their younger sons, "Well YOU must be looking in the wrong places. There must be something wrong with YOU that you are attracting these types of girls." And replace it with the concept that maybe all there is to select in the population is Britney Spears and a limitless sea of sociology majors.

Regardless, as in tune with the original theme of this post, permit me my young, aspiring male (and female, because some of these rules would apply to you too) junior, deputy and aspiring economists a couple rules or tidbits of wisdom that will help make your younger years easier to deal with and perhaps save you a couple bucks and hours along the way;

1. Life is short, you're going to die, quit trying to pick up chicks at bars. Bars/nightclubs are where stupid people go because they have no conversation skills and need to rely on their looks to get them buy. Girls in particular just go there to get free drinks (I did a survey on this on my economics students and that was the number one reason girls go to bars, not for you, for your propensity to buy them drinks). Instead pick up a hobby or activity that YOU want to do. You will find similarly minded girls and without the loud bass BOOM BOOM BOOM, chances are she'll be smart enough to converse with you.

2. Learn to ballroom/swing/salsa dance. You don't have time to rely on one liners or meeting Suzie Jones in class or to have your friends get off their lazy asses and set you up. Dancing is a great and polite means by which to meet a girl. For every hour you spend learning dance you will save yourself literally 10 hours at a bar with the same amount of success. And NO, it doesn't matter if you "like" to dance, it's your job to do it.

3. At the first sign of trouble, ditch the girl. You look out for number one, YOU. You, especially if you are going to school and working, don't have time for it. If a girl acts weird, or perhaps a better way of putting it is her behavior is "hypocritical" bail. Immediately. You don't have time for games. I'm sure curiosity gets you, like "Why is she acting weird" but it has been my experience you will never find out "why" and the question will be evaded (also, the "why" tends to be another guy, so don't compete, again you don't have the time, you have you to work on).

4. Akin to three, one strike and you're out. I had a buddy Tony, who said something very wise. When he was stood up or a girl didn't call him back his mother would come up with theories as to why. "Well, maybe she got hit by a truck. Maybe the electricity went out in her neighborhood. Maybe she tripped and hit her head and forgot she had a date." But inevitably, Tony said, it all boiled down to that the girl just plain didn't want to go out with you. Think about it, if you had an interview for a job you really wanted, or you really wanted to go on a date with a girl, if you couldn't make it, you would call. If she really wanted to go out with you, she would call. She didn't so quit wasting your time. Which leads us to...

5. Ball in Court Theory - Consider calling or e-mailing or "texting" (what you young punk kids do nowadays) a basketball or a ping pong ball. If you throw or hit the ball to the opponent the ball is in their court. You can't hit it back until they hit it back to you. Don't be an idiot and call/e-mail them if you already did so once. That's it. If they don't call you back, don't call them back. You'll look like an idiot just like you would swinging at a ping pong ball that isn't there.

6. Date Math Girls - Math girls not only tend to be more employable, but I've never had a engineering major/engineer stand me up. Not once. Women that are in the sciences are always on time and are least likely to lie about their availability (a major reason why the majority of girls I dated in college were Asian, they were all in engineering, computer science, physics, etc.). Business majors, HA! Those are your future power hungry HR directors. Give me a geek girl any day.

7. Ask your self "What is my opportunity cost?" - I look back at it and my best times in college and my twenties were NOT with girls. They were with my friends (be they guys or girls). Rock climbing, video games, drinking, you name it. They are always there, they are always willing to hang out and you are GUARANTEED to have a good time. Consider your expected rate of return on a Friday night; Go clubbing where you have a 2% chance of getting a girl's number and a 10% chance of it being a right one and a 10% chance of her actually going out with you (.0002 chance of you going on the date) or play some video games while drinking beer with your friends 100% chance.

8. Do not chase, they will chase you. If there is an important rule, this is it. Life is too short chasing after people. You have to do your own thing that you enjoy and live life and meet the people along the way. The frat boy at the bar with his cap on backwards with the Ambercrombie and Fitch. Yeah, not getting as much play as the guy playing ultimate frisbee with his friends who heads up a tornado chasing expedition and knows how to dance. And the reason why is the A&B boy is a conformist. Girls can get those a dime a dozen. If you're out doing your own thing, girls will be attracted to that. Better yet, girls that like the stuff you do will be attracted to that so you don't have to endure listening to her speculate on "American Idol" or "Obama's pecks" but rather she will be like, "Hell yes, let's go to Glacier National and get freaking on a glacier!" Oh, she's not going to show up on your doorstep that instant, but it won't matter. YOu'll be happy doing what you want to do. And for god's sake, playing an acoustic guitar is NOT a hobby.

9. Religious girls. If you're religious. Good for you. If you're not, stay away from them. And I'm not talking the girls that say, "Well I'm Catholic" but haven't been to church in 3 years, I mean girls that go to Christian colleges and won't court any non-Christian guys. God comes first, dad comes second, and somewhere around 573rd place next to "clean toe fungus" is "find and date cool guy." Ranked 1,435,984th is "kiss cool guy." Save yourself the time, it isn't worth it.

10. Go to school until you're 27. There is no point in looking for a partner to set up a family until you're AT LEAST 27, so you might as well get your masters or doctorate. Girls (as well as boys) will not mature until that time. You want to get married before that, enjoy divorce. I would make it 35, but by that time everybody has a kid so start looking, there is the occasional girl that has her act together before that time, but like I said, you have more important things to do like college, besides which, she'll make herself known.

11. Do not tolerate any drama or soap opera stuff. It's weird, but I almost sense a lot of girls, especially when they're younger get more of a kick off of drama than anything approaching a normally functioning relationship. They lay what are called "land mines" which are nothing but traps to give them an excuse to get mad at you (see you didn't buy me a soda). You think they're not common, oh but they are.

12. Sex is not negotiable. I can understand if you are religious and wish to adhere to your principles and I do genuinely salute you. For the remainder of us men, sex is not negotiable. The girl either has sex or not. And if she doesn't that's fine, nothing wrong with it, but don't think you're going to somehow "convince" her. All you're going to do is waste your time. If you want sex, find a girl that is willing to have sex. And if you can't find one, guess what? You have more important stuff to do any way (see hobbies and college).

13. Never tolerate being stood up. And there really isn't anything you can do about this one in the sense that if you're stood up, you have no choice but to be stood up. But you can protect against it. Always have plans with the guys. Always have something else to do. There was a rule I came up with called the 505025 rule, the founding of which was based on the empirical experience I had where 50% of the time the girl would say yes to a date, but only 50% of the time she would actually show up for the date, resulting in a 25% real chance of a date. In actuality it was more like 70/10/7, but the point is even if the girl says yes, chances are you're not going out, especially in your late teens and early 20's. ASSUME you're not, make other plans and if the girl actually pulls through, consider it a bonus.

14. Buy the damn book! You youth cannot afford to be jerking around with worthless degrees. Focus your efforts and resources WISELY and early on, on productive pursuits.

Now there is infinitely more precise bullet points i could give you, but the overall point is to have not only self-respect, but to draw the lines and standards by which who you are or are not going to date. Self-respect because young men waste so much time trying to date girls who frankly are not worth it (and this time could be spent bettering oneself) and also to establish rules and lines so as not to be taken advantage of. The key thing is to not worry if you are having troubles or are immeasurably frustrated by the insanity going on. All guys are. But if you focus on yourself and enjoy YOUR life you can not only endure the 20's and early 30's, but improve yourself immeasurably, and maybe even find that nice girl who has a job and (as Girl X liked to disdain) "has the audacity to treat you nice."

Sacrilege!

On a Lighter Note

HAR!

Declining Economic Growth

One of my favorite charts is one that should be cited by all economists, but more so is one that should scare you is the 20 Year Rolling Average of Real GDP Growth. The reason I like this chart is that when "raw" RGDP growth is looked at there isn't much of a trend that can be discerned;


But when you average it out of 20 years to give you a sense of "generational" production or "generational" growth, well, you see people preferring to watch more American Idol than getting off their lazy asses and producing something of value;


Now the reason this is scary, and scarier than it was about 2 years ago when I originally calculated this chart, is that in order to pay for all those goodies the socialists used to bribe the moronic masses into voting for them...err...ummm....I mean "in order to pay for all those kind, caring, compassionate (yet impossible to pay for) programs" the only way to pay for them is through economic growth. But with economic growth declining, precisely how do we pay for just these two items?



Let alone all the new spending good ole Barack Obama has promised?

I know, I know, we can't. I'm just trying to establish a track record so as to pre-establish "I told you so rights" in the future.

So, hey, so long, and thanks for all the fish!

Entrant # 10 - Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

A good old fashioned housing chart from Gregg!


REMEMBER, YOU TOO CAN ENTER THE COMPETITION AND WIN CAPTAIN CAPITALISCIOUS GOODIES AND PRIZES!

E-mail your charts to;

CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

You Will Help Big Oil

I had this sent to me by my tippy top super secret (and obviously) evil reincarnate contact with BIG OIL (dun dun dunnnnnnnn!!!!!)

Big Oil needs your help.

Actually, it's more like you need your own help because if you'd like to NOT rely on recessions to make gas affordable, then you better start telling your representatives. See below:

Hello, Cpt.,

Do you remember the MMS five-year leasing plan I wrote to you about last September? I have an update for you

But first, here’s some background information: In January, MMS released its 2010-2015 five-year leasing plan which included proposals to open new offshore areas to oil and natural gas development. Despite the fact that the majority of comments submitted by the public supported the plan, Sec. Salazar delayed its implementation. Instead he directed Interior Department scientists to produce new reports on how much oil and gas might be found off the Atlantic and Pacific coasts and extended the public comment period to September. He also scheduled four regional public hearings this month (in Atlantic City, NJ; New Orleans; Anchorage and San Francisco) to gauge Americans’ perspective on increased offshore drilling.

It’s important to note that Americans don’t have to attend a hearing to weigh in on offshore drilling. You and your readers can submit comments to MMS electronically, if desired.

This link will direct you to a page on our Web site where you can learn more about the MMS five-year plan and click-through to submit a public comment. In addition, the page has several resources for bloggers, including a blog badge and an interactive widget that will allow you to identify your Congressional representatives, find them on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube, or simply send them an e-mail. The widget is an amazing app – try it out and tell me what you think. And if you like it, embed it in your blog.

I hope you’re doing well and keeping the girls happy!

The Captain Holds Class

Greetings all Cappy Cap readers!

Tis a very happy day for I now have finally been given the go ahead to start advertising my online classes on my blog. I’ve been teaching online classes for quite some time now (since 2002, back when I was but a wee lieutenant), but it wasn’t until now I got the green light to advertise them here.

In any case I have two classes;

“Stocks Bonds and Investing; Oh My!”

And

“The Analysis and Valuation of Stocks.”

The first class is just an introductory course to the basics of personal financial management. It is a great class for anybody, but AN OUTSTANDING class for younger folk. I have often insisted that if we had decent personal financial management education in the schools we would have never had this current economic crisis, arguably never have recessions again, but do yourself or perhaps a younger loved one a favor and take this class. You will save and make infinitely more money than what you spend on it.

The second course is actually the one I’m most proud of. It was originally a seminar I put together in Minneapolis to capitalize on the “Dotcom” fad where everybody wanted to trade stocks. However, it became hands down (and I am not bragging here, just speaking the truth) the best class on how to research, value and analyze stocks. You’ll learn how to read financial statements (always a good skill to have) calculate ratios, value stocks and analyze the economy. Additionally, it is sprinkled with humorous anecdotes and stories much in the same way my book was written to keep the reader engaged and entertained, all while learning at the same time.

Also allow me to point out the new advertisement on the right. This is for the company I do the classes through called “Education to Go.” They offer A TON more classes than just the two classes I have, and pretty much have a class for every interest. So if you’re not too excited about taking one of my classes, feel free to click on the link and see what they offer (besides which, you’re ole Captain gets a 10% kick back in case anybody signs up for a class thought that link ;). The link goes to the first class I mentioned, but you can click on the “full catalogue” at the top.

In any case, I would very much appreciate it if you would come visit me and take my classes or even just tell people that might be interested about them. As you know I no longer work a regular day time job and more or less rely on these online classes, my dance classes and other sources of income as a means of support, and I damn well refuse to go to Daddy government for support. So come visit the Captain and learn something new!

Uncle Jay Explains Socialism

Hey, Uncle Jay Explains the News!

Provocateur Jim

You will visit him!

GO DO IT NOW!

DO IT, DO IT NOW!!!!

HURRY UP!!!!

Oh, no, it's too late.

Do it any way.

Stephen Harper Must Feel Like This a Lot

For my Canadian friends.

How to Fix the Economy

Economics, as I like to point out, is simple.

It's very, very VERY simple.

I don't like people who take simple things and try to make them seem complicated so as to fool others into thinking they're super smart or something. For example using words like "paradigm." Do you remember that around circa 2001, 2002 or so? "Paradigm" was a word some intellectual elitist had to look up and worked it into his daily vocabulary so as to keep other people from finding out he was in fact a complete freaking moron. Other complete freaking morons, notably MBA's picked up on the trend and started putting it into their vocabulary. This way people in marketing can make it sound like they're doing something productive.

Oh, sure, I like to use new words, but at least I pick them because of their coolness. Like the word "veracity." Now that's a cool word. Or "expeditious." But "paradigm?"

Get your ass back to academia.

In any case, as I said I like to make economics simple and so let me tell you the one thing that would do the most to help turn this economy around. It's so simple and so effective that it practically guarantees the government will not do it;

Eliminate corporate taxes.

Now, set aside if you will, the natural knee jerk leftist reaction and for once instead try to listen to me.

If you eliminated corporate taxes, several things would happen;

1. Corporations not just domestically, but foreign corporations as well would immediately flood the US to not only set up plants and businesses, but move their corporate headquarters here (bringing with them high paying white collar jobs).

2. These new found jobs would have an immediate and decreasing effect on unemployment, which as it approaches double digits, I think by now has the attention of even the most ardent sports fans who cannot retract their heads from their asses long enough to quit paying attention to what the score is for the hockey game and may now in fact be paying attention to the economy.

3. Corporations would immediately repatriate hundreds of billions in profits they are leaving overseas back into the US economy. You want to talk about stimulus that doesn't require indebting future generations into slavery or destroying the currency, try $300 billion in real money within the next 3 months.

4. "What was that? Corporate taxes that were once 40% are now 0%?" Well boys and girls, what kind of effect do you think that would have on the value of stocks? Let me see, if we get to keep 40% more of our money then stocks would be...um.......wait...40% more valuable!!!!! 1.4*8000, would result in a DJIA of 11,200. Would that help your 401k maybe?

Of course, as I said before, eliminating corporate taxes is such a simple and grandiose idea, that it practically guarantees the government will never do it. Besides which, the government is elected by the people. And the people are so incomprehensibly stupid and brainwashed that they love to loathe "evil corporate America" but in the same breath bitch and moan about the halving of their 401k plans.

In the meantime I sit here and enjoy the show smoking my cigar, sipping my martini.

High School and College Students Don't Know Jack

Little children, who are on their way to becoming nazis to tell you and me what to do.

Here's what I'd like to tell all you little snot nose kids whose parents obviously failed to bring your little egomaniacs up right.


Now get your asses back in school, shut the hell up, try to do some calculus, if you're capable of doing that and when you pay taxes and support yourselves, then we'll give a damn about what you little children have to say.

And shame on the St. Paul City Council for being no more mature.

Just a Fad

Because all it ever was, all it REALLY ever was, was an effortless hobby for worthless, intellectually lazy people who do not contribute to this world to make themselves feel better.

ht

The Economist Gets Desperate

Well it seems my former flame, The Economist, has put up a "poll" about whether or not the productive should be taxed to pay for the parasites.

I went to take the poll (which you can find here) but they require that you sign up a whole slew of information. You aren't signing up for a subscription, but it was obvious they were using this as a means to bolster readership. (I just put in a bunch of BS information).

Regardless, what irks me is how The Economist abandoned its fundamental belief in capitalism and turned its back on nearly 150 years of its logging empirical data, only to support Barack Obama. Additionally, the seemingly shameless attitude to go for increased readership at the expense of integrity or intellectual honest as evidenced here.

In any case, so as to avoid a sampling bias of faux intellectual elitists taking the poll, I thought you normal guys out there might want to go slumming a bit and have a say in the debate, or at least make the poll numbers reflect reality a little bit more and not the limousine liberals' opinions.

Post Edit

Figured I would want to make a couple points that (all you readers know), but if as one person suggests this ever makes it to Glenn Beck, then two obvious charts that he will have to pull will be needed;

1. We already ARE socialist. Especially with Barack Obama putting the Fed tax rate at 30% GDP, you throw state and local and you're nearing 50%.
2. WE ALREADY HAVE PROGRESSIVE TAXATION as duly pointed out by a reader and proved here by the Major's chart entry.


The only real problem we have is a population so damn ignorant, they don't even known we're socialist and so will keep voting to spend more money to the point you will have deterred any production of GDP, thus putting us far along the wrong side of the Laffer Curve.

Tobacco Taxes as a Percent of Cigarette Prices

From the now-fully-pointless Economist;


I would be curious to see how tobacco taxes correlate with the Freedom Index.

"Frank" is Pregnant.

You all know Frank!

Well, "Frank" is pregnant.

Tis a little inside joke.

Soon, this is what Frank will look like;


Regardless, congratulate Frank when you get the chance.

Entrant #8 - Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

From John

We're not out of the forest yet on this one.

Mosque Growth in France

Here's the article.

ht

A Child Could Have Predicted This Thing's Collapse

CRIPES

When Looks Replace Productivity

So people are now paying for plastic surgery to help them get jobs. But the most telling statement of the article and proof positive this economy will collapse is the following;


When LOOKS replaces SKILLS, forget it. It's over. Pack your bags and get out. It's Idiocracy and it's here.

Cancelling Women's Studies

Ah, that harsh economic reality makes a college make an adult decision. And now, they might actually dedicate those resources to HELP the students get degrees in something that will actually get them jobs and improve their lives rather than just make them poorer with nothing to show for it.

HT to the Illustrious Kate

Victor Borge

I was 19 at the time. I had purchased TWO tickets, 4 months in advance to see Victor Borge in concert. It was the 7th row, dead center, the seats could not have been better.

There was just one minor problem.

It was 1994.

You see, in 1994 the "fad" of Gen X was the "grunge" fad where women dressed like men, men wore nylons on their arms, and everybody pierces everything. And while I thought I would have absolutely no problem finding a female counterpart for my extra ticket, little did I realize it would be such a Herculean task to find a girl from my generation WHO EVEN KNEW WHO VICTOR BORGE FREAKING WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE. My generation had no class. They were (and for the most part) still are, uncultured morons. They thought Kurt Cocaine was cool and the Doors were classic. I should have taken that as the hint as to not bothering to date girls until I was 27 and saved myself a lot of headache (and money).

And so, there I was, unacceptably having to EXPLAIN to girls who Victor Borge was, and not only that, but why they should be practically tripping over themselves to go with me. The sad end of the story was I had to take a girl that didn't know who he was, who was just a friend of mine as in 4 ENTIRE MONTHS I could not find a real date. But what is really sad is the fact I even had to try so hard to find a date for Victor Borge.

Victor of course has passed away now, but before society degrades itself into watching "American Idol" and voting for presidents based on their pecks 24-7, permit me to show you a little bit of Victor Borge so that we all might get a little bit of culture before we're dead;

Victor Borge - Inflationary Language
Uploaded by algizdk

Another little joke from Victor Borge;

"There is a mother and a daughter in the audience and one of them is celebrating her birthday. However, I am informed it is difficult to tell which one is the mother and which one is the daughter because both ladies, they look very old."

Trump that Simon Cowell.

Listen to the People They Tell You Not to Listen To

Yes, the argument is that simple;

LICD

Correct

But wait! He made a slight slam on the Baby Boomer generation!

He shall be executed immediately.

In the meantime, I have found the solution to solving our financial crisis. Boost the retirement age to 76 and institute means-testing for Medicare...wait...I hear footsteps coming.

An Honest Review of the Prius

Located here.

Chicks of course still dig motorcycles.

Parks for Kids

Let me tell you about "Super Sucker."

Super Sucker was a game me and my siblings came up with that we'd play in the basement of the house during winter. The game entailed grabbing toilet plungers and one of them 50 cent el cheapo balls you can pick up at the grocery store. My brother and sister and I would then don capes made from whatever cloth material we could find and the goal would be kind of a tag like game where we'd whack the ball with the toilet plungers at each other. It was a great game because you could hit that ball as hard as possible at your siblings, beaning them right in the head. We'd run around with our capes flying with no particular rules or structure to the game aside from hitting that ball with the plunger as hard as possible. And when not in possession of the ball, we'd taunt our sibling who had the ball by plunging the plunger on the cement floor of the basement - "PA-THWOP PA-THWOP PA-THWOP." Occasionally we'd hit a line drive right at the drier which would make a loud reverberating "BAUWAWAWAMMMMM" sound, reliably followed by our step dad yelling from upstairs to keep it quiet. That basement, despite it being January, got so hot we were dripping sweat.

Another game we'd play was "Hit." Jayme our neighbor would come over and ask me and my brother if we'd want to play "Hit." All Hit was, was a simplified version of baseball as there was not always enough kids to play baseball in the neighborhood. There would be the hitter and two fielders as the hitter would self-pitch the ball to himself and crank it out as far as it could go. We then upgraded to "Super Hit" where we replaced the baseball with a golf ball and summarily pissed off the neighbors as golf balls have a tendency to fly a little farther and hit cars more frequently than baseballs off an aluminum bat.

A friend of mine played "Hogan's Heroes," a game where his dad would come out, armed only with a flash light and the kids would then have to somehow sneak past him, crossing from the neighbor's yard to the east to the neighbor's yard to the west. If the dad spotted them with the flashlight "Colonel Klink" caught them and would have to be sent back to Stalag 13...only to try to escape again!

The common trait in all these games is that all of them required very little, if not, nothing in terms of capital investment. Super sucker required 3 toilet plungers (our step dad, upon finding out we were using the REAL toilet plunger said, "Oh, for Christ's sake, you're playing with used one!!!????" which capitulated him to buy 3 brand spanking new plungers, oh they were shinny), "Hit" required a bat, a ball and some gloves, and "Hogan's Heroes" required a flashlight. And though, there was not a lot of capital investment in these games, these games were the funnest and most memorable games of our childhoods.

No doubt we all had these games. Some a bit more conventional than others. Sure, "Kick the Can" was a popular one or "Bloody Murderer" was another, neither quite as fun as "Super Sucker," but regardless, all these games were the best freaking games on the face of the planet and all you really required was other people and a mere nano-ounce (pun duly noted) of creativity.

Which brings me to my point today; "Parks for Kids"

Well, it's not really "Parks for Kids" because I can't remember the precise title they gave themselves, but I heard a public service announcement on the now dying AM 1500 that there's this political group or campaign "trying to fight the obesity epidemic" and they want you to donate money or vote for more funding for parks for kids.

And the reason I bring this up is because this is a huge testament to just how pathetic we've become as a society that we now have to have government financed parks to help facilitate "fun" for kids.

It also starkly reminds me of just how quickly people forget what it was like to be a kid. I don't know about you, but truthfully, I never stopped being Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes. I still like to go sledding. I still would SO play a game of Super Sucker. I like watching my Saturday morning cartoons. And I still demand to play video games. About the only REAL difference between my life as a child and my life now is that I smoke and drink and chase after skirts. Alas it seems this fun has to be ordained or organized by government and MUST take place in a "park."

In any case, the larger point is the hypocrisy or inanity in demanding we "pay" for more "parks" to help fight the obesity epidemic.

For one, if you looked at where kids expend the most calories of energy it isn't at the park. It's in their neighborhood where they run and jump and play games like "Hogan's Heroes" or "Hit."

Two, "parks" are SOOOO typical of public schools where the government tries to convince kids with lame and ineffectual campaigns that no kid really believes;

"Hey Kids, it's "cool" to play on the play ground and in the park. Pete the Park Puma says "roar! playing in parks is fun!"

Smoking it's the same thing;

"Hey kids, Phillip the Frog says 'Don't smoke. Ribbit. Smoking is dumb!"

Alas, just like every other government campaign, it isn't working. I see TONS of parks, TONS of baseball diamonds, tons of beautiful volleyball sand courts, all empty, all abandoned. And the only reason I don't avail myself of those empty baseball diamonds is because I can't get enough of my lame ass adult friends to play kickball with me.

But, three, is this outright lie there isn't enough parks. Come on, I see parks all over the place. What kid doesn't have a park within walking distance (and by walking distance I mean that in 1983 terms meaning 5 miles), besides which WHAT KID PLAYS IN A PARK?

And this gets to the heart of the hypocrisy.

NO KID PLAYS IN A PARK.

Kids play with other kids and will make their environment, no matter what it is, the park. They will create and concoct various and unlimited games in whatever environment they have. And when the government or some nerdy, hypocritical non-profit organization, headed up by adults who forgot what it was like to be a kid, give them these sterile, fake, fabricated areas called "parks" no kid is going to use them.

Alas, this drive to "create more parks" is really one of two things;

1. A crusade to give worthless adults something to do with their worthless lives to make them feel like they're making a difference even though they're not.

2. Another excuse to extract money from the productive members of society to the non-productive. Lord know where the "donations" go. To help some middle aged woman repay her student loans for her psychology degree? To some guy who, despite being 48 still wears a pony tail and sits on the "parks and recreation board" because he couldn't land a real job and still lives off his parents' inheritance? Whatever the case, the children (as is typically the case...ahem...cough cough...TEACHERS UNION) are never considered.

In the meantime kids, do what Uncle Cappy Cap says and go buy yourselves some toilet plungers or have dad go buy himself a flashlight.

Entrant #6 & #7 - Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

Two from the good Major;


Remember to enter yourself too! All charts are welcome! E-mail them to CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

KEEP HER!

This is precious.

Spoiled brat Canadian "journalist" betrays the world that gave her every convenience in life and becomes a terrorist BECAUSE IT'S A GOOD STORY!!!!

The terrorists then kidnap her and demand a ransom.

HA HA HA!

Well sweetheart, you just enjoy that "fascinating" culture you were so eager to join.

Who wants to bet there are major issues she has with daddy?

Single Moms

OK, look, I mean this sincerely ladies. I'm telling you this to help you. I know in today's world unless it is a positive criticism, then it's just a mean, hate-filled insult that is meant to oppress you. But if you could set aside the brainwashing we all got in the public school system in the 90's, I think we can all graduate to adult here and speak frankly, and thus, most helpfully. I am 33. I teach dance classes. This exposes me to a wide array of women, who I won't deny, are sometimes single, looking and quite attractive. Even if there isn't a young woman roughly my age, there is no shortage of the 40-50 something crowd that is seemingly hell bent on setting me up with a girl. But the problem is 8 out of 10 times the girl they're trying to set me up with already has kids.

And what is surprising is not so much that they have kids, but that those who are trying to do the setting upping, think the fact a woman has kids is irrelevant to whether a man is attractive to another woman or not. So let me put this to rest so that not only you know what course of action to take, but so you understand why men behave the way they do and don't waste any more of your time. Having a child is not a plus in the dating world. It's as simple as that. Does NOT help your market value. You have already made the equation infinitely more complicated than it would have been had you not had the child. And given the volume of people trying to set me up with single mothers, I think it's about time I explain it to you what odds you are going against.

First off, no man really wants to bring up another man's child/ren. You see, it really isn't all about you and your child. I know you think it should be, AND IT SHOULD BECAUSE THE CHILD COMES FIRST (any real man will concede to that), but you see men are just as human as your child. No more, no less. And in being so, if the guy has any self-respect, no guy is really going to consider courting you seriously if you insist he plays second fiddle. I know it's shocking, but men expected to be treated equally too. Secondly, all the men that have been going out and studying and working a hard career and building a name for themselves are not going to go out and look for a single mom. Sorry, it's true. We want a woman that doesn't have kids. We want our honeymoon period where it's just us and the wife. No kids, no nobody, just us and our beloved. Of course that's impossible when you already have kids. I say this not to slam you but to make you realize that the men when they marry a woman really do love that woman to the extent they want to spend their time with them.

Thirdly, and this is what you have to realize because i am really trying to help you, you do not come in with a great resume when you have children, are single, which implies a failed marriaged. ie-you ended up in divorce. Criticize me as you may, it doesn't change the fact that in the back of every man's mind you date he will never get over the fact that you were married at one time, but in the end it didn't work out and you ended up in divorce. Not that you were with another man, but that you divorced him, which means you could just as easily divorce him. And quite frankly ladies, divorce costs men more than it does women. And with a pre-established track record, we are somewhat reluctant to engage in a relationship.

So here's the deal ladies. If you want to date a man, or if you are a woman that is trying to set up another woman to date a man, you have to understand that if you have kids, it is a huge disadvantage. And you can't bark orders or concoct a list of demands and require all men fit that category if you have kids, because they won't. Not because they can't , but because they don't want to. There are many other options out there such as dating a younger woman, going overseas or (as I'm sensing a trend), just stop dating altogether. So if you are single mom and you want to start dating men, then I'd strongly recommend letting the man know that you would view him as an equal and keep the kid praise to a minimum. Not that men are jealous of the children, nor that you shouldn't praise your children, but men are not going to play ball unless they're #1 in your life too. Your children, precious as they are, do not deserve any more attention that what would presumably be the love of your life till death do you part. Think about that the next time you you'd like a date with another fellow human being.

Mean Duration of Unemployment

Yes, unemployment is up to 8.5% (and WILL break 10%).

Yes, this is going to be one heck of a recession and I'm sticking with my prediction that it will be worse than the Volker Recession, but not as bad as the Great Depression.

But there is another scarier aspect to this recession and that is the duration of unemployment - ie - how long the average person is out of work. And what is particularly disturbing is not so much the actual length (which is almost at an all time high) but rather the trend in how long people stay unemployed. It's going up.



Now there are many plausible explanations, but let me be that rugged, renegade economist who just shoots from the hip and tells you why without bothering to waste his time running correlation coefficients and R-squares and testing for statistical significance and makes off with the scantily-clad girl on his motorcycle while the rest of the quants and policy wonks tweak their outliers and models and tisk tisk me for being so brash;

1. Americans are getting lazier. Again, unlike the republicans blaming the CRA for the economic problems we face today and unlike the democrats blaming "evil corporate America" for all our economic woes, I'm blaming the American people because, in short this whole economic debacle was caused by the simple fact Americans were too lazy to work for what they purchased. You compare the average guy during WWII, fresh back from Europe, HAPPY to have the opportunity to major in engineering and HAPPY to be alive to his modern day "Sam" equivalent that wants everything paid for, well geez, do I really need to statistically prove this? I'm getting on my motorcycle with Bambi the Economist Sex Goddess. Of course this is closely related to...

2. Unemployment benefits. Well, when you pay people for not working, guess what they do? They tend not to work! What's the rush to go back into the job market if everything is going to be paid for. 1/10 on food stamps. Financial help for bailing dead beats out of their mortgages. Free tuition. Energy assistance. Heck, the Captain has a hard time finding reason or rationale in working as does seemingly everybody else. It's called rational behavior.

3. Not so much a reason, but more an observation, the economy is becoming more rigid. If you look at GDP growth it's becoming less and less volatile over time. However, the long term growth has also been decreasing. This is because we Americans cannot suffer 2 successive quarters of economic growth. We will do everything in our power, including undermining our overall, long term economic growth capacity to keep us from going into recession. We'll sell our children and eat horse meat before suffering (GASP) 2 successive quarters of economic decline. Oh sure, over the long run, we will be poorer than otherwise, but hey, we're Americans, we like stability, not success.

The problem, however, in exchanging growth for stability, is that the real world, the real economy doesn't work that way. If you let resources go where they may, freely, yes that free flow of funds will result in more chaotic markets, but you will have resources move faster and more efficiently to their optimal economic purpose resulting in higher economic growth. And yes, if resources are allowed to move freely, you will have sharper and more dramatic increases in unemployment. However, as resources are moved to their optimal purpose stints in unemployment will be shorter (could you imagine how quickly this recession would be over if we just let the damn banks fail and not bothered with this bailout BS?)

But I know, I know. This is not what America wants. They wanted safety, not success. Stability, not excellence. They wanted to be taken care of and didn't care if they were better off in the long run, as long as they were promised a long run. Japan circa 1990's, here we come.

Monthly Flows Into Equity Mutual Funds

Ahhh, the hemorrhaging. Monthly flows into (more like OUT OF) equity mutual funds.


Just wait till the Baby Boomers start pulling out of the market for (ha ha ha) "retirement."

Oh, that's right. You think this current little hiccup the economy is having is a "crisis."

Ho ho ho!!!!! Oh, that's rich!

Keep contributing to those 401k's kiddies!

Sunspots Cause Global Warming

I know this story has been out, but just thought we might want to make a record of it before the feds destroy the story.

Very Good Charts

From a reader, Jeff, these are darn good charts;

http://www.willisms.com/

http://www.optimist123.com/optimist/

http://strata-sphere.com/blog/

Your Weekly Inoculation Against the Recession

Remember, no point in looking for jobs where there ain't any to be found. Might as well kick back, relax and enjoy watching some cartoons from your youth. Besides, it's been proven by Harvard economists that cartoons counter the effects of recession. Additionally, if you are employed, come on, like you have "work" to do. You know you're idle for about 50% of your time, especially if you work in corporate America. So kick back and relax. This is good for ya.

Foghorn Leghorn (1956) - Weasel Stop
Uploaded by Necopodalex

Entrant #5 - Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

From Don.

Wish it included 2008, but I am aware the data may not have been compiled as of yet.

Economic Degrees Becoming Diluted!? NOOOOO!

Darn it. Why did our profession have to go "pop."

Student Loans

Where do I begin with this?

Sam is a recent college graduate who is complaining about having to pay back his college loans. Of course, it is his right to complain, but when you read the article you basically find out that Sam went to a private school he couldn't afford, racked up $115,000 in debt and on top of it majored in a subject that was going to be low paying. Ergo, my thoughts are as follows and I quote;

1. Sam is a freaking moron. WHAT THE EF DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN SAM????? No doubt you majored in some worthless freaking subject like sociology or art or some other worthless crap AND RACKED UP $115,000 of OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY SAM to pay for it. Did you bother to do some simple math to figure that you wouldn't be able to pay it back? Or was it not even a consideration because you "wanted" to major in crap and therefore all else didn't matter. Which brings me to point 2;

2. Sam is your typical Gen Y greedy, spoiled bitch. How typical of my generation and the (impossible to imagine, but seemingly true) more spoiled Gen Y. "It doesn't matter what reality is, I WANT to major in bunnies and ice cream and cake. AND I WANT YOU TO PAY FOR IT!" Sam thinks he's entitled to a college experience where he gets to strum is acoustic guitar while getting drunk and majoring in a subject that IS A HOBBY and NOT A CAREER CHOICE THAT WILL HELP HIM PAY BACK WHAT HE OWES!

3. Sam, despite being 23, is still a child. To quote him; "Does that mean that I chose to live a life of struggle, wondering how I am going to pay my rent, afford the basics of living and still stay in my chosen career field…all while putting up with high interest rates and an amount of debt that brings me to tears?" Yes Sam, you snivilling little brat, it does. You see, it's called "reality." When you do something stupid, you get to pay the consequences. Oh, but wait, let me guess, you're going to be like all the other sub prime deatbeats out there and corrupt, parasitic bankers out there and DEMAND I bail your worthless, pathetic ass out.

4. Sam is the poster child for "The Mystery." Read the whole thing because it is freaking genius on my part.

5. Sam did not study economics; You see Sam, when little cry babies like you take the money people have lent you and NOT PAY IT BACK, then people are going to be less likely to lend money to students as a whole in the future. This decreases the amount of money supplied which increases its cost, the interest rate. Not only that it makes it harder for REAL students who might major in something that WOULD ACTUALLY HELP ADVANCE THE EFFING COUNTRY get financing for their education. Oh, but then again, it isn't about doing what's right, is it Sam? It's all about your galactically incomprehensible level of ignorance and selfishness.

6. Sam is NOT a REAL man. He is an emasculated childish girl. "brings me to tears?" Oh, somebody make it so I can find this putz in a dark alley. The good news is this coward will never, AND I MEAN NEVER find a hot babe to even glance his way. If he thinks it's tough now, boy, wait till unemployment hits 11%. Sam, just do me a favor, try to keep your tears out of my food when you ask "Do you want fries with that?" That is of course you don't go back to live with your mommy and daddy and have mom tuck you in at night and get you your bottle. Whooozeda mommies wittle boy? Whooozedamommieswittleboy? Yes you are! Yes you are! Youz iz mommies' wittle philosophy major. Yessyouz are! Yesyouzare!!!!

Puke.

7. It is the Sams of the world that will bring about the collapse of America and the fact this even gets play and is treated like a real problem by CNfreakingN only shows you how corrupt, ignorant and brainwashed the masses are and why Sam is NOT just one fruit loop out on the east coast. Oh, sure, I know the Captain isn't a nice man. He's a mean man. An insulting man. A man that hurts people's feelings and displays anger and rage. But let me ask you one question;

Who would you rather have leading the country? The likes of the hate-filled Captain or the Pansified Sams of the world?

ht to GOldwater

Update! - Another snivling whinner.

Entrant #4 to Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Competition

I do not believe I posted this before as a chart entrant, but just want to make sure I cover my bases.

Yoram Bauman

Funny guy.

Enguard, MINX!

Again, because of the horrible economy, I am finding it helpful to not bother working or looking for a job (which isn't there to find anyway) and instead doing what I should have been doing this entire time;

Watching more cartoons! Enguard, minx!

Pepe Le Pew - A Scent Of The Matterhorn
Uploaded by davidknight2

How the Stimulus Will Be Like the Battle of the Bulge

I'm getting the occasional question from my friends about the stimulus and as far as their thinking takes them they cannot but see the stimulus doing at least "something," thereby boosting GDP, lowering unemployment and helping the stock market. Yet at the same time, they intuitively know spending (what are we at now?) $4 trillion to stimulate the economy must have a drawback, if for any other reason if all it takes is stimulus to get the economy going then why don't we "stimulate" ourselves to incomes per capita of $250,000? Ergo let me explain.

Yes, there will be an initial "bump" in economic factors coming from the stimulus if for any other reason it will be on paper. Again, if the government pays one group of unemployed people to dig a ditch $400,000 and another group of unemployed people $400,000 to fill it back up well not only did you lower unemployment, but you've created $800,000 in GDP. Of course, you didn't produce anything of value and have not improved standards of living for the masses, but such minor technicalities does not concern the Obama administration, additionally you should quit being so damn racist for questioning "Him." Regardless, the point is this is only a paper gain, much like the paper gains people had on their houses and Dotcom stocks, they weren't real.

That being said, as we move the beans in this country from one pile to another, this will show up in economic numbers as some kind of production or growth, even though there are no more beans. This "improvement" in these numbers will then help fuel a(nother) sucker's rally in the stock market.

The question though is when does the other shoe drop? When does this charade end?

It doesn't have a definitive end, but rather a long, dragged out end.

You see, all we're doing today is taking money from the future (via borrowing) and spending it on ourselves today. We're taking money from the future in the hopes of giving ourselves an economic boost now to help make that future more vibrant. However, we are achieving the opposite. In borrowing today, yes, we will get that little paper boost, but that's all we'll get. We won't have a brighter economic future, but rather a more burdensome future. All we've done is loaded future generations with additional debt that will slow down the economy. You have to consider it like the conservation of mass law; mass must be maintained. You can't take mass from one entity, put it somewhere else, and then some how that mass "magically" grows. You still have the same amount of mass. The same with economic growth; we've pilfered economic growth in the future to bring it home here today, and the consequences are going to be quite predictable;

Higher average unemployment in the future
Lower productivity (this is more of a criticism of the generation that voted Obama in than a consequence of the stimulus)
Lower GDP growth
Higher average inflation

Ergo, the best way to describe this is the Battle of the Bulge. Hitler had more or less lost the war. The underlying fundamentals of the war had sealed Germany's fate, but Hitler wanted to do one last "hurrah" and make one final, desperate offensive. The problem was, just like this stimulus, it was bound to fail. Germany did not have the resources nor air superiority to make the Battle of the Bulge succeed, just like American does not have the economic wherewithal and work ethic to make good on all the money we're borrowing from babies' mouths and foreigners.

So enjoy the temporary victory while it lasts. The economic Allies known as "reality" will still run us over.