Wednesday, January 25, 2012

She Liked How I Drove Standard Transmission

I never claimed to understand the fairer sex. I only claimed I knew how to respond in a very Pavlovian manner to their actions that would result in successful outcomes. It's kind of like not fully understanding how all the mechanics of a sports car works. You just need to know how to drive it very well. For example, flowers.

Flowers are stupid. They are dumb. They serve no function nor purpose. But girls like them and they can be deployed as an effective and useful tool when trying to court them.

Why do girls like flowers?

Heck if I know. And heck if you should care. All you have to know is that girls like flowers. Don't bother wasting your time and exploding your brain cells trying to figure out why. Just accept it as fact and use that fact in your strategies and schemings.

Now, of course, there are some logical theories as to why women do certain things. Girls probably like flowers because it psychologically shows them (just like diamonds) you're willing to waste money on a frivolous item to make her happy (ie-you're an easy mark). Girls like bad boys probably because bad boys Darwinistically are better fighters and are willing to protect her and the little ones when the heathens come to attack. Girls like dancing probably because it begets them attention on the floor. All these theories are brought to you by the Philosophy Department at Manosphere University and the cumulative wisdom of the men who have lived before you. However, sometimes women will display a trait or a behavior that is so weird that it leaves even the world's greatest pscyho-sexual philosophers speechless and dumbfounded.

For example, it has not happened once.

Not twice.

But thrice I have been complimented by a woman/girl about my ability to drive stick.

The first time it happened I merely dismissed it, almost to the point I forgot about it. My memory was jogged however when the second girl several years later said, "You drive stick really well." I was about to chalk it up to coincidence, until the third woman a couple years later mentioned how she "really liked how I could drive a standard transmission." In the end I accepted it, but could not for the life of me figure out;

1. Was I really that good at driving stick???
2. Does being able to drive a standard transmission actually turn women on???
3. What am I doing so uniquely in driving a stick that makes me stand out from the rest??? Do I "clutch" real well? Maybe I am an aggressive bad boy when I shift from 1st to (GASP, NO!) 3rd!!!

Another one was my voice. I've always, ALWAYS had a nasally kind of voice. Not terribly annoying, but I was surprised I ever got a radio show. Apparently some women find nasally voices attractive for there have been a handful of women who have complimented me on my voice. And not so much the voice, as much as my speech patterns as I was to find out.


Understand it was not my vocabulary that impressed them. That would make a little bit of sense in that intelligence can be attractive. But my tone and pattern and sound, even mannerisms somehow was found attractive by several women.

Then the weirdest one of them all - "I like your natural scent." Keep in mind this, like my voice admirers, was not from women I was necessarily romantically involved with. These are friends, girlfriends, the occasional one-dater type. So this isn't like they liked me, they just liked my "natural scent." They weren't talking about my cologne. This was when I was wearing no cologne and they just liked the actual scent my body was giving off. Like I was a dog, marking my territory, running around trees and chasing cats or something.

Now why am I telling you young junior, deputy, official, aspiring and otherwise economists out there about this? So that when it happens to you, you don't question it or (as I did in one case) ridicule the girl for thinking I had a nice "scent." Your goal here is not to find out WHY, simply because you can't. Heck, half the time I bet the women don't even know why. Your goal is simply to accept and use it to your benefit.

If the girl likes the way you tie your shoes - accept.
If the girl likes how you smoke a cigarette - accept.
If the girl says she loves the shape of your elbows - accept.

I don't know why these things are the way they are, but certainly you have probably had the ladies express an admiration for a quality you were completely unaware of. Don't botch it up, don't become self-conscious, and don't ridicule or interrogate her about it, just accept the fact she gets really turned on based on how you water the plants and water your plants more.

This has been a public service announcement by Cappy Cap.


Al Cooper said...

The paperback book on Understanding Women is out..

Scroll down to the picture.

Jim said...

Bad boys don't protect women, they beat them.

Aynsley said...

I think they were just complimenting you to give you a compliment. The subject is usually arbitrary. To quote from the works of Chris Rock, "Women need food, water, and compliments." Some of us ladies are equal opportunity and give menfolk compliments, too.

And girls like flowers because they are pretty, and demonstrate that you thought of the lady in question far enough in advance to obtain flowers before showing up.

Anonymous said...

excuse the double entendre - maybe if you got lucky with here, it might be how you drive your stick.

just sayin'

I noticed that females are attracted to:
-- my ability to sing (in tune and on pitch)
-- my ability to fix damn near anything
-- my ability to patiently teach them stuff

Weird, eh?

Anonymous said...

A question from a non-American:

How unusual is it in the US for people to own and drive a car with manual transmission?

I mean, in my (northern European) country, I've only ever come across automatic transmissions in taxis or cars specifically fitted for invalids. So everybody drives stick.

I'm asking because to me complementing a man on his ability to shift gears is really on par with telling him he is really good at tying his shoelaces - condescending in the extreme.

Bowers said...

Hi Cap,

When a chick likes your natural scent it's a sign that you'd produce viable offspring - scent gives a guide to your immune system profile & through natural selection over the generations those who could detect a different profile to themselves had offspring with a broader resistance to disease & so survived to pass on the trait.

Google it, it's raw animal lust, I hope you nailed her?

Anonymous said...

What kind of women do hang out with?

My wife and daughter drive standard transmissions themselves and always have. Imagine what you'd have to do to appear manly to them.

Ping Jockey said...

Al Cooper --
I'll bet that book is either all blank pages, or is in an unknown language.

JuJuBee said...

Cappy, you're right not to question these things. A woman who tells you "I like your voice" is saying "When you speak, I feel like a waffle having warm syrup poured all over it".

As for the stick-shift thing, oh yeah! Women love watching men's hands...well, handle things. It's related to the appeal of Men With Tools (think Gary Cooper and that drill in The Fountainhead).

Works both ways. For instance, I've always wondered why so many men like to watch women brushing their hair.

Captain Capitalism said...

Thank you Juju,

It makes sense, but I've learned to just accept it.


Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 1225 AM,

Well that's what I'm saying. It doesn't make sense to me that I can drive stick, let alone "in a sexy manner" and this is attractive to chicks.

Guess that's just how it is.