Sunday, November 07, 2010

Minimalist Art - Art Only a Mother Could Love

It was above 60 degrees today and since it's November and we're in Minnesota that means you have to take a motorcycle ride. So off Natasha and I went on my motorcycle and as I usually do, I took a spin around the Lake of the Isles area where the trust fund babies of Minnesota live (and where subsequently the trust fund is running out).

However, as we were driving around, we came up on a "sculpture" that was put up this earlier this summer on this pristine piece of real estate in this Lake of the Isles area. I've been meaning to take a picture of this "sculpture" for quite some time, but I keep forgetting to bring a camera. I finally remembered this particular trip and managed to take a picture of this beautiful "sculpture." Remember this is on PRIME REAL ESTATE IN THE ENTIRE STATE OF MINNESOTA.

I've mentioned minimalistic "art" before, but the long and short of it is this - it's like a crappy drawing of a 3 year old kid. No matter how bad, the loving mother will still put it up on the fridge because she is proud of her kid. However, sometimes the 3 year old never grows up and never leaves the house. And mom isn't some regular mom, she and the father are filthy stinking rich. And instead of putting up the crappo drawing of the three year old on their fridge INSIDE THE HOUSE, they put their now 38 year old's crappo sculpture in their front yard forcing everybody to see it.

Therefore I decided to do some "art" myself to see if I could get a super rich family on Lake of the Isles to perhaps endorse me (or at least put it in front of their yard).

This I call "The Death of the Burning Mouse." You can see I am a super awesome artistic genius. The reason why you can tell this is because you cannot see the dead mouse in this picture whereas I can.

This is called "Bottle Opener in Milan Summer Nights" It is a very deep and meaningful painting with many layers and emotion. It's one of those paintings you would probably have to pay to see in the Walker Art Museum and end up looking at for 50 minutes to really get to appreciate all the different angles. But again, you are not a super art genius like me, so at most you will only see 3% of all the aspects. But still, it should move your soul and make you aspire to at least try to become a super awesome art genius like me.

I call this "The Frog of Socialist Caring" Super art geniuses like me can obviously tell he is a frog, but to close-minded evil capitalists I labeled it with a "ribbit" and a fly so you non-artistic rubes could tell what it is. I really didn't want to do this because I don't like doing "commercial art." I mean, it isn't all about money. But every once in a while I have to lower my standards and make something that will sell so I can put food on the table (even though my trust fund does that for me anyway and I live in my parent's basement).

In any case, if anybody in the Lake of the Isles area or Kenwood area or even the lesser Linden Hills area would like to purchase these fine masterpieces and display them in your front yard, let me know. You may also donate to me by clicking on the girl on the top right of the page to feed the starving artist.



Anonymous said...

No, you are out of luck, your pictures do not resemble a diseased schlong nearly enough.

It's odd you know, "bad" modern art is a scam, artists haven't chnaged, but it used to be that artists actually had to SELL their stuff to people. ( Or starve, or be be trust fund kids) (That kinds of art is still pretty decent you know, and talented artists still make a good living at it.)

That meant they had to find patrons of deep wallets or a real job slinging hash to pay fo rhte art therapy habits.

Ethier way it kept them grounded, ALSO people who could afford to commisssion art used to have pretend of have some taste and education, which also helped.

I think one of the most pernicious things to happen to art was government "art council" grants and what not. Basically committees (unaccountable) of syncophants and rats-in-cheese esthetes playing with other people's money.

They produce turds, have to justify the turd, and thus convince people that turds are fine.

(Note I'm not saying Governments should not buy artwork and architecture, but it shouldn't be committees bullied by lunatic architects trying to impress their colleagues,and building avant guard turds that leak.)

bookstopper said...

You hit the nail on the head about the non-objective art movement. Most of the stuff that passes for "art" these days really isn't art. Impressionists, while not the best artists, had some very interesting things to say about how various colors can come together to trick the eye, sort of a like a proto-pixelation. The nonsense movements started about the turn of the 20th century, and art has gone downhill ever since.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Aon. Government grants keep this sort of garbage flowing into the public.
The great unwashed are told by elites, how wonderful modern art enriches our life.

Elizabeth said...

as an interesting experiment- submit your art work to the New Yorker Magazine and have a great laugh when they publish it!

Anonymous said...

R eal
T urd

Ilene said...

FYI - This sculpture is owned by the artist who doesn't live in the neighborhood. It was placed on that spot temporarily, in public, to get a response. No transaction occurred; no elitism intended, and no government support was accepted.
Art critiques are worth the debate. What IS art?
Keep doing your drawings, you may find something there.