Monday, September 10, 2012

The Captain's Declaration of Independence

In light of the impossibility to work

1.  honestly
2.  efficiently
3.  void of politics
4.  void of drama

in Corporate America, it has occurred to me that I (and many others) are simply just not cut out for the type of work that is being offered to us.  It is not an issue of laziness, sloth or unprofessionalism, it simply boils down to the fact I (and many others) do not have the patience, lack of self-respect or tolerance for ineptitude, incompetence and idiocy that is required by today's modern employers.  We psychologically cannot withstand the pettiness, the power trips, the nepotism, the cronyism and the outright psychological bullshit that previous generations have imbued into today's corporate America culture.  Our lives are too short and too valuable to us that the price you pay us in terms of a wage is not worth the psychological costs we must bear in terms of lying, deceiving, ignoring, politicking and whatever other immoral "skills" you require of us to be a "team player" or deemed a "successful employee."

Instead of standing for virtue, efficiency, professionalism, profit and excellence, you instead embrace ass-kissing, brown-nosing, compliance, submission, rent-seeking, lying, affirmative action, CSR and anything else that goes against common sense and profitability.  You are corrupt entities no longer worth engaging and participating in and certainly not worth any of us "dedicating" any small percentage of our finite lives.

Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY wants nothing more than to quit their jobs and tell you to ef off.  Nobody has any loyalty to you, just as you have no loyalty to them.  And frankly, most would have no problem showing up the next day and plugging you full of holes if there were no legal ramifications.  And while you have the upper hand when it comes to parents with mortgages and children they can't afford, and can make them your "corporate bitch for life," there is a group of us who do not have to suffer your corporate sadism.  Those of us who live cheaply, without children, and without debts.

Without children, without debts, and with the simple skill of fiscal austerity, I and people like me are not owned by you.  We don't need you.  Matter of fact, as long term corporate profit prospects dwindle and tank, you could probably do with outside-the-box people like us.  Regardless, we don't need your jobs.  We don't need to suffer the HR ditz pelting us with stupid questions and 5 subsequent rounds of interviews to get that whopping $55,000 per year job.  We don't need some middle aged gray hair changing our job description every 3 months, nor do we have to suffer the psychoses of your wholly psychologically unstable labor force prone to sexual harrassment complaints, filing complaints and bitching and whining about petty and irrelevant things.

We don't need a Corvette.  We don't need a McMansion.  We don't need luxury trips to Europe.  We don't need children.  And we don't need you.  The life we would suffer with a 2 hour round trip commute and a mind-destroying 40 hour per week job is nowhere near worth the crappy salary you pay us, along with the 0% job stability.  The minimalistic life and the psychological health that comes with it is more valuable than you could ever pay and we can do it on the cheap (especially with all those taxes your hard working employees and you are paying to subsidize low-income people like me!)

And so, in light of such obvious logic, I would like to declare my independence.

As of today, the Ole Captain is no longer working for anyone.  Because of his fiscal austerity, cheap living, financial discipline and the lack of children his expenses are so low he can now officially afford to live off of blogging.

I want to say that again.

I can actually make a living off of blogging.

How pathetic and sad is it that you corporate schmucks are slaving away, working all those hours, hoping to get promoted, while suffering what can only be described as psychological torture while I get to wake up at 1030AM every morning.  Go for a run or a motorcycle ride.  Have my coffee, do what I want to do, oh, and subsequently, barely pay anything in taxes. And how sad is it that it's easier to make a CAREER IN BLOGGING than working a CORPORATE CAREER????

And let's be VERY clear about something.  The reason I can do this is because of 100% me.  Not because of any guidance or "leadership from my "elders."  There's no middle aged fart complaining or asking me how Excel works.  There's no moron, washed up former high school football player saying, "well, we didn't do that back in the 80's."  And it certainly isn't because of any "wisdom" or "tricks" I picked up working for corporate America or some old blowhard in finance.

It's because I'm so efficient.

because there's only ONE BOSS (ME)

because of my ideas and thoughts I have translated and implemented into reality,


I can make an actual living off of BLOGGING!

Did you hear what I just said?  You morons slaving away 60 hours a week, paying for parking, and then walking blocks to go to a job you hate with a boss equally as miserable as you and underlings as insufferable as me. And then you get to go home to a family that (probably) hates you.  Certainly you bring home more than I do.  Why you're a "successful corporate man!"  What, $70K?  $80K?  Heck, even if it was $100K you take out taxes, living expenses, cars and houses you don't need, but the spouse demands.  No, no, I'm sure your insufferable life and the brain damage you've suffered over the past 3 decades working in corporate America is much more enjoyable than my minimalist life financed by a blog.  Yes, you just keep telling yourself late at night that I'm "disgruntled" and a "loose cannon."  Just irked I couldn't make it to the "big time."  Whatever helps you sleep at night and keep your mind off of whether you've pissed away your finite life on this planet and your wife is more on the 60/40 slash of divorcing you.

As for my readers, let me just say this.

It has been a long and painful road.  I have saved up my pennies and dimes.  I have refused to have children.  Refused to buy cars I could (but shouldn't) afford, and have only allowed myself the very rare and occasional luxury.  All of this has paid off.

After my return from Wyoming I now officially can afford to live off of blogging.

This is of course in part because of drastic financial decisions I've made in the past, but it also and equally has to do with all of my readers who made this possible.

Readers who help boost my stats.

Other bloggers who have linked to me.

Fans who have purchased my books or recommended me to other people.

People who have purchased items on the Amazon Affiliate program.

And the kind people who donate to my paypal account (although they could actually BUY THINGS and get something in return instead of warm Cappy Cap fuzzies).

It may not seem like a lot, but (then again) I don't need a lot.  And all of you with your readership and patronage have made it possible I eek out a small enough income from this here blog to live.  I wanted to say thank you and that in the future there will be more higher end quality posts as well as new book releases coming out as I am now allowed to solely focus on this venture.

My sincere heart felt thanks to all of you guys.  YOu have no idea how happy you have made me and how much easier you have made my life.

It is now time to really start enjoying the decline.


Anonymous said...

Fuck the police

Anonymous said...

Incredibly happy for you, Cap. You're setting an example for us all. Starve that beast and enjoy the decline!

Andrew said...

Congratulations man.

Got a few more things lined up before I set up somewhere cheap and sunny to run a business I'm building.

This business will be situated around helping those morons buy things they don't need and can barely afford, because we all know they're not going to stop buying shit.

Captain Capitalism said...

I have a couple business ideas that involve taking money from stupid people. Would only help. Only problem is it would take effort and I would be taxed. Plus I'd have to wake up before 1030AM.

Eh, that ain't worth employing 1,000 people.

Anonymous said...

There are companies out there without the drama & BS, usually smaller since they can't afford the drama to survive. Many small software & engineering companies are similar, look at 37signals or Fog Creek Software as a example. They like to up the hyperbole on their blogs for PR reasons, but they're great places to work for.

Realiti Czech said...

Congrats! Enjoy your freedom.

Anonymous said...

You need to add another one to the list Captain.


I might have gone that way but instead, I merely flipped the bird at such employers as you did, and went and found another one.

Most were the a-holes you describe but if I found one that treated me well - I stayed. My resume is a shambles and heavily redacted but I am unapologetic - they will lie through their teeth at you to come on board and then treat you like crap...and most people will take it. I just walk away. No, I won't use them as a reference, no, they will not appear on my resume, and to hell with employers that pay honesty and loyalty lip service and that's it. Today I have a great job, and while we haven't been bit by the recessions you guys have - they are coming and I am saving like the devil in preperation! I live modestly and save what I can too.

Be persistent boys. Always push for what you want. Always live within your means. Be resourceful and creative. It is going to get much worse before it gets better.

Anonymous said...

How long til the shrill 'man up and take a corporate job' bit starts? My guess is ten years corporations will be short, as everyone either by choice or necessity is used to living low income/low output.

Anonymous said...

The Captain lives well. I am almost 40 and have never married or had children and live in a very similar fashion. By far this was the best decision of my life. Other friends who have gone the traditional route are working their lives away and seem miserable. What will happen to their children? More wage slavery. Wash, rinse, repeat. Good luck with all that.

sth_txs said...


The next best thing is find the highest paying government job you can find that requires the least amount of work. Or any job that requires the least amount of work but still provides enough of what one would want.

FSK said...

I want to see a breakdown of your income. How much is book sales? How much is ads? Do you have multiple blogs?

I'd try the same thing, but it's hard. When I had ads on my old blog, the eCPM was $0.50, a pittance. I'm working on a book, but haven't put too much time into it.

Pulp Herb said...

I have to admit, I must have found one of the rare corporate BS-free zones (as BS-free as is possible with real people).

I like the people I work with. There is not political backstabbing (or if there is it's not at my level). Competence is the coin of the realm.

I had two interviews, one phone (two people) and one a day of interviews with a bunch of people. No interviews were with HR people. I work with everyone who interviewed me. In fact, HR didn't even talk to me until it was time to give me a job offer and do the employment paperwork. Even arranging the two interviews and my programming test was done by the groups office manager and not HR.

In fact, I suspect if I leave here for another job that's going to be the measure of if I could work in a given place: did I have to interact with HR to get the job instead of after getting the job to get setup in the company. That seems to be the measure of where things get fucked up.

Anonymous said...

Nice, we need more people with fully operational synapses strutting about on the internet.

Good luck!

Mayberry said...

Give 'em hell Cap. You're winning.

Ryan Fuller said...

Congratulations, Captain. :)

For those of us who don't have this independence, I'd say that if you can work for a smaller company, some place where the guy interviews who hires you is the guy who owns the place, the only person you'll have to worry about is the boss. It's the next best thing.

Leslie Eastman said...

You're living my dream! Well....everything but the decline

Anonymous said...

You need the McJob to keep your anger flowing, though! Unemployment will make you soft and lame.

Anonymous said...

FSK, I love you but stop making your insane jealousy and man crush of the cap so obvious all the time please!

Anonymous said...

Good for you.

Dave said...

We live in a system designed and managed by women for the benefit of women, especially those Heroic Single Mothers. What men need or want doesn't matter. Most male pleasures are illegal anyway, or will be soon.

So the Captain says fine, let women work to support this system.

I told my daughter to get rid of a Susan B. dollar because letting women vote was one of the stupidest things our country ever did. If she mentions this at school, I'm in trouble.

George O'Har said...

Well said! Excellent. Kudos! Been feeling that way myself, and since I'm beginning to sense a reelection (alas; though not that I think the other guy would have been able to do much to make things better)what you say here could not have been more timely.

Anonymous said...


Have you considered expatriating to a cheaper country? A monthly income that allows you to survive in the US can allow you to live in comfort in a country like the Philippines.

Anonymous said...

A lot of assumptions here. I work for a corporation, and don't live high on the hog, or am miserable. I've got a great wife, and great kids, and a nice big house - which I work from home in probably 9 out of 10 days.

We live way below our means and always have. Sorry if I'm not bitter - kinda destroys your stereotypes.

I'm not necessarily in love with "the man", but he has been good to us. Maybe it helps that we have advanced technical and scientific degrees also...

Captain Capitalism said...

Anon 242,

Then if you're ascended through the ranks that well you're fully capable intellectually of understanding you are an exception and that most of the guys like you suffer and do not enjoy a good life like you do.

But by all means, keep blowharding "but but but me me me my personal experience, this one guy I know, this one time, at band camp doesn't fit into your theory."

We all don't care about your one time at band camp story.

Andrew said...

Captain: I know how you feel. But I see it as, if people are so intent on hanging themselves, might as well get into the rope business.

Peacemaker said...

Congratulations. That's the dream.