Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Alcoholism, Anger, Temper Excuse

The Manosphere, if you could categorize it, falls ever so generally into three categories;

Pick up community
Men's rights
Theory/Political Discussion

All of which is fine and dandy, but if and when I write about Manosphere issues, it is usually more for the "Boyosphere" than anything else.  The reason why is that while men (our age and older) have used the Manosphere to compare notes across the internet to confirm that indeed something insidious, malicious and evil HAS BEEN perpetrated against us, understand that does nothing to address the poor boys of the FUTURE that WILL BE sent through the same meat grinder.

And therefore a plurality of my posts tend to be targeted more towards young boys so that there is at least something positive that comes out of this psy-ops war.

Today, though, I want to address something that no doubt you, me, and every other guy out there has gone through (thereby guaranteeing young boys coming onto the line are going to suffer the same) and that is the "Alcoholism, Anger, Temper Excuse" or "AATE."

Like many things, it took retrospect and hindsight to realize what was going on, but when you put the pieces of the puzzle together you realized a lot of women, if they don't want to go out with you any more, won't have the spine or gall to come outright and say,

"I don't think we should date anymore, I'm breaking up with you."

Instead they do something much worse.  They claim you have a problem or have somehow changed, and use that as the excuse to have a time out or fully break up.

For example, all three of the excuses - temper, anger and alcoholism - have been used on me by multiple girls in the past.

One girl claimed I had anger issues and she couldn't deal with such a "volatile" person.  Active?  Yes.  Bombastic?  Yes.  But was I "angry?"  No.  Or at least I didn't think so.  Of course I was young and stupid, so I thought, "Wow, maybe I'm angry and I just don't know it.  Maybe I'm unaware of how I'm scaring people or insulting them."  All in vain, misleading and quite damaging because I was trying to solve a problem I didn't have.

Another claimed I had a "temper."  I didn't have a temper.  I was having a good ole time dating this gal.  If anything I was relaxed and drunk half the time and never blew up once.  It was so obvious I didn't have a temper, even I knew this was some kind of ruse or BS.  When she broke up with me, it wasn't a surprise.

And finally, the "alcoholism" excuse.  Ah yes, the favorite among naive goodie two shoes girls who think if you have two drinks in a night you are a full blown, raging alcoholic, hell bent on driving drunk and training vigorously to beat your future wife.  Many-a-Christian girls used this one when they tried vainly to convince you to "find Jesus," but upon not being able to provide any conclusive, empirical proof Christianity is THE ONE TRUE religion, out they whip the "you're a raging alcoholic" excuse.  Never mind if you are drunk you're more relaxed and happy and the farthest away you'd ever be from "raging."  Nope, she knew this one friend of her's cousin whose uncle dated this woman whose sister had a father who got drunk and treated her mom mean one time back in the 70's.  Translation - you are 100% guaranteed to beat me if we ever get married AND the children too!

Naturally none of these excuses stand up to logic, but that's the whole point.  They're excuses, not reality.  The damage AATE causes young boys is not that a girl wants to break up with you and thus resorts to BS excuses to rationalize it, but it misleads you into thinking you have problems you really don't have and thus you try to change those problems.  It's just as bad as having problems you DO have and you DON'T try to change them.  Neither are based in reality and only make you a worse person.

So boys, look out for the AATE excuses.  And when delivered, just accept the girl doesn't want to date you, move on, and be happy someone so duplicitous is taking herself out of your life.


Professor Ashur said...

But dear, you have an incurably small chest, and I'm not leaving you...

Anonymous said...

By your own admission you were "drunk half the time" you were dating this girl, yet you balk when she does not want to date an alcoholic. Really?

CBMTTek said...

"And when delivered, just accept the girl doesn't want to date you,"

Yeah, that sums it up. Completely.

For some reason, humans have a near impossible time telling someone they are in a relationship with the truth.

Why lie?

Is it somehow kinder to try and convince the other person, that you claim to care about, they are somehow the problem, that they are doing something horrible? Give them some baggage they will have to carry around for years?


Should you just go ahead, and hurt their feelings once. Make the statement once, clearly, and without question, "Sorry, it is not working out. I do not see myself spending more time with you. There are things I want in life that are different from what you want."

Then, she can go ahead and start dating the things she wants (like the bad boy that drinks, fights, and treats her like a doorknob) without the guilt of realizing how much she lied.

Captain Capitalism said...

I'd argue "Happy Drunk." But 2/3 ain't bad.

PeppermintPanda said...

If a woman has a more substantial reason for ending a relationship than "It's not you, it's me" or "Lets just be friends" I would suggest that you try to understand what made her feel that way and if there is anything to her critique; and if more than one woman has the same critique I would say that would be a pretty big red flag.

I would describe some women I have met/dated as being very angry even though they never were mad at me directly. It takes about 10 minutes of them talking about politics, religion, economics, feminism or their dating history to seriously ask the question "Would I want to come home to this?"

As much as I enjoy reading your blog it often does come across as being angry and does engage in schadenfreude. In the context of a blog it isn't that bad to have someone ranting and demonstrating righteous indignation, but when it comes to interpersonal relationships it can easily be over-used.

I don't know you personally, and I can't say whether you're like this in person ...

While I wouldn't suggest that you stop talking about what you're passionate about, if this is the source of why women find you angry I would suggest you re-frame how you talk to them about it. Envision her more as a 13 year old girl (daughter/niece) that has spent her entire education being filled with propaganda and get her to question what she was taught before you convince her.

Just my 2 cents ...

Dave said...

Don't forget porn. Almost all guys view it at least occasionally, so there's another easy excuse for a breakup.

Captain Capitalism said...

Patti, agreed, if this was a recent phenomenon. But this was in my 20's and I was much more innocent and relaxed back then and nowhere near as angry as now.

And you damn right schadenfraude. Loving every second of it.

Anonymous said...

"Pick up community
Men's rights
Theory/Political Discussion"

Over the past few weeks I've been actively disengaging from the first two communities.

PUA - Some really good info, but not a whole lot on LTR Game. I like the bloglords, but most commenters seem to just want to kvetch about not being able to have a constant supply of Slim Stepford Sluts so Satisfy their Sex drives. Most betas seem to think that they are owed sex by virtue

Men's Rights - What started as a Red Pill movement transitioned quickly into a bunch of unprincipled exceptions, Gender Essentialism (which is just as wrong as Blank Slatism), and victim culture. In short, it became liberal. Anything that is liberal is useless to Red Pill people, so I reject the MRA movement as just an unwitting adjunct to progressivism. See the men's rights subreddit for the extreme case.

Aurini said...

Allow me to provide an anecdote:

One of my exes and I used to argue about marriage. She had no interest in having children, but still wanted to get married; I tried to explain to her that, as a man, long-term dating is indistinguishable from marriage as far as I'm concerned, and if you don't need the financial union for the sake of babies, it really doesn't make any sense.

These arguments were drunken and passionate, but never angry or insulting, and they tended to be followed by wild love making.

When we eventually broke up these arguments were used to prove what a big ole' meanie I was (you know, for not telling her what she wanted to hear).

Either the hamster covers up for all your flaws, or it highlights them. That is the nature of things.

Joan of Argghh! said...

If a man doesn't smell faintly of bourbon and fine tobacco, I'll never trust him.

Anonymous said...

a female human being is emotionally/psychologically/biologically hardwired to crave a mate for life. this manifests early,at 9 or 10 years old. Traditionally, the leverage for her to achieve this, was sex, through chastity before marriage. Upon marriage, her male mate got the sex he primarily wanted, and she gets the commitment. However, due to feminism, contraception, and the ensuing sexual revolution, women were now encouraged to have limitless emotional/psychological/biological encounters, plus a career; commitment and babies optional. According to the dating model, young women (from the age of 10) are having emotional/psychological, and later, biological, encounters with males, without getting what they primarily need, commitment. They face 15 or more of this, (and need to fit in a career), before they can get what they actually want, i.e. commitment.
The concept of 'true love'/'The One'/Mr. Right - theoretically, there are dozens, if not hundreds, of males that can constitute a suitable mate for a particular female (based on certain criteria), from which she needs to choose just one. However, thanks to ensuing 'dating culture', this concept has been turned on its head: a female now thinks she has to 'wade' through dozens, if not hundreds, of potential mates, to find 'The One'. Once in a long-term relationship, she is puzzled by annoying habit x, and emotional shortcoming y, in the male, and concludes that 'I am not fulfilled.Perhaps he is not 'The One'. We should break up in order to continue the search for 'The One'. (EatPrayLove Syndrome)
No wonder by the 5th or 6th encounter, the (psychosis) wheels are starting to come off.