Sunday, July 15, 2012

What a Boyfriend We Have in Jesus

Heh heh.

Again, I get to laugh because of my particular and intricate knowledge of how the church works and how I absolutely LOVE how Christian girls abuse the religion to fit their own personal aims.

Let us now turn to our hymnals and sing "What a Boyfriend We Have In Jesus"

I'll leave the creation of the lyrics to my crack pot team of economists.


Zorro said...

If you've ever seen the film "Drop Dead Gorgeous" then you know that song has already been written. The scene near the end when Denise Richards dances with a giant crucified Jesus.


Captain Capitalism said...

That is a bit scary. And I had a HUGE crush on Denise Richards back in the 90's.

Father Marker said...

OK when I saw this invitation oh my! I just couldn't pass up an opportunity to mock a BAV (Born Again Virgin).

I plan to put up a youtube video sample to give you an idea of how it sounds later on.

In the meantime voila!

Anthem for the Evangelical American Princess.(aka Born Again Virgin).

Done to the tune of “What a friend we have in Jesus”

Verse 1.

What a boyfriend is my Jesus,
He's the perfect man for all.
When the carousel throws me off,
He'll be there to catch my fall.

Jesus is the best of nice guys,
He puts me on pedestals.
With his credit card I'll go buy,
Lots of stuff from shopping malls.

Verse 2.
Here comes Satan my bad boy thug,
Gina tingles he gives me.
He's so much more exciting,
than boring beat up (beta) Jesus.

His pitch fork gives me wet panties,
Such danger such excitement.
I'll forget my nice guy Jesus,
Satan brings enlightenment.

Verse 3.
Satan dumped me now I'm thirty,
I've got bad baby rabies.
Be a born again virgin now
Beta Jesus marry me.

Where are all the Jesus nice guys,
With thos twenty year old pups.
Come on Jesus be a real man,
Man up and marry that slut.

Verse 4.
Jesus is a disappointment,
He won't give me naive guys.
What's the use of worshipping him,
When he lets my eggs go dry.

All's not lost my dear child now that,
You are forty and all fat.
Please accept my gift to you now,
Ten soft purring happy cats.