Saturday, February 07, 2009

Coolest Guy Ever

Got this from a regular reader. He shall remain anonymous;

There I was, teaching at the Univ. Of Kentucky on a one year teaching gig. When the weather got nice, they had an 'art gallery hop', I think it was the first Thursday of every month.

Anyway, I'm in this gallery when I see my favorite Hollywood actress - a really FAMOUS actress. Not that she's a great actress, but I mean the HOTTEST actress. I mosey up to her but pretend I don't know who she is.

We start talking small talk and I make her explain what she does and what movies she starred in. I've seen them all, but only acknowledge her bit part in a Star Trek episode. We drink wine, eat cheese, walk together from one gallery to the next. At the end of the evening, SHE asks me out to dinner the following night.

We exchange cell phone numbers and she gives me the address where she's staying. She suggests trying out a new Brazilian restaurant in town. I love Brazilian, so that's great.

The next evening I pick her up. She's dressed very casually but still HOT. She's waiting outside the gated community and she gets in the car before I can run around to get the door.

We get to the restaurant and I hold the door open for her. While we're sitting she gives me a lecture about how sexist holding a door for a woman is. I roll with it.

A Brazilian churrascaria is a barbecue meat place, but she is a vegetarian! So we have this awkward petty conversation while I try to eat as little meat as possible and she barely pretends not to be disgusted. Remember, she picked the restaurant.

By the end of dinner I'm exhausted by the empty conversation and her inability to grasp what I teach and do. The check comes and this MULTIMILLIONAIRE actress who scolded me for holding a door and invited ME to dinner doesn't reach for it and doesn't flinch to pay half.

I figure that a blow job in the parking lot is out of the question.

I take her home and even knowing not to expect a kiss, it's still awkward to say goodnight. Then SHE invites me to go horseback riding the next day, early. I've never been horse riding on anything larger than a pony, but I accept.

I stay up half the night wondering WTF happened. I Mapquest directions to the stables. Then I Google her and find out she's MARRIED to some race car driver. Definitely no blow job coming.

Next morning I wake up at 7:30 and I'm supposed to meet her at 8 and it's at least a 20 minute drive. There's no way I could shower, dress, and drive there in time.

I made the ultimate fold of a losing hand and STOOD HER UP. She never called me and I never called her.

That's my once in a lifetime story, but I still bow down to your dominatrix story.


Anonymous said...

THIS IS SUCH A SAD STORY... My sympathy.

Anonymous said...

So is it open for a guess? Ashley Judd

Anonymous said...

so is it open for a guess? Ashley Judd

Anonymous said...

Was it Flo from Progressive?

Anonymous said...

Let's see: a middling, millionaire, vegetarian, feminist, actress who had a bit on Star Trek and is married to a race car driver. My guess is also Ashley Judd.

Her behavior sounds like the typical liberal-hollywood-elitism we all know and hate, and it is decidedly anti-male. She is, as a married woman, already flirting with strange men, so that shows how much she respects her husband.

Had she respected you, she would have assumed you were a rational, independent, man with his own values and self esteem who could, theoretically, reject her.

As it happened, she assumed you would not only find her physically attractive, but also tolerate anything she did because of her attractiveness. You were thus able to capitalize on her arrogance.

Now while many men rightly blow off bitchy women, too many tolerate this subtle attack on men via discreet or even passive-agressive means like simple rudeness, ingratitude, expected conformity, and a consistent vilification of all things male.

You not only scored one for the team, you personally were able to overcome your apparent attraction toward her and place the long term vale of your self esteem over your your immediate pleasure of the novelty of meeting a famous, rich, actress you happen to be particularly attracted to.

You also sent the important message that, pretty woman + ugly ideas = ugly woman.

You, sir, have achieved not only a personal victory, but a great victory for men everywhere.

Andrew L said...

His mistake was admitting to watching Star Trek.

Anonymous said...

I don't want to play blame the victim here, but the old adage "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is" seems to apply.

And standing her up is as good as revenge gets.

Anonymous said...

If she is who you think she is, who the hell would want Michael Bolton's sloppy seconds?

Anonymous said...

Sorry, calling BS on this. Why would she go on an open, public date with someone (and a possible second) when she's famous and already married? She would be spotted in a second. She's a feminist but she's not THAT stupid.

Anonymous said...

She takes pictures naked and accuses men of sexism when they open doors for her. Hipocrite.
Her mother was/is a manipulating bitch, no wonder she wasmraisedmto be thismway.

MarkyMark said...

I call BS on this also. Why would she do something so stupid-ESPECIALLY in small town KY? While I'm not an Ashley Judd fan, she does seem to love and respect her husband, Dario Franchitti. She's always at all his races, holds the pit board, and stuff like that.

Captain Capitalism said...

It could be BS, but I know the guy who parlayed the story and so far he is a trustworthy man in my eyes.

JimBonobo said...

according to wikipedia:

"On January 29, 2013, Judd and Franchitti announced that they had mutually decided to end their marriage.[19]"

sounds like your friend had a real shot at her and blew it.