Monday, February 27, 2012

Milk, Cow, Dancing

The Captain still teaches the occasional dance class. Nothing fancy, just a step here and there taught to the local yokels. However, inevitably a young man comes up to me and asks about dancing, namely whether it's worth learning to dance or not.

This presents a paradox for young men, or perhaps "trap" is a better word, and so let me explain. (I am also forewarning people with thin skin and prone to complain about candid reality-based observations between the sexes that you may want to exercise your freedom of choice, and not read further).

Dancing is essentially the parallel or counterpart to sex when it comes to matters of courting. What I mean by that is IN GENERAL men like sex more than women, and when it comes to dancing, women like dancing more than men. This presents men with a golden opportunity to level the playing field, however, most of the men interested in learning to dance squander it.

For example, I was at the local dance bar in town and a young man saw me and one of the elder ladies light up the floor. He, along with everybody else in the joint, was very much impressed. When I returned to the table I found out he was a beginner dancer and was very eager to improve his skills. He started interrogating me about how to become a better dancer, when to go, what kind of classes were available, etc. etc. The next song came on and he immediately asked one of the girls at the table to dance. I knew her. She was a nice gal, also VERY good at dancing, but she had a bit of a chip on her shoulder because she was one of the few good looking girls in town. So I took the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone - teaching him a lesson about dancing and to give her guff.

I said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He looked at me and said, "I'm going to go dance?"

"No no no! What are you, crazy? You don't just go and offer dances for free!"

"I don't?" he asked.

"No! Look, dancing is like sex, except women want it more than men. So you don't just give it away for free. You gotta make them earn it. You don't just be a "dance whore" and dance with every girl at every opportunity. You get to be choosy!"

Naturally the girl protested, but her smiling face gave away that I was onto her.

She contested, "No, you go ahead and dance with whatever girl you want! There's nothing wrong with that. Don't listen to him!"

Smirking I retorted, "Hey, look, listen to me. Remember how many girls didn't want to have sex, or made you hold out? You were all for it, but they played their little games? This is god's gift to us to do the same. It's pay back time. For once we have something they want and we just aren't into it that much."

He said, "Yes, but I love to dance!"

I immediately hushed him up, "SHHHHHHH!!!! Jesus Christ!!!! Are you trying to ruin it for everybody??? You don't TELL them that! Fine, YOU like to dance, but most men don't. That makes you special. That makes you the sole supplier of what they want. You gotta play it cool. You reward them with a dance! You don't just give it away because you like it."

The girl by now was smiling and laughing, "You know, you're ruining it for the rest of us!"

I said in a sly come-hither look, "You know it's true! You just don't like it when we get to reverse the game and play it back on you!"

Of course the two young kids went and danced anyway, but this little anecdote highlights the point I'm trying to make. Why buy the dancing cow when the dancing milk is for free?

On the dance scene we had a name for guys who just went willy nilly dancing with every girl. We called them "Dance Whores." Now there is nothing wrong with being a dance whore, matter of fact, it's a great way to learn, and learn fast you will. You'll make a lot of friends AND it can be the best time in your life IF there is a vibrant and healthy dance community (ie-everybody wants to dance with everybody and there are no cliques or drama involved).

However, every dance scene has a life-expectancy. The fad will die out. The dance scene will get invaded by desperate singles groups. Eerie middle aged men desperate for wives will scare away all the other girls. Heck, people get married and don't go dancing any more. And soon what was the greatest dance community is nothing more than a desperate singles group or pick up joint. And all you have left is the dance skills you picked up.

But this was not all in vain. You now have a skill that very few men have. AND A LOT OF WOMEN DESPERATELY COVET! Yes, on the dance scene, EVERY guy knew how to dance, and therefore, you were nothing special. But if you go out into the non-dance scene world, you are hot tamales my fine young friend!

Of course, there are problems or drawbacks. Notably if you go to a wedding or a bar where dancing is not the main attraction or there is not enough of a dancing community, most girls will shoot you down for a dance PRIMARILY because they don't know you are a great dancer. This is why you need a good Wing-Woman. A woman who knows how to dance. A woman who will dance with you early on in the evening, showing and advertising to all the other women that you indeed are a great dancer. Once you've demonstrated you can beget 100% of the attention on the floor with a girl, THEN you start approaching girls seeing if they want to dance.

But again, you don't flood the market with dances. You hold back on production, just like OPEC. You are your own One Man Cartel of Dancing. You keep that price high as possible. Choose only the girls you want to dance with. Dance with them ONLY once. I also STRONGLY recommend grabbing older women and dancing with them. Not only will Grandma Tilly say yes, and not only will Grandma Tilly have the time of her life dancing with you, every younger girl who thought they were top shizzizle is wondering how the heck you are choosing women to dance with.

Dating it's the same thing. It may seem counter-intuitive, but you NEVER take a girl out on a dancing for the first date or use dancing to entice her into a date. You take her to a movie, or diner, or what have you and then through the normal course of conversation you let it slip that you "are an accomplished tango dancer." Or that you "love to salsa dance." Once you plant that seed, it will grow, quite rapidly, into a tree of desire to go dancing.

But, just like the kid on the block who was the first one to get a Nintendo or a Playstation 2, you don't let the entire neighborhood come over and play. You be stingy with the dancing. You, again, use it as a reward. If she makes you dinner, you go dancing. If she's nice and not a drama queen, you go dancing. If she starts in with the mind games and being late and nagging - NO DANCING FOR YOU! You are the prize because you got the goods.

So boys, and even men of the married caliber, remember to use dancing to your advantage. Learn it, pick it up, it's a great skill to have. But once that dance scene goes the way of Christian singles groups, the good times are over, and you must hang up your dance whoring attire. However, you have a skill that pretty much every red-blooded female wants, but less than 1% of the male population has, and that is dancing.

Don't botch it up by flooding the market with it.


Anonymous said...

That comment about dance groups being invaded by - oh "not primarily dance interested groups" - hit home.

I used to contra-dance in New England

( It's a formed of called dancing ( like square dancing) done with a partner in lines where the pairs of partners switch out every so often down the line.)

So long as it was contra dancers or people bringing their date to a contra dance all was well, but them some psychiatrist started sending his patients to the dances.

(I presume because it's A. A good way to get some exercise. B. You don't _need_ a to bring your own partner. C. shallow learning curve D. you get to interact with lots of people. E. the interaction isn't intense other than the coordination to dance )

I hesitate to speak evil of the mentally ill because it's not their fault, but that psychiatrist would have had an "accident" if the rest of us ever figured out where he lived.

Having a constant stream of lightly crazy, medicated and badly socially adjusted people was rough on the dancing group. They'd "hit on" single and married women, the women patients on men, at all sorts of wrong times and methods.

Also many of them had no self awareness that their dance skills were not up the more complex patterns, which made chaos of tightly organized dancing lines.

Anonymous said...

All you youngsters out there, listen to the Captain because he's NAILED IT, again. He's described my dating life to a tee (I'm now 63 and can / do date as many cougars in their 40s as my energy and time allows). Dancing, like driving or riding a bike, is a skill once learned that is never lost, and a very useful babe-magnet FOREVER. And his analogy to sex is 100% dead on.

Thank you Captain, for sharing the secret with your audience - none of the younger guys at my work believe it when I tell them about the magic powers of dancing. You have performed a great service to the manosphere.


Captain Capitalism said...

I am here to make the lives of the young boys of our country easier than mine was, as well as to make it so the young ladies do not end up bitter and old like my generation. May the youth listen to me and have better lives than us.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Hub and I made our then 14 y/o son learn to dance. We told him that if he could artfully lead a woman around a dance floor, he could pretty much have whatever sort of life he wanted. He honed his own skills thereafter.

The Captain, as ever, is spot on.

Anonymous said...

Hey cap, what is the best say to gef started and find a good dance place not over rin by desperate singles

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 821,

Boy, that's a tough one. The reason why is it really depends on the town you're in, the culture and just how old/new the dance scenes are.

The best way is just looking stuff up on the internet. You'll usually find a listing or a Meetup group or something that will point to the various ballroom, swing and salsa/latin joints in town.

The problem is how far they're down the road of life expecatancy.

So it basically forces you to physically visit each site/dance hall and check each venue out.

You'll KNOW when you're at a place that's been infested by desperate middle aged people because of the lack of good looking girls and, well, all the desperate middle aged people.

But if you can find something that hasn't gone "pop" and is still the unspoken underground, you've hit pay dirt.

Otherwise, once a market "matures" you have to scope out the few classy joints in town that have a dance floor, that serve (GASP!) BOOZE, and the people that attend presumably have (GASP!) SEX!

Those two things usually scares away a lot of the religious nut jobs.

I know it isn't much of a reference, but if you look up a place called "Mancini's" in St. Paul, you will find one of these classy coves. Not a ton of women to dance with, it's more the place you take a date to dance. But sadly, what you're ultimately facing is a deterioration in the American population where people prefer to listen to "LMFOA" over Duke Ellington or Slim Gaillard.


Anonymous said...

"..All you youngsters out there, listen to the Captain because he's NAILED IT.."

I tend to like his message but on this one he is full of chit.

Dancing and sex are not about leverage or advantage. You can't have a meaningful relationship if either partner thinks like that.

Dancing is not a female replacement for sex, nor is it a manly art.

Sorry, maybe I just grew up in better times with better people.

Captain Capitalism said...


You most certainly did. Today the wars are not fought with M1 Garands of P-51 Mustangs. Times have changed and so have the women. All for going back to the olden days, but that is not possible any more. Girls started play games and so now we have to resort to this.

Anonymous said...

But how will you ever know if a women loves you for you and not just for your dancing?

Captain Capitalism said...

The flakes usually out themselves within a couple months.

Anonymous said...

Captain, with all due respect - I can shoot circles around you with an AR15, and take you to school on motorcycles. I am a Gen X kid too.

The answer to our wayward women is not to play sly head games with them or stupid power games.

The answer is to confront them. Tell them what you are and what you need. Ask them what they need. Honesty is crucial. The minute you get caught up in the crap, you're toast. Women are not stupid - 'Women's Intuition' is real and if they sense you playing them - they will bolt, shrews and ladies alike.

You're too cynical, my friend. There are good women out there and you need to be able to spot them when you see them.

Just my two bits.

Captain Capitalism said...


I couldn't disagree more based on my anecdotal experiences. You may have had different experiences where being "honest" works. My experience was to tell lies. However, that is not to say standing your ground and not tolerating any BS or games from them wasn't effective or shouldn't have been done. But being "honest" was laughable in the environments I was in.

Colin said...

I have been dancing since the early 90's and met my lovely wife that way. The night I met her I had my "wing woman" with me. My wife and I got along very well, but at one point I said "I can't abandon my friend so I must go" At which point my wife said "this is the guy, he likes me, but won't forget his commitment"
Dancing really helped my social life, I was a bit stupid when it came to women and dancing gave me the ability to attract some very nice ladies. also found that most of the woman doing ballroom dancing were a cut above the average date prospect as well.

Captain Capitalism said...

Cut above, maybe. You have to realize (or maybe the boys to day have to realize) that women adapt quite quickly today. I've seen plenty of attention hors and drama queens infiltarate the dance scene and wreak nothing but sheer havoc upon innocent nice boys.

dancing is a skill that can only help you, but you need to be able to discern between the women who just want the hottest, youngest, most athletic dancer, versus the true woman that wants a man who can dance and couldn't care less if he makes her the center of attention.

The dance scene, ESPECIALLY the "professional" studios of Authur Murray and the likes are nothing more than a conduit for middle aged women-has been's to recapture their long lost youth.

Men, beware. use your dancing skills as a REWARD. Nothing else.

Anonymous said...

This is one of your best posts.