Thursday, November 13, 2008

My "You Need a Better Car" Story

It was requested I post another personal story about the Captain's previous escapades through life so here is another.

I was about 30 or 31 or so and back then I still had some youthful naivety about me and was thus still on the market, "playing the game" looking to date girls. I had my radio show at the time and invariably because I was a young and dapper radio show host who happened to moonlight as a dance instructor, the topic of lining me up with some attractive young listener of the female persuasion would continually recur.

Sure enough a caller called in saying she had the most perfect girl in the world for me that I should date her. I was reluctant as because what you learn in the radio world is that the sexiness of a woman's voice is inversely related to her actual sexiness, but this girl assured me her friend was beautiful, not fat and still on top of all that had a great personality.

I was reluctant so I told her to shoot me an e-mail and we'd discuss further. I received her e-mail within 5 minutes of the show ending, behooving me to respond and consider her friend. I said I would agree, but I wanted to see a NORMAL, FULL BODY LENGTH picture, nothing that was touched up, or an insane close up of what would be a pretty face on an enormously large girl. I wanted proof she was an attractive girl.

Sure enough, the next day I received the picture.

Stunning, cute redhead. Slim, and in very good shape. Long flowing hair. Her friend was not lying, she was quite attractive.

So I agreed that I would meet her friend and go out with her and sure enough within a couple days I had a lunch date set at Benihanna's.

We met and she was just as her pictures suggested, a very attractive woman. She worked in real estate, and at the time I was in banking, and so we had a very high end intelligent conversation about the real estate market, housing and the crash that was slowly starting to materialize. She was impressed with all my various activities and I was very impressed with her entrepreneurialism. The date lasted two hours, we more or less closed the place down for lunch, before I decided that it was getting pretty late and I'd have to return to work. We left with me fully expecting a second date.

Of course I wasn't fresh off the assembly line. I knew that the date in my opinion could have gone great, while she could perhaps have had a horrendous time, so I didn't bank on anything. That is until her friend e-mailed me complimenting me on my behavior and witicisms and conversation skills. Apparently I had impressed her friend and I should certainly ask her out on a second date, except there was just this one major thing I would have to do;

I really ought to get a nicer car.

I was then lectured by her friend that, yes, while she knew I was proud of my frugality and spending within my means, I was 30 and therefore had to drive a nicer car. Too old and experienced to be insulted or shocked, I kind of laughed inside and looked up into the sky as if I was saying to the old man upstairs, "Are you freaking kidding me?"

So I asked her, "Well, what's wrong with my VW?"

Granted it wasn't a high end Jetta or a new model, but it wasn't a bad car either. It was at the time 7 years old, in good shape, it was kept clean and ran just fine. And out of all three of my cars, it was the nicer one.

"Well, it's not like you're 25 anymore. You really need to get a nicer car. My friend kind of noticed and mentioned it. It's really something that could turn into a deal breaker."

Again, too experienced and old to really be shocked or to really care, I resigned myself to defeat and said, "Well does she still want to go out with me then or what?"

"Sure! You should call her and ask her out!"

Which I promptly did.

Now a lot of you who know me are asking yourselves, "What they hell, Captain? Why were you going to go out with this girl again after she proved herself to be so shallow? She mentioned your CAR wasn't nice enough?! Are you just trying to aim for some play? What gives?"

But have faith in your beloved Captain, have faith.

For while I had no intention of ever having a future with this girl, I decided to at least have a little fun with her.

I scheduled a date, told her I would pick her up and drove to my buddy's place to trade my Chevy in for her BMW for the evening.

I showed up in this high end BMW, pulled up to the girl's house. Walked up, rang the doorbell and as she came down, escorted to towards the Beamer.

She was looking around trying to find my presumed P.O.S. VW and when she finally realized I was making a bee- line for the Beamer she said, "Wait, is THIS your car?"

I said, "Yeah."

She said, "Well, wait, when did you get this?!"

"Today," I said. "Your friend said that you didn't like my other car so I decided to buy this one."

She was a little shocked to say the least. She couldn't understand somebody just "up and buying a Beamer" because she mentioned to her friend the guy she went on a date with had an unacceptable car.

We went on our second date and I didn't bother calling her back. Last she saw of me was me driving off in my buddy's BMW. But it teaches all of us a lesson;

It's not just stories about women who put more value on fake things like cars and clothes. These women exist. And sadly, they're passing up on some of the best men in the world because of their shallowness.


Anonymous said...

How sad - I am happily married, but I hope you find the right girl if you already haven't. It sounds like it would take a pretty exceptional woman to live up to your standards, but don't ever lower them.

Hot Sam said...

Great story CC. It's so true.

In California, 'You are what you drive.' Most of the Beamers here are leased. Luckily I never met a woman who cared about my car, but I did date a woman who expected me to pay for absolutely everything, including a vacation we took together. In the age of women's equality, Homey don't do dat sheet! My wife and I still split checks.

My first car, BTW, was a BMW 316 that I bought in Germany. It was nothing special but I was pretty happy with it. They don't even export that model.

Cars are a mighty expensive status symbol, especially for a depreciating asset.

Anonymous said...

Rule No. 1: Blind dates are ugly.

Rule No. 2: If your blind date is hot, then YOU are the blind date.


Anonymous said...

LMAO! See, revenge is always better, isn't it? I had a guy tell me that I really ought to go blonde. I told him to drop dead. (Well, to fornicate with a tree). Felt good, but I kinda wish I had been cooler about it and really given him something to remember.

The Big Seester

Anonymous said...

You're an inspiration.

What you need is a shirt that identifies your "followers" with you. Like what Limbaugh has, of course I don't know exactly how big your following is though.

Maybe you could make deckhand/etc. shirts that we could wear or something along those lines.

Anonymous said...

Only thing I'm confused on is you said you drive a VW, but then you "traded in your Chevy...?"

Kasia said...

Oy vei.

Reminds me, actually, of a guy on a discussion board I used to frequent. He was griping up and down, left and right about how the women he knew would admit, when pressed by friends of his, that he was a great guy and they'd love to go out with him if he didn't have such ugly teeth. (He had dental fluorosis, which to be fair, can be unappealing.)

At first I felt awful for him. My sympathy evaporated, however, when he put up a post complaining that all the girls who responded to his personals ads were overweight. His point was that he works hard to take good care of himself and he didn't want to date someone who was overweight. Fair enough, but mightn't any of those girls who were turned off by his teeth have had similar reasoning?

Captain, I don't fault you for wanting to be attracted to the women you date, but appearances aren't everything. Sounds to me like you got as good as you gave there.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like she'd been drinking the Realtor(TM) Kool-Aid - real estate agents are among the most shallow, appearance-centric people I've ever met.

Ataru074 said...

you need nice clothes to hook up the girl around, you need a nice car to bring the girl home, you need a nice home to hit the girl, you need a very deep wallet to keep that kind of girl. easy as that.
nobody cares today if you are broke and just show the "bling bling".. you'll care tomorrow, when the girl will find "bling bling" somewhere else, and you won't have a dime to retire.

Hot Sam said...

Anonymous is right about realtors. They all try to be glamor babes and use their sexuality to sell. Going to "Open Houses" is better than seeing a peep show. Last weekend I had two married realtors flirting with me.

But if they think they're going to get me to sign my life away for a wink and a smile, they're crazy. Not even a horizontal bop is worth that much money. If I want cheap attention, I'll talk to the Israeli chicks at the kiosks in the mall.

My current realtor punctuates every sentence with=) How insipid=)

Every realtor I've met in California drives a Mercedes - I said "drives", not "owns."

Most of them are out of work now. The only places where sales are up is where prices are down, so they're taking a hit on commissions.

Stay single dude and take it as it comes. I'm happily married, but I miss the days when I was dancing and single.

Captain Capitalism said...

I stopped chasing girls about 3 years ago. Not only didn't have the time, but just kind of lost any desire or interest. Amazing what age does to you.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic story, and yes, sadly all too true. I'm a complete car fanatic, used to drive Ferraris as a hobby (never owned one, but lived around the corner from the dealership, had friends there, and got into racing for fun), but I never ever dreamed of taking my personal car fetishes out on the men I dated. I've dated guys who owned beat up hondas as well as brand new Porsches, but it never made any difference. (Although, granted, I did spend a lot more time driving around with the Porsche guy...) I found out a long time ago that just because a guy has a nice car doesn't mean that niceness reflects on his character. And just as importantly, just because a guy has a reasonable car doesn't mean he's not a completely shallow jerk. Cars are cars, people are people, end of story.

Although, sorry Captain, I'm going to have to agree with Kasia here. You kind of got as good as you gave. Did you ever consider that maybe the girls were messing around with you in response to your desire for a full-length body shot? I've stopped dating for that very reason - I used to be the perfect size 8, weighed around 135 pounds without even trying. Then suddenly found out I had a genetic condition that came out of nowhere and has completely changed the entire shape of my body. It's not bad, just not what I'm used to - I just don't look like myself anymore and that's hard to adjust to. I kinda gave up, because too many men out there are just like you used to be - they want that full length body shot before they'll give you the time of day. Sorry, but that's the male equivalent of the women who want the nice car. There's more to a person than the car they drive or the body they were born with - sometimes neither are controllable, although I'd dare say a body can be much harder to trade in than a vehicle. I certainly hope for your sake you've grown out of it.

Kasia said...

Y'all have obviously never met my realtor - Ph.D. in organizational communication, debate coach, and bought her mid-range Chrysler with cash.

But I don't doubt that she is the exception rather than the rule.

Hot Sam said...

Yeah, but Kasia you are from Detroit. A Mercedes would either get keyed or have the tires stripped in a matter of hours. ;)

Based on my experience with "Organizational Communication", your realtor made a big step up. I swear I'll strangle the next person I hear saying "Going forward."

Ask your realtor if she flirts with men to close a deal. I'm not judging her. If I had the goods I'd use them to my advantage too. There's a reason why Tom Cruise gets movie deals and I don't.

You raise a good point about superficiality being genderless. In online dating I never looked at a profile which didn't have a photo.

One observation from online dating: Conservative women were 100 times more likely to date liberal men than liberal women were to date conservative men. Liberal women have a political litmus test which is why so many chauvinist pigs are faux tree-huggers and bunny petters.

Some other observations from online profiles:

Not Political = Can't name the VP
Middle of the road = Liberal
Liberal = Socialist
Very Liberal = Left of Castro
Fit = Average
Average = Fat
A few extra pounds = Obese
Not religious = Atheist
Spiritual = Bizarre
Easy going = uptight
Down to Earth = flaky
Chemistry = How good looking are you?
Work hard, Play hard = lazy drunk
Like to be treated like a lady = The man pays for everything

Bike Bubba said...

I think the ladies are right on this one, Cap'n; you got what you gave, really. You wanted a picture to assess her attractiveness, she noted your car wasn't up to snuff.

For the record, the result is in general "misery." Misery by single people who can't get past the wrinkles and rust to see the real person, misery by married people who can't deal with the wrinkles and rust later. If I had to correlate physical attractiveness or cars to marital joy, I'd have to guess the trendline would be at least slightly negative.

Captain Capitalism said...

You are wrong, and the reason is such;


End of story.

I don't know how many times (nor do I know why) I, as well as millions of American men have to explain this;

If you are NOT physically attracted to the girl (or for that matter, a guy), then it isn't going to happen.

Call it cheap.

Call it shallow.

Call it whatever you want.


I will disregard it as it is a complete BS argument in that we all damn well know if you aren't physically attracted to the person then there is no point in moving forward.

A "car"

One's "clothes"

One's "job"

is a completely different ball game in that ultimately these things do not matter. If the person has a personality you jive with and you are physically attracted to them, then that is all that is needed.

People who "need" somebody to have a certain "car" or certain "clothes" ARE shallow, and shallow beyond the harsh realities of needing to be physically attracted to someone.

This is such a simple point I will not no longer honor the opposite point by refusing to post such idealistic comments.

Captain Capitalism said...

Thank you Meg, but it's largely a moot point. It's more for mental sanity I don't really date any more. Physicality is one thing, the waste of time, effort, money and the sheer opportunity cost is what really more or less prompted me to give up. You get enough suicide threats, chicks that are married, women that demand you pay for everything, and you inevitably are forced to conclude life is too short for chicks. Or perhaps, albeit harshly as a friend of mine once said,

"Women have not only priced themselves out of the market, but made a good scotch, with a good cigar, with some good friends a superior alternative."

Anonymous said...

No, Bike Bubba. The girls are not right.

A person's looks are important to physical attraction. Other qualities can overcome an average appearance, but few people are willing to date someone who is butt ugly.

There's plenty of scientific evidence that people look for mates who are physically fit and economically/socially successful. It's part of natural selection.

A person's car isn't always totally superficial either. It can be a sign of achievement. It can send an initial message of style, frugality, or practicality. Of course you have to look deeper than that, but first impressions matter.

Consider the car and looks a significant, but imperfect signal of quality.

Anonymous said...

I submit that there's a huge difference between a super model and someone who's butt ugly. You guys seem to be leaping to radical extremes. And just because someone has a few extra pounds on them doesn't mean they're butt ugly or completely unattractive. And speaking as a girl who has dated several men who would be considered at first glance "less than attractive", a good personality should matter more than looks. Sorry, but not everyone's going to be a super model, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you might be in a healthy relationship. If you judge someone entirely based on looks, the only person you're short changing is yourself. I hate to sound like such an after school special, but come on. I fully realize that attraction is important, but attraction can be based on something besides just a nice rack and a good butt.
Of course, knowing men, the minute I say that you're going to assume I'm just an ugly cow. Well, I have the full-length body shots to prove you otherwise. There are more to people than their outward appearance. I still say cars are controllable, your appearance - to a certain degree - is not. You can't trade your body in like you can for a new car. Believe me, I wish I could.

Anonymous said...

I'm definately with Megs. Girls focus much less on looks. A guy in a shiny leased car and a girl with a boob job are the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Let me share a story of my high school sweetheart. I have always been a "car" guy. I've always worried more about how fast my car is, than how it looks. My high school sweetheart couldn't understand my "obsession." We were finally broke up for good, when I had finished my project truck, a 1983 Dodge Power Ram short bed, lifted with 35" tires and a shiny black paint job. I had installed a supercharged 440 engine, and the truck eventually found it's way into Four Wheeler Magazine. She saw me, after we broke up, in a parking lot; with a crowd around the truck, because it was very "cool." Shallow as she was, she called me wanting to get back together - because she saw how "popular" I was with my truck. "I finally understand why you built that truck..."

I haven't seen her in 20 years... but, then you've met my wife...

Bike Bubba said...

Sorry, Cap'n, you're wrong here. While physical attraction is certainly required for marriage, that doesn't mean we need to get a picture and rate it on a scale of ten to agree to a blind date.

Moreover, if I were to try to do so with the happily married people I know....well...let's just say that the correlation of attractiveness of happy husband to the attractiveness of happy wife is weak at best.

You asked for a gal who was willing to be judged on a picture. You got a girl who was willing to judge you by your car. It's a fair trade.