Saturday, April 07, 2012

Rumpleminze and Flintstones Vitamins

I'm a bit upset.

And the reason I'm a bit upset is that for the past 19 years I have been living under a falsehood. A falsehood that has cost me greatly. A falsehood that has cost me economic utility. A falsehood that has LOWERED MY STANDARD OF LIVING FOR THE PAST 19 YEARS!

What is that falsehood, you ask?

That Flintstones vitamins cost more than regular vitamins because the makers of Flintstones vitamins know they can charge a premium for their vitamins because of the "Flintstones" branding.

So I go to Wal-Mart to restock on protein powder. Naturally I'm in the medicine/pharmacy section of Wal-Mart, and as people are wont to do they realize there are other things they need. I ran out of lycopene, I also needed more calcium pills, and then was kicking around this thing called "Liveraid" because as you know the Captain likes his Rumpie.

Sure enough, my eye looks at the Flintstones vitamins.

"Ho ho ho! Foolish advertisers. I know you're jacking up the price of those Flintstones vitamins just because it's the Flintstones."

But then I looked at the price.

For a 75 tablet bottle of Flintstones vitamins it was $5.98 at Wal-Mart.

For (my current vitamin) "Centrum Alpha Male Bad Boy Salsa Dancing Economist" (Centrum specializes their vitamins, you know) it was $9.98 for a 100 tablet bottle.

That means the Flintstones vitamins are only 7.97 per tablet,

While the "Centrum Alpha Male Bad Boy Salsa Dancing Economist" vitamins are 9.98 CENTS PER TABLET!

Why have I been not only overpaying for vitamins, but being denied the fun and pleasure of eating Flintstones vitamins!!!!

So you know what I did!

Damn right!

I bought a bottle and I ain't going back to bad boy alpha male Centrum! I'm a Flintstones Man now! I'm going to relive the 1980's and eat the Flintstones vitamins like they were candy! And, if you ever played this game with your siblings when you were younger, I'm going to re-institute the childhood game, "Who Can Eat the Most Vitamins and Have the Yellowist Pee Game" again.

I'm really enjoy the decline now baby!


Anonymous said...

You are an isnpiration

Anonymous said...

Is it possible that Fred's "Yabba Dabba Doo!" was a neolithic "Gabba Gabba Hey!"?

I think so.

Anonymous said...

Just keep in mind that the flinstones vitamines are designed for children, and the fda allowances for certain daily doses for vitamins and minerals are different for children than adults. Be sure and check the labels. ( because the fda is the noted EXPERT on such things, plus they sue companies they dont agree with)

As an example, flintstones complete has 12mg of zinc, but the centrum advantage has just 7.5mg of zinc, so be sure you know what you want and need.

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 957,

You know, you remind me of Brian coming in, changing the tempo and bringing me down: to the radio said...

You're an economist.
You gotta know that they're going to price Centrum for men higher than 'kids' vitamins.
Marketing to a segment with a higher income.
Status oriented penis extending vitamins at that.
I don't worry about shit like that anymore.
I ran out of antiperspirant a few months ago and started using my wife's scentless stuff.
Works like a charm and I don't have to shop for it anymore.
Crikey, I can even miss a day even after showering and no worries.
Makes me think they make it stronger for women.
I don't know why.

Anonymous said...

You can enjoy the decline as much as Flintstones vitamins because the label for dosage is printed as adults and children 4 years of age and older.

Nolanimrod said...

Anon has, by his comments, outed himself. He is really Michael "anything not mandatory is prohibited" Bloomberg.

Anonymous said...

I use vitamins every other day.

You're supposed to be getting most of your nutrition from actual food anyway.