Tuesday, April 16, 2019

Before You Get Married...Before You Get Divorced


I rarely say things are a "must read" or a "must listen" because in actuality they aren't.  Most of us are already too busy and engaged in highly productive endeavors that to "read this book" or "see this movie" just isn't worth sacrificing something else we already have going on. 

However, this is worth listening to.

The reason it's worth listening to is most of you are going to go off and get married.  Half of you will get divorced.  And I want you to understand what it's like after you get divorced so you may more fully assess whether you want to get married in the first place.  Adam (the man in the podcast) is doing WELL, SPECTACULAR given the situation he's in.  And still it's painful to hear how cleaning his car, or organizing his apartment, or just focusing on work is what are the granular, daily steps he is taking to keep it together.

Also keep in mind this is a real man with a real life and has done more in his life than most people will do in 10.  And if a wife of questionable value just ups and leaves him AND it puts him in this state of impulse power only, I can only imagine when a girl you guys have oneitis for leaves you AND you are not the man Adam is, you'd be an inconsolable pile of goo.

Make damn sure the girl you're going to get married to is the one.  And make damn sure you are strong enough to continue if she decides to " I'm not haaaapppppyyyy" you and go away.


Anonymous said...

Gotta keep your woman out of the workplace.

vok3 said...

With the disclaimer that, first, I've never been divorced, and second, I don't need to be a fuckup myself to recognize a fuckup when I see it:

She did it while he was out of the country, knowing he was out of the country and it would make things extra difficult for him, and his reaction is that he understands her position?

No, she did that to screw with him and subconsciously try to provoke a manly Muslim-style reaction, and understanding her position was not it. This sort of torment tactic is absolutely standard in divorces where the woman has started to hold the man in contempt and secretly wishes he'd prove her wrong.

Did I also understand correctly that he paid for the house? And he lets her have it without even forcing her to ask a divorce court for the cash and prizes? If so this is just wimpy. And coming from a guy who talks about how tough he is. No, a tough guy would've gone cold and cut her off instantly, the moment the problem was announced. And this isn't a fantasy, there are plenty of guys who are capable of it and do it. When someone tells you they intend to destroy your life, YOU FUCKING TAKE THEM SERIOUSLY.

Letting her have the cat is just the cherry-whine crowning the wimp cake. A cat who likes watching him play video games? And he's just letting her have it because house, which he isn't fighting for either?

Simps like this are WHY divorce in the West is in the state it's in.

But I'm not entirely negative. I'll also point out that comparing himself to Milo is just silly. This guy had a boom dropped on him when he was emotionally invested and unprepared for it; he could've and probably should've been better prepared but it's an understandable mistake. Milo however did not encounter a single problem that was not absolutely and totally of his own making, and avoidably so - to the point that anybody with common sense watching Milo in his heyday KNEW that it was going to end badly. Judging by the excerpts I've seen Milo still hasn't faced up to his specific faults. This guy has made some errors in judgement but nothing approaching Milo's determined self-immolation.

Overall an interesting listen but the lesson is "don't make yourself that vulnerable in the first place". Young men are prone to it, they want to believe the myths. It takes a while before you can look women in the eye with an attitude of "you just aren't that great", which is required to handle her when she acts out.

The alternative is to make young women the legal property of either their fathers or husbands, and not give a flying flip what the women think about it, as was the case for most of human history. Ironically, that arrangement seems to make women happier than the present-day one.

Bill said...

To quote Terrance Popp, "if you have sex with a woman, and then at some later date you have to pay up with cash, she's a wh0re".

Vixi et vivo said...

Someone who enters into marriage while closed off to the possibility of children is committing fraud. The woman in question spent a decade telling him that she was not into him enough to make the sacrifices involved with children. Love cannot preclude fruitfulness. What they had was a sham marriage because (at least from her side) there were exceptions to a total sharing of the two lives.

Spirit_of_the_bayonet said...

True statement. If your wife refuses to have children, thats a massive red flag. You are being deceived. Chances are that she does want to have children, just not your children.

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