Thursday, June 24, 2010

A Cartman Moment

There is no limit to the number of men and women I run into who upon finding out that I ballroom dance on the side are immediately intrigued and interested. I then say, "well, why don't you come out dancing with me and my friends? Or perhaps take a class?"

To which they predictably respond, "oh, well I don't know how to dance."

And thus I feel like Cartman talking to Butters in the episode "Make Love, Not Warcraft" (see here).

You see (ladies and gentlemen who are interested in dancing but then never take a dance class because you innately don't know how) you CAN'T LEARN TO DANCE UNLESS YOU EITHER TAKE A CLASS OR GO OUT AND TRY!!!

I file my complaint today primarily because of the lost amount of fun people could have if they just went out and at least TRIED dancing. They're missing out a great world simply because they somehow magically think all ballroom, swing and salsa dancers somehow were just born dancing and we never ever had to train or learn the basic steps in the first place. As if just after college, BOOM, the Magic Salsa Fairy took her wand and went "pwaaaaannng!!! You can now dance, Captain!"

The other reason I bring this up is for the younger men in the Capposphere. I have retired from the courtship/dating game and now never ask a girl I don't know to dance. And the reason is simple - they always say the same thing - "Well, I'd love to, but I don't know how?"

This you understand has happened at least a hundred times in my life. But understand the irony of it.

The Young (and highly accomplished ballroom-dancing) Captain, goes up to girl X. There is a nice open wood dance floor. There is a GREAT band playing. And everybody is dressed to the nines looking sharp.

I say to girl X, "Girl X, would you like to dance?"

She says "I'd love to, but I don't know how" to the ballroom dance INSTRUCTOR.

"Well I'll show you how to dance" says the ballroom dance INSTRUCTOR.

"Oh, well I don't know the moves." invariably says girl X.

"Yes, but that is why I would SHOW YOU THE MOVES" says the ballroom dance INSTRUCTOR.

By that time inevitably the situation deteriorates to a cackle of girls are wooing and giggling, pointing to one another jesting the other should dance with the "foolish" dance instructor, who leaves the table and takes with him what was a genuine and great opportunity for these girls to learn to dance.

So to the younger ballroom-dancing men in the Capposphere - don't bother asking girls to dance unless it is at a bonafide ballroom dance and they are bonafide dancers. You're just wasting your time.

Regardless, the overall lesson for the aspiring, junior, deputy, official or otherwise economists out there is to just try dancing ONCE. Go take a class, especially if you don't know how, because that's why you take a class. Or if you're particualrly shy, the Captain does sell instructional DVD's which you can practice to in the security and safety of your own home. And ladies, the dirty little secret of the ballroom dance world is that you don't even need to take a class because there is no limit to the number of men who like to use it as a means by which to hopefully get your number or pick you up.

Alas, I fear I shall still be Cartman in this regard.


Crippled cutie :) said...

Agreed! Be brave! It is a great time out dancing - all dressed up - with great music!

I took cap't classes - and here is the thing to know - most people in a dance class don't know how to dance either - so you won't be the only one!

I also thought I would never be able to dance cuz I didn't know how - and while I am no Ginger Rogers yet - it is fun to learn!

Thanks cap't !

Anonymous said...

Go back to the ballroom.

Mark Adams said...

I seem to be missing the point: if women won't dance with a man who knows how to dance, why should I waste my time and money learning to dance? I already have more than enough women who want nothing to do with me, why should I go seeking more?

Hot Sam said...

Cappy, you are making the cardinal error of confusing what a woman SAYS with what she actually MEANS.

You know better than that. Explaining the absurdity doesn't change it. They're hard-wired to NOT say what they mean and NOT believe we say precisely what we mean.

Google the story of Roger, Elaine, and the horse. It will make you chuckle and remind you of the folly of trying to rationalize the irrational.

The only XX you should ever trust is the beer. Stay thirsty my friend.

Captain Capitalism said...

Thanks Col. I'm just happy to have abandoned all the crap of "ignoring her words and watch her body language" BS. In the end I regret spendding so much time in my teens and twenties chasing after girls when I could have been reading, drinking, playing video games or just plain fishing.

Anonymous said...

I have zero coordination, bad knees and even worse ankles. I see nothing short of major catastrophic disaster getting on the dance floor.

PeppermintPanda said...

When my niece was really young (4 or 5) was that children are absolutely terrible at everything but they continue doing it anyways; and it is (potentially) one of the main reasons why children develop so many skills so rapidly. At some point in our life (around age 9 or 11) we become aware of how we compare to other people and we stop doing things that we’re not particularly good at; and this will eventually result in people doing practically nothing new in their lives.

Once an adult can break through their insecurities and inhibitions and do something regardless of whether they’re good at it they can accomplish (pretty much) anything they can set out to. There is even a fairly major advantage that adults have over children when it comes to accomplishing things, and that is a different perspective on time. For an adult spending half an hour a day doing something over a couple of years doesn’t really seem like that much time, and when you devote that kind of time to anything you will be amazed at the kind of development you achieve.