Sunday, August 09, 2009

Americana Community Bank

It's too rich to pass up.

About 2 years ago now I interviewed at a local Minnesota community bank, "Americana Community Bank" based in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota. It was for a position that was (let's just say) significantly higher ranked than the senior credit analyst position I had worked before.

Forefront of the battery of questions I had for those middle aged, gray haired men interviewing me was whether they had inoculated themselves against the insane real estate loans that all the other community banks in Minnesota had seemingly jumped on the bandwagon for, only condemning themselves to taking TARP money and parasiting off the taxpayer.

They assured me that they had a "quality" group of clients and that their clients would never default on their loans and were of the highest quality and caliber.

I thought, "good, maybe this bank has its head out of its ass and these guys might actually know their stuff."

The first sign they didn't was that I didn't get the job.

The second was when I was just informed (about 3 hours ago) that THEY GAVE THE JOB TO MY FORMER BOSS PHYLLIS who (regular readers know) is the incredibly incompetent boss that I highlight in my book that literally brought her previous employer to the verge of bankruptcy.

Now, most people would call "sour grapes" on me.

That this whole $2 trillion dollar debacle that has caused the worst economic recession since the Great Depression and the worst non-war deficits in the history of the US, was purely a figment of our imaginations and I am just a bitter former employee and when I point out and highlight these verminous scum I'm just doing it for vengeance and there's no legitimacy to my doing so (even though the country is hurting greatly and if these people were somehow "removed" from society we would never have to worry about this stuff again).

Well guess what happened to Americana Community Bank's profitability once my former boss took over?

Wow, great performance guys. Great performance. Only spoiled brat middle aged, trust fund babies who (while listening to Jim Morrison, majoring in art history) had mommy and daddy pay their ways through life could have accomplished such ineptitude.

Now this behooves a ton of questions, but most prominently in my mind (and probably yours)

1. DID YOU MORONS AT AMERICANA COMMUNITY BANK BOTHER TO LOOK AT THE PROFITABILITY OF THE PREVIOUS BANK PHYLLIS WORKED AT? Huh, did it occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you were hiring an idiotic moron who couldn't make a good loan if it was guaranteed by the Federal Reserve? That the reason her previous employer was applying for TARP funds was because of the enormous ineptitude of the moron you just hired. And not only that, but WHAT THE EF DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR PROFITABILITY WHEN YOU BROUGHT THAT VERITABLE RETARDED VAMPIRE ON BOARD? No, don't listen to the kid who established his ability to predict economic events that would have kept you out of the red. No, hire the MORON who cause the red at another bank.

2. Once again, is it the goal of corporate America to be nice or right? I will readily admit that I rock the boat. I am NOT a conforming, nice, compliant, Minnesota-nice employee. And that's why I predicted this housing debacle years before it happened. But it really burns the question are you American corporations in the business of making money, or just maintaining the status quo and not insulting people? Do you live in reality or do you just try not to insult people? This (mark my words) is why American corporations will inevitably fail and become as nible and efficient as their decaying, Japanese kieretsu counterparts.

3. To the shareholders and owners of Americana Community Bank, would you have been better off hiring me instead, and not only hiring me, but replacing all those middle aged, gray haired, morons that interviewed me with me or the likes of me? Seriously, I work for about 1/2 of your entire corporate executive team's combined salary, and I'm more effective. It's a deal (arrogantly proposed, I admit), but still a deal that would have made you immeasurably better off. You wouldn't have lost money!

Oh, but that's right. Being nice, maintaining the status quo, and (perhaps maybe in the short future) parasiting off the taxpayers, is preferred over being a profitable corporation? Yuck, that icky gross money!


The larger point is this.

The finance sector of the US (or any) economy is a vital part of the economy.

It allocates capital (theoretically) EFFICIENTLY. It funds the ventures that are most promising and profitable and therefore (if done right) finances the industries and companies that will help produce the goods and services (not to mention provide jobs) to such an optimal extent, it will increase standards of living and economic power of the country that it becomes the envy of the world (which the US once was).

Sadly, the industry attracts only the most worthless, incompetent and inefficient people today. So incompetent and inefficient, they hire 100% USDA certified moronic heffers like Phyllis who have no aim of being a good allocator of capital, but want to "wheel and deal" to make commission.

So god bless ya, Americana Community Bank. You've decided to pursue schmoozing and wheeldealing over living in reality. Keeping entrenched corporate yes-men enriched, even if it means that someday you'll apply for TARP funds and live off the taxpayer like leeches so you can feign being "real" businessmen like little girls "play Barbie."

Any time I can turn that company around.

But something tells me your arrogance and pride will get in the way.

Enjoy bankruptcy, but make sure you impoverish several innocent taxpayers on the way.

Update #2



They're already under a cease and desist order by the Feds!

Oh God, when I get back from vacation I am paying Phyllis a personal visit.


Anonymous said...

LOL! Four million in PLLL expenses which is greater than their salaries and benefits.

You missed their Cease and Desist Order.

You ought to send the bank president a free copy of your book, a copy of this blog entry, and say, "See you stupid $&%^ers!" This is what you get for not hiring people like me.

Then contact the FDIC Inspector General and let them know about Phyllis.

Anonymous said...

Americana has $18 million in government securities. Last year they had zero.

Hmmm, I wonder where that came from?

They just celebrated their 20th anniversary in July. Wanna bet they don't celebrate their 21st?

Dr. Bob said...

OK, since their current management is incompetent as evidenced by the cease and desist order and they are being forced by the FDIC to build a corrective management plan for "the purpose of ensuring that the Bank retains qualified management" ...

1) does this mean the current management team is essentially booted out and a competent replacement management team hired?

2) Or does it mean that the bank is taken over by another bank with competent management?

3) What are the odds of bank failure?

4) Judging from the FDIC C&D letter, it sounds like this bank didn't do anything right.

5) Does the FDIC have approval rights over the corrective action plans?

Bike Bubba said...

If you're correct, I would tend to follow anonymous's advice--at least with a note to the SEC, if you haven't done that already.

I would personally send a copy of your book not just to the bank's president, but also to the board of directors-sans profanity and bragging.

Captain Capitalism said...

Just put a call into their CEO about becoming part of this new management team. We'll see if they've had an epiphany about becoming profitable.

Anonymous said...

Yes the current management is booted.

FDIC can approve or reject the new management. They can also issue Civil Money Penalties after an investigation of lending practices.

If the bank is scheduled for closure by the FDIC, they will be looking for a buyer. The buyer will take the assets and performing loans. The FDIC will eat nonperforming assets.

The odds of failure for any bank with a C&D are good, but with deposit insurance nobody needs to rush to withdraw money unless they exceed the deposit insurance limit of $250,000. If the bank is acquired the buyer usually makes all depositors whole nonetheless.

The SEC has nothing to do with this. They have no regulatory role at all in community banks. They regulate securities markets.

Unknown said...

LOL.... great post there are banks like this all over the place.

Anonymous said...

Lets buy it......we will make Cappy Cap CEO and all of us regular readers of his blog shall be the board if directors........On a serious no BS note I want you to know that my 17 year old daughter who is senior in high school this year is taking her first economics class. I have informed her that she must read your blog daily ............she will conform

Milton Hayek said...

I have a theory about the financial sector that you inspired with your "attracts douchebags" comments (I'm paraphrasing).

Could it be that the financial sector of the economy, being one of the most highly regulated, tightly "controlled" sectors of the economy, tends to attract an inordinately high amount of people who are good at knowing the rules of the game but who at the same time are not good at playing?

Or is it that the financial sector is packed with people whose special skill is "sales," which means they are 90% lying scum?

I believe that there is an artificial reason why the financial sector doesn't operate as efficiently as other sectors of the economy and I'm 100% certain it is due to being so incredibly highly regulated (and inhospitable to small competitors and thus favors large, inflexible conglomerates). Beyond this I'm just not sure.

Captain Capitalism said...

Hi Anon,

Well I'm glad you're forcing your daughter to read Cappy Cap, but not all of it is about economics, nor will it help her in a basic micro/macro course.

I'd recommend having her look up stuff on the blog with the search field up top. I would also strongly recommend "Ask not what Alan can Do for you, but what you can do for Alan." That is a very good post about inflation.


Anonymous said...

Have you viewed their 3rd quarter-end call report on the FDIC website? PLLL $4.45Mil; Net loss $6.4Mil; Equity capital remaining of $4.0Mil and Total Capital ratio down to .04! Their portfolio, which was likely heavily made up of land development and Investment/Builder real estate loans was in huge trouble long before you applied. But, these banks keep making the same mistakes by hiring these nitwits to begin with! Be interesting to see their year-end report, due out by month-end! Probably see them on the failed bank list within the next 6 months!

New Customer said...

Does all this mean I should find another bank?

Anonymous said...

and so why would public schools put money on deposit with americana bank? don't schools have boards that check out the safety of where they put money?