Tuesday, January 31, 2012

God, Please Make It Stop

I had a marketing idea for "Worthless." Find blogs of the poor unfortunate kids who had been lied to for all these years that they could "follow their heart and the money would follow," send them an e-mail or a link to "Worthless" and hopefully save them $45,000 in tuition for a worthless degree.

So I did a simple search on the internet:

"blog" and "I'm majoring in"

The results were hilarious, but absolutely painful, meriting a post unto itself. I'm warning you however, it is PAINFUL to read some of these blog profiles. I found the RARE IT major and threw those in there to provide your brain a break, but, no, seriously, pour yourself a martini first:

A "Woman's" Life and Passions. And THIS qualifies as writing??

You Too Can Have an Exciting Career in Digital Media Arts!

Shazika will be majoring in Sociology, minoring in English, and living with or off of her parents till she's 34.

Please do not tell me teachers are not baby sitters. What's the economic model here? Everyone in the US becomes a teacher while the Chinese "make all the stuff?"

I'm majoring in Children and Family Studies, which is basically code to say that I'm majoring in people! God, shoot me now.

Yeah, math is tough kid. You know what's tougher? Unemployment.

I'm going to go to school for 6 years so I can teach ELEMENTARY topics to ELEMENTARY students. No, no, there's no education bubble here.

FINALLY, somebody who is actually going to produce something in this economy AND not have a government job. Atta boy Dustin!

Three cheers for Aditya!

I love cats, Battlestar Galactica and walks on the beach.

My mom threw something like this up on the fridge when I was 7.

Majored in "Sustainable Tourism." But he got "good grades."

Good for you, pursue a career in the military. If you haven't noticed, everybody else is majoring in "Elementary Education" too.

Wait, wait, wait! Lemme guess! Yet ANOTHER 20 something girl majoring in (oooohhh...could it beeeee???) ELEMENTARY EDUCATION?

If you can turn that passion for "writing" that every 20 something seems to have and turn in into a passion for writing code, that might help. But wait, wait, lemme guess. The math would be too hard?

Don't worry, I'm sure Ashraf prefers to pay the extra taxes to create-make work jobs for all you "elementary education" majors.

"Heaven's Wrath" the sequel to "Faster Than the Speed of Love."

I love having 3 months a year off and avoiding any major that requires math or intellectual rigor...err... I mean "I love kids and I want to make a difference in their lives." Can I have my government check now?

Hey, I wanted to be an F-16 Fighter Pilot, chocolate ice cream taster, lingerie consultant, international spy when I was young too. I just grew up.

"PIANO PEDOGAGY???" I don't know what that is, but something tells me her parents will be preparing her old room she had before she left for college.

Ug, "global studies?" Good thing she went to Ecuador and help revolutionize the economy. I hear Ecuador is the booming economy nowadays and will save the global economy from its credit crisis it's in today. All those Peace Corps and global studies majors finally paid off!

Majoring in "human performance." Eat, Gag, Barf.

I have to end on a positive note. Thank you Arnab for being a productive member of society.Link


Unknown said...

Whew! Almost didn't get through it! That Connie SHOULD illustrate children's books. In her spare time. When she gets home from a real job.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why, but I glanced through every blog you linked. Ugh.

Lemme guess, re: David Hatton. Best friend is female, 2 HIV positive friends, majoring in Micheal friggin' Jackson? Homosexual, surely.

He calls himself a comedian - I read nothing funny on his blog.

I was a teacher, but not always. I started my career at a private multinat chemical company. Teaching jaded me. All work has, really. I suppose I'm too antisocial to play nice with others. All of these delusional elementary ed majors are going to go into their sacred calling with an inflated sense of purpose and inflated esteem for their students. No amount of idealistic thinking will prepare them for the reality of working with the student dregs that will occupy their classes. I pity them, in some ways, but they will get what they deserve when reality bitch-slaps them in the face.

Sean McCormick Photography said...

Piano pedagogy = teaching children to play the piano. Not necessarily a bad thing as children who are proficient at playing the piano and reading sheet music tend to perform better at math than those who don't.

Most of the blogs you linked were horrible. I found a few interesting and that they showed the passion the educator had for teaching children.

Anonymous said...

Information technology is the bullshit version of computer science.

If you can find a real computer science, where it's basically taught as applied mathematics, with much the same courses as a math major, it's worth it.

That said, you'll have no social life and your schedule will be hell. And the MSc will take the last bit of life you have left in you to finish.

But it's goddamn fun. In an 'hey I'm actually doing shit' kind of way.

Justin said...

I can't help but laugh. I did Econ and International Relations in undergrad, and found a very different mindset in the two faculties.

I recall dozens of conversations with the IR students about how they wanted to save the world, and travel. The funny thing is that most NGOs are looking for tradespeople to fill the on-the-ground jobs.

I know a half dozen folks who've succeeded with a Social Science background, but they are the types who would do so regardless of their educational background.

Cascadian said...

All that hopium cannot be good for a nation.

Anonymous said...

I'm a conservative and a business owner and I'd say you were pretty hard on those kids.

LordSomber said...

"I'm majoring in Digital Media Arts."

Jeez. Back before this was a major, we just taught it to ourselves.

And for a "multimedia artist," the blog design/template is a headache.

Mark Adams said...

Apparently the first lesson they teach you in "digital media art school" is "make sure you only write with letters and paint pictures the exact same colour as your page or canvas. Next to that kid, Jackson Pollock is an amateur.

Captain Capitalism said...

I am the best damn thing to happen to those kids. Apparently their fathers didn't instill any real worldism into them or their single moms just blathered on about how they were all special.

Of course, we could just continue on with the kids gloves on and hope by the time they're 40 they're actually contributing to society. But I've ran out of patience and frankly the economy does not have that kind of time.

Eric said...

Here's a link that'll help you feel better Cap:


Edward said...

Would be interested to know, respectfully, at least some of the textbooks or any book in general that has to do with economics and that you recommend. About to purchase off of Amazon, "The Economics Anti-Textbook: A Critical Thinker's Guide to Microeconomics," "Economics for the Rest of Us: Debunking the Science That Makes Life Dismal," and perhaps "Essentials of Economics" by Gregory Mankiw's. A good start don't you think?

Captain Capitalism said...

Hi Gregory,

Actually I couldn't honestly say because I haven't read any of them.

I would be predisposed to Greg Mankiw's book because he writes regularly, he teaches (so he has experience explaining economics to beginners), and he's in Harvard (which means as a libertarian he displays intellectual honesty, rigor, and a refusal to conform to group think).

That isn't to say the other two aren't good though either.


Anonymous said...

As a computer scientist.

"The best page in the universe" just made me fucking cringe.

Apache 2.0.52? Jeesus H christ, update your shit before your box gets rm'd.

Edward said...


Captain Capitalism said...

Hi Ed,

Sorry I called you Gregory there. I was thinking Mankiw. My apologies.

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 209

But sir, that is why you are a productive member of society.

Pulp Herb said...

Math is hard...

Then again, yesterday was my first bonus day at this job (I started in 11/2010 so wasn't eligible last year).

50% of my not insignificant salary (salary alone I'm at the 73rd percentile overall, 94th for single...DINKs are skewing the data) payable on my mid-February check as a cash lump sum.

And I'm the new guy...people here a while did better.

Of course, nearly all of the group of about 50 have degrees (often advanced degrees) in Engineering, Mathematics, Stats, Economics, or Finance. A couple of Comp Sci people although we prefer people with strong mathematical background. We write software but it's easier to teach programming than the math we're programming.

Oh, but being a very good programmer with a track record can get you in. The one guy without any of those majors is in the cube next to me.

But he won't give the liberal arts types hope. He has no college degree, just a 20+ track record writing software before coming here.

But I bet teaching yourself programming is a lot like math. It's probably too hard.

But don't worry little elementary ed majors, between the state of Georgia and the Feds 41.65% of that bonus goes to you.

Edward said...

Thinking Mankiw has better things to do like deciding how much to charge consumers for his updated edition and when to debut it. My guess is some exorbitant amount and as soon as possible. This in effect has faculty members updating their syllabus requirements and in turn higher profit margins for publishers and less money in students pockets. Used books are cheaper and when they're new they're more expensive. In my experience the differences were negligible. New cropped photos and especially in calculus a few new homework problems (most of the problems still the same) and that's the crux of it right there. It's very difficult to complete homework assignments that could account for 20-25% of your grade if your edition isn't updated.

No worries Captain. Though still on duty to take notes i.e. do you have any thoughts for must reads in the field of economics? I would really appreciate it.

Kai said...

My god, so much stupid in the world. I think I am going to spend the next 5 years saving as much as I can, then move out to the coutry with a rifle, shotty, ammo, traps, and do some homesteading far, far away from the rest of society. If these people are truly emblematic of modern society, we don't have to wait for the Zombiepocalypse, as it has already arrived!

C_Miner said...

Gregory: or try "basic economics" by Thomas Sowell. It's targeted at laymen and doesn't have formulae, but tries to illustrate the effects of economics on a wide range of fields. Easy to read (like "Behind the housing crash"), and shows a lot of the thought or lack thereof that infuses public policy.

Connie B. said...

"My mom threw something like this up on the fridge when I was 7."

Ouch man.

Jeffrey Ellis said...

Captain, you should be a career counselor. Excellent post. I'm glad you surveyed all those blogs so the rest of us didn't have to.

Compulsive Liar said...

From A Woman's Life and Passions review of a book: "It's about a Harvard graduate who learns the child she's pregnant with has Down's Syndrome."

Far out... Well, if you write a Worthless 2, you'll know the direction my review will be taking.

From Kimberly White's Professional Blog of Professionalism: "I feel that being a life-long learner is so very important in all professions, but especially in the teaching profession. Being a life-long learner means that you never give up the oppotunity to learn something new."

Yuck, I had to do this touchy-feely life-long learning crap last year, and it was disguised as an engineering subject.

Steve said...

I always thought that grades 1-6 should be taught by recent high school graduates of the same school district.

Surely a high school diploma should mean you've mastered the curriculum up to sixth grade well enough to teach it.

Anonymous said...

Agree with Suz. Connie's art was quite good.

Anonymous said...

But we know how it will all end - those ooooooh so sweet females, with their ooooooooh so nice smiles, and oooooh so cute lives, which they all looooooooove, will marry, then after three or four years develop deeeeep spiritual incompatibilities with their husbands, and divorce. Set for life - life begins after divorce, they say.

That is what they hope, anyway.

Anonymous said...

As someone who has contributed to several open source software projects, several successful products, and a couple of books on a certain piece of software that were translated to a number of languages, I am grateful for all the less than successful individuals you have demonstrated are out there.

Seriously, it means that there will be plenty of opportunities for me in the future and for my offspring.

Praise the Lord.

Anonymous said...

You do not earn much by serving as an object lesson for others, but we should all be thankful for such people and treat them with a litle more kindness and a little less condescention ... it is bad karma to be unkind to the retarded!

Anonymous said...

What the fuck

Joan of Argghh! said...

Gerard sent me over here, and I'm glad!

Here's a little somma-somma of a personal testament to this post's sad litany.

Nice place here. Comfy. No throw pillows. I'll just sit over here in the bean-bag chair.

wv sez: qualpint. That would be Guinness.

Jamila said...

I'm a university studies major (I know I know) and I basically designed my own degree. I don't regret my choice of major but I probably would have chosen something more practical and 'official sounding,' like geography if I had to choose all over again.

I'm not too worried about what my actual major is titled because from what I've seen, as long as your can demonstrate that you have the skills employers are looking for they don't care too much about what you majored in anyway.

Also, a college major is used as a screening tool by many employers, so it is probably better to have one--no matter what your major is--as long as having some skills and work experience to pad out your resume, than to have no degree at all. Obviously, if a person doesn't think they will need a degree at all then there's no point in getting one.

The guy who did his thesis on Michael Jackson is employed, so his degree did turn out to help him find employment. There were other people on the list that didn't sound like they were doing too bad for themselves with the major they had chosen, despite how wonky those majors might sound to other people.

Anonymous said...

I'm almost 60 years....I can get a job almost anywhere.
I have an FAA A&P (Airframe & Powerplant) license and a FCC Radiotelephone license.
I didn't receive my education from an Embry-Riddle or likewise institution, but from 2 distinct schools.
The A&P school, Eastern New Mexico University of Roswell, was one of 5 schools that the US Coast Guard would recruit from based upon FAA ratings. The Avionics school, Alexandria, Mn, was considered the best Avionics school in the nation by the industry and was sometimes referred to as “the only Avionics school” in the nation.
Over half of the students graduating from A&P schools are entering extra-aviation employment. The demand for the level of education from aviation based technical schools is extensive.
College education is extremely over-rated. In most cases, I can out-compete a college graduate for Field Engineer, Engineering Assistant…etc., positions, without even having an associate degree.
I graduated from my second school, Avionics, just prior to the vocational programs going to an associate degree curriculum……it’s never been a problem.
This present society has a looming problem….infrastructure. There will be a day when a lot of us older, technically inclined, individuals will no longer be available to support the maintenance and/or development of technology and industry.
Presently, I’m employed as a Field Engineer with Lockheed Martin overseas as a contractor. When I return, I will probably add Industrial Electrician training.
There is a growing number of specialists (college educations) without a whole lot of employment flexibility.
This is nothing more than a growing sadness.

Captain Capitalism said...


Shock of shocks, he ends up in HR. I don't mind that he's gay, but that's where you want a guywith worthless skills and credentials.


China doesn't even have to try to kick our ass. We'll do it ourselves.

Captain Capitalism said...

Welcome Joan,

Pour yourself a cocktail. Cigars are in the back.


Jamila said...


China doesn't even have to try to kick our ass. We'll do it ourselves.

Human resources is actually a very powerful and respected occupation/position in the Chinese communist party.

Juliana said...


First, let me start out by saying that I am not sure who you are or what you are trying to portray through your blog posts. Regardless, your completely disrespectful comment about MY blog was uncalled for. In reference to your statement: "follow their heart and the money would follow," personally, I am not quite as concerned with the money aspect of my future career, but rather the pleasure I get from pursuing something that truly interests me. So, I am terribly sorry that you are bitter about a few innocent blogs, but I felt as though your post was demeaning and inappropriate. My job as an official blogger for the college that I attend is a respectable and professional position, and your harassment is completely out of line.


The college student with an intense passion for the written language, not numbers.

Captain Capitalism said...

Young lady,

This may sound counter-intuitive, but I really am trying to help.

Change your majors before you waste any more of your money or time. Or read my book on worthless degrees.

You'll thank me for it later.