The Team-Agent Relationship
The USS Yorktown has an interesting story. Heavily damaged and crippled at the Battle of Coral Sea, it limped its way back to Pearl Harbor where it could be repaired. However, this was not going to be a regular repair job, queued up behind other ships that were in the shipyards first. It HAD TO BE REPAIRED ASAP as every possible carrier and ship would be needed for the predicted and determining Battle of Midway. And so what can only be considered the greatest repair job history in the world was set off. Repair crews worked on the ship as she was sailing back to Pearl Harbor. Labor, materials, and equipment were secured in advance so they could work on the Yorktown the moment she docked at Pearl Harbor. They even put parts of Hawaii on rolling black outs so the electricity needed to repair the ship in time would be supplied. And in three short days she was sent back out into the Pacific in battleworthy condition (with repair crews still aboard her fixing what they could before the upcoming battle).
While the Yorktown is a unique story forced by emergency war conditions, it highlights a vitally important part of any naval vessel's life - a shipyard. A repair dock. A group of people that can maintain and repair this ship so that it may have not only have the longest life possible, but do the most when it comes to war, patrolling, defense, even commercial transport. It's vital to a ship because protects, maintains, and extends the inordinate amount of resources that went into building the ship in the first place. And it's certainly cheaper in the long run than building new ships whilst you let the old ones go into disrepair.
But this relationship between shipyard and ship, where there's an agent that goes out and performs a function and a team supporting said agent, is not relegated to naval vessels. There is an entire crew that supports a single fighter plane and fighter pilot (so much so the repair chief tells the pilot to bring back HIS plane). There is an entire team behind a single race car and race car driver. Even the cops are a group of guys going out into the field, supported by dispatchers and other specialists back at HQ. But long before fighter planes, race cars and aircraft carriers the very first instance of this agent-support team relationship existed. And that was the relationship between men and women.
In the olden days men were the agents, the battle ships, the fighter planes sent out into the field to do a variety of tasks. Defend the village. Fight the horde. Hunt the antelope. Till the fields. Build the forts. And in the not-so-olden days they did the modern day same. Work at factory. Work at the office. The 9-5 grind. Bring home the bacon. Women were the equally-vital shipyards of men, repairing them as they came back to harbor. They would fuel the men with food. Keep a nice dockyard in good condition. Tend to any wounds or injuries men might have sustained in the field. And the vitally important morale booster of soothing men, being kind to them, loving them, and giving them an emotional and existential point and purpose to go back out into the field and do it all over again. This team-agent relationship formed naturally over the course of hundreds of thousands of years and it seemed to work pretty good with it culminating in nuclear power, flight, freedom, landing on the moon, medicine, the elimination of hunger, the internet and self publishing.
But times have changed and things are no longer what they were a mere short 60 years ago. And there are ramifications, especially for men. For while you may have been built in a shipyard, and have 17 years of training and education put into you, and you are ready to take on the world, the problem is you no longer have a support team back at bay. There is no repair crew to extend your life and efficacy. If you suffer any damage (which you will, because it is the definition of life) you will only have yourself to rely upon to repair, maintain, as well as incentivize you over the course of your life. And the sooner you swallow and accept this very bitter pill of reality, the better your future life will be.
Yes, Aunt Bea Did Exist
First, however, it needs to be stated and established that at one time women did like, love, cherish and support men. Yes, Aunt Bea is a fictional character and so was June Cleaver, but they epitomized the ideal Team-Agent relationship men and women had with one another. But if that's not enough to convince you, one only need to remember their WWII grandparents and ask how grandma treated grandpa. My grandma treated my grandpa with support, love, dignity and respect. If it was a hard day I cannot see ANY instance in which she would not support him. And not once, never could it ever possibly happen that my grandmother would ever nag, criticism, lecture, tax, let alone divorce my grandfather. Furthermore, if they're lucky enough to even be alive, ask them whether they would stand men up on dates, "flake," sit on their ass and say nothing while on a date, and in general act like the way young ladies comport themselves today. You will find out it never crossed their minds, and even the mere prospect of such mistreatment they find appalling. Women liked men back in the day, period.
But the real reason it needs to be established that at one time women did support their men is for posterity. For historical record. And above all else because it is human nature. It is human reality. Traditionalism, no matter how much it is under attack, is the default program settings of humans. And when you work within these default settings the human race performs at its best. However, you being a freshly christened vessel, recently released from the loading docks into this modern day ocean of anti-male feminism, you will be told the complete opposite of what your genetics, biology, and instincts are telling you. This will cause you great confusion. You will constantly ask "what's wrong with me?" And you will go through an incalculable level of hell trying to reconcile what your entire biological instinct is screaming at you versus what society is screaming back. But understand, they are wrong. You are right. No you're not insane. At one time women did like men. And there's nothing wrong in wishing to return to that, because that is nature.
No, Aunt Bea Don't Exist No More
Yet in a certain tragic sense they are right and you are wrong. Because that's effectively what you get to deal with in the here and now. The current pool of women available to you today do not have the traits, values, ethics, let alone incentives of WWII women. And no matter what their underlying biological hard-wiring may be screaming at them, most women have chosen to abandon their men in the pursuit of becoming agents themselves. This has resulted in new types of relationships between men and women today, the types of which are heavily dependent upon the individual women themselves as well as their age.
The most common replacement relationship between men and women is the "Agent-Agent Relationship." This has been the standard since the Baby Boomer generation and is where women put their own careers and the determination of their own lives ahead of that of men and anyone else. Yes, they may get married. Yes, they may even love their husbands and children. But at no point in time do they exercise selflessness or altruism. Their definition, their core, their purpose and agency in life is to be a professional.
They are an accountant.
They are an HR professional.
They are a teacher.
They are lawyer.
They are a politician.
Their new "Agent Role" is so ingrained in their psyche that they even mock and ridicule motherhood, stay at home moms, accuse traditionalists of wanting women to be barefoot and pregnant, even Hillary Clinton maligned the stay at home moms.
whether or not you'll get divorced.
The second relationship is likely that of what Gen X'ers have - The "Agent-Competitor Relationship." It's like the "Agent-Agent" relationship, but instead of potentially loving you and some accidental tacit support, women view men more as competitors, not a teammate to work with.
This is no more obvious than today's fad of promoting women, constantly, 24-7, on the news, the media, education, government, video games, and EVERYWHERE. If there's a stereotype of an aged, career-woman, spinster who sold her soul to the corporation Gen X women would be it. Highly educated, highly driven, even highly intelligent, they took what their Baby Boomer mothers and teachers taught them and took it to a whole new level. Being part of this generation I have seen this since the 1st grade where our baby boomer teachers were CONSTANTLY hounding us young boys that the girls were just as good as us and could do whatever we could do. FOUR DECADES of this constant, pro-woman, rah-rah, you go girrrrrrlllll, propaganda pitting women against men. The predictable result was women didn't outright hate us, but it was made very clear they didn't like us (unless we pulled off some amazing shit), and the hell if they were going to give up careers for the degrading role of stay at home wife or mother. Alas, it is no shock that divorce rates between Gen X'ers and Baby Boomers remained the same (especially when you consider how co-habitation understates divorce statistics). Women truly didn't need...maybe didn't even want men.
Finally, there is what Millennials and Gen Z'ers get to face - The "Agent-Enemy" Relationship.
Again, it is highly dependent upon the girl, and I doubt the majority of young women today hate men, but an increasing number of women certainly do. With even more vitriolic, sometimes outright hatred of men being programmed and indoctrinated into women from Kindergarten-to-Career, many young women today view men as the enemy. Their elder Gen X sisters already viewed men as the competition, so it was only a couple more clicks to the right to transition that into being Public Enemy #1. "Masculinity" is not what saved women from being raped by the Japanese in WWII. It's now "toxic." Men who make more than women because they slaved their asses off majoring in STEM or working dangerous jobs in dangerous conditions didn't "work harder," they were "sexists." Penis is privilege, so we're going to eliminate meritocracy from our ENTIRE ECONOMY promoting people based on sexism and racism. Women (and their children) should be entitled to a lifetime of government support so they don't have to rely on a man. And if a guy rejects me after having sex with him, it's perfectly fine to accuse him of rape.
What was once the cute battle of the sexes where the push and pull led to an intense liking of one another, has now turned into a true war where some women loathe and detest men. And like hell if they're going to go to the shipyards to repair you or loving wives to cherish. They literally hate you. You are the enemy.
When you add it up (which is tough to do because the data is somewhat lacking) I'd estimate the percent of the young, female population who are looking to be part of that traditional "Team Agent" team has got to be below 5%. Even if they say they want the traditional relationship and will support you, often times it comes with other poison pills that make it a deal breaker. So with such horrible odds, young men today need to acknowledge this reality. And not only do they need to acknowledge it, they need to act on it. Yes, you might get statistically lucky and find yourself a keeper, but going forward in life you have to operate from the premise you are going to be taking care of yourself, doing your own repairs, and very likely sustaining damage - not benefiting from - the handful of women you date.
This then enters the realm of "there is no solution," because like it or not you are programmed to need a woman. Yes, technically you "don't" need a woman. You can eat. You can work out. You can engage in hobbies. But for all of human genetic history you were programmed to want a woman. And without them, you are going to sustain certain types and amounts of damage because you were built to be a ship, not a repair team. So the "solutions" are not really "solutions" since there are none. These are merely prescriptions to treat a problem that will (in all statistical likelihood) never go away.
The first step is to acknowledge this is reality. You (roughly) stand a 1 in 20, a 5% chance of meeting a traditional woman that, if you marry her, she will support you and be a net positive in your life.
The remaining 95% are likely going to be the bane of your existence.
Ergo, with such odds, you simply cannot put your hope, faith, dreams, and value in a wife or any consequential children because women have simply been programmed to be the opposite. If you do find one of these unicorns, consider it like winning the lottery. It's a statistical fluke. But remember, no matter how much you'd like otherwise, TRILLIONS of dollars and TRILLIONS of hours have gone into programming young women today to be Agents, Competitors, or Enemies, and NONE have been invested into teaching them how to be loving wives or mothers. So stop looking or at least learn to cut your losses quickly, early, and often when dating women.
The second step is to find agency and purpose outside of family and marriage. This will be the subject of a more detailed future post, but without women and family you will have to find something else to kill the decades of time you'll have. You can technically do anything. All of life's options are on the table. But some key ones are going to provide you the most worth and value in life. Your career will be the most likely one in that it gives you immediate agency and purpose, as it has for all men in all of history. It will also provide you comradery assuming you work for a team of people, essentially making that a substitute, though inferior family. Friends, if you can find them should be cherished as they tend to go by the wayside over the decades. Hobbies are also a must where you craft or build something of value that will remain on this planet after you die. Finally, you may want to consider religion or at least some philosophy to ultimately face what happens after you die. This alone will take some serious effort and resources, but the benefits of answering this question for yourself personally will pay dividends over the course of your consciousness.
Third, physical and mental health.
Without what has traditionally given men value in life, your body is going to have an uphill battle staying in both mental and physical shape. The love of your spouse as well as your children would have normally given you the incentive to get up in the morning and take on the day, but without that fuel you can easily lapse into lethargy, sloth, depression, drug use, and loneliness. This means eating right and working out are absolutely mandatory part-time jobs in that they will at least partially offset and fight the loss of what you should have normally had. They will boost endorphins, enhance mental clarity, stave off depression, and maybe even give you a social group to belong to should you find a quality running club or hiking group. But keep in mind your hind brain and the millions of years of evolution it has gone through is going to be constantly reminding you that you should be down and depressed without your crew, team, or support. It's not wrong, but there is no solution. Hit the gym and eat right.
Fourth, adventure and explore.
To give yourself an incentive you need to adventure and explore the world. Maybe not global trips to Antarctica or Tanzania, but visiting new and different places to at least provide your mind with some novelty and adventure. Based on my personal experiences, this should give you at least a decade's worth of meat to chew on and feed your soul, but inevitably the novelty wears off, you get old, and traveling gets tiring. Still, it serves its purpose and makes you a season man.
Fifth, your family. You may not have one of your own, but you came from one and if they're not toxic or abusive visiting them and spending time with them before either you or they die is a good substitute for your own. Again, your parents will likely die before you do, but there's no reason not to visit them before they do.
Finally, leaving a line in for the 5%.
Though statistically unlikely, a quality woman who loves you, cherishes you, and supports you is worth at least keeping a line out for. This doesn't mean you go to night clubs. It doesn't mean you spend hours on Tinder or cumulative days on dates. But you do leave a line out for a quality girl in case one comes along and bites. A lot of this can also be helped if you're direct and blunt with women in what you want. Being honest on your dating profile that you are looking for a SAHW and a traditional relationship will cut through the chase and act as a lightning rod for what few women want the same. Taking a conservative fat girl whose nice and telling her you'd date her if she'd lose weight is more efficient than hoping to make a pretty leftist girl a traditional stay at home wife. Your life should be so occupied with other activities that you don't have time to waste on anything but the rare marriage material woman, and when you hit that stage it's sometimes surprising when quality women show up.
Still, by math alone only 1 in 20 of us are going to get a quality girl. By math alone only 1 in 20 of us CAN get a quality girl. And until society starts to place value on family, husbands, fathers, and other USS Yorktowns, and start putting in the support need to keep those things afloat, it's going to be a lonely haul and a lonely life for the majority of American men. Make the best of it and as always, enjoy the decline.
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