Susan Walsh has an interesting piece up at her little cabin in the Hookuposphere. It highlights an article by Katie Bolick about how single women, who are now in their 30's and 40's, are embracing their singlehood, and coming to grips they may never marry, striking out on going their own way.
Read it first, before continuing on.
You read it yet?
OK, here we go.
I like the article and very much agree with everything that's been said because it is essentially "WGTOW." Women of a certain age are starting to realize their perceptions and strategies were not quite accurate or effective when it came to choosing an appropriate suitor, and now that they are no longer the "hot little thing" they were when Milli Vanilli was popular, they are forced to accept reality and abide by it. It's a healthy decision to realize you are on this planet this one time and you better make the best of it, and so to see a movement akin to MGTOW with women, I can and do tip my hat to them.
There's just a couple problems with the whole premise, and permit me to be blunt (not that you thought I was going to be anything but).
One, I don't believe it. Sorry, just don't. Normally I cite empirical data or statistics, but I have none. All I have is the totality of personal and anecdotal experience I've accumulated over the years to realize that women, especially in their 30's and 40's, AND ESPECIALLY IF THEY DON'T HAVE KIDS, become MORE desperate. Yes they'll tell themselves 30 is the new 20. And yes, they'll cite people like "Meg Ryan" or "Jennifer Aniston" who are still "hot" in their 40's. And yes, they'll read US or People magazine and watch reruns of "Tank Girl." But in the end, I don't believe women, like men in the MGTOW movement, believe it for one second. I believe it is their rationalization hamsters merely plagiarizing the MGTOW movement.
Two, while the two are analogous (MGTOW and WGTOW), the analogy ends in the origins of both movements. The origins of MGTOW hearkens back to when these men were in their early teens. Nerd or jock. Player or uber-beta. Virgin or porn star. All men have had to suffer the games, psychoses, drama, and just plain BS associated with dating and courting women/girls since puberty. Some men, with a low threshold for psychological pain or abuse (or as I like to call it "self-respect"), just give up. They make a conscious economic decision weighing the costs and benefits of continuing to pursue the opposite sex and came to the decision not to chase any more. To hop on their motorcycles, get the snippity snip, minimize their expenses and head out into the vast plains of life and maximize the time they have on this planet for their own benefit before they died.
This "process" or "epiphany" is different from the origins of WGTOW or how women decide going their own way is the best option. Most men go their own way in their prime. It's a conscious choice. It wasn't forced upon them. They purposely and consciously chose to quit because it was the wisest choice. Whereas with WGTOW, it's a situation that seems forced upon them. They wake up one day, at the age of 37, realize the past 7 years was not as fruitful as it was from 1990-1997 and are faced with the reality nobody cares about Winona Ryder anymore. They only care about Megan Fox. They never analyzed or assessed the ROI of their efforts on attracting a male. They never looked back and said, "Gee, I'm going to die here in a short 40 years, I better quit pissing away my time at the bars and go hiking in Glacier National Park." They just took the time to finally turn around and see men stopped chasing them back in Bush's first administration.
They then claim, "Oh yeah, me too! Fish-bicycle! I'm going my own way!" Sadly, because it's their only option. This, does not a deeply thoughtful (or intellectually honest) epiphany make.
Three, which is related to two, is an issue of human psychology. Specifically, hard wiring.
I truly believe when a man comes to the decision to go his own way, the romantic/social/dating/whatever environment was so hostile it overrode his hard-wired programming to chase women. This is NOT a light statement. Because if your external environment was so hostile, to the point it overrides your genetic programming, that's a pretty hostile environment. I also contend the environment is so hostile, it literally damages your hard-wiring, or perhaps your brain sabotages it on purpose so that you can continue on with a reasonably normal and enjoyable life before you die. You girls perhaps have ran into the "dark, but quiet" man who you theorize was hurt by some woman in the past and you wish to show him there's reason to live and love once again? Yeah, that's the guy I'm talking about.
Sadly, it's already too late. His wiring has been irreparably damaged. He's no longer capable of love or romance, he's in a sense a fully functional automoton, capable of all human functions bar romance and love. Try as you might, he can't be put back together. He is "damaged goods." It's a battery that is dead and just won't turn over. In short, it wasn't a choice for him. His heart or mentality was permanently "broken" and shan't ever be put back together again.
But this cannot be said for the WGTOW movement. I'm sure womens' hearts have been "broken" and this isn't to say you haven't fallen in love before, blah blah blah. But you have not been driven to the brink where your genetic programming and hard-wiring is damaged or impaired. You haven't been driven to the point where you actually are forced to think of your mortality and how you've been living your life and deciding it is genuinely better to go at it on your own and pack it in before you die, completely taken men out of the picture.
Well, truthfully (and here we go with that blunt stuff again), ON THE WHOLE (admitting there are exceptions) women have had it pretty good in this country when it comes to quality and caliber of men. They were just WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too picky (or perhaps preoccupied with playing little funny torturous mind games) when it came to men. I know and acknowledge there are women who have been genuinely abused.
But I'm not talking about them.
I'm talking about the other 98.5% of women in American who watched too much 90210, Oprah or what have you and whose expectations were outlandishly high.
These girls/women have not gone through anywhere NEAR the psychological torture necessary to irreparably damage their hard-wiring to just POOF, give up on men and GENUINELY go their own way.
Four, it's an issue of timing. Given a limitless time horizon, yes, I 100% accept and agree that women would go their own way. But their environment has not been that hostile LONG ENOUGH to essentially break their spirit and their hard-wiring. Men have been at this since they were essentially 13 or 14. You add 20 years of that kind of hostile environment of mind games, being stood up, drama, suicide threats, sh!t tests, flightiness, flakiness, divorce, blah blah blah, and he'll burn out. So by the time he's in his 30's, he's done, he's impaired, he's on his motorcycle and you just see a tailpipe obscured by a puff of exhaust.
Women don't start that training or suffer anything approaching that kind of a hostile environment until they're maybe 30 or 35. And given how society and media constantly artificially pump up their egos, the true learning can be delayed until they're 40 (because, as you know, Oprah said 40 is the new 30. And there's this cougar fad. And Katie Couric is on the news. And did you see Aston Kutchner! He's married to Demi Moore...oops...wait ;).
So if I'm to believe this, Katie Bolick and other 30 something women, in a mere short 2-4 years, have suffered enough of a hostile courting environment that it destroyed their genetic programming and hard-wiring?
Sorry, I don't buy it dear. It takes A LOT of pain, agony, suffering and a relentless, never ending massive assault of nuclear-powered psychological BS to destroy your hard-wiring. Men, frankly, have never launched such a long, vicious, vile or sustained assault on women in this country, leading me to once again believe it is the plagiarizing rationalization hamster.
Of course, there is a silver lining to all this. And that is equilibrium.
As an economist I am a big believer in equilibrium. It is a constant and natural state in all aspects of physics, economics and humanity. It cannot be denied or defied. It is a fact. Because, well, if any system (the universe, the economy, humanity, etc) were NOT to be in equilibrium, it would blow up or destroy itself (which in itself is achieving equilibrium - ahhhhh!). But my deep philosophical hookey pookey aside, the point is you WILL most definitely get to suffer enough to the point your hard wiring is impaired. You will most definitely get to earn your stripes and the right to claim GENUINE WGTOW status. Because, banter about it all you want, a large enough population of the single men out there, ESPECIALLY in their 30's-50's have sooooo been put through the ringer, you'll never have the chance you did to potentially woo them into matrimony back when they were 20 and reasonably functional, healthy and capable in terms of romance and love. Your options are now limited to damaged goods. You have no choice now.
So it's not like you won't be going your own way. Don't worry, another 15-20 years wandering in the harsh desert you've essentially created for yourselves and you'll rank right up there with the rest of us. And besides, it's guaranteed. You'll have the honor of turning highly functional automotons like us when you're 55! You will become 100$ USDA certified WGOTW's.
All I ask is you please don't fake it in the meantime.