Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Dating is Over for Gen X

I got out of two rat races when I was in my early 30's. One was the 9-5, corporate prison of being a wage slave. The other was dating.

The catalyst that prompted my exit from corporate America (banking) was the collapse of the housing market.  I was being driven insane when my hard numbers were telling me there was trouble, but the gray-haired baby boomer who desperately needed a commission check that month to finance their leased vehicles insisted otherwise.  It wasn't until the FBI contacted us did I realize that, no, I wasn't insane, and that, yes, corporate America and its baby boomer leaders didn't know jack.  It was a corrupt system and one where nobody with any talent can excel.  And thus it was time to hunker down and get self-employed quick.

The snow flake that caused the avalanche of me exiting stage right from dating was a cute car model from Detroit who moonlighted as a waitress at one of the bars I frequented.  This particular snowflake was nothing special, her dramatic antics common amongst pretty western females, but enough that it was the straw that broke this camel's back.  The total economic cost in terms of time, resources, effort, and sanity just wasn't worth it anymore.  I went ghost and found that quality reliable girl your mother always talks about.  Never set foot in a nightclub or disco ever again.

More than a decade has passed since both retirements, and I'm glad I exited when I did.  I now answer to no one for my paycheck, weekly reminding baby boomer bosses of my freedom, and I've been so long removed from the dating scene, I cannot for the life of me understand how I stayed in it so long.  But while I was fortunate enough to get out of both rat races, the same cannot be said of my Gen X counterparts.  Most, thankfully, have started to get some semblance of justice when it comes to careers.  Enough baby boomers are retiring or dying, providing leadership vacuums that should have been long ago. Plus the internet has obsoleted millions of baby boomers, allowing true talent to bypass them, no longer dependent on their brick and mortar monopolies, and allowing a more meritocratic labor force and economy.  But the dating rat race has only gotten worse, and for the benefit of any Gen X'ers unfortunate enough to be stuck in it, lend me your ears.

The primary complaint I see amongst colleagues, friends, loved ones, and associates is that there is just not ANYBODY worth dating.  Gen X is in their 40's now and 4 decades is enough time to make life crippling mistakes, unrecoverable decisions, and deal-breaking choices the render most undateable.  Criminal records, financial problems, student loans (STILL), bankruptcies, other people's children, STD's, unemployment, obesity, mental disorders, and all the other plagues that come with getting old.

Life isn't over for this generation, but the mistakes made in their 20's are now finally coming due with a ton of interest, and momsie and popsie aren't going to bail them out this time.  Alas, much like the millennials we love to deride about being irresponsible, I haven't and will never forget the stupid decisions the majority of Gen X made.  They simply aren't making the news because nobody wants to see the aftermath of majoring in stupid shit, borrowing a ton of money for a McMansion, getting divorced like the Baby Boomers, and basically the fallout for being the conformist, basic bitch generation they were.  Still, the selection is poor for any divorcee, ne'er married Gen X'er who kept his/her powder dry, Gen X'ers who maintained their physique, or anybody of Gen X who is in the dating market.

Gen X's dating problem is further encumbered by an age paradox.  Because you can only make more mistakes as time goes on, that means an ever-decreasing percentage of your generation is dateable.  An obvious solution would be to date younger, finding people who haven't made your mistakes...yet...but there is a problem in dating younger - they're not mature enough and thus not mentally compatible.  This is especially pronounced among male Gen X'ers who did not have children, were never married, and thus far kept their nose clean.  You can certainly date younger, but doing so will only cause a headache as you date into the realm of "feminist, empowered, yet completely clueless, Millennial women."  You can date older, but now you run into other men's children, financially troubled women, lithium prescriptions, Jesus freaks, newly-empowered 40 something feminists, and government-check-addicted Hillary Clinton acolytes.  Alas, I've seen many male friends ping-pong between the two, with no solution in sight.

Sadly, the reality is one of cold, hard economics which more accurately reflects a produce market than the pretty lies TV, media, and movies paint to get you to believe your Ann Margaret or Prince Charming is right around the corner.  All markets clear, just like the produce section.  The quality tomatoes are picked over quickly, and those that are left will spoil in due time.  This isn't to say you're a rotten tomato if you haven't been snatched up in this market, I know some men and women who are truly great and wonderful people in this unenviable situation due to circumstances largely out of their control.  But it is to stand back, clear our eyes, and accurately assess what is going on so we can accurately diagnose the situation and take action that will help going forward.

Gen X'ers today need to take a somber look at dating and acknowledge what's going on.  They may also need to entertain the possibility of just being single forever or that their standards are just too high.  Millennials would also do well to pay attention because while they're hot, young, and beautiful (well...young anyway), the lies they've been fed about career, education, "partaaaaaying," and politics being more important than family, friends, and loved ones will put them in the exact same situation as Gen X and the Baby Boomers before them.  One that is certainly not enviable.
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A Texan said...

The truth of the matter most women in their 40's are only good as casual bang buddies. I'm always annoyed by any woman who is in their 40's and wants a 'Christian man' because they found Jesus. Usually they are decent looking but makes me suspicious. I have better things to do on Sunday morning than be lectured to, I can make a compromise and once in a while to keep her happy if she can do the same for me.

I'm not picky about education; I'll take a woman who works and has some sense. If her kids turned out well despite a divorce, well, I can accept that to. Too many though are way overweight and have stupid tattoos or dyke hair.

Too bad prostitution is not decriminalized.

p35flash said...

My wife is a 6 on a good day. But, she fucks only me, takes care of my children, doesn't bitch whine and moan, keeps my house clean and food in my belly. We dated the old fashioned way and did not meet in a bar. Your post is spot on.

Anonymous said...

RE: "The total economic cost in terms of time, resources, effort, and sanity just wasn't worth it anymore. "

even though I don't do this anymore the male atheist/non-practicing Christian view of what I say here is very true.

1 - 5-10% max of guys get 85%++ of the girls.
2 - When (never if) the above quote happens why not just look at porn???!????? (for those of you in Rio Linda that's a rhetorical ?)

RE: " I went ghost and found that quality reliable girl your mother always talks about."

But most of us guys (IMO) never find that girl.

RE: "dating"


Anonymous said...

I can't remember exactly the numbers but someone told me that about 90% of the men on foreign women dating websites never actually visit the countries of the women they communicate with. So out of the 10% of the men who do travel, even far less men actually find a good match to pair with. So in all = less than 0.01% actually find the romance that they were looking for. So even outside of the matrix, it's not that great either!

And besides, most men don't really don't want to go to a shithole country because as most Western men get older, they are accustomed to a certain level of comforts. Being uncomfortable is generally not something common Westerners seek out, especially in a foreign setting.

So yes, single Gen-X men who are looking for love are screwed!

rozyczkovincent said...

To quote Rustin Cohle from Season One of True Detective, "We know what we want and we don't mind being alone."

Anonymous said...

45 and given up on dating. I had a good run but the crazy that is out there.

For example , one woman and I hit it off. She was 42 and had checked "wants children" on her profile. I assumed it was a mistake. Wrong. Do I really want to be moving a kid into college when I'm 65? I focus on my job and try to enjoy life. So I'll never get married, ok. I'll never be an astronaut either. Life aint fair.

Anonymous said...

Or you can date an Asian - Chinese. I met a gal that been in North America for years. Came from a time before the "one child policy." So she is not a spoiled single child. Hard worker. Appreciates life. Let's me take the lead where I am strong and Vice versa. Life is good ... so far. dd.

Anonymous said...

This issue is also helping this country to be overrun by foreigners that will eventually control the vote with their numbers (via breeding like rats). The American way of life is almost toast. Glad that I won't be around to hear the final death moans as the USA turns into another liberal shithole!

Anonymous said...

GenX male: I got burned after a long term relationship went south when I was 32 (2002) and simply dropped out of the whole dating scene for 3 years and concentrated on work. Got promoted, traveled alot. It was while working late at a foreign subsidiary I realized that if I don't re-enter the dating market I would probably never have kids (conscious choice on my part).

The dating market that I found myself in was littered with train wrecks and alot of nut cases. As I slugged my way through for the next 3 years, I got experienced at jettingson the women early when the red flags were sighted. Thought about writing a book about the ordeal, but me thinks alot of guys have been through that mill.

I eventually found an attractive, feminine (childless) woman who made the cut, but of course she was non-western and didn't grow up here. We've been married with kids almost 10 years now and I really have no complaints.

However I also know I will never do it again.

JBSulman said...

I swore off dating in '92. Was engaged 2 months later and married 3 years later (long engagement to finish school). Going in 22 happy years. It worked great to me.

Anonymous said...

I opted to date my ex-wife. For real. I know where all of her baggage is tucked after nearly 20 years, I know where all the crab grass grows because, gentlemen, there is nothing good on the other side of the fence. My "ex" philandered, gaslighted, lied, and did so with a plethora of psychiatric issues that were the engine for her behaviors. So be it. Honestly and truly all I have found, thus far, on the dating scene (I'm 48) are obese women, women who look old enough to be my mom (but are frighteningly sometimes younger than I am). They almost ALL have children "who are the center of my life" -- which is as it should be, but is a flag that means *I* won't be. Yes, I am selfish that way. I don't want to be "daddy" to some other man's offspring. As someone pointed out, there are the pain in the arse Millennial "empowered" third wave feminists who are often vegan, pagan, and think commitment dysfunctional and holding doors for them, sexist. Then there are the "empowered" 40-somethings who are trying to recapture their 20's and get tattooed, and start hanging around bikers "riding bitch". On the other side there are the 40-somethings that go nuts with hiking, climbing, kayaking, wanting someone as *active* as they are, have a better job than they do, and will go to the bloody gym with them as well. One woman I saw often on a particular dating site would NOT date anyone even one inch shorter than her self-described 6'0" and he needed to be *intelligent* AND into sports, AND get rugged like a lumberjack -- you know, a REAL MAN. Sigh. Christ, I'm so over it. So, for those marveling that I back with my old wife, everyone else makes her look nearly normal. And that's saying way too much.

Anonymous said...

Ouch. That last story is sad. You couldn't pay me a million bucks to date my ex. I haven't dated in years since my divorce, but I haven't given up on men either. No one is going to rescue you from your living room. It is tough out there, but a positive attitude is everyting. And if you haven't worked out your shit, you're going to attract shit. Quality not quantity.

"My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude."
-Warsan Shire

Gen Xers Rule!