Friday, February 09, 2007

Advice for the Ladies from the Captain

I don't know if you knew this or not but men like, of all things, women.

No, really it's true.

It is a well-established scientific fact that men are partial to the ladies.

I have seen it!

So, ladies, do us men a favor and never do this;

I saw this in The Economist and it is literally heart-wrenching.

Here you have a beautiful woman (and she's a big time hoity toity corporate mucky muck professional on top of it) who is smart, educated, refined, etc. etc.



No no no no no!!!!

What are you doing??????!!!!!

I don't know if it was a communist plot or the devil himself that started this rumor/fashion trend of short hair, but let me explain it to you in simple terms;







or in other words;






Again, rereading the little known fact that men, indeed do like women, that means we don't want you looking like boys. We like LOOOOOONG, FLOWING HAIR!

Lot's of it.

Stuff we can get lost it.

Hair that when you whip around to face us time slows down as the rest of your hair slowly catches up to the rest of your body. Slooooowly losing altitude to settle on your shoulders.

That alone extends our life expectancy by 20 years.






On a completely seperate side note,

Remember to tune into THE ECONOMICS SUPPER CLUB this Saturday where I dispense my weekly wisdom;

AM 1500, KSTP, you can listen online here;

Central Standard time, 1-3PM


Anonymous said...

She may be a lesbian. When I was doing a tech support job during high school, we had one really hot female working there. She then shaved her head and we all found out she was a lesbian. The entire male staff was depressed for about a week after that.

Anonymous said...

Thank-you! I've been preaching that to my wife (and 4 girls) for years! I call it the "lesbian" cut. Y the heck do they have to cut it off? Leave the hair there! It makes even ugly girls look good!
--Bacardi Breezer.

Ryan Lackey said...

This is your first post with which I've disagreed :)

Women who are obviously feminine with shaved heads can be hot. OR in male suits. I think both together doesn't work; it needs to be one striking element out of proportion.

Captain Capitalism said...

I'm still in mourning.

Frank said...

I love chicks with short hair - take Starbuck from the new series of Battlestar Galactica as an example. Yummy.

Frank said...

verger? bah, sorry - it was me. Somehow i used my google account.

I still dig chicks with short hair :)

My wife to be says she's gonna cut her hair after the wedding - can't wait :)

Anonymous said...

Damnit, another Ryan! And this one spouting obvious heresy!

Long hair = good. Short hair is not as good. Baldness is a crime against aesthetics.

Unknown said...

i'll find it HILARIOUS if it ends up that woman has gone through chemotheraphy and you spent that entire entry insulting her

by the way, whoever said 'maybe she's a lesbian' deserves to be hanged. are we in the '40s? maybe she has HER OWN OPINION ABOUT WHAT LOOKS GOOD ON HER. -shock-

Anonymous said...

I don't deserve to be hanged. Maybe I have an opinion of what looks good on her. I respect her opinion, I just disagree if she is not a lesbian. I definitely shouldn't be killed because of what I think and what I say. If I have to live in the 40's to be able to think independently, then maybe I should take a trip back in time. Women who are lesbian tend to have that sort of hairstyle and women who are not lesbian tend to not. I mentioned that she may be a lesbian because she may not want to attract attention to the male sex. In which case we shouldn't be telling her to grow her hair long because it wouldn't matter.

The reason why this discussion started is that straight males like to have sex with good looking females. I know, it comes to a shock to a lot of people. We males have opinions of what look good on females, and every time we see a female, they are judged. Not voluntarily, but involuntarily. The judging never stops and I am fine with that. I am sure the captain posted this because he was shocked at looking at a woman with so much potential, but fell short of where he thought she needed to be. Hair is a big deal for me too.

Anonymous said...

Someone's beauty is in the eye of the beholder, not the person in question. If some woman gets a dyke haircut because she thinks it looks good on her, her opinion still won't matter when it comes to other people thinking she looks like a boy.

Apparently some fat people think they look good in spandex. Their opinion matters not at all, because it is what *other* people think that makes you physically attractive.

"i'll find it HILARIOUS if it ends up that woman has gone through chemotheraphy"

Cancer isn't funny. Unless it's testicular cancer, because then you can make jokes about how it lets you ride a bike really fast.

Andrew L said...

Long hair looks good until it clogs up the shower drain. I kind of prefer hair cut to about chin or shoulder length.

Anonymous said...

Hey Marge, do you have a large, tall beehive type hairdo like Marge Simpson?
Just curious, that's all.
--Bacardi Breezer.

Anonymous said...

For the woman who thinks it would be funny to find that the young lady in the picture has been through cancer treatment, I would like to second that cancer is not funny. That is a poor choice of words. On top of that, she was not being INSULTED. It was more like constructive criticism. The author of this blog has never made any tactless comments of such a sort. And finally, I am a woman, with long hair, and I don't get asked out because many men think I'm a heartless jerk. I admit that I can come off as a jerk, but I don't think I'm really a heartless jerk. Nonetheless, I don't get asked out, becuase in that area, it doesn't matter so much what I think.

Kasia said...

What about women who grow their hair out really long to cut it off and give it to kids with cancer (Locks of Love)? As long as we don't shave it bald to give it away, is that acceptable? ;-)

Just kidding. I'll make my hair decisions irrespective of what you say. But I agree that most women look much better with at least chin-length hair (even though I don't like women THAT WAY).

Anonymous said...

"What about women who grow their hair out really long to cut it off and give it to kids with cancer (Locks of Love)? As long as we don't shave it bald to give it away, is that acceptable? ;-)"

Well, it'll make you beautiful on the inside. :)

To get the best of both worlds, just grow it out longer and cut it around shoulder length. That way the kids with cancer get their hair, and you do too.

Cutting all your hair off to give it to a kid with cancer is just a direct transfer of assets that doesn't qualify as a Pareto improvement. I want to make it clear that I'm talking about maximizing benefits to society as a whole, and not simply serving my own narrow interests by encouraging women to do things that make them more attractive to me. I'd never do something like that. Not me.