Saturday, November 09, 2013

The "Round-House-Kicking-Chick-Cop Test"

The Bechdel Test.

Never heard of it, but it turns out it's one of those things that proves we have too much government money going to worthless people with worthless goals and worthless lives

So to show the feminists of the world a bit of solidarity I've come up with my own pointless test that in a very fascist way forces a pointless and harmful ideology on society for the sole purpose of bolstering my ego. 

The "Round House Kicking Chick Cop Test" henceforth referred to as the RHKCCT

It is a very simple test.

If there's a cop show that stars or highlights women:

portraying cops,
who weigh less than 120 pounds and
displays them magically kicking the shit out of men who beat them by 80 pounds and
there's no way in hell in the real world they could pull that shit off

then that show and all the actresses that star in and foolish women who turn into that chick-porn get the Nelson Ha Ha Award, henceforth known as the NHHA.

Because, understand this.  In order to pass the Bechdel test you need to have

two women
in starring roles
who never talk about men

Which I can sort of understand.  But when Swedish theaters provide this rating for all their movies, then frankly it is hilarious, unlikely, delusional, dumber than shit, and not based in reality.  Kind of like RHKCCT.

But since Swedish feminism doesn't care about sanity, reality, being dumber than shit, or advancing society, I figured I'd just pick something out from the female world that is infinitely more childish and pathetic, and maybe hope it would make them take a look in the mirror and break it...errr...realize their hypocrisy.

Should I hold my breath?


Pax Empyrean said...

two women
in starring roles
who never talk about men

Not quite, Cap. You just need to have two women in any roles who have one conversation about anything besides a man.

Glen Filthie said...

Au contraire, Captain. Feminism has actually spiced up one of my favourite shows of all time: Spartacus!

The guys on the show are all high-pressure meat bags filled with blood, guts and chunt. When the fearless women warriors puncture these ancient Roman fighting men, they explode into sprays of gore, bone and offal! And the wicked women warriors...? They're so cute when they're mad!

Artfully done, feminism can actually enhance the porn/violence matrix of otherwise mediocre TV shows!

Ahhh. I would love to be a Roman. I would make fat chicks and liberals fight to the death in the arena for my amusement. Pacifists would go to the lions...and my sammiches would be made by enslaved hotties in chains.

Once America falls we need to return to the basics of civilization!

All Hail Filthicus!

Anonymous said...

Since this is Sweden - would a movie about two Muslim convert women discussing how they started getting raped much less after they converted?

Anonymous said...

Breaking news from Sweden: Swedish feminazis and radical muslims have come to a mutually beneficial conclusion:
Since Sweden can't be both a feminist paradise where women are equal to (and better then) men AND a place where muslims are allowed to rape indiscriminately, a compromise was made.

Now, for every swedish woman a muslim rapes, he must now rape TWO men or face stiff fines. This has been done because actually deporting them would make sweden a non-tolerant country.

Amethyst said...

TV Tropes calls the whole "90 pound girl beating up 200 pound man" thing "Waif Fu".

It's apparently a favorite thing of Joss Whedon. I suspect there's some kind of dominatrix-fetish thing going on that appeals to gamma nerds like him. (You watch it and you get to see the evil white male oppressor whom you've been taught to hate by your college professors getting his ass kicked by a cute member of the Oppressed Class. And it's perfectly okay to jerk off to it because it's progressive and Pro-Woman.)Win-win.

Anthony said...

There's an old story about a reader who complained about a critic who was "always wrong" - every book the critic liked, the reader disliked, and vice-versa. Reader had it pointed out to him that the critic was performing a very useful service to him - all he had to do was buy books the critic didn't like, and he could be sure he didn't waste his money.

So the question is would you ever actually like a movie which passed the Bechdel Test? If not, make sure you look for that before you go - if it passes, save your money.