Larissa Faw's "Successful, Gorgeous, and Amazing" Friends

Ed Thatch has a post up on Return of Kings that merits reading unto itself, but what caught my eye was him quoting a young lady named "Larissa Faw."  Larissa writes for Forbes magazine about Millennial and young women's issues (because what else would there be to write about?) and in her latest post she did what every budding 20 something female journalist seems compelled and mandated to do:

She bragged about her "awesome" friends and how they just can't seem to find a man.

So common is this it makes one sit back and say,

"OK, why is this such a common phenomenon?  Why are there so many "successful, gorgeous, and amazing" friends of female journalists that just "can't seem to find a man?  More so why do these journalists keep bragging about their "amazing" friends who just can't seem to find a guy?"

The answer is in the myopic view of women, especially those in journalism.  They are incapable of asking what men want, and instead ply their own standards of either what they want or what they think men should want in terms of a suitable and compatible mate.  This results not just in a mismatch between the traits Larissa's "successful, gorgeous and amazing" have and what men are looking for, but complete and utter confusion on the part of the ladies.

Of course to the outside observer, this is funny.  Women telling women what men should like in them, is like my friend Steve telling me how I should breath while in labor.  It doesn't apply.  But what makes it worse is when a woman dares to ask a man what he wants OR a man simply speaks the truth about what men want, they are lambasted, lectured and villainized.  Women even go so far as to TELL MEN WHAT THEY SHOULD LIKE IN A WOMAN (You ever been called "shallow?"  You see the "fat acceptance" movement?  You ever have a woman's personality listed as the primary reason you should date her?)

The reason for such a vitriolic response to fact and truth (instead of what it should be - acceptance) is because women have been brought up and brainwashed (primarily by their own selves) to believe what they WANT.  Not what the reality is.  And so any time someone dare introduce an ounce of reality into their fragile and delusional world, they get angry.  Never mind that the purveyor of truth is trying to help you.  Never mind this article would help Larissa's "successful, gorgeous, and amazing" friends (SGAF's henceforth).  The irony/hilarity/sad thing is most women reading this right now are having their emotions blind them to the gold nugget of help we're trying to give them.

Now, even though I doubt most of Larissa's SGAF's will listen, in a vain attempt to bring an end to young female journalists wondering aloud how their "amazing" friends aren't snatched up by men, permit me some explaining.  Specifically, let's look at what qualifies a woman as "gorgeous, successful and amazing" in the eyes of a woman and compare it to what men want.

When it comes to "gorgeous" women give other women, especially their friends, such a large handicap it dwarfs the tonnage of affirmative action handicap we've given to Barack Obama on the economy.  I don't know how many arguments I've had with heterosexual women about how "pregnant is not beautiful."  There I am, the heterosexual male.  THE authority on what is or is not "gorgeous" in the female sex, and I have a bunch of women, who have NO INTENTION OR DESIRE to date other women and therefore are NOT authorities on female beauty, arguing with me about whether a pregnant woman is beautiful.  "Gorgeous" means (and I'll say it again, despite saying it many times before):

Tight ass
Pretty face
Long legs
Long hair
Big boobs preferable

That's it.  Period.  End of discussion.

How many of the SGAF's actually have all those traits?  Probably none.  But Larissa can't tell her friend Amy, "You're ass is too big" and thus needs to keep the lie up.

"Successful?"  I think we've covered this before.  Successful in what?  Engineering?  Surgeon?  Oil platform driller? Accountant?

OR

"social worker, teacher, nanny, marketing executive, designer consultant, fashion consultant?"  ie-somebody who not only doesn't make a lot of money, but relies on men disproportionately paying more in taxes to create a government make-work job to make you feel like you're "an independent woman?"

Also, as mentioned in Ed Thatch's post, how much money do those ladies save?  Because, let's just say for the sake of arugment, the SGAF does make $100,000.  How many of them blow through that and spend $120,000?  Isn't success supposed to be how much money or wealth you have saved up?  Not how many pairs of shoes you have?  And don't even get me started about student debts.  I'd surmise the majority of Larissa's SGAF's have a negative net worth and are heavily reliant upon the Daddy-Government-Hubby complex for their livelihood and subsidy.

"Amazing?"  Really?  Did she really do something to AMAZE you?  Like if I met your group of SGAF's I would be AMAZED with each and every one of them?  Notice in my previous post I LIST THE INDIVIDUAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS of my male friends.  They have done things that ARE amazing.  I have done things that are amazing.  So when you compare your typical SGAF's accomplishments of,

"Earned my Masters in English, and I like to travel, I TOTALLY LOVE SUSHI, OMG!  And I'm like really conscious about the environment."

to

"I scaled 10 11,000+ foot peaks in a year, did two 1,500 mile plus motorcycle rallies, put myself through college, wrote 4 books, taught myself motorcycle repair, and I'm a ballroom dancer"

you can understand;

1.  you're not amazing, you're actually quite common, common to the point there's millions of women just like you out there
2.  you do not prompt an inkling of desire to consider you a potential candidate for marriage
3.  compared to me, you're so boring and NOT-amazing, my hobbies and interests are more rewarding than having sex with you.

In the end what men want is so simple, it's laughable more women haven't figured out what a HUGE advantage it would give over their competitions.

A physically attractive woman who is
nice
responsible
reasonably intelligent
and likes sex

How 5 simple variables seem to elude the 150 million American women (even with all the brainwashing and propaganda) is beyond me and worth a Double Face Palm Award.

Where the Good Men Are

I took inventory of my single male friends.

Nearly all of them are 30+, all of them own their own house, all are gainfully employed, and though not all Ambercrombie and Fitch models, not one of them is obese or below what I would consider a 6. 

They also all have at least ONE unique eccentricity about them.  Many of them are ballroom dancers.  Two of them are pilots. One belongs in a band.  A fourth is starting his third serious company.  And another has taught himself two languages because he managed to retire at 42.  It is because of their eccentricities they are part of my crew of friends.  They are interesting and significantly-above-average intelligent people and conversation with them is the most enjoyable aspect of my life. 

However, there is one who stands out in this category of "Captain's single male friends."  The reason he stands out is he is the only one who actively pursues dating.

Though 43, he is in good enough shape and charming enough with the ladies he manages to date 25 year old women on average.  While this is certainly fun, his long term goal is to get married.  However, he faces a quandary.  Most 20 something girls are immature and not marriage material.  They are pain to date and are not capable of the level of intelligent conversation he needs.  To find women his maturity level, he needs to date older, "older" to him meaning 30+.  But when he does there is inevitably a deal-breaker, usually another guy's kid or a financial wreck.  Thus, he still plugs along, filling his date card with 24 year old's, occasionally wandering into 30+ territory only to have her life-mistakes return him to the younger ladies.

Now you would think "this is a great situation" and he is having the time of his life.  But alas, my 43 year old friend is starting to suffer from "Player Burnout."  He no longer is excited about the prospects of a new date.  He no longer has the giddiness and hope of taking out yet another 26 year old.  And when they text him their naked pictures he merely shows me and the others guys and says, "meh."  In the past year I have seen his interest in other hobbies supplant his interest of women, and if you were to ask him today if he'd rather smoke a cigar than go on another date with a girl he met online.  In short you are witnessing the last dying moments of a player, much like watching the final stages of a star gone supernova, before it collapses into nothingness.

When he does go "supernova," however, there will be no more players, let alone men looking to date in my crew.  And with his resignation from "the game" he will pull himself out of the dating market and there will be one less "good guy" out there for the ladies.  It then dawned on me that the answer to:

"Where have all the good men gone?"

was staring me right in the face.  I can answer that question by simply explaining what all my single male friends do.

"Mike" the retired at 42 year old has a lifestyle akin to mine.  He has no real job, he wakes up when he wants, and he pursues various intellectual pursuits to stimulate his mind.  He is a minimalist with very few expensive possessions and though he is a veritable millionaire, he drives the cheapest import car he could afford.  For entertainment he tries different coffee stores and hangs out with some of his other retired friends during the day.  In the evening he hangs out with us usually for cigars or a cheap dinner at one of our favorite dives.  He returns home where he teaches himself languages, reads books, watches documentaries, has cocktails and goes to bed around 4AM.

"Bill" is a pilot.  He just purchased a very nice home and the mortgage on that home is the only debt he has.  He has been living frugally for the past 10 years, building up a massive downpayment that he could afford a 15 year mortgage and a very low interest rate.  He works out with me religiously.  He is also the musician in our group and can ballroom dance.  He's been working on his music, his body building, and his career.  When he's in town he joins us for dinner at that same dive restaurant or (time permitting) is up for flying down south to enjoy warmer weather.

"Fred" is a computer networker and a race car driver.  His house is pretty much paid off because he busts his ass off working about 60 hours a week.  If you want to find him you can find him at work, at the gym, in his basement (tinkering with computers) or on the race track.  You will not find him at a club or a loud bar, because he is a beer connoisseur.  You will find him at the quiet local brewpub with a bunch of other 40 somethings.

I could go on, but if I were to succinctly summarize where to "find the good men" it would be:

1.  At home
2.  At a coffee shop/low end restaurant
3.  At work
4.  Out doing their hobbies

In short, NOT at the bar or the night club.

But here is where the women face a high, if not, impossible hurdle.  You can't meet these men even if you wanted to.  You can't go to random houses, knocking on guys doors to see if any "good guys" are home.  You can't go to a restaurant and randomly approach men to see if they are good guys.  You certainly can't go to various corporate offices to see if any good guys are at work.  And unless you are in the passenger seat of Fred's race car or Bill's airplane, you're not going to find good guys attempting to join their hobbies.  In other words, they've gone ghost. They're gone.  They're not only off the market, you can't even find them to convince them to consider going back on the market. 

This leaves marriage-seeking women with the "nightclub" or "online dating" as markets for finding men.  Unfortunately, these aren't "good guys."  Not that they a morally bad men, they're just not marriage minded men.  They're players.  And so when a guy scores a number and lines up a date with a girl he met at a bar, 9 out of 10 times he has no romantic interest in her, only sexual.  This makes things doubly bad for women because it is misleading or (to borrow from economic parlance) "sends the wrong pricing signals."  With all these players asking for their numbers, women misinterpret this attention as romantic attention, not sexual.  Thus, they are constantly thinking "Mr. Perfect" is just around the corner, when it is just another player.  20 years of bar-hopping and night-clubbing go by with no yield of "good men" and thus, with the biological clock screaming, they ask "when have all the good men gone?"

The answer, ladies, is "home."

Enjoy the decline!

Manly Reviews

Manly Reviews enjoys the decline!

Why aren't you!?

This Is Why You HOLD PHYSICAL ASSETS!

How you Keynesian believers in the central banking system doing?

You doing alright?

You OK?

You have faith in your government and what your politicians are telling you?

Could you bend over a little more please?

Review of "Why Can't I Use a Smiley Face"

"Why Can't I Use a Smiley Face" is the latest installment of Roosh's series that charts his exploits across the world as he gallivants, country to country, studying how to pick up women in said countries.  For those of you follow Roosh or live vicariously through him it would be describe as another, though lengthier chapter, of his Bang series, and will not be let down. However, if you are looking for a stand alone book, say like Dead Bat in Paraguay, this is not the book.  Ergo if you are new to Roosh or don't really have an interest in his adventures, this book will disappoint. 

The book is essentially the "homecoming" chapter of Roosh.  After 2 years in the field he returns to America, specifically his home town of Washington DC and chronicles his day to day life and experiences.  These experiences certainly include him going on attempting to pick up girls in DC's nightlight, but also his observations of family, friends, society in general, as well as some familial resistance to his chosen path in life.

Of particular interest is reading his various Bang guides of different countries and then comparing his foreign experiences to domestic ones.  Most notably getting uncalled-for assaulted by women twice (slapped and punched) whereas to the best of my recollection no woman ever touched him outside the US.  Other unacceptable events result in quite a damning testimony to the perpetually decreasing and unacceptable quality and caliber of young American women (though this is in the DC area only), though this was not the intention of his book.  Regardless, the difficulty, rudeness, and just outright unacceptable behavior he experiences going out in DC shows Roosh he no longer has a home field advantage and that he is better at away games, leading him to an important decision.

The overall lesson of the book, however, is one of "player fatigue."  Keep in mind by this time Roosh has been overseas doing something no other person has done, and though successful, and though a very interesting career, inevitably he gets burnt out.  The burn out comes in three forms.  The first is the physical and psychological demands of world travel that would fatigue anybody.  The second is that he achieves his goal, foisting the Alexander the Great quote of "When he saw the breadth of his domain he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer" on him.  The chase or the novelty no longer appeals to him and he starts searching for a new mission, a new meaning in life.  The third form is he starts to realize the costs of playerhood.  Get all the play you want, you STILL have to go out, you STILL have to spend time, and you STILL have to spend money. The particularly poor results of his D.C. outtings not only made his recent domestic investments a waste, but they also planted the seeds of "opportunity cost" in his mind. 

"Why Can't I Use a Smiley Face" can be found in both paperback and Kindle for $8 and $3 respectively.  It is a very short read (took me about 1.5 hours) and worth the cheap price, especially if you're looking for something to tide you over during a flight OR if you are a regular follower of Roosh.  I will, however, warn you the first few paragraphs are unnecessarily crass and lewd.  Getting past that you should have a decent read.

What's Wrong With This Article?

Not the article itself, but what is wrong about what the article is about.  There should be something very disturbing, but too many generations of sheeple have been brainwashed not to see it.

Why Michael Bloomberg is the Reason the 2nd Amendment Exists

The latest podcast from "The Clarey Podcast" includes Marissa Mayer's (Yahoo CEO) decision to force her employees to work at the office instead of home, the failure of Americans to embrace the telecommute revolution, how women would prefer to sleep with Richard Branson vs. Mark Dayton, how Michael Bloomberg is the reason the 2nd Amendment was created, why the Captain would love to meet him in a dark alley, and what drives men to succeed and achieve (sex and physical attraction, BTW).

Coffee Boxer Short Linkage

Starting this Friday off right with coffee, boxer shorts and a T-shirt, and a hot roaring fire in the fireplace.  Let's get to work!

Ah feminists.  Fighting against nature and ruining everybody's good time in the process.

AR15's are only for the spouses of liberals.  You conservative neanderthals can't have one.

A member of the League of Unemployable Bloggers thanks god that we don't have an oppressive, invasive and brainwashed employer class that thinks your political beliefs or personal life is their business.  Thank god!

Even the STEM majoring women (which I am very "pro") still can't stop that nagging desire to be (GASP!) women!  Again, feminism has certainly hurt men.  But it has hurt women more.

The father could not be reached for comment.

But the important question was whether he was an aspiring rap artist?

Sting Ray writes about chivalry.

A real quick history about Ceasar and power.

What if your Nanny is actually a Thug.

Nearly a dozen billboard-sized photos of vaginas in various states – including shaved ones, others that are blemished, and still some with tampons inserted – are slated for display today and tomorrow at the University of Cincinnati.  Where or where could we cut the budget?

Associates in STEM > PhD in Humanities

When "liberal, white guilt" trumps your kids.

And just so you know, boys, you shouldn't rape women.  That's "a bad."  Thank god we have a Masters in English telling us this important lesson.  Because beforehand I was a little unclear about whether or not I should be raping women.  Cripes, do liberal arts majors EVER do ANYTHING of value????

You go to Harvard for connections, not to learn anything.

Because If We Were Good at Life, We Wouldn't Need More School

Outstanding.

Ranger Self Defense Sale!

Ed has a sale going on!

Explaining the Angry Atheist

For once, Inmalafide wrote a piece that doesn't involve enough foul language it manages to insult all 6.6 billion people on the planet.  Of course I merely skimmed the article, so maybe I missed something, but regardless, his article highlights how the left hates religion, which reminded me about one of the more curious phenomenon out there - the Angry Atheist. 

The Angry Atheist confuses and confounds your average conservative or even your average innocent bystander.  Most people don't know where the visceral hatred Angry Atheists have comes from and are kind of shocked by it.  Most people's thinking is:

"Well, if you're an athiest, then what do you care about religion?  Shouldn't you be some kind of easy, laid back, live and let live sort of guy?  What's with all the hatred, mockery and ridicule of people who just happen to believe in a religion?"

Thus when an unsuspecting person breaches the topic of religion or mentions their particular faith, they are completely blindsided by the ensuing screed delivered to them by the Angry Atheist.

However, being brought up on an extremely religious household and becoming an agnostic myself, I believe I can explain why some atheists are so angry and thus explain this phenomenon.

First, understand I have no skin in this game.  I couldn't care less what people's religion is.  If there's any problem I have with religion, it's that most participants of all religions do not participate in the religion for anything as noble and selfless as worship or a god, but rather for ulterior and selfish motives.  Finding a spouse, socializing, business connections, belonging to a team, heck, even rationalizing taking over the world.  Whatever the reason it isn't for "god."  But for the few sincere and legitimate practitioners of religion, I respect them and leave them be.  So whether you're a Jew or a Catholic or even an atheist, I don't care.

Second, NAAALT (Not All Atheists Are Like That).  I know the majority of atheists are the laid back, live and let live types.  I have atheist friends and I am certainly no fan of religion.  Remember, we're focusing on the ANGRY Atheists who feel compelled to foist themselves into people's personal religious decisions.  Not Bob at the water cooler who doesn't go to church.

With those caveats out of the way, there are two primary sources of Angry Atheists,

The first source are formerly religious people that had religion forced on them.  And not just forced on them, they suffered some kind of abuse.  I'm not talking sexual abuse, but psychological abuse.  A brainwashing that religion forces on the child, to the point it IS a cult.  Cults being what they are, they destroy the individual for the "commune" of the cult.  You are no longer your own person, and as a child, not only are you not #1 in your own life, your parents and your family put you second to the cult as well.  I would estimate around 30% of all Christian-based religions are at this cult-level in the US, and, naturally, when a young person grows up and "escapes the cult" they have the wool removed from their eyes and realize they were merely being used by a sadistic and self-serving commune.  They also realize that their youth was not just wasted, but taken advantage of, and the only and natural consequence is hatred and revenge.

In this case the Angry Atheist has a legitimate beef with religion.  But instead of attacking the religion on genuine and weak grounds (ie-most people don't believe it and participate in it for ulterior and self-serving reasons) they just bash it in general.  They lack the finesse to surgically strike at people's hypocrisies and just call them "idiots" instead.  They have such a hatred for the religion, they need to "undo it" and therefore lack the ability to realize that a true revenge would to let people remain in the religion/cult and that will cause more damage.  And finally, they also lack the ability to move on and let it go.  Their experiences were so bad, they just cannot let the injustice of what happened to them stand, and thus partially lessen their lives in the process.  A bit of forgiveness and understanding might be called for.

The second reason or "variant" of the Angry Atheist should shock no one - they're crusaders.

It is no coincidence your average Angry Atheist is also a leftist.  The reason why is that atheism is the easiest religion of them all, requiring no effort, thought, ponderance or work.  You simply "declare" you're one and POOF!  You're in the club and you now "belong."

In this sense, it's the epitome of irony, because the Angry Atheist is simply joining another religion.  It's just not so much an "absence" of religion (as a true laid back atheist would be), it's an "ANTI-religion religion."  They have a vendetta, they have a crusade, they (like all other religion people) now have a purpose and belong to a club - we must destroy other people's religion.  If anything, it's a testament to the most cowardly (and borderline psychotic) mentality of a Crusader-Angry-Atheist because his/her "religion" is simply to destroy something others have built.  They can't just let it be.  And it is here we see the parallels between Angry Atheists and leftists because their psychologies are the same.

First, both are hypocrites.  Leftists and Angry Atheists are such because the average liberal does not "care about the poor" nor does the Angry Atheist "really want to stop cultish and abusive religions."  They are in it first and foremost for themselves.  The leftist will ALWAYS trumpet and parade their ideology first thing in a conversation because that is CORE to their being.  The Angry Atheist will as well.  They claim membership to these groups FOR THEIR EGOS, not for anything as noble as "helping the poor" or "stopping abusive religion."  They are crusaders, and most ironically (again) they are the most devout, zealous, and extreme of religious people.  Their religions just happen to be godless.

Second, both are usually worthless people (I am reminding normal Atheists, this does not include you).  They have no value beyond their religion.  They are too lazy to go and develop a skill, a trade, a career, and develop themselves as a human and live an interesting and productive life.  And instead of enduring or expending the effort, rigor, development, trials, tribulations and challenges in life that would give them a core and worth, they instead claim allegiance to a "holy and noble crusade" they really couldn't less about to fill that hole.  The average leftist joins the Peace Corps and does nothing to help Africans while the Angry Atheist rips on religious people because their liberal arts degree isn't getting them a job.

And finally, they are envious.  Since they are too lazy to go out and get what they want out of life, they must criminalize and villainize what others have.  The leftist criminalizes "wealth" and "the rich" while never resting a second in their lives to concoct lies and false rationalizations to confiscate said wealth.  The Angry Atheist wishing to belong to something, but not wanting to expend any effort to meet the standards of that club (not to mention, no doubt also envious of religious people's tendency to be wealthier as well), rips on religion, allowing him to immediately join a group of anti-religion religion, thereby giving him an identity and belonging.

If you got intellectual warm fuzzies, buy something you have to buy anyway on Amazon for the ole Captain.  Proceeds go to his "Poor Starving Bachelor Fund"

Charty Goodness

I have a confession to make.  I am lazy with my charts.  I normally will make a chart and its shelf life can last several years, if not, a full decade as long as the economy doesn't change too much.  For example the stock market has remained bubbly over these past few years rarely requiring I update the S&P 500 PE ratio or dividend yield.  But the same cannot be said for Obama's deficit spending and accrual of debt.  Each year I have to update any debt related charts because the SOB adds another trillion+ to the deficit every year.


Original Source: Poker Listings

So here are the two main charts (updated) attesting to debt - deficit and debt to GDP.

For S's and G's I decided to also check to see how much the federal budget was as a percent of GDP:

I love the jump in spending not just under Obama, but how the American public keeps voting in to have government play more and more of a role in our lives.  And that chart above is JUST FEDERAL.  Tack on another 10% to account for state and local, 20% if you're a sucker and live in California.

Late Night at the Cappy Club

Even though it's morning, I think if you play this song you'll be much more capable of enjoying the decline today:

The Kissing Balance of Sickness

The paradox is a common one.

One of the lovers is sick.

The other is not.

Do you refrain from kissing that person, so as not to infect him/her?

OR

Do you "wuv dem sooooo much dat" getting sick is worth the few precious kisses and you infect them anyway?

Well, let a cold hearted economist provide some insight.

Say one of you is sick.

This precludes you from kissing your beau/babe for the time that person is infected with the disease.  That person suffers, and you don't get to kiss him/her.  But inevitably that person will recover and then you can get back to "sickness-free kissin' time." 

But if you are of the "kisses are worth the sickness" philosophy, then you too are going to get sick.

If you get sick and the other person recovers, then all you have managed to do is simply put that person in the exact same position you were in, THUS PREVENTING THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT OF KISSING.

THEREFORE (thanks to my SAEG (tm))

It is best to let the person be, NOT KISS YOUR BETTER HALF, have "girls weekend" or "guys weekend," and let them fully recover, for if you do, then you

1.  won't get sick
2.  won't lose out on any more kisses than you would anyway (because of the duality of sickness)
3.  and will halve the sick-kissing time, replacing it with "healthy-kissing time."

I am glad I have solved this life-long paradox, making life easier for millions of future generation people.

You may send your thanks by shopping at Amazon or buying one of my many SAEG (tm) books.

When the Nazis Come Knocking Late at Night

"Let me be clear"

If any organization, be it public or private, sends agents or representatives to my door pulling off shit like this, the gloves are off, you've gone too far, and the true meaning of the second amendment will become very clear to you.

The reason why is that the next step is cattle cars, and I'm sorry, I'm not going down like my "technically" Jewish ancestors did in Germany.  There will be no subservience or "Arbeit Macht Frei" BS.

This is the most gentlemanly and western civilization warning you will receive.

"Capture the Hot Naughty Russian Spy"

From GLORIOUS HAT KARL!



You can buy his hat at www.commieobama.com

Dealing With Leftist Sibblings

Part 3 of "Confessions of a Worthless Degreed Person."

Our guest, Jorge Gonzales, continues sharing with us his college-age experiences, this time talking about dealing with his leftist sister.  His sister, older than him, mocks and ridicules him for having conservative thoughts, and even the simplest of things like asking "what are you going to do with that degree."

Making this podcast special, however, is of course the Captain's favorite topic - HORSES!!!

"But I'm Not Good at Math!"

Teaching the kiddies (and most adults) that "I'm not good at math" is not an excuse for being lazy.

Language warning.

Captain Goes Kobo

For those of you who are Kobo users I've set up an account and uploaded two of my books.  I cannot upload Enjoy the Decline until April 30th, but in the meantime I do have:

Worthless

and

Behind the Housing Crash 

uploaded.

Since Kobo seems to have a larger international presence, please tell friends about the Kobo release.

Standard Excuses Girls Give You

I was running and for whatever reason I remembered one of the more common excuses I received from a girl in my dating days, specifically back in high school and college;

"My friend just broke up with her boyfriend and really needs me right now."

This excuse is usually delivered when you have a date with a girl and she really doesn't want to go out with you.  It's a "perfect excuse" in that it's palatable enough that if you accused her of lying she could feign indignance (and at the same time accuse you of "creepystalkerassholishness" PROVING you weren't worth her anyway, jerk!), but is outlandish and over-used enough that it sends  clear signal not to ask her out again or reschedule the date.

This remembrance then sent me down the path of excuses I've heard:

"I'm sick."

"I have to work."

"I have too much homework."

etc. etc.

but the "my friend just broke up with her boyfriend" excuse was so common (not to mention lame) I believed it was part of a group of "well-known" or "standard" excuses women are trained to use.

Ergo, I think it's high-time to catalog the "standard" excuses and their English translations/meanings so young men know what to do when they receive such excuses.  This list will then be updated as we receive more "standard" excuses.  You may start listing them off now.  Please forward this link so we can get the most comprehensive group possible.

The Disappearing Volume of the Stock Market

There is only ONE legitimate reason or explanation for the rally in the stock market (even though when you adjust for inflation, we're still below out 2007 levels)

Inflation fears.

Of course, I don't credit the majority of investors (institutional or individual) or the majority of the money in the market with the intelligence to invest in stocks as a hedge against future inflation.  The fact that future profits will have inflation adjusted into them automatically would require too much thought on their part.

But what is even more curious than a reasonless rally is the severe drop in trading volume amongst the world's largest exchanges.

Normally a rally indicates higher volume, but there are several reasons for this traditional rule to be broken.  None of these reasons, however, bode well for your average investor.

High frequency volume trading automated by computers that manipulate the market (and still don't provide enough volume to offset the long term investment money).

A horrible distaste for investment left in the mouths of younger generations after a dotcom and housing bubble (not to mention no employment prospects and no money to invest).

Large hedge funds and institional investors swapping securities for diversification reasons.

But my favorite reason the article provides is "less volatility."

Since the financial crisis in 2008 the markets have become "less volatile" resulting in less people pulling out of the market, less people trying to time the bottom, and more money permanently staying in the market.

But ask yourself a question.

"How great of a reason is THE LACK OF VOLATILITY for a stock market rally?"

It once again is another desperate excuse, a desperate reason for stock markets to rally that once again ignores the only two things that should drive a true stock market rally -

1.  Increased profits
2.  Increased dividends

The fact volume is tanking, leaving a higher percentage of trading in essentially connected firms' hands, AND there has not been the increase in profits to bring the P/E of investments down to a sane level, means this is a rally only for the connected.

You might as well be a man trying to rationalize driving a VW Cabriolet by citing its fuel efficiency.

New Lieutenant

A new addition to the blog roll.  The Economic Collapse.

They are prepared to enjoy the decline.  Matter of fact, they're not preparing.  They just are.

Escaping Cuba

Silvio Canto is interviewed by 910 KATH Dallas about his book and what it was like escaping Cuba.

Leslie Enjoys the Decline!

Leslie is enjoying the decline!

Why aren't you?

(actually, she pulls some of the better quotes from the book).

When Bachelors Cook

I don't know about the rest of you but I like vision.

Thus, when I tried to cook fish last night and the oil started boiling and then blowing up all over the place and on my arms I decided to turn down the temperature.

I realized then that at the lower temperature the fish was not cooking enough.  Thus I had a quandary and a health risk.

Then a stroke of genius occurred.  I grabbed by motorcycle goggles and a rag, resulting in enough armor to safely cook fish.

I then received guff, mockery and ridicule, but I WAS able to cook my fish to perfection, not to mention protect my vision and Cary Grantish looks from boiling oil.

Our Raleigh Agents in the Field

Partying with the Raleigh Agents and Economists.

If any Raleigh Agents want their photo taken down, let the Captain know.

Clarissa is Pregnant

I think between her and her husband the kid is going to have an IQ of like, a billion.  Still won't prevent the kid from crying at 3AM.  Regardless, congratulate Clarissa.

Academian Rationalization Hamster

I'm beginning to believe, heck, I KNOW now that women will use their rationalization hamsters not just for romantic/social purposes, but pretty much anything.  The latest seeming to be they're using it to rationalize their desire to major in a subject that requires no math and is nothing more than a taxpayer-subsidized hobby...errr..."the liberal arts."

So here's the latest.  Another 20 something girl with a blog who offers nothing to society but her witticisms, but has no problem consuming the production and labor of men and STEM majoring women in the form of

the internet
Apple products
infrastructure
chemistry
engineering
agriculture
and..well...pretty much everything else.

In short she is saying, "I want to get paid to major in bunnies and flowers and I want the REST OF YOU to do all the work...Oh, and don't you DARE say I'm not an independent woman or stupid or immature!  I have moxie!  Didn't you read my latest column!?"

The Academian Hamster is strong with this one.

Quite a Moving Review

From a review on Enjoy the Decline:

This book is strange - I liked it, and it made me happy to be alive. I might be the only one, but in chapter 11, toward the very end, I cried a little; Clarey, at this point, has made his case and is imagining the deathbeds of those who ignored reality... and something inside me just... broke... a little bit, and I was saying to myself, "I want to live...!" and simultaneously feeling the deepest pity and empathy for a dying feminist looking back at her life, longing that she had lived differently...
Buy the book.
Prepare yourself.
Take revenge.
Love your life.

Also don't forget, I DO have OTHER BOOKS.

Worthless
Top Shelf

and (the lonely book that everybody forgot and is starting to think you don't like him)

Behind the Housing Crash

Available in Kindle and Paperback.

The Art of Connecting Far Apart Actions to Consequences

If you were to ask a random selection of people to explain each and every action and successive event that occurs under the hood of a car from when you turn the key to the point that engine is running, I believe maybe no more than 2% of the people could do it.  Most people just know “you turn the key and the car goes vroom.”  But just because they don’t understand all the intricate details and events occurring under the hood, doesn’t mean they don’t know how to use cars.  Everyday millions of people use vehicles they seldom mechanically understand, and thusly their lives are dependent on technologies and processes they are ignorant of.

Computers are another example.  Unless you’re in computer engineering or a computer networker, most people just know how to turn a computer on and use a point-click-interface.  They have a theoretical understanding of how the internet works, but very few people understand binary, routing, electricity, computer processing and all the other processes and mechanics that go on behind the screen.  Again, our lives are heavily reliant on processes and events we rarely understand. 

Now this isn’t to slam on people who don’t know how to fix cars or don’t know the basics about computers.  The truth is such complex processes like starting a car engine or sending an e-mail are the result of a specialization of labor and a specialized economy.  An auto mechanic may know in intricate detail how engines work, but could never hope to fix a computer.  And a computer engineer may know how to create a circuit, but is hopelessly lost when it comes to making a soufflé.  No one person knows everything about every trade and process. However, there is one field or “system of complex processes” that everybody SHOULD know about and familiarize themselves with – economics.

Admittedly, economics is boring (or at least it is to most people).  And the reason most people find economics to be boring is because there aren’t enough intriguing, dashing, charismatic and interesting economists like me out there.  Most are boring, dull, dry, and truth be told, most economists don’t even know THEMSELVES how economies work, and thus fail miserably to convey just how exciting and interesting economics truly is.  But making economics even more distasteful to the potential student is that it is complex.  And when faced with the daunting task of mathematically and precisely figuring out how “fractional reserve banking leads to inflation,” most people’s minds prefer to just “turn the key and hope the car goes vroom.”

There’s just one problem.

Who fixes the economy when you turn the key and it doesn’t go “vroom?”

Well, let’s test you with a multiple choice question.
a.    The Federal Reserve
b.    The Federal Government
c.    Congress
d.    The President
e.    The people
The answer is e – the people.

The reason why is that since this is a democracy and we vote in our leaders, we are ultimately responsible for putting the right people in office.   And by “right people” I mean people who make wise decisions and effect wise policy that helps the economy growth at its maximum level.  But when people are so ignorant about basic economics, to the point it’s like Bambi the Trophy Wife misdiagnosing why her Lexus SUV won’t start, we don’t send the “economic-mechanics” we need to fix the economy, but rather equally-ignorant politicians who promise us nice things.  In other words the mechanic who brings us bad news, telling us the engine needs to be replaced for $2,000, is booed and hissed at.  While the mechanic who brings us good news, telling us there’s nothing wrong and that there won’t be a charge, gets applauds, accolades and a public office for life.

The solution would seem simple – get people interested and educated about economics.  But there are two main hurdles to this challenge.  One, most people are WILLFULLY ignorant.  Even though there’s smoke billowing out of the engine, they will ALWAYS go with the mechanic who lies to them because that’s what they want to believe.  No amount of reason, sanity, proof or logic will ever break through their brainwashed skulls.  Two, requesting the average person learn economics to the point they’re reasonably fluent in it, is as intimidating as asking Bambi the Trophy Wife to get underneath her Lexus, get greased up, and change her own oil to the point she can do it on her own.  It’s daunting. 

Alas, why The Art of Connecting Far Apart Actions to Consequences is a must for any conservative or libertarian cheerleader of free markers. 

You need to not only be able to understand economics yourself, you need to be able to convey it clearly to others who are not so fluent.  You need to be able to take complex economic processes and theories and boil them down to simple, but brilliant “bumper sticker-eqsue” founts of knowledge and fact that disproves what most leftists believe.  You need to be able to read a Paul Krugman piece, dissect it, find the piece of data or theory he’s spun intentionally and maliciously and THEN explain in under 5 minutes to the average layman why Paul is a shill AND get that layman to understand it.  It is in taking the seemingly complex processes and theories of economics and making them not just palatable, but simple and understandable, you will deliver the single largest blow to socialism and leftism you possibly can. 

However, there is an even more important reason in making economics as clear and as simple as possible:

Leftists, socialists, and career politicians of all political stripes, rely on the complexity of economics to mask and hide their ulterior motives. 

Understand the single largest advantage the left has over a low-information voter population is the complexity, boringness and intimidation of economics.  I termed it the “GLEOC” (Great Liberal Economic Oort Cloud”) where most people view the economy and government as some amorphous entity where “really smart people, WAY smarter than them” know what to do and are doing everything they can in some kind of Keynesian, mixing things up, primordial goo, sort of way and hopefully the GLOEC farts out some jobs (actually, quite identical to the medieval days when only the “learned and wise” members of the clergy were allowed to read the bible and the masses could only learn of Christianity through their self-serving prism of teaching under penalty of death).  Regardless, the GLEOC is WAAAAY too complicated for sheeple like them to understand, and why bother?  Kate Perry is on! Unfortunately, the left hides it political agenda within this ambiguity, mentally removing the people so far from their intentions, they get away with it scot free.  But if you were to explain away the GLEOC (and allow the masses to read the metaphorical “economics bible”), and get enough people to truly understand how economics works, you remove this ambiguity and expose them for what they truly are – thieves.

And yes, the leftist ideology is really that simple.

Winter in North Caronlina

From our other Raleigh Agent in the field:

Saken Aizhulov

From our Kazakhstanian Agent from Raleigh in the Field:

Apparently this guy has done a TON of significant and awesome motorcycle rides.  You can peruse some of his awesome pictures.

Perhaps something to enjoy during your Sunday afternoon. 

The Captain Comes to Mayberry

Mount Airy is the town Andy Griffith grew up in and based Mayberry, the town in "The Andy Griffith Show" on.  The place is kind of a tourist trap, but I did inevitably find my shoe laces at the local army surplus store.  The shoe laces, unfortunately, were a bit long for my shoes, but they will suffice until I find another pair.

I Ask for the Non-Western Civilization Equivalent

Good luck.

Get Sick, Get Pampered, Why Can't I Find Laces, and Special Ops Dachshunds

In this latest installment of "The Clarey Podcast"

Why Aaron can't find laces for his shoes at Target, how Marketing PhD's are behind the curve, "Special Ops Dachshunds - will they save America?" and how to extract the maximum amount of pampering and pity from women when you are sick.

You can e-mail the show at CAPTcapitalism -at- yahoo "dot" com!

Sponsored by Amazon!  You have to buy something today, so you might as well go here and buy your stuff now!

Private Investment as a % GDP

Yeah, I wouldn't want to invest here either.

$15.96/hr Minimum Wage

I too am curious how there is not more unemployment in Australia if they have a minimum wage of $15.96.  The fact there is already an underground economy forming to pay people less suggests to me there is enough government intervention or hanky panky going on that there is more to this than meets the eye.  About the only explanation I can come up with as to why Australia's unemployment rate is so low is that it is not that big of a country (population wise) and the commodities boom they are having it keeping the market rate above the minimum wage.

But I am speculating.

Blazing Catfur is Enjoying the Decline

Why not you!?

Even Gene is enjoying the decline! I mean, once Gene's on board, it's practically a guarantee to be the next big thing!

The Sad State of Corporate America's Leadership

I do:

"The Facebook"
"The Twitter"
and
"The Blog"

I draw the line at "Linkedin."

This is not to offend those of you who sent me "Linkedin" requests and like to have that fancy "badge" or "linkedin pictograph" made larger and more ornate signifying you're "linkedin-ness."  I just hands down refuse to do it because after joining it I realized what it was.  Another form of that hated and loathed and ULTIMATELY zero-economic-production value activity - networking.

I refuse to network intentionally because even at college I knew it was bullshit.

Yes, yes, I know, I know, business is all about "who you know" not "what you know" and rain-makers can make or break a company based on networking.  But I plain do not have the evil, let alone patience to sit there in networking event after networking event, with a fake smile on my face, acting like I give a crap about the people around me, all in the hopes of meeting that one person with a morsel of business, and magically having more charisma and charm than anybody else to win that tidbit of business.  Oh, and the fact everybody else is doing the exact same thing AND EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS FACT makes the whole thing the most hypocritical and fake exercise in the history of humanity.

I'm sorry, I have a soul, not to mention a life to live.

But what is really sad is not so much the futility and fakeness of networking, but that networking plays such a prominent role in "corporate strategy."  The fact something so fake, so unproductive, so labor-wasting and just outright deceitful is employed as a legitimate business tactic is testament to the sad state of corporate America, its lack of leadership and it's lack of future prospects.  But after thinking about it, I realized something else. "Networking" is (as far as I can tell) one of only four major "strategies" American business leaders seem able to employ and pursue today, and further testifies to the sad state of corporate America.  These four strategies are:

1.  Networking and Social Networking
2.  Foreign Sales
3.  "Going Green"/CSR
4.  Rent seeking/lobbying

Networking I've already gone over.  Not a cent of genuine economic production or wealth is produced by it.  And while corporate cogs will slave away at the art, in the end you get a dire and disasterous "black swan event" because of what I like to consider an "inbreeding effect."  Since you are hired, promoted, and advanced not on production, innovation or bold leadership, but rather you're ability to get along, kiss ass and "network," the corporate environment becomes a sort of "super-refinery" that refines and purifies employees into "super networkers" and "super ass kissers."  And instead of focusing on new and improved ways to increase profits, people are instead constantly pitted up against a perpetually stronger and stronger strain of conformist, SWPL, uber-soldat employees.  Making matters worse is the unemployment rate.  Most anybody can do the job, so the focus or onus is put on a person's intangible brown nosing..errr...."people/soft skills."  This means only the most purified extract of networker/ass-kisser/yes-man remain employed which only creates a spiraling effect, making the corporate environment that much more potent, purified and refined.  Soon, in theory, you will have a corporate slave class incapable of independent thought, leadership, and innovation...oh wait, you already do.

Foreign sales is another defeatist strategy employed by corporations.  Though legitimate (you should be targeting overseas markets) it does nothing to revolutionize or reinvent your business model or product.  It's simply doing the same thing over and over, but in a foreign land.  While US corporate sales overseas has remained steady around 46%, their foreign profits (as measured by tax rolls), however, have been increasing (from 45% to 61%) meaning they're likely to expand overseas, not here in the US.

"Going Green" and the whole Corporate Social Responsibility BS.

Do I even have to explain this?

It's a fad.  Not one corporate executive believes in this veritable religion.  But, unfortunately, millions of brainwashable sheeple do.  And thus, to get suckers to part with their precious dollars, all corporations have to do is parade false and bogus "green credentials" and lie right to your face about how they're "going green" and you morons are stupid enough to buy it.  And even if they aren't lying and are going green, you're still a fool to pay a 40% premium, 20% of which is just additional mark up.  A REAL corporate strategy would be to go "black" focusing only on profit and priding the company on focusing only on profit purposely and proudly ignoring their "carbon foot print."  But that would take some cajones, leadership, and the courage to point out the emperor has no clothes.  Regardless, the fact corporations throw so much resources and weight into the "CSR" efforts only shows how few new and legitimate business ideas they have.

And finally, rent seeking or lobbying.  I believe by the time you are willing to waste your shareholders' monies on bogus ad campaigns about going green and other such poppycock, it's only a fraction of an arcsecond of a degree to just go full out immoral and evil and bribe politicians to vote against the best interests of the people so your firm can get favorable treatment.  I love how GE is forcing us all to use lightbulbs we don't want.  I love how GM and the unions are getting pie in the sky retirement plans they should have never had.  And I love how practically ALL US solar companies were nothing more than fronts to have well-connected cronies play "make believe businessman" where they paid themselves fat salaries at the taxpayer's dime, all while never having an ounce of intention to produce a profit. 

Again, my distrust of the public sector is no secret.  I still to this day believe it is hands down the single largest threat to the country and the future of freedom.  But the private sector is in just as bad of shape, corrupted and dysfunctional.  But what makes this worse, if not, dire for the country is that EVERYTHING, including government revenue, MUST COME FROM THE PRIVATE SECTOR.  There is nothing the government can do to create economic production, that all hails from the private sector.  And since and our private sector has become so lame and desperate that it employs strategies like rent seeking, lobbying, networking, "Linkedin," and "going green" you can expect no solution to the country's financial and economic problems. 

Enjoy the decline!

Not Just Free Obama Phones

Free Commie Obama Hats!



The irony is that the people who are taking the free hats are Obama supporters.

You can PAY FOR YOUR OWN HAT (like all good capitalists do) by visiting Karl!

"A Brilliant, Handsome Man in His 30's"

Ahem, cough, cough, wheeze wheeze.  Well, I guess that is true.  (Aw shucks!)

Bachelors Degree in Hip Hop

For the Patron Saint's Name of Frick.

Warren Buffet's Magic is Gone

Every year I get to loathe and dread the annual updating of my financial classes.  I hate it even more than doing taxes, because I get to wait for the IRS/Congress to get their act together and update things like contribution limits for IRA's, 401k's, etc. Then I painstakingly go through my classes, updating each and every number and statistic so it is currently up to date.  The whole thing takes about 2 days and given how streamlined and bachelorized-efficient my life is, you can understand how 2 days of real work puts me in a fowl mood.

In addition, however, to basic contribution limits, tax law etc., I also have to update charts.  These needn't be updated every year, but invariably they get stale and I have to update them.  These charts include dividend yield ratios, the S&P 500 P/E ratio and so forth.  But another one I update is Berkshire Hathaway's performance chart.  This makes me revisit how the democrat's favorite businessman is doing and since I started teaching classes, I've noticed something about Warren-

He's losing his touch.

In the past he RARELY lost to the index, I believe only providing poorer returns than the S&P 500 for three years in three decades.  This earned him fame among academians and professors who could only study, but never replicate his performance.  But the past 10 years, his performance has been anything but "Berkshire Hathaway-eqsue."  He loses just as much as he wins, which adds further proof to my theory that whatever advantage he had, has been lost or whittled away by institutional investors and the market.

But don't let that stop leftists politicians from citing him every time they need other people's money.

Enjoy the decline, Warren!

Operation Coffee House VIII

My god, where do I start with this one?

I believe I have found the "hive" or "mothership" of all coffee houses in Minneapolis.  This coffee house has got to have every variable, trait and characteristic of every coffee house in the area.  It confirms every stereotype to the point it is comical.

First there's "Mr. I-Bike-Year-Round."  You can tell because there is only one bike parked outside the cafe, not that his winterized attire would give it away either.  Gloves, winter pants, a full beard for extra insulation.  Though I'll give him more credit than any other man in the entire joint.  Those year round cyclists are hard core and are in shape.  However, working at a bike shop myself in the liberal part of town, I KNOW FOR A FACT that is because they cannot afford a car.  But don't point that out to them.  They'll tell you they're doing it for the environment.

Second, let's continue on about the men.  I swear, I wish I could take a picture, but that would violate these people's privacy.  But if you saw what I saw, you'd laugh.  There's a line of men, most of them bald, most of them still in their twenties, all with thick rimmed horned glasses, all, ALL of them with Apple laptops.  I so wish I could take a picture because it looks like a bunch of soldiers lined up for inspection.  It would make a great "motivational poster" where it could be titled "Conformity - The harder you try not to, the more you fail."

Another thing I notice about the men is the lisp or the effeminate voice.  I don't believe any of them are gay, but I do know they have lower levels of testorerone.  This is the latest generation to come off the assembly line, go to college, graduate and now drift aimlessly in their twenties.  Without genuine challenge or rigor, their bodies and biology have failed to produce the  testosterone and hormones necessary to make them look "manly."  You think I'm arrogant when I say I can kick every guys ass in the joint (when I myself am a smaller fellow), but that is not arrogance.  It IS a testament to this developmental disorder these men have.

Third, related to hormones, the women.  Maybe it's not a lack of a challenging or physically demanding environment that explains the "Low T" these men have, as much as it is the women.  They're...well...what you'd expect.  None of them are wearing make up.  Most are pretty ugly.  And while the majority of them are in their 20's and early 30's, there is the handful of older women who wistfully look around the coffee shop, perhaps trying to find their youth.  Regardless, none of these would inspire your glands to secrete testosterone. Nobody here (men or women) have seen the insides of a calculus book.

Fourth, yes, of course.  Art.  I told you this shop had all the amenities of your lefty coffee shop!

Today's local artist is a guy who specializes in taking figurines and posing them near lakes to make the scenery look bigger and more dramatic.  I sure hope he spent a ton of money on his BA in Art to come up with that clever little tactic.  Again, it's something I could do, therefore it isn't art.  Perhaps he could take his figurine ability and work for Robot Chicken...naw, that would actually take skill and effort.

Fifth, even though I didn't see a sign that banned guns from these premises, I'm pretty sure I'm once again the only person carrying.  I swear if a criminal wants an easy mark, coffee shops are it.  These people are not so much against violence (who isn't?  I am!), as much as they are afraid of it.  They are so afraid of the reality that there is violence in the world their choice is to ignore it and "hope it goes away."  I guarantee you if any violent or aggressive person came in here you would have one of those scenes where people would just stand and watch.  Not out of a worry of law suits being filed, but they're be scared stiff.

Sixth, oh yes, everything is green.  You knew that already, but the establishment has put a poster up parading its various accomplishments and achievements in going green (picture is not rotated correctly because blogger is being difficult now)

One huge thing that is missing should be very obvious - profit.

"Free meetings held?"
"Acres of trees saved by switching to LED light bulbs???"
"Full time job equivalents????"

Again, it's like suggesting a whole new accounting system be based off of Facebook "likes" and not the real world currency coming in and out of the joint.  Oh well, even though profits are evil, I'm sure they'll find out it's also necessary for the joint to remain open.

Sixth, the coffee.  It ain't bad.  I'm not developing my pallet (sp?), but it sure as hell beats out the goat cheese coffee from the other day.

Post Script - I WAS able to get a picture of the Apple Soldiers lined up for inspection.  Faces of course deleted for privacy's sake:

The Captain on Nomad Capitalist

Here's the interview.  You will enjoy the decline!

Express Air Medical Transport

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Is It Possible to Short Bitcoin?

Just asking.  I know absolutely nothing about it, though it intrigues me.

Frank Intrudes On Dean

"Get to Gettin'"

"Why Aren't You On a Date?" Linkage

It's Saturday.  What are you doing reading this blog?  Go out, get laid...or "at least die trying."

Oh well, since you insist.

College Insurrection has a nice amalgamation of further proof corporations requiring college degrees in their "entry level positions" should expect nothing but the finest whiners, complainers and spoiled brats.

This is the primary reason a disproportionately high percentage of my new readership is of minority groups - because I don't kiss their ass and I treat them like fellow adults.

The Last Christian Standing enjoys the decline!

Legendary Kotetu hits one out of the park.  It's a joke ladies!!!  not really.

From our Indian, Eskimo, Scandinavian, Canadian (not kidding) Agent in the Field.  More on this later.

What do I keep telling you people about property taxes undermining the value of American's largest asset?

I had a girlfriend once.  She had all the privileges of connected grandparents and her entire career was due to the fact her grandad was the #3 guy at a very large corporation.  I always envied how she had enough money to contribute to a 401k while I got by to pay groceries even though she was (beyond a doubt) dumber than a retarded dachshund.  Now, I couldn't be happier.

Danny explains why we love our soldiers.

Marilyn Monroe is dead, but my grandmother (of roughly her age) is still alive.  And guess who led the better and more enjoyable life!

What's more pathetic than an "aspiring rap artist?"

Answer - a white bred, nepotist son of a politician "hip hop aspiring rap artist."

Heimie's Haberdashery

In my efforts to enjoy the decline, I decided to treat myself to a haircut and beard trim at a haberdashery.  If you don't know what a haberdashery is, it's a high end man's store.  I'd like to say clothing store, but they also typically include hats, accessories, cigars, and a barber shop.  Not every town has one, but the Twin Cities does - Heimie's Haberdashery.

I did not want to bother the workers, annoying them if I could take a pictures of their entire store, so all I asked is if I could take a picture of the barber shop area and here it is:

 































Obviously, this is not Great Clips, and yes, you are going to pay more for a hair cut and a trim at a haberdashery, but permit me to convince you why you should AT LEAST ONCE in your life go to a haberdashery before you die.

The hair cut and trim are the best you will ever get.  I got not one, not two, but three different hot towel treatments.  The reasoning or mechanics behind treating my face with three different lathers, soaps and conditioners was beyond me, but they are professionals and know what they are doing.  Additionally, they have to be as all beard grooming is done with a straight edge razor.  It is that freaking old school. The end product was a "Tony Stark" beard and hair cut, laser precision definition and jib.  I walked out, in all honesty, about an additional .8 points on a scale of 1-10.  That is how practical and beneficial a high end hair cut at a haberdashery is.

Also when you walk in it screams "man."  Women are of course allowed in, but let there be no mistake this is a place for men.  Everything is for men, everything is about men.  You can speak freely and be a man.  Feminists would burn much like a vampire would in a church if they were to set foot in there.  In short it is about the one of the few, pure bastions for men remaining and shows you what men can achieve in terms of fashion and class if left to their own devices and desires.

The music, at least at Heimie's was jazz.  Old school jazz.  It was perfect.  No teenybopper, Top 40, Kate Perry, Rhianna crap.  It was talented musicians from the olden days who actually had talent and skill.  Duke Ellington, Frank Sinatra, Artie Shaw, they got as recent as Miles Davis (unless I misheard the song).  It was music for men.  Not boys, not girls, not women, but men. 

Finally, the staff was impeccably dressed.  Not corny 1880's, barbershop quartet old school, but vests, suspenders, sharp shirts and tasteful hats that COULD be worn indoors.  They were also quite dapper looking young gentlemen that would cause palpitations in the hearts of young ladies.   I felt a little bit of shame coming in as I did (jeans and a sweatshirt) and believe next time I will wear a suit so as not to offend the staff or disrupt the aura of the haberdashery.

In short, whether it's Heimie's or another haberdashery in the large metro you live in, I don't recommend you go to one.  I COMMAND you go to one.  This is one of those things men NEED to treat themselves to before they die, and preferably once a year.  The experience is like fine dining except when you eat your food you don't say, "Well, shoot, I could have grilled a better steak at home," you walk out and say, "Wow, that's nothing I could have done at home."  It is such an experience, even women would love to just sit and watch the craftsmanship of the barber trim your beard.  And ladies, if you're looking to get your man a gift, this is what you get him.  It is a way for all to enjoy the decline.

Enjoy the Schadenfreude!

From a reader, she will be added to the schadenfreude list!

On a side note, the comments are not just priceless, but I think they answer my philosophical question:

"If a hamster hits the wall, does it even know it?" (I believe it is in the later third of the podcast)

The answer is no.  It is very much like the dismembered knight in Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail.

The Unnecessary Cost of Dread

Approaching the end of week 1 of "Forced Discipline and Regimen Month" I am reminded of an important lesson I have forgotten since I was 17.

Look here at this video.

You'll notice the girl spends many minutes agonizing and fearing the jump off the cliff.  It is not until her boyfriend pushes her does she actually go.  I had a similar experience when I was 17 jumping off of the Interstate Park cliffs into the St. Croix River that separates Minnesota and Wisconsin.  The cliffs are 100 feet tall and they go straight down into the water.  I remember climbing up to the top of them and there there was a similar hemming and hawing as your eyes and brain tried to rationalize and take in the precipitous fall.  However, that is the WORST part of it.  Once you commit yourself to jumping and do it, it isn't that bad.

The lesson I learned from it was not to look.  Looking only leads to dread and fear, and is the unnecessary price you pay for a task that, though thrilling, is not going to hurt you.  And when it comes to working out, it is the same thing.

I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE lifting weights.

It's boring.  It is mind numbing.  And the only benefit is physical.

However, since I hate it so much, I dreaded doing it.  But much like cliff jumping or cliff swinging, it was the dread that made it 10 times worse than it actually was.  In other words since blindly committing to lifting weights, I no longer let my brain entertain or contemplate the option not to.  Since blindly committing to running 6 miles the days I don't lift, I don't let my brain fear the temperatures or cold.  And since blindly committing to not drinking and avoiding carbs, cravings have gone away.  In just putting your fatherly foot down on your own mind and saying, "we're doing this" there is no chance for your brain to fear or dread it, making it all that much easier.  There is no debate, there is no discussion, there is no rationalizing your way out of it.  It's just a daily chore, you're going to do and the calories of energy you'd normally spend dreading doing it are now repurposed into doing it.  It is a skill definitely worth learning.