Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Department of Walking

I was listening to Garage Logic and this just needed to be pointed out:

The City of Minneapolis now effectively has a department of WALKING.

Apparently the citizens of Minneapolis are so stupid they need a GOVERNMENT PROGRAM TO TEACH THEM HOW TO WALK OR BIKE! Here is the PDF file in its entirety, but allow me to point out three major things.

1. The goals or objective of this program only betray it for it's true purpose: to employ otherwise unemployable people.



How, precisely is the government supposed to do this? Is this not just done naturally? And when it is -10 degrees outside with 13 inches of snow, HOW DOES WALKING/BIKING BECOME A PART OF AN EVERYDAY ROUTINE?


-Holy "My Nephew Needs a Job" Batman. A WALK AMBASSADOR???? Seriously, what worthless individual with a worthless degree is going to get that job? How much you want to bet he's related to somebody on the city council? Any takers?
- CLASSES ON WALKING??????? Wha, huh, fra?????
3. You combine this BS with the $200,000 used to get Minneapolis Citizens to drink tap water and the $50,000 per drinking fountain program, AND THE CITY COUNCIL, ALONG WITH THE IDIOTIC VOTERS OF MINNEAPOLIS WONDER WHY THERE'S A BUDGET CRUNCH!?
So look, let me put it to you this way folks.

Never move or invest in Minneapolis. Seriously. Just don't bother investing or living here. The voting population is so liberal and so damn ignorant of basic public finances, that you may as well live in North Korea. You will see Minneapolis become a colder version of Detroit before your days are over, please be an observer, not a participant.


Anonymous said...


Hot Sam said...

It's almost time for torches, pitchforks, and guillotines.

Really, really close.

Fudgepie said...

You have to applaud the city for their job creation initiative. Is it frivolous? Perhaps. But it will have economic ripple effects that will benefit many - and that's a plus.

Crazy Nut Job said...

I wasn't previously aware that government efforts counted as grassroots movements. Check out that mission statement.

Ryan Fuller said...

"It's almost time for torches, pitchforks, and guillotines.

Really, really close."

When it comes time to storm the castle, I suggest everyone drive instead of walk. Your own vehicle, too... none of this carpooling to save gas. Bonus points if you can crush a Toyota Pious on the way.

Anonymous said...

To borrow from TJIC: rope!

Anonymous said...

John Cleese - "Now then, why are you here?"

Michael Palin - "Well, sir, I have a silly walk, and I'd like to obtain a government grant to help me develop it."

Walking + Government Program = The Monty Python 'Ministry of Silly Walks' sketch.

Life imitates art.

Anonymous said...

It is apparent that your local town hall idiots don't know that people walk and ride bikes until they can afford to drive a car. Or until their license suspension ends.

We have a city council in Vancouver BC who just handed a complete lane on a busy bridge over to cyclists and yet another lane to walkers.

Drivers are going nuts and most of the walkers and bikers are the homeless, the druggies and a few eco-freaks who ride the lane to gloat that one of their own is mayor.

Liberals are the true destroyers of human kind.

Meanwhile, you would all do well to move to a smaller town where there are more 'real' people and fewer of the metro-loons running things.

You will see fewer men in suits, men wearing make up and men who think they are women as a bonus ... although you might miss seeing chicks in high heels and make up, but it's worth it.

EarlW said...

Captain, You forgot about the airport taxis... Another good reason to avoid Minneapolis.

Gus said...

Walking...I think that I learned that on my own about 50 years ago. Maybe I'm mistaken?????

First Timer said...

Fudgepie on the "job creation" initiative... Please remember that governments do not create new jobs. Through taxes, they drain vitality out of one sector of the economy, and place it in another. A certain amount of that is necessary. However, programs like this increase the tax burden of real businesses and producers, which results in job losses (or a lack of job growth) in those areas. Net job growth? Compare real employment in places where the tax burden has gone down, versus places where it has increased.

Anonymous said...

Dunno as a pedestrian in the big city I have to say that given the skills I see of people walking, some lessons in urban etiquette couldnt hurt.

A. How to jay walk efficiently
B. How to walk with your friends and not take up the whole sidewalk
C. How to walk by yourself and not take up the whole sidewalk. (seriously, I just passed an obese woman, holding bags on both sides at arms length and lurching back and forth alarmingly - 7ft wide! )
D. How to walk with traffic flow on the sidewalk so that you help traffic flow
E.How to exit a store onto a busy sidewalk without tieing up the WHOLE sidewalk for 10min
F. How to cross a street witheh lights.

Of course I'm alse sure this programm will not be hauling in the miscreants for remedial walking lessons

Revnant Dream said...

What ever happend to Pedel Pushers?
Just another way to control your life by the sleezy politicians.
There Empire building. You pay for it.

ZZ Staff said...

The Obamination is becoming the U.S.S.A. You fill in the acronym...

Thanks Captain for this latest update on the same crazies that spawned Al Franken the clown-senator.

ZZ Bachman - ZardozZ News & Satire

Anonymous said...

I guess these qualify as "green" jobs" and they certainly qualify as jobs, and some otherwise marginally effective people will fill them. What is the beef? Remmember the WPA employed authors, artists etc. that are well remmembered today!


Anonymous said...

And has anyone considered WINTER !? Are we going to need to insure all these walk instructors for icy conditions !?

FifthBeatle said...

This reminds me of The Ministry of Silly Walks from Monty Python.

Anyone remember?