Wednesday, January 22, 2020

The Cutting Floor - "Self Love is Bullshit"

This is an excerpt from my upcoming book that I deemed was actually too harsh and not really what I wanted to convey about self-love.  HOwever, my experiences listening to fat acceptance podcasts did provide some interesting insight that I thought should be shared here.

Additionally, in fair warning, there is a chance I may not publish this book.  It's turning out to be the darkest thing I've ever written and I do have some other concerns as well.  I will keep you updated if I decide to publish the book or not.


In preparation for another project, I found myself binging on a whole host of women-oriented podcasts.  They ranged from feminism to careerism to politics to art, but the one that caught my morbid attention was on fat acceptance.  Completely disagreeing with the premise and viewing the fat acceptance movement as a coping mechanism, it was actually very interesting to study something I believed held no veracity whatsoever.  But of all the interesting theories, viewpoints, sub-theories, and philosophies in fat acceptance the one that stood out the most was a concept called “Self-Love.” 

There is no official definition of it, but as far as I could tell “self-love” was separate from self-respect or self-confidence in that it went beyond merely respecting oneself and doing what was in your best interests.  It was more akin to asexuality wherein you didn’t need the love or approval of other people, and that loving yourself was not only necessary but sufficient unto itself.  It also held more in common with love from another person in that it was reaffirming, continual, and not merely an attitude or a policy one would hold such as “you should respect yourself” or “be confident in yourself.”  It was, in my opinion, a replacement for external love.

Though more click-bait than a verifiable trend, you’ve seen this anecdotally in recent years with women deciding to marrying themselves (or their dog, or their cat, there was even one where a woman married her degree).  In some of the career podcasts you could also see this “self-love” where the entire focus was myopically on a career for career’s sake and not any loved ones around them.  And the words “amazing,” “beautiful,” and “brave” no longer hold any meaning as they now function more like units of currency to show love for a fellow woman than anything those descriptive words would have meant.  But the unifying thing be it podcasts on fat acceptance or anecdotes in the real world was that self-love was insular.  It could be self-conferred.  And it didn’t matter what the external world thought, according to self-love, you could become your own printing press machine of love, making you infinitely wealthy in love and affection.

But for all the podcasts recorded, articles written, even books published, there is a much simpler word that encapsulates this all, including the nuanced theories and insular, independent aspect of self-love.  It’s called “masturbation.”  Because while one should certainly love themselves, and they should certainly have the self-respect and confidence to do as they please in life, taking the step to use self-love as a replacement for external love is the definition of masturbation. 

The origins of self-love harken back to the beginning days human’s existence and are certainly not relegated to women.  Narcissism, ego, arrogance, and traditional self-love have all been an unfortunate part of human nature.  But this new avant-garde, philosophical strain of self-love is more due to the self-esteem movement, which has been a defining trademark of the Millennials. 

.......end excerpt......


Shannon_Entropy said...

women deciding to marrying themselves (or their dog, or their cat, there was even one where a woman married her degree)

Heck one woman even married a chandelier !! Not only that, but the chandelier is "female" cuz the gal is a lesbian [ she was previously in a "long distance relationship" with the Statue of Liberty !!

Sounds rational

Anonymous said...

Cappy the delusions of modern life are encapsulated in this analysis. 'Put down the fork and get your fat ass up off the couch' is considered heretical rhetoric.
If you publish I will read.

YIH said...

Don't cuck out, publish your book and let the chips fall where they may!

Anonymous said...

My two cents...this isnt too dark for a book. It needs to be said, as ugly as it may be.

CBMTTek said...

OK, maybe a bit harsh, but the point is valid.

Substituting "self love" for actual love and acceptance by others IS the issue. It is the point of the excerpt.

What the real problem here is not "self love" it is social media as a whole.

In the days before social media, if you were someone that was going to substitute "self love" for social acceptance, you had no audience. Maybe there were a few acquaintances, or family, but you were not going to get encouragement to eschew actual human love in favor of marrying yourself. Your audience would be limited to people within earshot at best.
Someone would have, rightfully, laughed at you for proposing the idea.

But, not now. Any idiot who has a nut job idea can tweet it, and dozens, if not hundreds of people on the 'net will applaud it. No matter how ridiculous the idea is.

Want to declare that you are perfect, and the rest of the world is the problem for not thinking your fat thousand plus pound body is beautiful, you will find lots of other people out there that are in the same boat.

Apply that logic across the board. Politics, the environment, gun control, whatever. Without social media, would any of the current nut jobs out there espousing ridiculous ideas get a platform?

Anonymous said...

Thought you were gonna start "lying".

Anonymous said...

You have obligation to turn your ideas publics, you are in vanguard.

Anonymous said...

"there is a much simpler word that encapsulates this all, including the nuanced theories and insular, independent aspect of self-love. It’s called “INSANITY.”

Fixed it for you.

Phil B

Tucanae Services said...

Publish the book! Just because it is dark should not be the basis for being unwilling to back the truth.

Post Alley Crackpot said...

"It's turning out to be the darkest thing I've ever written ..."

All the more reason to publish it.

But perhaps you can include a few Dark Comedic Interludes for the punters who were hoping for unicorn farts and rainbow bear hugs?

That would be quite exceptional. :-)

Elijah said...

I agree. One of the best reasons to read cappy is his brutal honesty.

Anonymous said...

Good parallel to masturbation.

I must note that females of today are proud to be masturbators, in fact they openly turn that around against men, i.e. "no man can please me as well as I do it for myself" or even more cringe inducing statements.

Decline, enjoy.

tdcommenter said...

Speaking as a customer, I would buy Cappy's book even if with the scope limited to focus on Millennial Males. I have been looking forward to it.

I would also buy a second book that focused on females as a subject. If that is too time and soul consuming, then the excerpts could become tasty extras in next collection of Captain Capitalism. The next collection could also be an annual to capitalize on the blog at a faster interval, especially if it includes the Patreon (Mary Jo's) goodies.

On the topic of self love, I think that this falls under the topic of "unconditional love". Piggott covered this in a Friday links post:
The topic was treated in a religious context, but even outside of religion, the depths and history of the delusion was clearly explained.

In any case, hope the book is published.

Mike said...

Dark as it may be, I really hope you publish your book. I'm looking forward to it.

With regard to the whole "self-love" thing, the parasite media are masters at fabricating new definitions out of whole cloth.

The kind of self-love that allows you to grow a backbone and stand on your own two feet, accepting your flaws as something to be worked on throughout life while doing what's right despite the bile and contempt of the crowd has historically been accepted as a good thing; it's what allowed for growth and progress in people and our institutions. Americans historically love someone who goes against the grain or swims upstream; we have lots of metaphors for it.

Now the term is being co-opted to justify laziness and selfishness, pure and simple. "Body positivity" is the perfect example. It won't be long before it's seen as a virtue to have lost sandwiches rotting inside your fat folds while spending your days screaming that your health problems are caused by white people you've never met.

Anonymous said...

Cappy your core audience is still going to buy it....I doubt you can say anything that we haven't said or thought ourselves. Frankly I enjoy hearing about your research of topics that the mnainstream won't except. HOWEVER....if it is going to get you banned from selling books of Amazon you might want to edit just a touch!

Keep the books coming. I enjoy them all.

Anonymous said...

What about men who are fat? You guys seem to have no problems with Trump who is obese and has disgusting eating habits.

Anonymous said...

"Self-love" is an old euphemism for masturbation. Fits the discussion in a weird way...

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but fat men never insisted that they are owed love and respect from women the same way fat women voice entitlement to men's love and resources