Dear Mr. BOB, I was going to apply for the job of RFP proposal writer, but I got about halfway through your absolutely retarded human resources survey, (http://www.profileperformancesystem.com/survey.html?SL=32402) and gave up. I can only tolerate a limited amount of this kind of drivel, which likely makes me a poor match for this job, and for your agency. If you're interested in discovering candidates with genuine experience and a useful skillset, this is not the way to discover them. Yours truly, BILL BILLSON
Now I want you youth to pay attention. I know you have student debts. I know you have dreams of working hard and becoming the best at what you do. And I know you want to find an employer and give it your best in the hopes they reward you with a promotion and additional income.
However, your dreams and desires are NOT worth the humility, shame, and mockery that is required today by most employers. Namely the BS you have to go through to demean yourself in front of what can be described as nothing more than power-tripping HR bastards in the mere hopes that you maybe, possibly, hopefully get that precious little interview.
The above e-mail comes from a more-than-talented individual who is capable of doing not only the job he was interested in, but his would-be boss' job. When he applied he was requested to spend 75 minutes of his precious life filling out questions. Questions that have nothing to do with the job and are nothing more than a myriad of hurdles created by the psychotic HR matrix to create themselves "make work" to make it seem like they are relevant to the hiring process.
Now, again, I know you want to do well. But inevitably you need to have self-respect. And it is here that HR and its minions have crossed the line and you (youth as a collective) need to stand up for yourselves and draw the line. Additionally, without such guidance, you will be condemned to spend more time applying for jobs than you did getting your degree, so please heed this advice.
1. Don't think for a second it is you that should be "grateful" for being able to have the "honor" to work for these schleps. This is a two way street sold to you as a one way street. COMPANIES NEED EMPLOYEES JUST AS MUCH AS EMPLOYEES NEED JOBS. However, because of the lousy economy employers think they can just lord jobs over the masses and make you little pawns dance (and I have heard more than one HR lady say "well, with 9% unemployment we can just choose whoever we want"). Frankly, fuck them. If they're going to engage in such trivial antics and make you dance for a job, to hell with them. First, you wouldn't want to work for a company that is that psychologically twisted. And second, for once, the socialist government policies can actually help you. Collect a government check before working for these assholes. If you don't believe me that they're being trivial, please click on the link above and then click the "next" button in the bottom right. Start taking the quiz, step back and ask yourself the question, "how pathetic and sad is it they're asking me such questions?"
2. If you don't think HR has a power-trip problem, ask yourself another question - what gall does it take to ask for your facebook password? And forget facebook passwords, who looks people up on Google? What you don't understand is that the people who are in positions of power in HR are old fogeys. They don't realize that a fair amount of your private/social life is on the internet. It was never intended to be your business life and no doubt you keep your personal and business lives separate. But the old farts in the corporate world lack the intellectual honesty to leave your personal life out of their hiring decision. And so they deem it their territory and right to invade your personal life.
Why would you tolerate this? Why would you work for such a firm?
Yes, they are the ones offering the job. But you are the one offering your labor. And until the HR rep allows you to investigate her/his personal life to the level of "The Firm" then they should not be asking of you the same. Besides, any forward thinking employer would realize their future is with the youth and the youth have a fair amount of their social lives on the internet and thus, their social lives are none of the employer's god damned business.
3. Understand you stand a better shot at finding employment REFUSING to interview with companies that require HR interviews and going directly to the hiring manager. The HR personnel usually conducting the interview is going to be a 20 something female who has NO CLUE about what your field is or the job you're applying for and is going to ask asinine questions. Your time is better spent refusing such interviews and applying for additional jobs.
4. Speaking of applying for other jobs. Don't bother filling in Taleo or Brass Ring resumes. You know the companies that require you upload or e-mail your resume, but then also require you re-enter that exact same data into their special little "application template." You can send out 20 more resumes to more competent and professional employers in that time if you don't bother with such hurdles. If they HR department is so lazy they can't bother reading through resumes and rely on "parsing" technology simply looking for key words, they weren't going to hire you anyway.
5. And finally, attitude. You may think the above e-mail would ban the applicant from ever getting a job. Quite the contrary. It's been my experience that I've gotten more job offers or interview offers where I've been direct, blunt, even insubordinate and said, "No, I'm not interviewing with HR" or "No, I'm not filling out this application" or "No, here's my resume, if you don't like it, fine, but I'm not filling out your brass ring." I even got two jobs from me cursing saying, "If you're another piece of shit little community bank that can't get its act together, then I'm not interested." You must treat HR like you would women (because, well, they are pretty much one and the same). Be strong and frankly, treat them like crap. You'll get a better response than being supplicant and confirmatory. And at least you'll find a job/employer that jives better with your personality.
In short, the lesson is simply this - HR and employers have in large become so arrogant that they can start demanding requirements that are not just insulting, but invade your personal lives. That has crossed a line. You can either choose to hold the line and tell them to pound sand or become supplicant, jump through all their hoops, waste away what finite little time you have on this planet, and, (in the rare instance they hire your) work a sucky job that YOU KNEW WOULD BE SUCKY because only sucky employers employ such sucky hiring tactics.
HR needs to be obsoleted. And the only way that is going to happen is when employees and applicants start standing up for themselves like our hero above and starve employers out of their labor. I don't care what the unemployment rate is, I don't care if you have to accept government money, there is a line and HR has crossed it. Please have a modicum of self-respect and refuse to apply for positions that require HR interviews and such inane surveys.
This has been a PSA from your beloved Captain.