Saturday, February 12, 2011

More Courting Advice from the Captain

Recessions are great things in that they force reality upon people.

Oh sure, little Suzie, you can major in communications with a minor in Ethiopian-Czech-American-History. But if a recession comes, you'll be living with mommy and daddy once again (whilst no doubt spouting how independent you are).

But for men (and those women of a certain mechanical nature) recessions do two things that do actually provide an upshot;

1. They cut your income
2. They increase the amount of free time

These two factors forces you to consider a long lost art from the Manly Men of Yore;

Fixing and repairing things.

With less income, you can't afford to fix your motorcycle.

With more time, you CAN learn how to fix it yourself.

And if you combine all these factors, you may actually come out financially ahead on account you are at a lower income tax bracket, but still have the same disposable income because you're fixing things on your own.

For example the Captain is rapidly become an excellent motorcycle mechanic. Advantages?

1. Saving tons of money.
2. Learning a new skill.
3. Increased sexual attraction from the ladies (and no, I'm not making that up, you just see what happens when you walk back inside the house all mucked up in grease and sweat and see what happens)

Or another example, I installed my own wood burning stove. Advantages?

1. Saving money on heat bills (TONS of money on account I live in Minnesota).
2. Learning new carpentry skills.
3. Increased sexual attraction from the ladies (not just because you are being manly constructing new things, but the ladies do seem to like nice warm fires on cold, blustery winter nights)

It is here men, that regardless of your occupation or profession, you must learn some blue collar skills. Not just to save money or prepare for an inevitable decline of the country where a Mad Max world would be upon us. And not just for the psychological benefit that comes with actually producing something (of which Barry O knows nothing about). But because it is a huge advantage in the dating world.

Go to any university and there's little Suzie (once again majoring in 13th Century Feminist Interpretive Dance). She's a cutie and her car breaks down. Oh no! Who will save Cutsie Suzie?

Will it be Tanner Jones-Feelingsman, a fellow 13th Century Feminist Interpretive Dance major, and sensitive 90's man extraordinaire?

Will it be Gaylan McHippie-Goatee, a poetry major whose parents couldn't teach him the difference between a phillips or a flat head screw driver, but he uses a reusable bag when he goes to Whole Foods?

Or will it be Mike Jones, regular ole American guy whose dad, instead of giving him a free ride through college, bought him a Stanely Tool set and taught him how to fix cars?

You young men figure that one out.


Anonymous said...

I'd take Mike over the other two, but to hell with the Feminist Interpretative Dance!

-Lia S.

sth_txs said...

I've done a little of that sometimes. I do hate sanding and painting but will do it to save a few pennies.

The Private Man said...

Excellent advice.

Men need to learn to fix things. A man who can't work with tools to repair things is not a man in full.

Just yesterday, I visited woman I dated last year. I had a good visit and while there I fixed her vacuum cleaner. It was easy for me.

Despite her claims at having a boyfriend, sex ensued.

Pulp Herb said...

It's also an advantage in obtaining beer. When your budy's Jeep Cherokee's fuel pump goes out which involves dropping and cleaning the fuel tank which of the three above is he going to call. And of course, because you're helping out your bud, you know right next to the tool box is going to be a six of Shiner Bock.

Anonymous said...

Well, too bad there aren't more manly men out there.

Instead, a girl has to learn to fix her own car, haul her own wood, make repairs in her home, and pretty much everything else she would love to have a man help her with.

Because, in reality, I want to save myself the money too.

Oh, and then she's told she's too independent and that's why guys won't ask her out. Because it's intimidating.


Anonymous said...

I too have a wood burning stove/fireplace. Live on acres so tonnes of free wood.

I thought it bad that I would have to be out chainsawing wood and then spliting it with an axe... Until I looked up and spoted the lady neighbor watching me over the fence, and then when I went inside to the wife all dirty, sweaty and pumped well I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Anonymous said...

Here I thought being able to fix and repair things was driven by my frugality - instead it's my manliness and independent spirit yearning to be free.

I never thought of it impressing the ladies.

Another man-tip. always carry a set of jumper cables in your car and know how to use them. It's an excellent tool to meet and impress young damsels in distress.

Anonymous said...

Since when did the Captain's comment section turned into Penthouse letters?

Captain Capitalism said...

If young men are smart, they won't help "damsels in distress."

They're independent. They can handle themselves.

Young men instead will just buy more booze and play video games.

Anonymous said...

Here's a couple of lines to pass on when the need arises...

Anonymous said...

Actually, Mike will fix the car and be "a good friend" and Gaylan will make her make him dinner & roger her silly.

Seriously, be careful, or you'll be spending your Sundays fixing other people's stuff, for free. Once in a while that's ok, but jeez buy your own screwdriver.

Funny that other commenter should mention a vacuum, mine has a intermittent electrical contact. So flipped it over looking for screws and what not-not to undo the case and go fix it...not one to be seen, damn thing looks hermetically sealed. Grrr, this mean that somewhere, somehow on this thing a piece of plastic has to lift, snap out or something.

Anonymous said...

I was visiting my mom's best friend, and she asked me to fix a broken drawer in the kitchen. "Sure", I said, "where's John's toolbox?", knowing that her husband made wooden toys as a hobby. "I sold his tools after he passed away." "Didn't you save a screwdriver or something?" "No, I sold them all."

Not being as manly as our beloved Captain, I didn't have any tools in my car, so the drawer didn't get fixed.

NMH said...

I cant fix a damned thing, and my gf knows it. However, we both know Im a better BR dancer than she is, so she always wants sex from me.

Hypergamy applies to dancing as well.

My observation, BTW, is that if both a man and a woman are dancers, than the man has to be better than the woman for a romantic relationship to occur. I suggest you make a post about this.

Quite frankly, Im getting old enough to say the F*ck with women, and as the inimitable Hunter S. Thompson used to say, "Ill sit back and let the whole damn farm go to hell."

MarkyMark said...

If young men are smart, they won't help "damsels in distress."

They're independent. They can handle themselves.

Young men instead will just buy more booze and play video games.

You got THAT shit right! They need a man like a fish needs a bicycle, heheheh...

MarkyMark said...

I'm learning to fix my scooter because I need to save money; I'm no public sector sugar mama with cash to burn...