"Alton Brown?" you say?
"The nerdy guy with the bow tie and does the cooking show thing?"
"That's the one."
"Why on Earth would I want to become that guy?"
Well hold on there young lieutenants looking for role models to live up to. Hold on and hear the ole Captain out.
Like me, you probably know Alton Brown as "that guy" who shows up occasionally on cooking shows as you control-surf from the Cartoon Network to Adult Swim to the Military Channel, occasionally transversing the Food Network. You don't stop to watch him because...well...why would you? It's a cooking network. And unless you're Danny from 504, you have no interest in cooking.
But do you know of his background?
For while you and I see a kind of nerdy man approaching his 50's, the man is about the closest approximation to "The World's Most Interesting Man" we have. I didn't believe it at first, when my girlfriend starting citing all of his accomplishments and hobbies, but after further investigation the guy is an accomplished man and a total badass.
First, do you have a 20 year career in radio and television to the point you never have to worry about working a real job again? I didn't think so.
Second, are you a pilot? Neither am I. Alton Brown is and he OWNS two planes. I own a 2003 Chevy and pilot it occasionally to the grocery store.
Third, but surely I beat Mr. Brown in the motorcycle department. Right? I mean, this guy can't do it all. Right???
Dude's an avid motorcycle enthusiast.
Fourth, but at least he's old. Right? He's old. Can't keep up with the youngin's like us. We'll be sure to pass him up.
Guy lost 50 pounds as he went on AND SUCCEEDED IN losing that weight. He is dedicated to his health...and oh yeah, like young up and comers, he has a podcast.
Fifth, his personality has got to suck. It just has too.
Watch any one of his "Good Eats" shows and he is a study in wit, humor and charm that most men should master.
Sixth, come on Cappy. Give us something that we do better than Alton Brown! Well, I don't think he's an accomplished ballroom dancer...oh! BUT WAIT! HE'S AN ACCOMPLISHED GUITAR PLAYER AND PLAYS IN A BAND!!!!
YOU CAN'T BEAT THIS GUY!!!!
Sorry lieutenants, agents in the field, economists, and children, that nerdy exterior Brown portrays is nothing but a ruse. The dude is living life like a real man should - he's kicking ass, he's taking names, he's doing what he wants, and isn't letting one second of his life go to waste.
Ergo, that is why, like
you want to be like Alton Brown.
PS - from a reader